they say time heals anything and everything. but when you are stuck in a tornado of overwhelming longing and inevitable anguish, you cannot imagine any possible way out.

- 

park jihoon was young and naive when he first set his eyes on lai guanlin. 

tall and handsome, mysterious and unreachable - jihoon was drawn to guanlin like a moth to a burning lamp. 

if only jihoon knew that he shouldn't have flown so close. 

- 

it was in 8th grade, when most of jihoon's classes were the same as guanlin's, that jihoon realised he liked the other. 

back then, liking someone was the most important thing in jihoon's life and everything suddenly revolved around the beautiful dark haired boy. 

it was the greatest joy of his existence and the best kept secret of the world. 

for a period of time, jihoon basked in the feeling of liking guanlin like it was a crime. 

his emotions were light and airy, keeping jihoon afloat amongst the clouds. 

stolen glances and fleeting contact were enough to make jihoon happy. 

until they weren't. 

- 

the end of 8th grade saw jihoon dye his hair blonde on a whim. 

on the next day jihoon had entered the classroom with his breath held, acutely aware of everything around him. he was self-conscious, but in the moment when his eyes met guanlin's, everything else faded away. 

the two of them were looking at each other and jihoon could barely breathe. his heart pounded in his ears and his face was heating up and he was rooted to the spot. 

for those few seconds jihoon waited. he waited for guanlin to say something, to compliment him on his new hair. but the other did not. guanlin simply blinked and turned away. 

jihoon was disappointed. 

walking to his seat jihoon's mind berated him. 

what were you expecting, really? you guys never even talk. he doesn't even know you. of course he isn't going to suddenly say your hair looks nice. 

- 

it was at the annual swimming carnival in 9th grade that things took a turn for the worse. 

the day before, jihoon had finally confessed his hidden feelings to his best friends. they had squealed and gushed and were convinced guanlin liked jihoon back. 

jihoon was more than skeptical, but in the end his let himself be swept along and went to bed that night dreaming of a fairytale ending. 

boredom causes people to overthink and at the swimming carnival, where jihoon and his friends did not participate in any races, the most interesting topic that was jihoon's crush came up once again. 

jihoon questioned his friends endlessly. 

are you guys sure he likes me? 

finally, one of jihoon's more outgoing friends stands up. 

i'll go ask him for you. 

jihoon opposes the suggestion fervently but eventually relents. 

and so, with bated breath, jihoon waited. 

when they came back with a sympathetic face, jihoon knew with a sinking heart that he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. 

he laughed it off cooly, burying himself into the book he brought along to read. 

but then one of his friends asked him if he was okay, and as jihoon looked up he was suddenly overcome with pain. 

that day jihoon cried, for the first time, over a boy who didn't even know him. 

- 

10th grade rolled around and jihoon had buried deep in his heart the scars from the year before. 

he should've learnt from his past mistakes, but alas, jihoon was a boy who loved with his heart and not his mind. 

the weeks before valentine's day, their student committee had roses to pre-order for the occasion. 

jihoon was resolutely not going to give away his feelings. yet for some unknown reason he expected with his entire being, a rose from the object of his affections. 

maybe it was because of that one time guanlin spoke to him. or that time when guanlin had flashed his earth shattering smile at jihoon and jihoon was in a daze for the rest of the day. 

but either way, once again, jihoon was not prepared for the devastation he felt when, on valentine's day, he did not receive a single rose. 

later on jihoon discovered guanlin had bought multiple roses for his close female friends. 

so , jihoon thought bitterly, it's not that guanlin didn't b