◊◊◊◊◊

Daehwi closed the door after rummaging for a tissue and handed it to her. Saving the innocent kids and families from the teary sight of her he’d led her toward his dented jeep. Let her gather herself in the privacy of the public parking lot. Leaning against the vehicle she blew her nose as the wind rustled past. Feeling worse by the second, because today was making her feel so sick.

Her eyes zipped over to the water bottle Daehwi handed over. It was drained quarter of the way. Her eyes traveled up to his face and heard him confirm, “Of course I had some.”

Accepting the bottle, she opened it and tilted her head back for a gulp. Surprisingly, it was refreshing as it slid down her dry throat even if the water was a bit warm. 

“So, did you break up with him?” Daehwi broke the ice.

Namjoo would have bit back, but an amused smile found its way across her lips. Raising her hand up she wiped her nose with the back of her hand though she still had the tissue. Balled up in the center of her palm like the feelings inside her chest. Wound up so tight breathing was a challenge.

“When you left me,” Namjoo sniffed again, “I thought you’d be the last to hurt me.”

“Why are we talking about that again?”

Thinking of the past again made her heart ache even more. That it had led her here where she thought she had come such a long way, but only to be rerouted to face the years left behind. Her eyes burned as the tears welled back up. Threatening to fall in twos and threes.

“Did he hurt you?” Daehwi asked.

A few tears dropped. No, Sehun hadn’t hurt her. It was she who was driving herself deeper into the quicksand of darkness.

“I had a child,” Namjoo looked at him. “I gave birth for money.”

◊◊◊◊◊

Gunta looked up from the table where he was smearing colors over a piece of paper. He smiled at Sehun before returning to coloring. Beside him Moowon stayed quietly occupied with his markers, washable of course, and even if he dirtied his shirt Sehun would give him one of Gunta’s. They were both the same size which made things super easy.

Observing the child, he recognized resemblances to Namjoo. They were both quiet and reserved in nature. Sensitive but wise. Moowon had her eyes and her fine hair. Looking at Gunta, there was none of Namjoo even if she’d given birth to him.

Maybe it was his wishful thinking that he regarded Namjoo the closest thing to a mother Gunta could have. He wondered again if Gunta knew he didn’t have a mother.

Would he ask sometime soon? How would Sehun answer him? He knew Gunta had seen the picture of his mother. Did he know that his mother would never come back home? Would he learn to miss his mom like Sehun constantly missed her?

Sehun looked at Moowon again. Wondering when Namjoo would come by to pick him up. When he would see her. Something was different since last night.

They had rushed it. Maybe he had moved too fast. At least, he didn’t think he regretted it. Only he wished he could have removed Yanghwa’s picture. What did she think of him now?

What did his wife have to say about him from above?

◊◊◊◊◊

“Money…money…” Daehwi muttered upset as he paced a circle in the lot behind his jeep. He was incredulous. Shoving the knife of guilt further into her chest. Wheeling around on her, “You did…you really did…”

Still leaning against the car Namjoo stood silently like a student being reprimanded for cheating on a test. She didn’t know what to say for herself, for Daehwi. What she would ever tell Moowon in the future when he asked about Gunta, if he would ever ask about Gunta.

She didn’t know what she would ever say to Yanghwa. What kind of excuse she’d give for giving birth to her son only to fall in love with her husband.

Namjoo quickly wiped a tear wishing she was done crying. With feeling sorry for herself. For feeling guilty toward Sehun’s wife. Still wishing she had woken up in her own bed and not his. Wishing she hadn’t woken up to the woman smiling at her, as if she had done the right thing by pleasing her husband.

“And he’s Moowon’s best friend,” Daehwi rambled. Asking her, “Is this some kind of scheme?”

Namjoo turned to him and opened . Nothing came. After a moment, she croaked, “I should be ashamed, right?”

For a long moment Daehwi just stared at her. Kind of speechless. Then he walked toward her and pulled her into his arms. “Why are you crying? If you like someone, don’t cry for him.”

◊◊◊◊◊

He sure did wish he knew what Namjoo was talking about with her ex. He also wished it was not about reconciliation. His heart lurched when the doorbell rang. Without a moment’s haste he opened it to find Namjoo standing on the other side. Somehow, she seemed tiny, like she had shrunken the past hour.

“Do you want to come in?” Sehun wondered hoping with his all the answer was yes. He expected they’d sit down in the kitchen since the kids were still playing in the living room. They could talk a little. He wanted to have a conversation with her, whatever it may be about. This entire day had been void of her.

“No,” Namjoo solemnly replied then called out, “Moowon, lets go.”

She could at least look into his eyes. He stared longingly. He was worried she was pulling away because of last night. That he had trespassed into a territory she wasn’t prepared to give him. Had he pressured her?

“Are you ok?” he worried.

Moowon dashed over to put on his shoes. His curious eyes landed on him before glancing at his mother, who held her hand out for him. She could hold his hand too he thought. He wanted her to hold him.

“I just want to be alone,” Namjoo said before she turned to disappear down the hall with her son.

Not too long ago they had been happy. Overjoyed at the start of their relationship. Excited about the twists and turns that could occur with each coming day. What had suddenly gone wrong?

Sehun laundered his sheets, his blanket, and pillow covers. Hesitating when he grabbed the pillow Namjoo had slept on. Placing it back on the bed he walked out. As he lay in bed that night he stared into the emptiness. His bed had been so cold for so long. His room was simply an empty space with not a hint of warmth.

The gaping loneliness set in when he touched the unoccupied pillow beside him. Picturing at first his wife laying there. Her pretty form asleep. On her back with her nose parallel to the ceiling. In the middle of the night she might turn his way, put her head on his shoulder. He’d turn to hug her and they’d continue to sleep comfortably. The image became so vivid he almost thought she was there with him.

An arrow pierced through his heart. Immediately withdrawing his hand, he flipped onto his back and stared up at the blank ceiling. Of course, he knew. No one was here with him.

Not his wife.

Not Namjoo.

He was here by himself. All alone. A dimming star floating alone.

Curling up onto his side he hugged himself. How nice it would be if someone was here to accompany him. Have someone warm beside him. Just knowing he wasn’t so alone would keep the pending dark at bay.

That night, it took a really long time for him to fall asleep. His cold dreams came and went before he was up and driving to daycare with Gunta. He wanted to see Namjoo. Really wanted to. If she could enlighten his world a little bit, the rain might stop falling for a little while.

His heart twisted into knots when he saw her drive in. Gunta pulled out of his hand to run after her car and wait for Moowon. Softness exuded through him when Namjoo smiled and touched his head. The way she was always so gentle with Gunta made her so beautiful. She couldn’t be any more perfect.

“Daddy! Daddy!” Gunta waved at him with one hand, the other holding onto Moowon’s. Two little boys that had brought a star into his life.

The sun finally shone through the clouds in his head when Namjoo looked at him. He wanted to run toward her, pull her into his arms. Drown into her, because she was all he needed. Sehun remained rooted where he was and managed to offer a tiny smile. Namjoo did the same before they turned in unison to start toward the daycare, meeting in the middle of the parking lot. Not touching. Not holding hands.

“Bye bye, daddy!” Gunta shouted more happily than needed. Throwing his arms around Sehun’s legs with a squeeze he turned around to dash inside. Moowon did the same leaving him there with his mother.

Hesitancy flushed between them. As if they were two strangers again, meeting for the first time in years. Unsure how to start a conversation because the wall was so high.

“I should…I should get going,” Namjoo glanced at him once then spoke on the second time.

He watched her go achingly. Gathering his wits, he hurried after her on impulse. “Can we…can we talk?”  

“Ok.”

◊◊◊◊◊

The first thing Sehun asked when they got into his car was, “Are you ok?”

It wasn’t a matter of yes or no. Yesterday she hadn’t confided much in Daehwi though he had been a form of comfort for her. Who else did she have if not Moowon’s father? Even without much said he had soothed her troubled heart the way the Daehwi she used to love did. His words a warm blanket to her heart. Uplifting, comforting, encouraging.

“I’d hurt for you if you let him break your heart when I let you go to him. So if you like him, do it with all you have and don’t think about anything else. I have to wait this long for you, at least make it worth it before you cry again.”

“I feel better,” Namjoo answered. His eyes appeared sunken. His expression weary. “You look tired.”

“I missed you.” He blurted.

Namjoo blinked. She didn’t think one day had been that long. It felt, to her, a reasonable amount of time to think things through.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, “if I made you uncomfortable.”

“I’m fine, Sehun,” Namjoo assured. Her gaze settled on him, wondering what he may have been assuming. Touching his cheek, she repeated, “I’m ok.”

He didn’t wait a beat before pulling her across the shift gear into a bear hug. Her face went smack into his shoulder as he squeezed her. Surprise eluded her because he seemed so sad and lost. Stretching her arms around him she hugged him. Sinking into the warmth of his body.

Moving away he touched her face delicately smiling when their eyes met. He was so handsome and bubbly she grinned.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

Namjoo giggled. “You need to ask?”

He breathed a laugh before opening his mouth to kiss her. As she drew her arms around him, she thought Daehwi was right.

No matter what the cause and effect, she had to make this worth it. She had taken the risk to go after him. Be it happy or sad, she had to give it her all.

She swooned over the way his palm rested against her cheek and his fingers trailed up into her hair. The way he kissed her tenderly like she was the most special flower. Causing her heart to pitter-patter uncontrollably when he kissed the corner of and let his tongue linger.

She sighed happily when he stopped and closed her eyes to sink in the last of it. When she opened her eyes again his were shining. A gleeful smile cradled his lips. It made her heart burst.

“Namjoo,” he said.

“Hmm?”

“Can I sleep with you tonight?”

Namjoo blanked and stared at him curious. “With clothes on?”

“There’ll be spooning.” He teased.

Her smile grew broad. She laughed because she didn’t know what else to do.

“So it’s a go?” he confirmed.

She could feel her cheeks heating up. Biting her lower lip shyly she nodded.

“But,” he said dipping his head lower, so they were closer, “I did like it.”

Growing pink, Namjoo glanced at him and shrank a little. “Me, too.”

Sliding his hand down he gripped hers. Leaning into his chair he gazed at her. “Then next time, lets take it more slowly.”

Namjoo scanned his face. To the gentleness in his sincere expression. “Ok.”

“And I’ll be more prepared,” he promised. “I’ll bring a this time.”

Squeezing his hand, Namjoo nodded.

“I like you, Namjoo.”

Her heart raced crazily.

“I like you, too, Sehun.”

◊◊◊◊◊

Amazingly everything felt ok. Better than normal. After daycare he followed Namjoo to her place, waited for her to install Moowon’s booster seat in his car, and they went shopping. It was the first time Gunta had to share the seat in the cart with someone else. Needless say, both boys were excited as they strolled through the mart.

“Lets have curry for dinner,” Namjoo suggested.

“Curry,” he repeated. “And?”

“And?” she glanced at him.

“We should also have something else,” Sehun told. Happily adding, “It’s a full house.”

“We don’t need something else,” Namjoo rolled her eyes.

“We do,” he argued as they pushed the cart. “Right, boys?”

Gunta giggled giddily. Moowon blanked confused then looked up at his mom, “Mommy, what we saying?”

“Moowon,” Sehun caught his attention, “what do you want to eat?”

“Dunno.” He answered.

“I’ll figure it out,” Sehun said giving Namjoo a mischevious glance before hurriedly pushing the cart forward, forcing her to run after him.

After gathering ingredients, they hulled everything back to her place. Her house was as lively as ever as the boys screeched in the living room. Once more, Moowon’s toys lay sprawled over the floor like shattered pieces of glass. Namjoo had instructed him to tie her hair back while she cut up apples for the kids to snack on. To mess with her for the fun of it he reached over her shoulder to steal several pieces each time she cut a slice up. He laughed from enjoyment when she shot him a glare.

Dinner preparation started under way after he carried the plate of apples into the living room. Whenever he thought Moowon wasn’t watching he crept up behind Namjoo to hug her. Slide his chin over her shoulder and lean into her. She smelled nice. Of food and perfume. She was real and right here with him.

His heart was content as they sat across from each other at the dinner table. Watching her make sure Moowon was eating his food as their feet touched underneath the table. Next to him, Gunta was busy making a mess of himself. Slurping his food and being certain to smear curry sauce over his shirt.

“Gunta,” he groaned.

“Daddy, look!” Gunta exclaimed waving his spoon in the air. There was no way to tell which was dirtier, his shirt or the stains around his mouth.

“I’ll wash dishes,” Sehun bargained after dinner, “you give them a bath?”

Setting plates into the sink Namjoo gave him an eyeful. “Here? You brought Gunta’s clothes?”

“And some of mine,” Sehun snarkily grinned.

Namjoo scoffed, “You’re serious? I thought you were going to head home.”

“And then come back?” Sehun asked. “That’s too tedious.”

She rolled her eyes at him again.

“What?” he asked with a shrug. He said with a playful wink, “I said I’d be prepared.”

Namjoo gave him a smack on the arm before walking away to gather the boys. They were in and out of their bath in no less than half an hour. Sehun was sitting on the couch watching a show when Gunta raced out of the bathroom with a towel draped around him and screaming energetically. Behind Moowon Namjoo walked out with a sigh that made him want to laugh, because dealing with two kids really was no joke.

Pitching in a helping hand he dressed Gunta as she pulled out clothes for Moowon to change into. He let her jump into the shower while he put on a movie for the kids to enjoy.

“We sleep here, daddy?” Gunta asked.

“Yes, we sleep here tonight.”

“Why?” Moowon looked at him.

Sehun blinked suddenly stupefied. “Well,” he started, “because your mommy and I are…we’re uh…friends.”

“Sleep togatha?!” Gunta’s eyes enlarged.

Sehun laughed before scratching his head unsure if he should go on. If Moowon got any funny picture Namjoo would most likely scold him. Luckily, Namjoo emerged from the bathroom. First glancing at them with a frown.

“What?” he asked. Excusing himself, “We didn’t do anything.” Getting up he hurried past her, “I can shower now, right?”

Namjoo’s bathroom was unchanged since the last time he was here. Full of feminine things. Some minor things for Moowon like a toothbrush and a superhero tube of toothpaste just for him. He smiled to himself. A little excited, happier than expected.

When he finished showering Namjoo was sitting with the kids cozily on her lap. Her arms securely around them as she explained in a soft voice why what was happening in the movie was happening.

It didn’t take long for them to put the kids to bed. Namjoo left the door ajar. As they quietly walked into her bedroom, she also left the door open a crack. In case Moowon needed her, she said.

Simply like that he felt at home when they turned the lights off and climbed into her bed together. Like it was a ritual they did every night. Snuggling together under the blanket. Arms around each other.

Needless say, he had very warm dreams that night.

The lonely ghosts that haunted him nightly stayed hidden in the shadows.

***their relationship is so complex i can't find the right words for it. their issues are only temporarily solved but lets enjoy the lovey dovey moments