◊◊◊◊◊

It wasn’t of his own accord, but this was better than his mother stomping over to his place with hot heels. Better to hide Gunta with his father while he faced down with the woman who first set him up with Saemi.

Sehun hadn’t returned home since…a long time. Having claimed his independence senior year of college, he packed up and left. Found a small place near the busy intersection of bars and restaurants. His living place so crammed together that whatever he cooked stank his apartment up for days.

Then he met Yanghwa while working as a barista at a café. The rest was history.

“We here?” Gunta asked from the back when he pulled up into the driveway of a regular blue home. The front yard freshly mowed and smelling heavily of grass.

He’d grown up here. His parents had left Mapo for the bigger Seoul. For a better paying job for his father. So he could go to a reputable school, grow up in a richer environment than the small town alley he was born in. Where stray cats were many. Where their litter cried into the night at every corner. Everything always about a better living. This was their obsession because he was the only child, and their one life goal was to give him everything.

Everything including Gunta when he begged.

Sehun stared at the house. Not really happy to come here today on a lovely Saturday. He imagined, unlike him, others were out and about on this sunny day. Breezing by the river. Fishing. Sharing ice cream cones, cool bottled drinks, and kissing their girlfriends.

The last time he had come home was with his wife. To talk about their situation. Ask for some money. They would pay it back they promised. What for his father wanted to know. The silence extended like a ringing school bell. For a baby he’d said. They wanted a baby.

He had gripped his wife’s hand hard, tightly. Sharing shame. Sharing embarrassment. Desperation and heartbreak. For days she would hold back tears while his dumbfounded mother went off, possibly ranting behind his back about the impossibility of the situation. How incredulous it was that Yanghwa could not give birth. She was a woman! He had married her!

This was bizarre. Unheard of! How bewildering!

Just one child he had said. Please.

There had been a strain in their relationship during the pending weeks they waited for an answer from his parents. Yanghwa looked so sad, depressed, and weak. He would run off a cliff to make her happy. He’d promised to be with her forever at the altar. In life and in death he was always hers. He would make her happy even if he had to sell his organs, so he went ahead and contacted the Surrogacy Agency. It took just one day for them to call back.

His doing that made his parents relent. His doing that made Gunta possible.

His parents seemed to have softened when they saw Gunta for the first time. Forgetting the tension that had built up between them, but now Sehun was realizing he was wrong. They’d held it in their hearts all this time, even if they loved Gunta greatly.

They’d never liked a surrogate mother. During Namjoo’s pregnancy, they had refused to try and meet her even just once. Couldn’t look at the ultrasound pictures for a whole minute, because whose belly was this baby living in while Yanghwa remained stick thin? The money they had lended but unhappily.

“You ready to play with grandpa?” Sehun asked as he rang the doorbell.

“Yea!” Gunta grinned.

“I gotta talk to grammy for a while, so I’ll come get you after and we’ll go eat ice cream.”

“You pwomise.” Gunta said rather than questioned.

“That a boy.” Sehun smiled rubbing his head.

His father opened the door inviting them into a large drawn out room. Filled with cozy elements. Pictures on walls, a vase of flowers, a side table for things like mail, scraps of papers, and pens. A bowl of a mix of crackers and various nuts was halfway consumed on the coffee table just between the sectional couch and flat screen TV. Beside it was a folded newspaper. Today’s edition perhaps.

“Gunta!” his father joyfully enveloped his grandson into his bulging arms.

“TV, TV, TV.” Gunta hopped back and forth from feet to feet.

“He wants to watch his show,” Sehun told closing the door behind him. His father was currently absorbed in college football.

“Of course.” His father reached for the remote. “Now what should we watch?”

Sehun gave them a glance. Without looking at him his father said, “Your mother’s in the kitchen.”

“I won’t be long.” Sehun said. He had called earlier. Said he would be coming. To talk to mom.

She was long ready to attack, but he’d ambush her by showing up unexpected. She didn’t know he was coming.

Heading down the corridor leading to the bedrooms and the bathroom he turned into the wide-open kitchen. Constantly reeking of spice his mother used for foods. The rice cooker was currently in the works. His mother was at the sink humming to herself. He heard the noise of water splashing which meant she was washing vegetables. She used to garden when he was younger. Made him help her after school and during the summers. He hated it, but now she’d long gotten rid of her small personal one in the backyard.

“Mom,” he said.

Silence. Then she turned around to look at him. “What are you doing here? I didn’t know…”

“I thought we could talk,” he started.

Her expression became defiant. “Of course.” Fully shifting around she wiped her wet hands on her apron and lifted the bowl of green onions. Setting it onto the table roughly.

She was upset, so he shared the news she was already aware of. “I’m not seeing Saemi anymore.”

“Why?” She crossed her arms to eye him, as if to reprimand him for a bad grade.

“I don’t like her.”

“How can you?!” She raised her voice, arms dropping to her side. Walking around she threw her arms out. “This was such a good opportunity and you threw it out the window! There is no woman who is as educated as her! She works for the world organization!”

“I really don’t care.” He said.

“You what?!” she gasped turning to him with full blown eyes. “You idiot!”

“Yes, I’m an idiot.” He replied just to spite her.

As expected, he just enraged her further. “If you don’t care about yourself, you should at least care about Gunta! He needs a good, reputable mother so he won’t be laughed at, looked down on!”

“Why does that matter?” he asked. “Gunta is happy the way he is. I should be the judge. I am his father!”

“You just don’t get it!” his mother yelled. “Does he even understand that he has no mother? Has he never asked about his mom? He is at the age to be curious. How many times a week does he see a mother picking up her child from the daycare?”

Sehun stared at her, caught. He hadn’t really considered it.

“You leave him with a bunch of strangers every day. Have you considered his feelings? I am looking out for you, Sehun. I’ve told you Saemi is a good fit for Gunta. Her work is flexible. Why leave Gunta at the daycare? It’d be even better for him to be with a mother during the day while you work! He needs a mother, because you can’t be one.” She stared him on sternly.

He shook his head. “Not Saemi. I don’t want her in Gunta’s life.”

“What is wrong with you?” his mother bellowed. “You should think about your son. This is not about you or your feelings. Does Gunta even remember his mother? Does he know what a mother is?” She shook her head disapprovingly. “You’re making this so difficult. You’re always making things difficult.”

“Don’t talk like that,” he warned.

“Am I wrong?” she spat. “First, this thing with your wife and now Gunta. I can’t believe we went this far just to come to this.”

“Mother!”

She looked at him upset. Too embroiled in her own feelings. “If you were able to have your own child, I would not be this worried for you! Who will look after you now? Gunta is just a child! He doesn’t even know who his mother truly is!”

His entire body trembled with rage. Disregarding Yanghwa’s efforts. Dismissing his wife. For saying that about Gunta. Gunta was his son. Gunta was his. No matter what his mother said, felt, or thought Gunta came from him.

“I’m done here.” He snapped then turned and stomped out of his home. “Come on, Gunta.” Lifting his son up he left his home, promising not to ever turn back.

◊◊◊◊◊

Lunch was in the making when the doorbell buzzed. Namjoo turned surprised not expecting anyone. Today was going to be just her and Moowon. Daehwi was busy with business and she hadn’t heard from him.

“Want to get that Moowon?” she asked.

Getting up to his feet her son raced toward the door to let in their visitors. When the door opened a moment later her son turned to her without saying anything. Then hurried over to hold her hand.

“Hi.” It was Sehun.

She glanced at their visitors surprised. Touching the back of Moowon’s head she said, “Want to take Gunta to play with your toys?”

Moowon looked at her then toddled toward Gunta, who was strangely quiet. Taking his hand Moowon led him toward his toy corner leaving Sehun with her.

“I know this is unexpected,” he apologized.

“Well, to be honest, it is,” Namjoo said rubbing her hands against her pants. “I was just making lunch. You and Gunta hungry?”

“Actually,” he replied, “yea.”

She looked at him hesitantly then turned away to get him a glass of water. He looked upset. She wasn’t sure how to approach him. Sehun had never been upset in font of her before and she didn’t know what kinds of problems he might have. That was, if it didn’t have to do with Saemi.

Her heart picked up when she felt him hug her from behind, lean down to press his face into her shoulder.

Again, this was unexpected.

“Sehun…”

He gave her a tight squeeze before hurriedly releasing her. She turned around to see him wheeling away from her and glanced beyond the kitchen to see Moowon lift his head up to meet with her eyes.

“I’m almost done,” she called out. Filling Sehun’s glass she placed it before him at the table. She wanted to say something, but she wasn’t sure what. Walking past him she turned the stove off and dished the plates.

She called the boys over and handed them forks and spoons.

“What did you do today, Gunta?” Namjoo asked.

“Go see grandpa,” Gunta replied twirling his fried noodles with his fork.

“Eat some rice, too,” Sehun told. Attention on his food, Gunta clumsily scooped up some rice with his small spoon. Spilling half of it before the spoon reached his mouth.

“I play,” Gunta finished while chewing his food.

“Swallow first,” Sehun told. “Don’t play with your food. See, Moowon is almost done.”

“I big boy,” Moowon said grinning at his younger friend.

“Me, too! Me, too!” Gunta perked up jumping in his seat.

Namjoo smiled at the sight. After the kids finished their meal and Sehun took them to wash their hands in the bathroom, she started rummaging around her fridge for something to cook. The kids started energetically talking amongst themselves when Sehun approached a minute later.

“Lets just share a bowl of noodles,” he said.

Namjoo glanced at him while holding onto the vegetables she was holding onto. “Noodles?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “I’m not really hungry.”

She looked at him contradictorily before placing the food back into her fridge. Grabbing a bowl and filling it up with water she went through her cupboard. “What do you want?”

She took a half step forward when Sehun pressed himself into her and reached up behind her to grab a random pack. Half turning, she glanced at him amused. Breathing a laugh when he just cocked a grin and walked away.

Walking over to stand with him by the stove she asked gently hitting his arm, “Are you flirting?”

“Oh?” he playfully asked pressing a hand to his chest surprised. “That was flirting?”

Laughing. “Stop.”

He smiled hiking up her heart. Touching her arm to urge her closer he wondered, “Were you bored today?”

“Of course not. There’s plenty to do around here.”

“Like, hanging out with your son?” he teased.

“He can be fun.”

“Bet I’ll be more fun to hang out with,” he leaned down to further .

Namjoo scoffed and pushed him away. “The water’s boiling. And break the noodles in half before you put it in.”

“Why?” he asked.

“It’s easier to eat.”

Cracking the noodles as she directed, he said, “This side is mine and that’s yours. Remember.”

Namjoo rolled her eyes as he dumped the noodles in and opened the seasoned packaging.

“You boys doing ok?” Namjoo asked glancing into the living room. Seeing a mess of toys sprawled out on the ground and one of the bins used for storage flipped over.

“Yes, mommy.” Moowon replied without lifting his head. He and Gunta were piling up blocks and ramming it over with his toy trucks. Amusing themselves with their own sound effects.

“Hey, mom, it’s almost done,” Sehun called.

She hit his arm again. “What’d you say?”

“Mom,” he stuck his face in hers and grinned before turning away.

“You think that’s funny, don’t you?” Namjoo mumbled walking off to get forks.

“I want water,” Sehun said already sitting down at the table blowing off steam from the freshly cooked noodles.

Joining him with two fresh glasses of water she reached in for her share. Savoring the noodles as she slurped it down. Nearly choking when she felt his feet touching hers.

“Don’t choke. I’m not giving you CPR,” Sehun said.

“You’re really doing everything, aren’t you?” she asked.

He shrugged. “I can’t? I thought you were my girlfriend.”

She couldn’t help but smile smitten. “What is with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought we were meeting tomorrow,” Namjoo told.

“You don’t like surprises?” Sehun asked.

“Well…” she felt tongue tied. “That’s not…”

“I missed you,” Sehun told interlocking their feet. Her heart melted at his confession. No one had said those words to her in a long time. To be wanted made her feel so special. And it was Sehun.

She scoffed to ward off her shyness. “As if I didn’t just see you yesterday.”

He smiled. Surprising her further by reaching forward to touch the corner of her lips. Making her heart pound harder, swoon harder for him. Causing her to laugh when he said with a grin, “You’re a messy eater.”

◊◊◊◊◊

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” Sehun asked.

They were speaking over the phone now. It was nine at night. He had just washed Gunta and waiting for his energy to wear off while letting him play with his robot. Bedtime was on the countdown.

“What about you?” she returned the question.

“I asked you first.” He reminded.

“I don’t know.”

“Not acceptable,” he lightly scolded. “Anything you’re interested in?”

“The movies?”

“Too mainstream,” he shook his head.

“Then you pick,” Namjoo told. “Aren’t surprises your thing?”

He laughed happily. Their conversation lasted another half hour before they hung up and he put Gunta to bed. Now that the day was ending so was the spark of joy he’d felt around Namjoo. The sun fading into darkness like his heart.

Sitting at the edge of his bed he let his mother’s words chase itself around in his head. He waa feeling weighed down. He couldn’t talk about it. Tell Namjoo I had a fight with my mom. That all the problems stemmed from Gunta. Her surrogacy. His wife.

The desperation that made it all happen.

That he’d met her again and he didn’t want anyone else.

***he's only happy around her and yet at the same time, keeping things from her. the start of a woeful relationship.