Opening the Door

This is My Love

◊◊◊◊◊

Moowon wouldn’t talk to him. Looking at him with a cold expression. He was completely wary of him. Magically smiling at Gunta the following second. Sehun didn’t understand his behavior. Usually Moowon never treated him with animosity. Being as excited as Gunta whenever they met.

“Do you want crackers?” Sehun walked over with a bowl. Gunta replied with the hyper energy he always did. Moowon didn’t even spare him a look acting as if they were a couple in the middle of an argument.

“Moowon, do you want crackers?” Sehun watched the boy edge further down the couch away from him. “Are you hungry? Your mommy said you like octopus sausages. Should I make some?”

“Me, me, me!” Gunta shot his tiny arm into the air bouncing off the couch with his little body. Sehun smiled at his son and ruffled his hair then looked at Moowon, who, a second later, left the couch to sit in front of Gunta’s toy box. With his back to him.

Giving Gunta a smile Sehun retreated into the kitchen to prepare the kids lunch. Gunta raced over when he set the table, but Moowon didn’t budge. After settling Gunta into his seat Sehun walked over to Namjoo’s son.

“Are you not hungry?” he asked. “Your mommy will be sad knowing you didn’t eat.”

At the mention of Namjoo Moowon in a breath angrily. Sliding off the couch he stomped toward the kitchen, pulled himself up onto a chair, and snatched his spoon with vehemence. Sehun stared at the picture of the kids in the kitchen wondering if he had done something wrong. Loveable boy Moowon who always called for his mom did not like him.

He spent the rest of his time keeping an eye on the kids from the kitchen. Glancing at the time wondering when Namjoo would come back from her envoy. He should have asked where she was going, when she expected to be back. When she came, he wanted to ask if Moowon was upset about something. Curious if the boy was just lashing out. 

Then the boys fell asleep on the couch late afternoon. Turning the television off Sehun helped Gunta into his room first. Hesitating when he came back for Moowon. Worried he would wake up if Sehun tried carrying him. Feeling like a horrible person because he was suddenly not liked.

Huffing a breath to prepare himself for the unexpected he lifted Moowon. The boy woke immediately. Gave him one look with his boyish eyes before he started kicking in his arms. Screaming and crying wildly.

“Mommy! Mommy!” he bellowed angrily. Then resumed to hitting him. “I want my daddy! Daddy!”

Sehun struggled to comfort him but Moowon fought harder. When nothing worked Sehun put the boy down. He immediately collapsed onto the ground burying his face into the floor wailing. So loud and hard that it felt like he was crying in a language of broken hearts. Sehun watched helpless. Wishing he could call his mother for him. Also wishing Namjoo was here and not away.

Moowon hiccupped minutes later and Sehun waited till the boy drifted off. Sleeping in a heap on his floor. Confident he wouldn’t wake now Sehun eased him up into his arms. Finally laying him down beside Gunta and closing the door with a relieved sigh. Defeated, he staggered back to the couch. Sinking into the cushions and closing his eyes. Forgetting how hard it was to babysit. Now he felt pure exhaustion spread through his body. Feeling kind of silly. He was a father and it was still hard after all this time.

Sehun rubbed his eyes and turned when the bell rang. Finally, Namjoo was back but she’d come a step too late. Her son was already sleeping.

“Moowon’s asleep,” he started when he opened the door, but she wasn’t looking at him. She looked haggard. In a daze. Kind of like she was sleepwalking. “Come in.”

Namjoo didn’t take her shoes off. He closed the door and turned to see her standing a step behind him. Shoulders slumped. Staring into nothingness.

“Are you ok?” he wondered.

“Yea, I’m going to sit for a bit.” Her voice was below hearing level. Her bag slid off her arm onto the floor as she sank into one of his kitchen chairs.

Needing to do something he poured a fresh glass of water for her. “Here.” Placing it on the table he looked at her again. Sensing now, she wasn’t in a daze. Something was clearly wrong. Maybe he always knew ever since he saw her throwing her shoe in the rain.

And then she finally cried. Shoulders shaking. She gripped her jeans to control herself, but she cried anyway. Through gritted teeth, squeezed eyes. Trying hold back the noise as she sobbed. The tears rolled out and she looked so sad and alone it made him feel for her. Because he knew what alone was like.

Listening to her made him ache. Hearing the sorrow in her cries made him want to hug her. Then his hand lifted and touched the soft of her head. Comforting. Saying through the silence it’s ok. Holding her against his torso. Letting her lean and cry into his shirt.

“Mom…” a voice called breaking the moment, “…my…”

Sehun turned to see Moowon staring at them sternly before he dashed forward pushing him away and collided into his mother’s arms. Hugging her protectively.

“Mommy, mommy, mommy,” he cried into her shirt.

Suddenly lost and displaced Sehun blinked wondering what had overcome him. He was disappointed. Kind of hurt. His eyes traveled to see Namjoo clutching onto her son, face buried into his small shoulder.

“I wanna go home. I wanna go home, mommy.” Moowon looked up into her face.

“Ok, we’ll go.” Namjoo wiped her face into her sleeve. For some reason his heart ached for her. Thinking she looked tired. Worried she was going to burst again the next second.

Sehun glanced at Moowon.

“Anyone would be curious. Why a woman with a child would be here at your place? Wouldn’t her husband object?”

He looked at Namjoo again wondering why she had applied to be their surrogate. Why she looked so sad. They could stay a while longer he almost said but Namjoo was on her feet and Moowon in her arms. Hugging her so dearly that the boy wouldn’t even look at him.

Her eyes were still wet when she looked at him. Sehun realized she hadn’t properly wiped her face dry but she looked embarrassed. “Thanks, for watching him again.”

“Sure, no problem.” He tried a smile. It came in a small form. Then he was watching them go down the hall. Thinking Moowon looked like he loved his mom so much nothing else in the world mattered.

Closing the door, he stepped back inside. Heading into Gunta’s room to see the little boy still asleep. Overwhelmed with affection for the little face Sehun crept into his bed. Running fingers through Gunta’s hair. Reminiscing the first time they had received the news the surrogate was pregnant. Recalling the first time his eyes landed on the shy and quiet young woman who would be carrying their son.

Sehun thought about Moowon then his mother. Of the entanglement they were creating with each other.

Gunta budged before curling up against his father. Sehun held him close and could hear the sorrow in Namjoo’s cries inside his head, thinking he also felt too alone.

◊◊◊◊◊

“You really came,” Daehwi smiled happily.

“Daddy!” Moowon screeched hugging him.

“Hi, buddy!” Daehwi lifted his son up with ease. Behind him children were screaming. The smell of sweets permeated the air. They were at a children’s park. Daehwi had suggested the date. Something about spending family time together.

They could try Namjoo thought. If it would make Moowon happy. He needed his father around. That bond between father and son was something Namjoo wanted in Moowon’s life. It was important to her that her son have the ability to create healthy relationships.

Namjoo watched as the pair ran off together to purchase tickets at the booth. She was still upset, disappointed, and sad with Daehwi. Letting him back into her life did not mean she loved him. She would set aside her sparring emotions if it could make Moowon happy.

“Would you look at him?” Daehwi mused watching their son climb onto the dragon roller coaster. “He’s gotten so big.”

Namjoo side eyed him. Needing to cuss him out for his remark. He hadn’t even been there half the time Moowon was growing, what would he know? She kept shut miraculously. For once.

“So, are we ok now?” Daehwi looked at her.

“It doesn’t mean I forgive you.” Namjoo said.

“You have such a steel barrier,” Daehwi lightheartedly commented. “I still think you love me.”

Namjoo glanced at him tersely. Daehwi replied with a playful grin.

“Why don’t you sleep in tomorrow?” Daehwi suggested hooking his thumbs inside his jeans pockets. “I’ll take Moowon to daycare.”

“You don’t have to,” Namjoo deflated.

“I’d like to,” he persisted. “It’s what I should do if we want to make this mom-dad thing work, right? That way he can spend a few minutes of the day with me and the rest with you. I miss my son, too, Namjoo.”

She stared at him. Dissecting his words with her eyes. Trying to do the math whether he was lying through his mouth or not. Daehwi had broken promises before. She was not up for letting Moowon experience the disappointment she had bared on many occasions.

“You’re the one that called,” Daehwi reminded. “Give me a chance and I’ll prove it to you that I’ve changed. I’m a better man now, Namjoo. I won’t lose you two again.”

The bridge she kept telling herself, the bridge. It was already more than half burnt. If Daehwi wanted to cross over, he’d need to leap.

Would he really make it?

“Fine.”

◊◊◊◊◊

Sehun looked through the parking lot for Namjoo’s vehicle Monday morning. He hadn’t seen her arrive, so after waiting a few minutes he walked Gunta to the daycare building. As he neared, he recognized Moowon speaking energetically with Mrs. Lee. He was lifting his shoe up to show off his new kicks.

“Moowon!” Gunta shouted. Pulling out of his hand his son raced forward. Turning to him cheerily, Moowon showed Gunta his new shoes. Gunta’s small mouth dropped open in awe as he mulled over the shoes.

Unlike his son, Sehun’s eyes moved from joyful Moowon to the man beside him. It wasn’t Namjoo today. A look longer and Sehun vaguely recognized the man from Namjoo’s apartment who had steely stared at him when he went to pick up Gunta. He looked away when the smiling man turned in his direction. Sehun turned to sneak another peek when Moowon looked up to speak to the man.

After the kids drifted into the building the man approached him. Extending his hand, “Hi. I hear you’re my son’s best friend’s father. I’m Han Daehwi, Moowon’s father.”

He had a crew cut. His shirt was stained with paint and he wore timberland boots. There was a twinkle in his deep hazel eyes as he smiled.

He and Namjoo were divorced. Sehun remembered her telling him.

“I’m Oh Sehun.” He shook his hands.

“I thought you looked familiar. Namjoo babysits for you?” Daehwi wondered.

“The kids like each other. I want Gunta to be able to spend time with other kids,” Sehun said.

Daehwi nodded. “Understandable. Moowon’s also an only child, so he has no one to play with. You and your wife planning to have another child? Then your son wouldn’t be lonely.”

Sehun hesitated then told, “She passed away.”

“Oh…I’m sorry. That was careless of me.” Daehwi awkwardly reached up to rub the back of his head. “I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s ok.” Sehun said then cut the conversation short. “I should be getting to work.”

“Of course. Sorry for holding you up,” Daehwi apologized.

Without bidding farewell, Sehun eased past and headed toward his car. When he returned to pick up Gunta he thought he might see Namjoo. He was curious how she was doing. But she wasn’t there. Neither was Moowon.

◊◊◊◊◊

“When will you be having dinner with Saemi again?” his mother asked that evening as she leaned over to feed Gunta a spoonful of food. “She told me she had such a good time with you. Why don’t you take her out to dinner again?”

“We just simply ate, mom. I don’t know how that constitutes to a good time.”

“Then take her to the movies or a walk at the park,” his mother urged. “Dinner is always romantic when you’re with someone you like. I’m telling you Saemi is the right one for you.”

He said nothing in return.

“Do you hear me?” his mother raised her voice. “Take her out again. Do it tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” he repeated surprised.

“Yes! Tomorrow!” she nodded. “I’ll watch Gunta, so don’t worry. It’s been so long since you’ve spent time with grandma.” She baby talked while squeezing Gunta’s tiny chin. The little boy giggled merrily. Turning back to him stoically, “Take your time and don’t hurry back.”

That’s how he found himself with Saemi at a musical the following evening. She had dressed up in a pretty yellow dress that contrasted with the blue he wore. He honestly thought they were the oddball couple compared to the solemnly dressed crowd. She didn’t seem to notice how they stood out as they filed in for the show.

The musical lasted a good two hours with a fifteen-minute intermission. Afterwards they stopped by a modest restaurant for dinner.

“You’re not hungry?” Saemi wondered a few minutes after their food arrived on steaming hot plates. “You’ve been picking at your food.”

“Just I don’t have much of an appetite tonight.”

“Oh? Why’s that?” Saemi asked.

Sehun thought long and hard before being honest. “I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.”

Not really looking,” she repeated. “What does that mean? Like you’re kind of on the lookout for someone?”

“I’m not interested,” Sehun clarified.

She didn’t look hurt. “I’m not pushing you, Sehun. I said I’d like to get to know you.”

“I don’t want to lead you on.”

“You don’t look like the kind of person who would,” Saemi told. “I can wait for you to make a decision about me, but I am expecting that answer to be yes.”

There it is. What made her like his mother. She was chill about everything and then she came down hard. Full of expectations. It was like she was listening and then she wasn’t.

“Are you going to leave early tonight?” Saemi asked.

Stabbing his sliced steak, he said, “No.”

Sehun forced down the remnants of his dinner before they walked out. “Will you at least walk me to my car?” Saemi asked.

“Ok.” He walked with her down the parking lot.

It was a tranquil evening lit with a full moon. No stars. The whir of night traffic blast past them on the other side of the street. It could have been a romantic evening if he was rekindling love, but he felt nothing. He thought of his bed. His home. Getting to see his son.

Before he knew it, they had reached her car. Saemi turned around and as she did her long hair slid off her shoulder. He caught a whiff of her perfume and felt her touch his hand. The warmth of her fingers soaked into his skin.

“Sehun…”

The touch reminded him of the other night when he’d held Namjoo against him. When he had touched her head.

Immediately, he drew his hand back. That morning he had also wondered if she’d be dropping Moowon off at the daycare. He didn’t see her. She hadn’t picked Moowon up either.

He wondered if she was doing ok. She had cried so sadly. Was she feeling better?

Saemi appeared disappointed but remained hopeful. “Anyway, thanks for tonight. I hope next time when we have dinner that you’ll be able to open your heart a little for me. I mean it, Sehun. About waiting for you to be ready.”

◊◊◊◊◊

For the remainder of the week Daehwi dropped off Moowon and picked him up from daycare. Appearing at her workplace like a dutiful husband, but he more than embarrassed her even if her coworkers cooed and . They knew she was divorced and were vaguely aware that she was having issues with her ex-husband. Just they’d never actually met him, so when they saw Daehwi they thought she was having a new man at last.

“This isn’t a workplace for children,” she had chided him. “Stop bringing Moowon.”

“Well, I don’t have the key to your house,” he had shrugged with a smug grin flirtatiously. Moowon enjoyed every bit of it, so when Daehwi said he’d be busy preparing for the house tour that Thursday she was relieved.

Managing to leave work early to drop her car off at the auto shop for a tire change she picked Moowon up from the daycare in a cab and took him shopping with her. She let him push a child cart around the store as she filled it with grocery. Feeling at the top of the world as he toddled beside her chirpily singing a children’s song he’d learned. For being a good boy, she bought him chocolate and let him eat it as they checked out.

The cab dropped them off near the side of the apartment building. Occupied with grabbing her bags of grocery Namjoo didn’t even look up until the cab drove off. It was only when she turned that she saw them.

Sehun and Gunta.

At the front doors.

As Namjoo blanked Gunta shouted for her son ecstatically. A soft breeze billowed against her as her eyes landed on Sehun.

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
minifantasy
I was going to work on the finale but looks like that's going to have to wait to Sunday evening. I'm taking a short getaway. Maybe I can think things through more clearly. But I will definitely have this story finished by Monday, so we can all cry together.

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
Scarkath18 #1
Chapter 39: I really cried after end of this story. It was beautiful and I love all of their moments together. I really like that you left it open for interpretation because the whole story is very complex and it’s understandable why their feelings and experiences led to all of this. I found this story very realistic. Thank you for sharing you work. It was a great read!
QueenofSnow #2
Chapter 39: your stories are very realistic, and u pictured it beautifully :')
sookrysjung
#3
angst is really your forte ???? huhuhu
sookrysjung
#4
Chapter 39: I just finished this story now. woooow took me a loooong time. ugh my heart ??? ready to ready your next story! :> thank you so much for writing!
sookrysjung
#5
Chapter 19: ????? can I flick Namjoo’s forehead every time she says “enjoy your date”????? just date alreadyyyy hahahaa
Seenaa #6
Chapter 39: I'M CRYING SO HARDDDDD OMG ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ really thankful that you make it an open ending i guess this is the perfect realistic ending for them ≥﹏≤

Thank you so much for sharing this story ♡
MissMong24 #7
Chapter 39: I truly enjoy how realistic this story is. Even the ending. They are both two broken people who need some time alone to think and come to terms with their emotion, especially Sehun. Good job dear author! You got yourself a new fan :)
theseamaiden #8
Chapter 39: crying 100x more now than the one-shot version of this. :(

thank you for this wonderful story! looking forward to your next. :D
Sehun_ily #9
Chapter 39: I first read this in the morning, I went to work and still feeling sad...

:’(