Junyoung, Taehyung and I sit down outside of the Emergency room while Doctor checking on Taemin. Taehyung asked me what really happen tonight so I tell him everything including the letter I receive this morning too. Lucky it’s not a bullet but a fake bullet that people use for practice. The red stain is a just a paint.

“Why you didn’t tell me about this?” Taehyung asked. He seems upset.

“I’d forget about it. You know...today a bit.....” I know this is not an excuse. This is my mistake because I take it lightly. Everything could be avoided and Taemin could died tonight because of my mistake.

“Yes, I understand but.....”

“We can talk about this later...... She’s still shocked.” Junyoung said. The whole time Junyoung don’t say anything, he just hold my hand and listen to us as if he understand the mess in my mind right now.

“I’m sorry.....but I hope this won’t happen again.” Taehyung said again.

“I should be sorry..... It’s my fault. Because of me, Taemin....” I stopped talking when I saw Taemin walk out from the emergency room while holding his chest. It must be painful. He stands in front of me and hold my gaze with his gentle smile.

“I’m fine now.....” He said and I nods slowly. I want to cry when I saw his face. I feel thankful he still alive but I feel guilty too because of me, he’s hurt.

“You must be shocked, right?” Taemin asked and crunch down so his eyes level same with mine. I can see his concern and worry for me but I felt like I don’t deserve it. I put him in the danger. I shake my head slowly and I hold my tears. I don’t want to cry in front of him.

“I’m ok.” I said and gave him a little smile.

“I’m sorry to make you worry.” He said and put his hand on my head. He my hair slowly like he comforted me.

“It’s ok, it not your fault.....”

“It’s not your fault too.” Taemin said. I rather if someone scold me and say it my fault for putting them in danger. What he said make me feel more guilty than comfort.

“We should go home now. It’s been a long day for all of us.” Junyoung said. I look at Junyoung from Taemin. In his eyes I could see that he understand me. He gave me a little smile that strangely comfort me a little bit.

At home I take a warm shower before go to sleep. I lay down on my bed but I can’t sleep even though I feel so tired today. I hear a faint knocking on my door then I saw Taemin walk through the opening.

“Can’t sleep?” He asked and I nods a little. He takes a sit on the edge of my bed.

“Are you ok?” I asked.

“The bruise will go in a few days but I’m fine.”

“Is it hurt?”

“When it hit me, it really hurt. I can’t believe I pass out because of it.” He said in joke and chuckles a bit. It’s hurt me when he try his best to comfort me and make me less worry about him.

“I’m sorry.....” I apologize again.

“Don’t say sorry to me, it’s not your fault.” He said while looking at me.

“I saw you crying next........ You must be scared......” He said while put his arm around me. I nod. This I could argue more. He slightly pull me closer to his body and hug me. He don’t know how scare I am when I saw he laying there not moving at all.

“Seeing you laying without moving make me remember the fear I felt about that day.” I said and I know Taemin know what day that I refer too. In split second the memory about that day come haunt me makes me shiver in fear. Feeling desperate to save them and Taemin at the same time but I couldn’t do anything except watch them.

“I’m fine now.......” Taemin said and make me look at his eyes.

“I’m alive. You save me....” He said again.

“I know.... but still.... I can’t save you if that real bullet. I’m late.....”

“It’s not your fault.... I really meant it. Don’t blame yourself. Song Ji A.... Look at me properly. I’m fine.” Taemin said and he looks worry about me. I don’t want Taemin worry about me so I gave him a little smile.

“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?”

“No. You need sleep too.” I said.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.....Good night.”

“Araso.... Good night.”

I watch Taemin get out from my room and close the door slowly as he watched me. I pull the blanket until my chest and off the light on my bedside table. I close my eyes tightly and hope that sleep will come to me eventually.

I was sing to my heart content at the back seat while my mother and my father were in front and sing with me too. My father soon stops singing and just laughing while looking at me through the rear mirror. We were happy and enjoy our moment together. Today they promise to spend the whole weekend with me and we’re going to the pension that we usually go on summer.

After a while the weather get worst and it start raining heavily. My father drives slowly and safe. My mother and me stop singing or talking because we know my father need to focus on the driving. It all happens in the split second. I saw the bright light coming toward us while my father honking loudly to distracted the oncoming vehicle. I know he was trying his best to avoid the oncoming vehicle but it still clash on us fast and hard. My head were bang on window until knocking me out but I still conscious when our car keep turning upside down for a few time until it completely stop. I saw my mother were badly hurt, her face were cover in blood and lay out of the window. My father was hanging upside down because of the safety belt still attach on him. And I lay down on the car roof because our car was upside down. I can’t feel my body but I remember I was cold, very cold as the snow fall down awfully beautiful.

“Song Ji A.... you must stay awake.... Do you hear me?” I hear my father talking with me.

“Appaaaa........ Eommmaaa.....help her. She’s cold.”

“Araso. Stay awake ok?”

“Oo...”

“Promise?”

“Oo.”

I open my eyes and I’m in my own room. I know it was dream but that was happen that day. The day that accident happens and the day I lost my parent. I get up and end up crying again. It feels like it just happen. The pains and the emptiness were still there.

I walk out from my room and go to the kitchen to have a glass of cold water. I stand on the kitchen cabinet while looking out the window. Just like my habit was.

“Can’t sleep?” Junyoung asked. I don’t even notice when he stand by my side.

“Oo. You?”

“Have some work that I need to do. Do you want some tea?”

“No, I’m fine. Did Taemin going somewhere?” I asked because I don’t see him on the couch.

“He goes back to his own apartment.”

“Alone?”

“No, Taehyung Hyung with him.”

“Don’t let him alone for now.”

“I know and we already assign someone to stay with him.”

“Thank you.”

“There is no need for you to say that. That was one of our jobs.”

“But still.... Thank you.”

“You should get some sleep now.”

“I should......” I said and walk to my own room again. I grab my phone on the bedside table and look at my contact list and found Taemin’s name. I click on it but I stop from call him. He need some sleep too. I’m sure Taehyung will keep him safe. I put my phone back on the table and open the drawer. I take the small pill bottle out, my sleeping pills again.

I couldn’t hear anything but buzzing sound only. Everything around me is in a mess. I saw a couple of ambulance parking in the middle of the road and 1 car were in bad shape. Slowly I could recognize that car. It is my father’s car. I walked closer to the car and saw my mother’s body half of it out from the window. Her head hurt badly and blood covers most of her face. I fall on my knee when I realise that she’s dead already. After the big lorry collide with our car, my mother immediately unconscious because her head bump into the window hard. Her body also twisted unnaturally.

“Eomma.... Eomma.....” I called for her desperately so she could awake but I know it’s all useless. Then I saw one paramedic help my father. He frees him from the safety belt and he’s too unconscious. I saw 1 big piece of glass piercing at his abdomen and the blood flow from his stomach to his shirt. My father stayed hanging because of our car were upside down.

“Appa....” I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. I couldn’t save you. I just cried while looking at them. The paramedic put both of them on the stretcher and covered them from head to toes with white clothes.

Then I saw someone lay on the cold ground. He wearing white shirt with black pants. His shirt full with red stain because of his own blood and on the floor too has his blood. As I walk closer to him, I could recognise him. My heart stopped beating because it’s Taemin.

“Tae......”

“Song Ji A....” I hear Taemin’s voice. I open my eyes and saw Taemin seat next to me. Without thinking, I just pull him closer to me and hug him tight. His body on mine but I just don’t care. I feel so relieve it’s just a nightmare.

“Are you ok?” He asked and pushed himself up but his body still on mine. I nods but my tear won’t stop spill. I’m so thankful. Taemin smile and wiped my tears.

“Aaaa.....Song Ji A.” He said in relieve. For a moment he keep looking into my eyes and that time too from relieve, I feel embarrass. Our position is so awkward and intimate too. I could feel his heart beat on my chest and his warm breath caress my cheek.

From his eyes, I look to his lips. Weird, his lips look so delicious and I temp to taste it. Like a magic spell, Taemin close the gap between us.

“Ji A-ah!!