A Chance In Hell

Hyun wakes early on Saturday, as she thought she would. Saliva is crusted on the side of her face when Hyun slips out of a dreamless slumber. The disgusting part is that it isn’t even hers. She takes a moment to shudder at the revelation. Then she pries Mina’s arm from her torso and slips out of bed. Sunlight spills in long stripes through the glass door, so Hyun should have no trouble seeing. Except, her eyes are barely open and she stumbles to the bathroom anyway. She pays no mind to the cracked door and artificial, orange glare leaking from underneath it. She pushes the door open the rest of the way and rubs her eyes in the doorway, blinking to loosen the sleep from them and stretching so wide that her shirt rides up high on her stomach. 

Hyun’s hem drops to its proper place when her arms do and she is alert. She sees what she shouldn’t be seeing. Chanyeol’s warm, brown eyes blink at her. Hyun’s sleepy smile freezes off her face when her gaze drops to the blunt cap of rigid skin just above where Chanyeol’s right ankle should be. His signature dark jeans are rolled up to his thigh and he’s sitting on the edge of the porcelain basin. His grip on a prosthetic foot is desperate, aware and fearful in a way that makes Hyun shiver.

For the first time since Hyun has been acquainted with him, Chanyeol blushes. It begins as a faint red that curtains over his cheeks and neck and then grows into a deep ruby that displays his embarrassment clear as day. Hyun fumbles for words and thoughts and air. This piece of Chanyeol that she wanted so badly to see is spilled out in front of her eyes. Chanyeol is fully-clothed, but for some reason, it feels to Hyun like he’s instead. This is private, something she has no permission to see. And yet…

This moment brands itself into Hyun’s mind. The blush over Chanyeol, the smooth skin surrounding his amputation interrupted by the slight ridges, eyes uncertain and lost. Who knows? She may even paint about it. It won’t be the first time. 

“You slept the entire night,” Chanyeol finally says. 

“It’s been a while,” Hyun replies simply, heart thumping like crazy in agonizing contrast. “You’re in our bathroom.”

“Yeah.” Chanyeol sighs. “Kuhn is singing T.G.I.F and taking an hour-long shower in ours because Jackson is using theirs. Sorry.”

“No, no,” Hyun trips and stumbles over her own words. “It’s not like I own it or anything. Take as long as you want.”

They spend a minute just staring after Hyun goes silent. She tries her best not to overreact because it may scare Chanyeol away. She wants to tell him that it’s okay and she’ll accept him in whatever way he comes, so there’s no need to look so abashed by the situation. Hyun feels like she’s thinking faster than reality can move.

A sharp click resonates in the bathroom. Hyun is back to the present again. Chanyeol overtakes her again when he stands. Nothing remains of the moment they’ve just shared because he is back to being broad and whole. Hyun can’t explain why she’s sad at that. 

“Kuhn wanted breakfast.” Chanyeol slips past Hyun in the doorway. “Why don’t we go since we’re up? We can bring Mina and Hani back something.”

Hyun nods wordlessly. She turns to assess her friend’s current condition.

“I swear she’s dead.” She snorts incredulously. Mina is hanging off the bed and her jaw is unhinged, really attractive. “Wait, lemme take a picture.”

“Don’t be late.” Chanyeol leaves before Hyun can say anything. She sighs openly once the door closes and shrugs, shaking her head. She can figure out whatever she needs to later. Right now, she’s going to refresh her blackmailing reserve. 

Hyun startles when Mina murmurs in her sleep. But, she just turns the other way and the former relaxes with a devious smile. Friendship really is a fickle thing. She’s sure Mina will understand. Hyun dresses fast and goes down. Jackson is at the table as well when she goes down.

“Hyun, come sit with us!” Kuhn bounces at the sight of her. Hyun all but blanches when Jackson turns his eyes on her along with Chanyeol. She walks over to the square table and sits on the side with Chanyeol, facing Jackson and Kuhn. 

“Morning,” Hyun says. 

Soon, the table is full, minus Mina. 

“What are we doing today?” Kuhn asks as he tucks into french toast. Well, it's probably french toast beneath all of the whipped cream and maple syrup.

“They have an arcade,” Hani says whilst jabbing her fork into a cup of grapes.

“That’s for children,” Kuhn protests, eyes big and mouth pouting. 

“You are a children.” Hani smiles. Kuhn doesn’t.

“This was supposed to be fun!”

“It will be,” Mark says. “Especially when I slay all of you in Street Fighter.”

“You’re still not over that?” Jackson sounds fairly surprised.

“You cheated and you know good and well I’m gonna get you back for it.”

“You’re a toddler, Tuan. How long has it been?” Jackson scoffs with an eye roll.

“Two long, hard years dealing your bull just to arrive at this moment,” Mark says dramatically.

“Okay, fine. We can finish eating, rest a little, and then go to the arcade. I mean, there’s an entire day ahead of us. How long will it take to whip Mark’s soft in Street Fighter?”

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It takes a very long time. 

The arcade is in a separate building from the main one, next to a shack that sells snacks during the day. The best thing about it is that they have Galaga, Asteroids, and Pac Man. Hyun zones out Mark and Jackson’s alien shrieks and determined grunts as she flits between the games. She shoots a couple of baskets with Mark when he’s not wrapped up in his tournament with Jackson. But, he’s soon beckoned back and she finds herself back at Galaga. She relaxes on the stool as zaps and clicks fill the dim space. She hardly even flinches when Hani leans on the dormant game next to hers and pats her back.

“I’ve known Chanyeol since sophomore year of high school. I’ve never seen him so serious about a girl before. Do you like him, Lahyun?” Hani’s eyes are clear and steady in focus, casually interested. She makes that really good eye contact that would cause anyone else to swoon at how intently she seems to be listening. It just makes Hyun want to crawl under a rock and die.

“He’s nice.” Hyun nods to no one in particular. Her fingers swipe over the controls and she tries not to mess up due to Hani’s surprise intrusion. 

“No, do you like him?”

“What?” Hyun messes up anyway.

“Chanyeol is a really good guy, and he’s been through so much in the past few years.” Hani waits for Hyun to look at her before continuing. “He really likes you. He’s always talking about how talented you are and how sweet you are. Chanyeol is a pretty straight forward guy. I’ve yet to see him so flustered and at a loss for words.”

Hyun thinks back to this morning. Chanyeol’s blushing face and his unsure gaze. He might’ve looked like that. Hani continues. Hyun tries to calm down because she can feel her neck heating up. 

“He really said all that?” Hyun asks.

Hani nods. “He gushes about you so much it’s hard to believe all this is coming as a surprise, Hyun.”

Her skin prickles with excitement at the thought. Obviously, his friends don’t know that she and Chanyeol are in some sort of relationship. What kind? Not even Hyun has the answer to that. They haven’t really defined anything.

Maybe it's about time?

Hyun spends the rest of the time deflecting Hani’s prying questions while trying to beat her own high score. The day goes fine enough. The group eats dinner, at which the Three Stooges nearly get them kicked out of the dining room.

“Jesus, act your age.” Hani groans at them on their way up to the rooms.

“I am acting my age,” Jackson says defensively, whacking the back of Kuhn’s head, to which the latter winces. “But this er is always baiting me.”

“Me?” Kuhn scoffs and shoves Mark. “It’s this dip that’s always starting something. Or declaring ing war.”

“I’m the dip?” Mark drags Kuhn into a headlock, and Jackson stands by, whooping and egging them on.

“I associate with these people.” Chanyeol drops his face in his hand. 

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It starts storming like Hell threw open its gates and allowed desolation to rain from the sky in fat drops, sinking heavily into the sea like stones and rippling the clear, blue surface. Disturbingly enough, Hyun is alert and she knows where she is, what her name is and all. Which makes everything that much worse. Her mother is forever a shadow that waltzes across the sand and drowns in the angry tide. She’s not sure why she can’t ever let it go. She's back in her life, but she'll always be the greatest disappearing act known to man. She barely recalls her shoulder-length black hair back then and her translucent skin. Her cold hands that tucked her in before bed and then disappeared by morning. 

Her voice hisses to Hyun in the dark. She kicks the covers back and gets out of bed. She needs to know why she left her, why anyone was more important than her own daughter, why she hated Hyun enough to leave without a note or a trace to where she was going. And how she worked up the nerve to reappear like it would do anyone some good.

“Ouch.”

Hyun’s head clears and she looks down, squinting.

“Chanyeol? What are you doing here?”

“Mark brought a girl back to the room. He kicked me out. Jackson and Kuhn are both unconscious and you left your keycard at the arcade.” He groans, rolling over onto his back. He pauses, then he’s sitting up and grabbing Hyun’s hand. “What’s wrong?”

She breaks. Chanyeol is warm and cozy. He’s always been. His attention is undivided. Hyun’s skin melts into globs at the very edge of her bones and she sways heavily. Tears pool down her cheeks because she can’t hold them back. She drops into Chanyeol’s lap.

Everything is wrong. 

Is it even possible to make a distinction when nothing is right?

As if he can sense Hyun’s inner turmoil, Chanyeol wraps his arms around her. She twists around and her eyes are caught by Chanyeol’s. Brown and warm, and brown and safe, and brown and everything will be okay. She can’t blink when all of Chanyeol is pouring into her body at once. It’s hard to breathe.

“I’m not going to leave you.” Chanyeol tugs Hyun closer by the waist. Their noses bump.

A weight lifts off her shoulder at the words, though she’s still uncomfortably snug in her own skin, chest still tightly stretched. There’s nowhere for Hyun to escape, so she takes refuge in the largest and most comfortable place she can find. 

“Please don’t,” Hyun whispers, desperate and terrified. 

Lips press lightly onto hers. They are every bit as smooth and wonderful as Hyun remembers. Her heart is thumping and his hands slide carefully on Chanyeol’s neck, while he allows his own to grip Hyun’s waist. Their lips slot and mesh together in a way that makes Hyun crinkle her nose. Chanyeol’s nose cards hers and he tips his head to the side more. Fire pops and churns in the pit of her stomach. Chanyeol makes her feel all fuzzy in the grossest, cheesiest way possible but she wouldn’t trade this feeling for anything in the world. Is that normal?

When she needs to come up for air, Hyun pulls back and Chanyeol releases her immediately. They breathe together in the semi-lit room as rain pelts the window. 

“I love you so much it hurts,” Chanyeol says. His raspy voice is once again distracting her from thinking straight. She manages to open despite the fact that her heart is thumping against her chest like a hammer against a stubborn nail, steady at first yet becoming increasingly frustrated. 

“I love you, too.”

Just like that, the information hangs in the air. Hyun has no idea what to do with it. Her brain is a tangle of nerves and red flags that tell her to go back to where she’s come, to take back the words swinging in front of her eyes like an omen for something. She can’t say that she wishes she never said them; the confession is like a warm cup of milk after a night of shivering in the dark, alone. She’s grateful to Chanyeol for sparing her more nights of frenzied thoughts in place of sleep which she can never get enough of.

Chanyeol baffles her to no end. This man, who is both whole and not, fills Hyun with bright confusion and suffocating warmth.

“Do you really?” Her voice sounds small even to her.

“Yes, I really do. Do you?” He wraps Hyun up tighter and ducks his chin on her shoulder, nuzzling his nose into Hyun’s neck.

“I do.”

She breaks again. It doesn’t feel so bad. 

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The dripping that had begun about an hour after the freakish rain stopped has been replaced by stark silence. Hyun rolls over on her back and stretches, fingers brushing over someone’s soft face. Her insides swirl in this magically sick way.

“Morning.” Chanyeol pecks her cheek sweetly. Hyun swoons.

“Good morning.” Hyun blushes when he whispers how beautiful she is in the morning right in her ear. Her mind is stuck in Chanyeol’s reliable grasp, at his will to twist out of shape. Hyun is deathly afraid of how much trust she’s put in Chanyeol to not screw her over. She hopes she won’t regret it. 

“Good morning,” a voice sing-songs obnoxiously. Hyun groans inwardly and outwardly. She really doesn’t need to hear it. “Oh, I knew it, babe.”

Not right now. Not so early in the morning.

Mina only nags ‘i told you so’ for half an hour, all through breakfast. Hyun is surprised. She had been expecting worse. 

“Whose gonads dropped first?” Mina nudges Hyun with his shoulder. “I put twenty dollars on Chanyeol.”

“You barely have ten in your piggy bank.” Hyun scoffs

“It’s all metaphorical, Hyun. Confucius once said-”

“Why did that guy talk so much? Didn’t he have anything better to do?”

“He was a genius. A revolutionary. Far beyond his time. Mad quote-worthy.”

“Why do you assume it wasn’t me?” Hyun asks. 

“Bull.” Mina barks out a laugh. “No way.”

“You know what?” Hyun says, spearing a sausage on a plastic fork and practically shoving it in Mina’s open mouth, to which the latter coughs and glares, chewing reluctantly. “ on that. I’m going to get more.”

Hyun crosses the carpeted area of the dining room filled with tables and chairs, overlooking views of nothing but cars and grass and parking space. She walks over to the tiled area where the food is set out, buffet style, and debates over whether she wants the tough, dense pancakes or the soggy french toast. Honestly, if it were up to Hyun, she’d order anything made by Park Chanyeol. If it isn’t an industrial-sized pot of porridge or scrambled eggs, she doesn’t want to eat it. But, to appease herself, she picks up a pancake, puts it on her plate, and sprinkles it with powdered sugar.  It couldn't look farther from appetizing.

“Nutritious.”

Chanyeol appears next to her. He wasn’t there a second ago, and it’s surreal how quickly her pulse speeds up, palms sweaty at the rapid change in air pressure. Her mind replays the scene from last night, or this morning, over and over again in her head, like a cracked CD that keeps hiccuping over the same thirty seconds. 

Chanyeol looks suave in a red, sleeveless jersey and jean shorts. His hair is untampered on his smooth forehead, messy yet with a place for every rogue strand. His eyes are just as warm and brown as usual.

Hyun’s head spins. 

“You should eat more, and better.” Chanyeol chuckles, scooping some soup into his bowl, eyes on the line of food momentarily before finding Hyun’s, winking flirtatiously. She averts her eyes with haste, venturing to bump her elbow with Chanyeol’s. 

“You’re awful.” Hyun chides lightly with a small smile. 

“What?” Chanyeol bends a little, forcing his face in Hyun’s view, knocking the oxygen straight out of her lungs and leaving her winded in the worst, best way possible. “You don’t like it? But, I do.” Chanyeol winks consecutively, angling his head around and winking some more. 

“Stop!” Hyun laughs, pushing his chest away. Chanyeol takes the opportunity to wrap his fingers around Hyun’s wrist and keep it on his chest. Hyun stills a little, laughter still rumbling in but silenced by the fresh fire brewing in Chanyeol’s eyes. His smile is bright and passionate, endlessly accepting. If there were ever a time to be self-conscious Hyun figures it is now. His expressions are three-dimensional; she can’t manage the layer upon layer depth that Chanyeol achieves, probably without even trying. 

“Have I told you that you’re beautiful?” Chanyeol smiles boyishly, words almost breathless in a way that boggles Hyun’s senses. Chanyeol can’t be as affected by this as Hyun is. It’s impossible. 

“Only 100 times so far.” Hyun smiles back. “You’re due.”

“Thought so.” Chanyeol nods. “You are so gorgeous.” 

“Shut up, shut up. Stop.” Hyun groans, breaking eye contact to squint at the unappetizing pancake in disbelief. How is this even happening to her? She wants this on every level possible but can’t process that it’s actually reality.

“Look at you two.” A familiar voice goads beside them. Hyun looks over her shoulder to see Hani standing there, dimples proud and eyes perceptive. “How cute.”

Hyun wrenches her wrist out of Chanyeol’s grasp, to no one’s apparent surprise. Her fading smile sizzles right off her lips.

“Hey,” Chanyeol says playfully. He takes Hyun’s hand in his and interlocks their fingers. Hyun feels the heat rising from her stomach, steadily, at first, and then all at once. 

“Don’t mind me.” Hani plucks a dumpling from a steaming, metal tin and takes a bite, tipping the dumpling as if one would a top hat. “Just a hungry woman on a quest.”