“Sit down class. I’m giving over your papers.” Mr Oh orders his student to take their respected seat as he calmly distributing their already marked exam papers. Sana felt her hands sweating as this is one of the things about school that she didn’t like at all. Exam results. She watched as Mr Oh making his way around according to the names written on each paper. He handed it over with a few comments on the student current achievement. It is hard waiting for your turn as you can see your classmates are all smiling probably happy with their marks. How about her?

 

“Ms Minatozaki.” Sana was too occupied studying her classmates’ reaction that she didn’t notice Mr Oh already standing in front of her desk. Mr Oh placed down her paper and just like always, it became a reason for her to cry at night. An F. A freaking F.

 

“You know Ms Minatozaki, it feels like you’ve never tried at all. 4 exams and all F. Please do try harder next time.”

 

He might meant well when he said that but his words struck her right into her heart and if anyone can see, you can definitely see blood pouring out of that wound. Theoretically. It hurts like hell. Everyone in school assume she didn’t try hard enough. She did. For godsake, she did. She wasn’t smart enough. But what hurt the most was when everyone except a few friends were laughing at her as if it was a funny joke and she was the clown. Mr Oh shook his head as he finished off handing the papers over and get back to his desk looking rather alarming.

 

“Okay settle down everyone! Lets start our lesson for today!”

 

And just like that he started the class but occasionally, Sana can hear those naughty kids giggling while pointing at her. Some were talking loud enough that she knew they were making fun of her. A stupid girl they call her. Always the F girl.

 

…..

 

Sana dashed inside her house slamming the door behind her startling her mother. Seungyeon peeking behind the kitchen cabinet and saw her older daughter running inside with her clothes wet and she positively heard a faint cry coming from Sana.

 

“Sana?”

 

Sana ignored her mother calling for her as she get to the top flight of stairs and get inside her bedroom and lock the door. She let her back resting on the door as she’s slowly sliding down. Fear of failure. That is the reason of everything. She hugged her knees as she keep on crying. Seungyeon still can hear the faint cry when she reached her daughter’s room door.

 

“Sana? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

 

It made her worried watching her daughter crying like this. She hadn’t cried for a long time now. What’s happening? She knock on the door again hoping this time Sana will open the door.

 

“No..mom, I’m f-fine.”

 

Seungyeon placed her ear near the door trying so hard to listen if Sana is still crying.

 

“You can tell me anything. I’m your mother. Did you had a fight with Tzuyu?”

 

Sana wipe away her tears as she pushed herself up.

 

“I-I’m fine. I’ll be f-fine. I just n-need to be alone. For a while.”

 

Seungyeon sigh but she had to respect her daughter decision. Once she calmed down, maybe Sana will tell her what’s going on. She will open up but not until she gets the alone time she needed.

 

“Okay. Come down when you’re ready.”

 

“Thank you, m-mom.”

 

Sana heard footsteps leaving her room and down along the walkaway towards the staircase. As soon as her mother footsteps disappear, Sana slumped down her bed as her tears pouring out even more. All the bad memories from 3 years ago flashing upon her eyes. If only Tzuyu knew everything.

 

“Tzu.. I’m sorry.”

 

If only.

 

…..

  Tzuyu had parked her car at the road side for nearly 2 hours. She didn’t know what to do. She called Sana but the latter off her phone. She want to walk into the house but then what should she say to her parents? They will probably ask why Sana crying and her clothes were wet when Tzuyu herself didn’t know why. This is crazy. Tzuyu glanced towards her left side where Sana’s bag occupied. Mina manage to get it to her before she drove away.   “Something is not right.”   Tzuyu picked up Sana’s bag as she observe it. She shouldn’t be looking into her bag since it is her privacy but maybe she can find something from inside? Anything at this point will definitely help. Tzuyu her bag and one by one taking all the content out except school books. She carefully look inside until she found a small black book neatly placed in a separate pouch.   “What..” Tzuyu took it out and set the bag aside as she examine the small book. It looks like important. If it’s not then why would Sana keep it in a different compartment? Debating with herself, she’s in a dilemma either reading whatever in this book are counted as invading her girlfriend privacy.   “No, Tzu. You just want to know. Maybe you can find anything that is going tell you what is wrong.”   “No. You’re invading her privacy if you open it. Whatever happened on trusting her?”   Her good and bad side seems had different opinion on what she should be doing. Everything are mixing up and it’s frustrating.   “Fine. Whatever.”   Tzuyu flip the page open and to her surprise, it wasn’t just a normal black book. It seems to be a diary.   “Sana’s diary?”   Tzuyu felt like she shouldn’t be doing this at all. There are reasons why a person write a diary and one of it is because they want a certain important memory remain as secret. She feels like a jerk if she continue reading. But if it’s only for Sana benefits, why not? Tzuyu calm her erratically beating heart and randomly pick a page.   “One page shouldn’t be a problem right?”   April 23th, 2012.   This is not just a failure anymore. I grew tired and afraid of facing the same results. The constant murmuring and badmouthing didn’t stop at all. They were talking about me and purposely let me hear when I’m around without worrying over my feelings. I’m stupid, I know. Who would want to be born like me? No one. I know I can’t be smart like everyone else. It just not happening.   Tzuyu frowned. What is this she just read? Is this really Sana’s diary? But it seems not. Her mind wandering back to their conversation on the roof top. Sana did said she didn’t became smart in one night. Tzuyu flipped another page and continue reading.   May 5th, 2012.   An F. Again. Mr Oh sarcastic comments aren’t helping me endure anything. I became my classmates laughing stock. He even said as if I didn’t even tried. I did sir. I did tried my best. This is my limit. For once I thought that I can finally get rid of this fear and pass the paper. But I guess I can’t. But then I met her. She saw me sitting alone on the ledge. She told me that she