Prologue

Hands shaking, legs like jelly Dara lurched into one of the bathrooms and locked herself inside. On her way to the toilet she fumbled with the sink, turning the faucet on to drown out her ragged breathing in case someone comes in. Then she fell to her knees and bent over the porcelain bowl. She gagged, nothing was left of her dinner. Sweat broke on her forehead. Her head spinning, mouth gaping, she struggled for breath as she counted the days, 2 months delayed. Panic engulfed her as thoughts of pregnancy and being single, her career, her members’ careers, his career, his group's career ran through her mind, making her sick even more. 

One night of utter stupidity, one night and everything changed

And then she cried not because she thought she was going to die but because she knew she wasn't.

Propping her head on her hand, she wept hoarsely tears running down her face. She felt so alone, so helpless and so stupid. She's in her early 30s and yet she behaved like a teenager with raging hormones. She felt like banging her head on the sink. 

And yet she felt oddly blessed, no matter the circumstance, whatever happens, she's carrying an angel. Her baby, hers nobody else's.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to get some control over her respiration. After a while she looked down abruptly becoming aware that the floor was hard beneath her knees. Dara pushed herself up from the floor turned off the faucet and collapsed into the little chair in the corner. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her face was blotchy, nose red, her makeup ruined. She looked like hell. She laughed bitterly, the mirror reflected exactly how she's feeling inside. If her friends could see her know, they'll think someone died.

Slowly she reached up and started fixing her hair, using her fingers to comb through the messy tangles. She grabbed a washcloth, wet it and used it to wipe her makeup. Tossing the washcloth aside she grabbed her purse and took out her emergency kit. With a sigh she started to reapply her makeup.

With two deep breaths she went out to face the party. She had to remind herself that she's her to represent her group, she cannot afford to mess anything up. Smiling and talking cheerfully at everybody who comes her way as though she's having the best time when all she wanted to do was go home and cry some more. Deciding that she stayed long enough, she said her goodbyes and started towards the door. Just before she turned her back, she caught Jaejoong's stare through the crowd. He smiled and started to walk towards her. She forced a smile and walked faster towards the door.

 She needed to be away from this place, away from the party and away from the man she knew she can't have. 

Salvation was just outside the room, salvation was what she needed. Hands shaking, lips tight she pushed open the door with a curse. For a moment I almost forgot  that you don't want me anymore.