“What’s the difference?” I asked him. “Between the love of your life, and your soulmate?”

“One is a choice, and one is not.”

—  ― Tarryn Fisher, Mud Vein

= After I lost Him=

It burned.

As if lava had replaced the blood that was running through my veins. The snow-covered ground that had dampened my clothes did nothing to soothe the ache that I myself had bestowed upon me.

I had sinned, and now I was paying the price.

According to Kübler-Ross there are 5 stages of grief people normally go through.

Denial, it had been my greatest weakness, for I knew I loved Him with every single cell in my body, but he wasn’t the only one I had deep feelings for. I refused to admit how much he meant and affected me in such a short amount of time. It was unfair for him to just barge into my life and rearrange everything I thought I knew. Even if the world seemed brighter when he was around, my eyes had grown accustomed to the dim monotony of my everyday life.

Anger, I was mad at myself, at fate, and our Gods. Were they blind to see my heart had belonged to another way before I knew what the word soulmate signified?? My heart, ripped in two when they decided to cast their arrows and condemn me to this downward spiral of confusion and despair.

Depression, it came and went like waves in an endless ocean. I was submerged in what ifs, without any strength left to paddle myself to shore. The hopeful encouraging voice that had kept me going in this ed up world on mute.

Bargaining. Every memory from childhood to present, stained by a scarlet letter of shame, that people deemed immoral right off the bat, with no time to justify my actions. How could something so wrong feel so right?? The way his lips felt, moist and warm filled me with joy when I was all alone. They were familiar, they felt like home, yet the Gods were not on his side. We both were aware of the risks we had set ourselves up for as our relationship deepened, and it hadn’t phased me one bit at the time. I would’ve gone against the God of hell myself if it meant I could be by his side forever. Of course, that was until I met Him, my soulmate.

Acceptance, it hurt but it was inevitable. He had come in like a storm during a drought. Every single person in my life felt like a mere speck of sand, and he.. he was my desert.

The dark “0”(zero) on my palm was proof of how real all this ing mess was, yet I somehow managed to skip back to the first stage as my soul was now in an endless loop of grief.

The white snow fell against my cheek in a slow rhythm, as my ice cold tears created a path down my face. I was freezing to death I knew it, but my weakened heart had lost the will to beat.

I had lost Him.

Author's Note:

This is a story I have been slowly developing. I will post the first chapter once I finish INBH.

I am a er for angst as ya'll can tell.

If you can please subscribe. Before I post the first chapter I will make it subscribers only. I like to receive feedback and have conversations with my readers, so don't be afraid to shoot up a message/comment/ask my way. 

This is a preview of the first chapter :)

Hope you guys enjoy the little sneak peek :D