4. THE SILENT CONTRACT

I was already regretting my decision.

"Just hold onto my back - trust me, you won't fall."

I wrapped both of my arms around Hanbin's waist and locked my fingers together. When he had suggested that we could go to the nearest mall to try and find a store that sold bikes, it hadn't even crossed my mind that he wasn't on his car. When we had stepped out of the cafe, he had walked straight to an old blue bike that had rust all over it and slightly bent handlebar.

"I'm out of gas", he had said as an excuse, and pulled off an apologetic grin.

I had never traveled on a bike with two people on it. It just didn't make sense to me, physically speaking.

"And keep your feet up. Or you can rest them on the knobs of the wheels."

"Here?"

"Er, no. If you put your foot there, it'll cut your toes off."

"So I'm basically sitting on a guillotine for toes?" I quickly dropped my feet and raised them slightly so they didn't touch the ground.

"Oh. Well -"

"And what if my feet touch the ground? Will it grate off?"

Hanbin's chest trembled slightly. He was laughing. "Your feet will be fine."

I sighed and tightened my grip around his torso.

"I will need to breathe-" he said and moved my hands a little lower so that they weren't squeezing his lungs. I froze.

It took a while from him to realize what he'd done, again.

He quickly shot me a worried look over his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

I squeezed my lips together. I wasn't okay. It felt like I'd never be okay. Feeling his body against mine brought some disgusting memories in my mind. I tried my best to push them away. "Fine."

Hanbin couldn't do anything but to trust in me. "Good. Let's go then."

At first it felt like I couldn't stop myself from thinking about the things that his touch brought up in my mind, but after a while, it got easier. I began to get used to his warm back. I got used to his scent, which got sweatier by every mile he rode. When we got to an uphill, he stood up and biked standing up to max his speed. I had to hold onto the seat.

"You have to warn me when you stand up!"

Hanbin laughed. I learned that he was easily amused.

The store wasn't hard to find. Or I mean, Hanbin probably knew about it and didn't exactly "find" it. But it was good to know that there were actual shops here, not only little markets.

I jumped off the bike and Hanbin put it to lean against the wall of the building. "So we're really gonna buy you a new bike?"

I nodded. That was the first step of my healing process. If I managed to get a new bike and ride again, I'd manage to buy a new notebook and write again. It had to be as simple as that. "Yeah my aunt needs it."

Hanbin puckered his lips. I noticed that he did that every time he thought something wasn't right.

The store wasn’t too gigantic - oh heck, who am I kidding… the store was smaller than my aunt’s grocery store. But it had bikes. That was the main thing.

We walked past all the different sections of clothes; gym clothes, hiking clothes, hunting clothes, fishing clothes (and rods), football clothes, even yoga clothes that I eyed a little longer. Hanbin stopped next to me as I ran my fingers through the soft fabrics.

”Do you do yoga?” He asked quietly, trying not to raise any attention toward us. I spotted the employee lurking behind the clothing racks, waiting for an opportunity to attack us with the old ”Do you guys need any help?”.

I nodded, grabbing one of the shirts and tucking it under my arm. ”Yeah, me and my friend Chaeyoung used to attend these yoga events in Seoul.”

Hanbin’s mouth was a strict line as he bobbed his head. He looked like he was contemplating something. Once again.

”You have to teach me.”

”Teach you yoga?”

He nodded briskly. ”Yeah, yoga. I’ve always wanted to know how to do it.”

I couldn’t help but to chuckle. He didn’t exactly seem like a person to be interested in yoga. ”Sure… why not?”

”Yeah, why not?” He said after me, shrugging slightly. ”It’s supposed to take you closer to the perfect spiritual insight, right?”

”I guess so… I just do it as an exercise”, I admitted. Sure I knew about the true meaning of yoga and how it was supposed to help you relax and find a better place in the whole universe or something, but I’d jumped in just because Chaeyoung told me it was a great form of exercise. It was supposed to give you nice and feminine muscles. And I definitely needed to start some form of exercise, with all the hours in front of my laptop and tv.

The bike collection wasn’t the widest I had seen, but there were definitely some good ones that I could think of getting to my aunt. Since I knew very little of bikes, I decided to let the employee behind the clothing racks help me. She rushed to me immediately when she noticed my searching eyes between the bicycles.

”What model are we looking for? Road bicycles? Touring bicycles? Maybe a city bike? Or a-”

”The latter”, I managed to say in between the lady’s listing. ”Just a regular, uh bike.”

”An urban bicycle? Alright let me see…” she mumbled and began her search. To me it looked like she was hunting for a perfect prey. I’d never seen anyone so invested in bikes. Hanbin didn’t seem to find her weird. But I figured that was because he was himself a little odd. Or maybe I was the odd one out of us three, who knew.

When we finally managed to find me a suitable ride, the lights in the store started blinking.

I shot Hanbin a worried look. ”What’s happening?”

He just shrugged it off, waving his hand in a manner that said ”nothing, it’ll be over soon”.

The lights blinked again.

Then they went completely off.

I heard the employees talking to each other. ”Last time it lasted twenty minutes.”

”Yeah but did you see what it said in the newspaper? About the storm?”

Suddenly a loud crash interrupted their conversation. My hands tried to find something to hold onto. Could it be an earthquake? Or a tsunami?

”It’s just a thunderstorm.”

I moved towards his voice in the dark. My eyes were starting to get used to the darkness.  I could tell where he was standing, from his silhouette. Just like when I had sat on the field and he had found me.

”It’ll pass.”

I wasn’t sure if he was talking to comfort me, or to calm himself down. However, it did help to calm down my racing pulse. The thunder boomed again, this time even louder.

”No wonder the clouds looked so ominous this morning”, I said.

”Yeah, they did. Like ink on a wet paper.”

I took a hold of the bike I was supposed to buy. It had a strong handlebar, unlike my aunt’s bike had had. It had had a wonky one, that slid out of its socket. A crazy idea popped up in my mind.

”What if I just rode out?”

Hanbin turned to look at me. He raised one brow. ”As in, what if you stole the bike?”

I puckered my lips and let out a hissing sound. ”Not so loud!”

Hanbin looked around. He knew I was right about one thing. No one would see us. If there happened to be any cameras, they wouldn’t catch us. And no one knew me in this tiny town. I would be the ”crazy city girl who stole a bicycle while the lights went out”. That would’ve put some competition between my aunt and I. The ”flashing lady” wouldn’t have been the only crazy in this town.

”I mean”, Hanbin started, shaking his head like he couldn’t think of a reason why not to steal the bike. ”if you want it, take it, right?”

I had never done anything like this before. But when I looked at the price tag of the bike I was about to buy with my tiny savings, I felt heavy in my chest. It was way too much. It was mad how the events of last night were molding me into something so different than what I’d been a few days ago.

”If you’re gonna do it, I suggest y-”

I held onto the bike and jumped on the seat. It felt nice to ride, at least. It would’ve definitely been worth the price. ”Get on.”

Hanbin didn’t hesitate. He jumped on the scaffold and wrapped his hands around my waist. I yelped. And rode out the door.

”Woah!” I couldn’t contain my shrieks any longer. I was letting out some of the anger, the pain I had held in yesterday. Or last night. The rain hit me across my face, washing off all the makeup I’d used to hide my wounds. Suddenly the hands around me were gone.

”COME ON!” I screamed into the rain.

”Yeah, yeah! Just go!” He yelled back. In a few seconds he was next to me, riding his own bike. His clothes were already soaked. ”Go, go, go!”

I biked as fast as I could, letting off all the steam I had in me. Midway to the village, I felt the hot rain drops against my cheeks. My eyes were burning.

I tried to focus on Hanbin’s back as we traveled in silence, only the sound of thunder and the bash of pouring rain filling the air. We rode our bikes to the garage behind his apartment, and hid them behind a couple of compost barrels. Once we were both safe from the rain and the possible chasers, I couldn’t help but let it out.

”Oh my god…”

Hanbin looked at me, not knowing how he should react. It looked like he knew though, that I wasn’t shocked about the robbery.

I squatted down and hid my face in my hands. No matter how hard I tried to make it feel like reality, I couldn’t- It just didn’t feel real. Nothing I did felt real, compared to last night. I was back in the fog.

”Maybe if you told me what happ-”

”I can’t!” I cried against my palms. ”It’s- I can’t stand it-”

”Who was it? If it was anyone from this town, trust me I’ll know him.”

I shook my head. Maybe he knew him, maybe he didn’t. What would it matter? ”I can’t…”

The wind laid off and the rain calmed down a little. Hanbin sighed. He bend down to my level, only to fall on his bottom on the concrete. He reached his hand towards me, but stopped it before it touched my skin.

”It’ll feel good to let it out.”

”No- I just want to forget that it happened.”

”You can’t forget it before you get over it, that’s the thing”, Hanbin said. ”You have to face it.”

”Oh trust me, I did!”

”You know what I mean, you’re not that dumb, are you?”

”You’re the dumb one here!”

Hanbin leaned back. ”If I’m the dumb one, then you’re the dumber one…”

We stared each other for a short while, behind the compost barrels, both reeking of sweat, both dripping of water.

I rarely argued. With anyone. If there was some sort of beef between Chaeyoung and I even, I usually sorted it out before it turned to anything serious. And when it came to me with strangers or acquaintances, I never talked back or even stated my opinion with them. I was the quiet type, the introvert girl in the corner. With Hanbin I was someone completely different. 

Plus, our argue didn’t even make any sense.

I, too, fell on my bottom and wrapped my arms around my knees. I glared at the water-dripping boy in front of me. He answered my glare with a similar one. His mouth was hanging open, taking in settle breaths. His eyes were fixed on mine, barely blinking. A raindrop fell down from his hair, to his cheekbone. I watched as it dripped down to his chin and vanished.

That was the first time I realized.

I fancied him.

We let the gentle rain sound calm down the atmosphere. As the sky became clearer, the look in Hanbin’s eyes grew softer. This time, when he raised his hand, he didn’t stop it, but let it rest on my knee. He didn’t need to say anything, I could tell from his touch what he was thinking