190815

Seungwan is hesitant when she finally emerges from the building, immediately spotting the younger girl on the other side of the road by the pile of rubbish bags left there by the neighbours, nonchalantly looking through her phone. The green jumper looks too big on her but she seems to be taking comfort in its size, stretching the sleeves over her hands even further. Their eyes meet and the older forces herself to move forward.

Seungwan didn't know how to explain to Seulgi that the mood had shifted from Bae Joohyun spending the night at their place to her long lost half-sister suddenly knocking at their door so she merely said she was going to pick up some stationery from the nearby Daiso. If her roommate found it strange, she didn't comment, merely bidding her a see you later and going about her day as usual.

At least she felt better.

It took Seungwan less than ten minutes to get ready but she then spent another five just outside her own front door, thinking how to best approach the situation.

Perhaps she shouldn't have agreed to go down at all but she has a feeling that if they shared anything at all - apart from genes - it would be stubbornness. Yerim would not have given up just like that.

'Took you long enough,' the other girl comments, putting the phone away.

'You surprised me, I needed a moment,' Seungwan admits truthfully. 'Have you been smoking..?' She sniffs the air around them. It's poignant of fumes and menthol-like scent. Yerim shrugs.

'You sound like my mother,' the high school student dismisses with rather careless words, unintentionally bringing up the taboo topic. Much too soon, in Seungwan's opinion. The two look at each other uncomfortably for a longer moment, before Seungwan sighs.

'Does she know that you're here..?' The older asks, looking at the other pointedly. Yerim shakes her head.

'No. I don't talk to my mother unless I have to.'

Seungwan doesn’t know what to say to that – it’s not an answer that she would expect, after all. She clasps her fingers together, unconsciously tightening the grip. Not that she ever thought of her estranged mother’s family as more than just an abstract but nonetheless, such contemptuous words coming from Yerim surprise her. After all, sacrificing Seungwan should have been worth it. It should have given that woman something that Seungwan clearly couldn’t give her.

The trade should have been worth it – the perfect husband and the perfect daughter. Though looking at Yerim, things are far from perfect in the Kim household.

'There is a Paris Baguette on the next street. We can sit there for a while, unless you prefer to just stand here,' Seungwan offers after another moment of awkward silence when the younger doesn't say anything else. The latter shrugs again.

'Let's go.'

So they walk there, each lost in their own thoughts. It's not the biggest shop but it's virtually empty due to the relatively early hour and they pick a table by the window. Seungwan orders a latte with a chocolate croissant, Yerim opts for a strawberry Frappuccino. She also pays for both before the older has a chance to protest, sliding her debit card towards the cashier.

'I've known of you for some time, in case you're wondering. I just wasn’t able to fully connect the dots until recently,' Yerim starts, her eyes on the little spoon in front of her. She grabs it and starts toying with it with her fingers, her long dark hair falling over her face as she ducks with unease. It's not hard for Seungwan to realise that the other is nervous despite the appearances of indifference. In fact, more than ever she looks just like a little girl.

'I'm not in touch with your mother if that's what you wanted to know. I haven't seen her in more than seven years.'

'You saw her yesterday,' Yerim prompts and Seungwan nearly scoffs.

'You know what I mean. There is no contact between us so you don't have to worry about me stealing your parent or your fortune, or whatever it is that you guys worry about in your rich apartments.'

' all that,' Yerim cuts in impatiently. Seungwan raises left eyebrow, a little surprised. The younger doesn't seem nearly as proper as her education would suggest that she be. 'If I were you, I wouldn't want to see my mother either. I just wanna know why. Why you didn't come to find me,' she clarifies.

Seungwan frowns for real now. Find this girl? Why would she?

'Why would you want me to find you? More importantly, how did you even find me?' She finally asks the question that she's been meaning to ask from the moment she lay eyes on Kim Yerim. It's not like that woman was advertising her unwanted older daughter to her family and friends.

'Is it important?'

'It's very important,' Seungwan insists, getting more frustrated by the minute. 'You don't seem to know about anything that happened between your mother and I, yet you approach me like this. Who are you even?'

'I don't care about her, or about that,' Yerim repeats stubbornly, seemingly disregarding the last part but the older can see that she's struggling to keep her composure. Her lips are pursed much too tightly.

'You should,' Seungwan bites back, angry that she let herself be ambushed like this. 'If you knew, you wouldn't be here. You would know just how unwelcome you actually are here, in my life.'

It's harsh and unfair, Seungwan knows as soon as the words leave . Yerim has nothing to do with what happened but right now, her existence is simply an eyesore to Seungwan. The girl is just yet another reminder of Seungwan’s foolish hopes of reuniting with her mother and realising just how much time she had wasted on a pursuit that was nothing more than wishful thinking. The emotional scars are still there, whether or not Seungwan acknowledges them.

Just when Seungwan thinks that Yerim will get up and leave – probably rightfully offended – the younger quietly says,

‘I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know why I’ve been hanging on to anything that I could find of you. Why I listened to your podcast so religiously, back when I merely suspected that you might be who you are. I guess… I guess like everyone, I was hoping that there is actually somebody out there who would care for me.’

There are many things that cross Seungwan’s mind at the statement but she’s not heartless and Yerim is young. Much younger and more naïve despite the air of maturity around her. She doesn’t understand the issue… But how can she? Seungwan quickly gathers that she is just lonely – lonely in the most profound way that does not allow the older woman to be too harsh with her or reject her completely. Seungwan herself knows that kind of loneliness all too well.

This makes their argument so much more unfair, because Seungwan cannot win against what feels like such an emotional blackmail.

‘You and I might be related by blood, but we have nothing in common. I don’t know if it’s appropriate to try and cross that line. I’m not really your sister,’ Seungwan ads. Your mother made sure of that.

Once again Yerim ignores her for a while, playing around with her cutlery before finally saying quite randomly too,

‘Seungwan is the name of my- our maternal grandfather.’ Seungwan doesn’t comment on Yerim’s choice of pronoun. ‘He died when I was seven though. I don’t remember him very well. Mother named you, didn’t she?’ Seungwan shrugs. In fact, her name was the only thing that she was found with. ‘Why Son, though?’

‘You can’t register children as citizens unless they have a surname. Somebody thought Son Seungwan sounds alright, I guess.’ It is yet another mystery that is destined to be unsolved and it is not something that Seungwan cares for anymore. It is the only identity that she has ever known and is truly hers.

Yerim sighs.

‘Look, I don’t think I can give you what you want from me. I cannot be your sister,’ Seungwan eventually says, this time looking the younger in the eye seriously.’ There’s too much history… everything. Too much you don’t know. It’s not your fault but it’s painful for me. I’m sorry. Please don’t wait for me to come around, I don’t think it’s worth it.’

‘Can I help you with something?’

Kim Junmyeon looks up from his paperwork, his smile dropping just an inch when the person he expected is not the one who has entered his office after a brief knock. Ha Yeonsu, the junior curator from Joohyun’s team, sends him a small smile.

‘The Mucha exhibition, we’re supposed to be having a meeting about it right now. Sorry I’m late by the way, Japan kept me on the phone longer than predicted.’

‘Where is Joohyun?’ He frowns, now perplexed. He has a bad feeling about it and it is confirmed a moment later when Yeonsu replies, somewhat uncomfortably if you ask Junmyeon,

‘She told me to take over. She has enough on her plate now with the upcoming opening banquet.’

Junmyeon frowns even harder, knowing that nothing is ever too much with his wife- his ex-wife. He tries his best to compose himself, instead motioning at the woman to have a seat.

‘Make yourself a home. I’ll step outside for just a moment,’ he promises, not waiting for the other to reply. He gets out of his leather chair, passing Yeonsu at the door and closing it behind himself. He then takes a deep breath, trying not to get upset immediately.

Junmyeon should have known it would be like this. He should have known since the day Joohyun told him that she wanted divorce – and the worst part is, it isn’t even something he can control or do anything about. Initially he thought he was being too suffocating, which his mother always told him that he was. For the past fourteen years, he was the one making all the decisions in their household and pulling Joohyun along. It came naturally to him and she never complained. He thought that was what she wanted from him.

But that’s not what she wants, not anymore. Perhaps it has never been what she wanted, and he will have to swallow that bitter realisation. His entire life he has never looked at anyone else, she was the first and only woman he ever really noticed. He was lucky, he thought, to find the most perfect wife and partner. Intelligent, elegant, outspoken. Nobody else could ever compare.

And now he is all alone.

Rather impatiently, he dials Joohyun’s number. He paces along the wall of his office, anxiously waiting for her to pick up. She does after a long while, just when he is ready to give up on the phone call and pursue her all the way to her room.

‘Bae Joohyun speaking.’ Junmyeon cringes, the formal greeting blindsiding him even more than he is ready to admit.

‘It’s Junmyeon,’ he goes along nonetheless. ‘I thought we agreed to be professional at work.’

‘I am being professional,’ Joohyun replies without missing a beat but he can tell that she’s tired. She probably knew that he was not going to just let the matter be.

‘You’ve dumped your workload on junior curator Ha. As a team leader, shouldn’t you be a little more responsible? I know more than anyone that you’re not too busy for this project. In fact, you talked me into giving it a chance.’ It comes out harsher than he intended it to but he is hurt.

There is a prolonged silence on the other side and just when Junmyeon thinks that perhaps he has really crossed the line with his comment, Joohyun replies rather coldly,

‘This is me being professional, Junmyeon,’ she repeats. ‘I’ve told you before, we need time away from each other. We still have to see each other at board meetings and in other circumstances, but I just don’t think you can handle that right now.’

‘What do you mean..?’ His voice comes out hoarsely, his steps ceasing.

‘I am not going to get back together with you. It’s not just some phase, okay? It’s not me needing time apart to find myself. I’ve found myself. It’s really not your fault and I am so sorry that I hurt you but it’s not something that I can control. It’s not something that I planned. So just… don’t wait for me. Just don’t.’ She hangs up without another word.

She might have as well slapped him in the face. He stands there for some time, blindly gaping at the cell phone in his hand, unable to process what just happened.

‘Director Kim?’ He turns around at the voice, finally remembering where he is. Ha Yeonsu looks at him unsurely. It might just be his imagination but he senses pity. ‘We can postpone the meeting if you’d like. I can draft the schedule myself first and then you can consult during a free moment.

‘No…No,’ he clears his throat when the voice fails him. He is afraid that his smile does not look convincing but they are at work still and this is no place for personal breakdowns. ‘Sorry for keeping you waiting. Let’s go inside, I have already written down some of my ideas.’

‘I was too harsh,’ Joohyun says, somewhat resigned once she’s taken her seat behind the desk again. Kim Yongsun looks at her friend sympathetically from across the surface.

‘For what it’s worth, it’s only going to get worse for him if he keeps denying the reality of things. He has to accept the new order at some point, you know.’

‘I told him I’m never getting back together with him,’ Joohyun admits quietly. She took the call outside, in order not to make her best friend uncomfortable.

‘Well, are you?’

‘No?’

‘Then you didn’t say anything that isn’t the truth or that he didn’t already know,’ Yongsun shrugs. Joohyun sighs.

‘It’s the way I said it. I promised myself that I would be patient with him. You didn’t see him the day I told him I wanted a divorce. His expression in that moment is not something I’m likely to forget anytime soon.’

‘You did the right thing by giving up this project,’ Yongsun repeats her earlier sentiments with conviction. In fact, she was the one who talked Joohyun into doing it. ‘Being patient is one thing, but constantly looking at him and feeling guilty for the rest of your life will not do either one of you any good. You need a break from him, just as he needs a break from you. And,’ Yongsun smiles. ‘Yeonsu needs more experience. It’s a win-win if you ask me.’

Joohyun sighs, not entirely convinced of the words but going along anyway.

‘They’ll be fine. Meanwhile, you have your hands full with the upcoming opening, there’s only two weeks left and your assistant tells me there are still problems with those invitations?’

‘I’m never working with that company ever again,’ Joohyun scoffs, her annoyance shifting with the topic. ‘We ended up having to invite everyone personally in order to secure some VIPs but it’s still in good taste to send them the paper invitations, even if late. Yet we still don’t have them.’

‘You should invite your little friend too, you know.’ Yongsun wiggles her eyebrows suggestively and Joohyun can immediately tell that the other woman is up to no good.

‘My little what?’

‘Your radio girl.’

‘Son Seungwan? Why would I do that?’ Joohyun responds, confused.

‘You can invite her under the pretence of wanting her to cover the event or something like that.’

‘She’s not even responsible for the cultural section, though? Or news, for that matter? BFE always sends that dark-haired reporter… what was his name? You know which one, the loud one.’

‘Oh yeah, that one,’ Yongsun momentarily winces. ‘I’m fairly certain one could hear him all the way from Seoul.’

‘I actually wish it were Seungwan doing the interviews. His Bucheon accent gets rather thick when he becomes excited,’ Joohyun smiles a little but it’s not a comfortable smile.

‘Just invite her,’ Yongsun encourages anyway, circling back to the original intention.

‘We’ve talked about it. Her and I are not a thing. We’re just…’ She hesitates and Yonsun leeches on to it with a knowing smile.

‘You’re just what?’

‘I told you,’ Joohyun replies, grumbling. ‘It’s nothing like that. We’re just on friendly terms. In fact, I don’t think she likes me that much, either.’ Joohyun furrows her eyebrows, quite confused at the prospect of somebody not being entirely fond of her.

‘I call bull,’ Yongsun announces, standing up with difficulty. ‘You can be a little annoying sometimes but I bet my new born that she’s not indifferent to you.’

‘She’s too kind,’ Joohyun dismissed with a pained smile. ‘Speaking of your unborn child, go back to your own office. You look ready to burst and I don’t know if I can deal with that here.’

‘What a weakling you are, Bae,’ Yongsun laughs and Joohyun seconds her. Maybe she is. Just a little bit.

And maybe, just maybe she will invite Son Seungwan.

Kim Yerim is not the sight that Seungwan necessarily expects when she enters her work space late Monday afternoon. In fact, she stops for a moment, gaping at the intruder in the otherwise familiar landscape of tables, scattered stationary and unwashed coffee cups.

It’s Yerim in her school uniform and Sehun and the announcer from the Chinese language broadcast – Huang Zitao, was it? – standing around the kitchen corner of their common room while Kim Sejeong quietly works in the corner, throwing them unsure glances every once in a while. Next to Yerim, there is also another tall boy in the same uniform that Seungwan doesn’t know. He bows to her the moment she is in his sight.

‘Here she is,’ Sehun loudly announces as soon as Seungwan enters the space. He looks a little relieved too, which immediately makes the woman suspicious.

‘What are you doing here?’ Seungwan approaches the group. She nods towards Zitao in greeting out of politeness, otherwise focused entirely on the younger student.

She doesn’t want to continue this relationship, or whatever it is. She doesn’t want to have to deal with Yerim and her problems, and more importantly – her family. Seungwan has not worked so hard to leave all of this behind only for her self-proclaimed younger sister to come into the picture and ruin her peace.

Seungwan thought that she was clear and upfront with Yerim but apparently not nearly enough. Not if Yerim deems it appropriate to just waltz straight into what the older considers her safe zone.

‘You said you’d mentor me,’ Yerim responds easily, smiling in a way that Seungwan has not yet seen her do. It’s a smile that is meant to charm those around her and by the looks of it, it did manage to charm Sehun and Zitao into complete friendliness.

‘I said what?’ Seungwan repeats, stupefied.

‘I was just telling your co-workers about your generous offer to mentor me, since I have yet to pick a major for my university applications.’

‘I didn’t know you knew any high school kids, Seungwan,’ Sehun chuckles and Seungwan sees a shadow passing through Yerim’s face, only for it to disappear just as quickly. She clearly doesn’t like being called a kid, but she swallows it all the same.

‘Oh, my mother got Seungwan’s number from an acquaintance, Bae Joohyun. We saw them together the other day and one thing led to another… I think media would be an interesting job for me. I wanna learn more about it,’ Yerim reassures, still smiling at Seungwan though it’s becoming very strained now.

‘From my sister?’ Sehun asks bewildered and Yerim shrugs.

‘Didn’t know she was your sister.’

‘And I didn’t know she is still bothering you.’ Sehun looks at his friend apologetically. ‘I’ll talk to her again-‘

‘No need,’ Seungwan reject the words immediately, reddening a little. ‘We’ve put our differences aside. I guess you could say that we’re friends now.’ Sehun only stares at her, not completely convinced but she has no more time for him now. ‘I’ll walk you out,’ she says to Yerim.

‘I just came here-‘

‘I’ll walk you out,’ Seungwan repeats, leaving no space for any arguments. She exits the room first, hearing the unwilling steps closely behind her.

They take the lift in silence and Seungwan only really stops when they reach the front door of her building and step outside.

‘Why are you here?’ Seungwan gestures at her surroundings. ‘I don’t want to be rude but I thought I made myself clear the other morning.’ She frowns when both Yerim and boy take out cigarettes from their bags. He turns away, seemingly not very comfortable with the direction that the conversation is about to take.

Or maybe he just doesn’t want to blow the smoke in Seungwan’s face.

‘You said you didn’t want to be my sister,’ Yerim corrects. ‘So be my friend.’

Seungwan blinks, momentarily blindsided.

‘I want to get to know you better. No family talk, nothing. Just you and I, hanging out.’

‘No,’ Seungwan rejects immediately, not finding the concept even remotely appealing.

‘Told you that she wouldn’t like the idea,’ the boy quietly cuts into their conversation right then, taking a leisurely drag out of his stick.

‘Who are you even…?’ Seungwan grimaces, not appreciating the audience.

‘It’s Donghyuk. And he means well,’ Yerim defends.

‘I’m pretty sure your boyfriend knows even less about my situation than you do, so maybe his opinion isn’t really necessary.’ At this point, Seungwan literally has to force herself to remain calm.

‘I’m not her boyfriend,’ Donghyuk replies right back, still unbothered and still smoking.

‘He’s not my boyfriend,’ Yerim confirms, though much quieter and with much less enthusiasm.

Uh-uh. Seungwan wants to roll her eyes at the implication but she just settles for a sigh. It is not her place to psychoanalyse Yerim’s unhealthy company.

‘Please.’ The younger tries again. ‘I’ve waited so long to meet you. Just… one time, please. Meet me just once and let’s talk, this time on more neutral ground. I didn’t tell anyone that I’m your sister,’ she promises but it’s a wrong thing to say because Seungwan grimaces.

‘Yes, and you have no right to.’

‘I know, I know,’ Yerim quickly corrects herself. ‘I really just want to get to know you better.’

Seungwan should really say no, continue rejecting her until Yerim can get the hint but she’s weak and she know it. Her kindness is usually what makes her easily to exploit. Here she is, ready to reject a teenage who – by the looks of it – is already used to rejection. She cannot do it, even if every fiber of her being begs her to.

Seungwan knows that she’ll regret this at some point but, ‘Fine. Let’s have lunch some time, but I’m not promising anything. Also, you’re not gonna smoke in front of me.’

Yerim drops her cigarette at once, her smile actually genuine for the first time today.

Seungwan feels uneasy.

A/N: Thank you so much for all the subscribtions and upvotes, I really am happy you're still interested in my new writing.

I also realised that you might not have realised that titles are part of lyrics, so I'll go back and add the titles ta the end of each chapter. For this one is Creedence Clearwater Revival - Have you ever seen the rain?