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Joohyun swears she turned around just for a moment, engaged in a conversation with the salesperson at hand and the next thing she knows, Seungwan is gone. She excuses herself to see if perhaps the other didn't just wander off to the corner with cocktail dresses but to no avail. Joohyun is aware that the younger woman didn't necessarily want to accompany her in the first place but it is a little bit rude to just run out on her like that, isn't it?

'Can I help you?' Joohyun turns around just to have another assistant approach her.

'Oh, I came in with a friend but she seems to have disappeared.' Joohyun tries to wave off her quickly growing annoyance, opting for a reserved smile.

'A young woman was here just a moment ago but left almost immediately.' One look at the woman's ill-concealed distaste tells Joohyun that it is indeed Seungwan they are talking about. The younger's sense of fashion was a little too... avant-garde for this high end boutique.

'She left the store barely a minute ago, took the right turn,' a high pitched voice adds quietly and only then does Joohyun notice another presence in the background. There is a young high school girl standing there, looking at her almost expectantly. The woman next to her, her mother no doubt, quickly chastises her interruption by grabbing her hand from the ottoman that she is seated on.

'Thank you,' Joohyun replies, nodding. She suddenly realises that she does know the woman, superficially. ‘Mrs. Lee,’ she acknowledges and receives a stiff nod in return. Her husband attends many of the cultural functions organised by Joohyun’s gallery. 'I will be back, I'm sorry for the commotion. I need to find my companion first,' she says to the sales person.

'Yerim, it's time for us to leave as well,' are the last words Joohyun hears as she directs her steps to the exit, followed by some indistinguishable whining from the daughter.

Seungwan indeed takes the right turn, carelessly crossing the narrow alley and almost automatically walking in the vague direction where she knows that she will find a subway station. It’s not particularly cold but she pulls the sides of her pullover closer together, nearly hugging herself in the process.  She can’t breathe.

She looked as young and elegant as Seungwan remembers her to be, and it’s been years. Six, seven already? She hasn’t changed, the same dark bob, pearls on her neck and perceptive brown eyes. Had Seungwan stayed in the shop for longer than a second, she would have probably experienced a déjà vu – the same gaze judging her, looking at her in a perplexed, embarrassed manner. Not necessarily embarrassed for herself; rather, uneasy at the prospect of Seungwan’s unwelcome presence, inability to predict her next move. As if the younger were a wild animal, capable of anything. In this case, of making a scene and creating an uncomfortable social transgression for both of them. Seungwan knows that the sole thought of her existence in the same city must have given the woman many sleepless nights.

And that girl next to the woman – her daughter, that much was obvious looking at the facial similarities between them. One that has no doubt been cherished and given everything: affection, encouragement and protection. Seungwan was vaguely aware of the fact that she existed but had never actually seen her until now. Her desire to belong had never even reach that far before she was drastically and unceremoniously cut off.

If Seungwan were in her right mind at the moment, she’d snort at the memory of the BIFS uniform the girl was donning. That was the whole point of throwing Seungwan away, wasn’t it? So someday, the woman can wear the pearls and her offspring go to expensive schools.

Seungwan stops at the corner abruptly, shaking her head vehemently. This is not how it’s supposed to be. Seungwan isn’t supposed to know anything, see anything. She’s not supposed to care. They don’t run in the same circles. It’s been so long… It’s been so long but it hurts all the same, in all honesty. More so, because she was taken by complete surprise. She has just about managed to forget, to move on… And if not that, then at least make peace with her past and make do with the cards that life has dealt her. Seulgi helped, Sooyoung helped, Sehun helped. Even Jongdae did. That was her real family, she has always known it. Her job, her listeners. Maybe someday if she’s lucky… Maybe somebody will love her the way she is, unconditionally.

If she’s worth it at all.

‘Seungwan.’ A hand suddenly grabs her arm and Seungwan gasps, momentarily too lost in her thoughts to process the environment around her.

Joohyun looks at her bewildered, her expression quickly changing from frustrated to concerned when she notices the tears in the other woman’s eyes. Seungwan wipes them furiously with the back of her sleeve before they have a chance to spill all over her cheeks. It is hard to pretend that it’s nothing, though.

‘I don’t wanna talk about it,’ Seungwan says firmly, although her voice is still shaking.

‘Was it the assistance in the shop? If they said something offensive to you, I will definitely complain,’ Joohyun reassures her and Seungwan heaves a barely audible airy chuckle.

‘No, nothing of that sort… Just some ghosts from the past I wasn’t ready to face.’

There is a weird look passing Joohyun’s expression but Seungwan doesn’t know how much the older can actually understand or whether she can connect the dots in anyway. She doesn’t say anything more, instead looping her arm with Seungwan’s and moving along with the crowd as the red light ahead of them switches to green. Suddenly physically exhausted, Seungwan only blindly follows.

‘There’s a great cake place two streets away,’ Joohyun declares out of the blue and her companion looks up, frowning. It’s nearing midday.

‘Shouldn’t we be heading for lunch, though?’ She opposes weakly since she’s not really hungry.

‘ lunch. Sometimes only desserts can save the day.’ Seungwan’s eyes nearly bulge at the cuss, gaping in stupor. This must surely be the first time she has heard Bae Joohyun using such uncouth language but strangely, it makes Seungwan smile.

So Joohyun is only human, after all.

The rest of the otherwise silent walk isn’t long. It’s one of the reasons why Seungwan loves Haeundae-gu, and the Centum City area in particular, so much – it is a vast labyrinth of tiny coffee shops, narrow alleys and slightly rundown shops with cute accessories surrounded by futuristic skyscrapers of Busan’s financial hub. Their destination, too, is a small place, its green door nearly offensive in the sea of boring building facades but Seungwan suspects that it’s deliberate.

‘Do you want coffee?’ Joohyun offers when they reach the counter.

‘I think mint tea will do,’ Seungwan replies, still looking at the rich display of pastry.

‘A cup of mint tea, one latte and all the specials,’ the order is given, followed by passing of a debit card from hand to hand. When Seungwan silently offers Joohyun some banknotes from her wallet, the other equally silently rejects, steering the younger way from the menu and upstairs to find some comfortable seats.

‘I can afford tea, you know,’ Seungwan says just for the sake of it, not really feeling like arguing over a few thousand won. They take their seats further away from the entrance. There is a nice table right by the window, with a good view on the main street.

‘I don’t offer to pay for others just because they’re poor,’ Joohyun dismisses the claim matter-of-factly. ‘I only do it either because I want to or because I want something from them.’

Seungwan snorts at that, managing a small grin.

‘So what do you want from me now?’

‘I want you to feel better.’

The words silence Seungwan for a moment, sobering the atmosphere once more. Soon they hear steps and the waitress who took their orders arrives with their drinks and a choice of a few types of cakes.

‘Don’t worry, I’m not gonna ask you what that thing earlier was about,’ Joohyun picks up the conversation, pushing the tray of pastry towards the other woman. ‘So just have some cake. The blueberry shortbread is great.’

Seungwan regards the other for a second or two, finally sighing and picking up her own fork to try the sweets. She absent-mindedly toys with the food on her plate for a moment before saying,

‘You’re really not curious?’

‘My curiosity has nothing to do with anything,’ Joohyun shakes her head. ‘You don’t want to talk about it and I can respect that. I also have things that I’m trying to leave behind that I don’t want to discuss.’

‘Like your husband,’ Seungwan can’t help but prompt and Joohyun’s lips purse for a moment.

‘Like Junmyeon,’ she admits. ‘But people around me don’t seem to understand that. All my parents and my friends talk about is him, our marriage, or how much of a loss its failure should be for me.’ Joohyun finally tears her eyes away from the table and looks at Seungwan properly. ‘It was good while it lasted but never what I really wanted and I’m tired of explaining myself. Even though… you don’t really like me, I like being around you. I like the idea of a fresh start, the idea that I can get to know someone new without the burden of that previous emotional baggage. Somebody only I know and he doesn’t. You don’t talk to me about Junmyeon, I like that.’

‘I don’t really talk to you at all,’ Seungwan observes humorously and strangely, Joohyun lets out a small chuckle.  

‘Even that is refreshing, to be perfectly honest.’

They eat for a few minutes in silence. Joohyun is right – the cake is so good that it nearly melts on the tongue. And Seungwan is sure that this is the most comfortable that she has felt around Joohyun so far. It’s not much, but perhaps this is the one common point that they can start building on if they’re really going to be around one another for a while.

‘So you wanna go to that club in Jung-gu? Butterflies?’ Seungwan suddenly says and Joohyun looks surprised, as if she didn’t really think that the topic would ever return between them. She nods, clearing .

‘I, uh… I read about it online.’

‘There is not much choice around here, you know, but there is another one that we can have drinks at. A better one. It’s called Kingdom. It’s not exclusively for lesbians, gay man go there too, but the atmosphere is better, the crowd is livelier and the bartenders really know how to mix their drinks. So how about that?’

‘Yes, yes,’ Joohyun agrees immediately. Then she frowns. ‘But I still don’t have anything to wear.’

‘None of the clothes that we saw in your shop will do you any good for sure,’ Seungwan assures her.

Quite frankly, you could go wearing a potato sack and everyone would be all over you anyway, she doesn’t add, though that much seems obvious. Bae Joohyun is gorgeous, even as confused as she looks now. She just really needs to ease up on that demanding attitude of hers.

‘Wear the leather jacket you had on when we first met. And the stilettos.’ If Joohyun finds it strange that Seungwan still remembers such details about her, she doesn’t comment. ‘Oh, and in case you weren’t joking, there is no such thing as a special lesbian purse.’

‘I knew that,’ Joohyun mutters, sounding offended, but the blush on her cheeks says otherwise.

Seungwan grins.

Kang Seulgi is having a good day, overall.

The headache is (mostly) gone - so is Jongdae who has made previous plans with his university friends to go play screen golf somewhere along Haeundae-ro. Seulgi herself usually spends her Saturday afternoons in the gym and she is now determined to do the same, despite the slight indisposition. She gathers the necessities, quickly changing into her leggings and a comfortable blazer. She's taken too long between her nap and the shower but she can still make it to the 3 o'clock spinning class if she hurries. She remembers that Sooyoung should be there as well and she wants to grab that long overdue coffee with the younger later. They haven't gone out together in a long time, always too busy with this or that to really make the time for one another.

It's also very different from Seulgi's relationship with Seungwan whom she sees daily. It’s not that Sooyoung cannot take care of herself; rather, Seulgi always worries that the younger's brashness will eventually land her in some serious trouble. She can’t help but try and look out for her.

The local gym is only three minutes away from their flat, situated right across the road and picked by the woman for that precise reason. Her job keeps her busy and her social engagements keep her busy. She doesn’t want to waste any extra time on things as insignificant as transportation and traffic.

She arrives at her destination right in time to put away her sports bag and do a few stretching movements before she hops onto the stationary bike right next to Sooyoung who is always somewhere at the back. Today is no exception.

Sooyoung doesn’t even turn around at the boo! that Seulgi jokingly lets out from behind her, meaning to startle her. But Park Sooyoung is not one to be startled easily.

‘You’re late,’ she states matter-of-factly, industriously getting into the steady rhythm of pedalling. Seulgi laughs a little – she’s usually the only one that laughs at her own jokes, but it’s okay – and undeterred proceeds to do the same.

‘I think I drank too much last night,’ she admits as the session instructor at the front of the room shouts further commands and encouragements.

‘You did look a little out of it when I last saw you, but Jongdae was there so I assumed he’d be there still later.’

‘Oh, he was. He just didn’t stop me,’ Seulgi grimaces and Sooyoung finally grins.

‘So you’ve been in bed all this time?’

‘Not exactly but you could say so? I wasn’t feeling very well but a little exercise always keeps my blood pumping, hence my coming.’

‘It’s gonna be fine. Breathe,’ Sooyoung recommends and Seulgi nods, getting her head back in the game. She usually spins for half an hour, forty minutes tops. She should be able to manage that long today as well, though she’s still not in her best condition.

In fact, the headache seems to be coming back now with all the vigorous movements but Seulgi is determined to beat it. It’s just a stupid hangover and it better not be a flu. She’s worked too hard for this promotion to not be able to attend her first week at work and gloat. She knows that some men on her team thought she would never be able to make it this far.

She winces at the splitting pain that returns in waves.

‘I met a guy yesterday in my dance class,’ she hears a few moments later and turns to Sooyoung. She tries to calm her breathing again.

‘Oh yeah? Sehun will be devastated.’ The joke doesn’t come out nearly as strongly as she intends it to be. Sooyoung laughs.

‘Please. Sehun doesn’t actually like me – it’s just convenient for him to do so, so he hangs on to that idea.’

‘So what’s that… what is the new guy’s deal?’ Seulgi struggles to voice the words out now, temporarily giving up on the pedalling and taking another deep breath.

‘His dancing is first class! And you know how much I’m into guys who know who to move…’

Water, Seulgi thinks, unable to hear her friend clearly through the haze. Her eyes land on the bottle that she left at her feet right before she mounted the machine. She bands over, still in her seat but even her normally flexible physique fails her today. She loses her balances and falls head first.

Sooyoung laughs harder, initially taking the occurrence as comical.

‘Oh my goodness, are you alright? You really should watch your alcohol intake from now on. Unnie?’ Sooyoung prompts again when the other doesn’t stand up immediately. ‘Seulgi unnie?’ Her words, now more insecure, fall in deaf ears. Seulgi lies unconscious on the floor. ‘Unnie!’

‘Let’s not make a big deal out of it-‘

‘It is a big deal.’ Jongdae frowns at Seulgi’s dismissive words, his hand still around her waist as he helps her into the lift. ‘Why did you have to exert yourself if you felt unwell?’

‘I didn’t… Not really. I thought I’d recovered by then. I’ll be more careful,’ she promises if only to appease the man.

‘Sorry I’m not one of those big dudes that can carry you all the way up to the flat,’ he jokes as a means to lighten up the mood and Seulgi smiles weakly. Sooyoung, who is walking alongside them, immediately takes the opportunity to pipe in.

‘I can,’ she states with confidence and Jongdae gives her a stinky eye in return.

‘Sorry you had to cut your afternoon short because of something like this,’ Seulgi apologises again and the man gives her an offended look.

‘What are you even taking about? Plus, you know I have to go to work soon anyway. Speaking of which, I can’t leave you here alone-‘

‘Nonsense-‘ Seulgi’s objections’ are quickly overridden.

‘I’ll call Seungwan,’ Jongdae decides, looking through his contacts quickly. Both he and Sooyoung work on the same broadcast so it’s no use asking her.

‘You really don’t have to-‘

‘Please, for me. I’ll feel better.’ At Jongdae’s insistence, Seulgi looks to Sooyoung helplessly. The younger shrugs.

‘I’d do what he says. You know that he can be unbearable like that sometimes.’ Although Sooyoung is better at hiding it, Seulgi quickly realises that she is equally concerned.

‘Fine, but if she’s angry that you’re interrupting her date, it’s all on you.’

The phone call reaches Seungwan just as she finishes her very late lunch with Joohyun. It wasn’t that bad – on the contrary, she actually had fun with the older woman, having called it truce along the way, for the lack of a better word.

Seulgi looked just fine to her this morning but a short explanation from Jongdae has Seungwan worried. It doesn’t take long to convince her to come back to the flat and watch over her friend.

‘We’ll have to postpone those drinks,’ she looks at Joohyun apologetically. The other frowns inquisitively. ‘My flatmate, Seulgi, she fainted at the gym and her boyfriend has to leave for work in the evening so I need to go and take care of her tonight.’

‘Is she ill?’

‘I’m not sure. I thought she was fine in the morning but apparently she had some problems later in the day. It might be alcohol poisoning but I really don’t know.’

‘Well then, let’s stop by the supermarket on the way. Greasy ox porridge usually helps sooth stomach problems. You don’t have any bones at home, do you?’

‘No, but… Uh.’ How to say this. ‘I don’t really know how to cook.’ Seungwan grins sheepishly but Joohyun only rolls her eyes, not at all surprised.

‘I’ll cook it. You can cut the vegetables.’

‘You’ll cook it?’ Seungwan echoes. ‘You want to come to my flat?’ Again?

‘Can I not?’ They look at each other for a moment before Seungwan recovers.

‘No! I mean, yes, of course. If you want to…’ For an unknown reason, Seungwan can tell that Joohyun wants to. Perhaps it has something to do with her determination to put herself out there.

‘Let’s do that, then. We can always go out next Friday after work.’

The better part of the evening is spent on cooking, bickering and then watching cheesy action movies from the 1990s which Seungwan unironically adores and Joohyun is amused by. Seulgi stays with them up until a point and then retires to her room for the night, thankfully feeling perfectly normal.

Seungwan doesn’t know how she ends up falling asleep on Seulgi’s bed but she does. It must have happened when she came in to check up on her, too exhausted to stay up for long. She springs up from the bed the moment her conscious returns, remembering that she left Joohyun alone in the living area. Seulgi is still out cold.

Joohyun is not on the sofa – it is nine o’clock in the morning, after all. Seungwan winces in shame at the possibility of the other having become offended and simply leaving in the middle of the night but as she begins her search for her own cell phone to give the other a call, she quickly realises that Joohyun is, in fact, lying in her bed. With her hair tossed on the pillow and her facial features more relaxed than Seungwan has had the privilege of seeing, she looks vulnerable.

Seungwan blushes at the sight and she doesn’t even know why. It feels intimate, despite their still rocky relationship.

She lets the other be and sets the table with the leftovers of last night’s porridge and sweet bread she’d purchased the day before. When Joohyun, and later Seulgi finally wake, they don’t seem to feel awkward at all. Joohyun gathers her things soon after, thanking them for the lovely evening and promising to be in touch. Seungwan lets her out.

Seulgi retreats into the bathroom, getting reading for the day while Seungwan makes her way to the kitchenette to clean up. It’s her turn to keep the sink clean this week. She’s putting the jam and milk away to the fridge when she hears a knock on the door.

Seungwan frowns, listening in again and there it is, another shy knock after several moments of silence. Did Joohyun forget something..?

Who she surely does not expect to see at her threshold is a teenage girl in a green sweater and a black pleated skirt, nervously holding on to the bottoms of her sleeves. When their eyes meet, then it hits Seungwan. She knows exactly who it is, even though they only saw each other in passing. But it’s impossible not to remember, not under those circumstances.

Seungwan opens , but she doesn’t know what to say. She stands there for a moment, the younger losing her confidence and lowering her head. Her long black hair fall to hide her face.

Seungwan averts her gaze, as well.

‘I-‘ The secondary school student takes a deep breath, before looking at Seungwan again. Her look is searching, penetrative. She’s looking for something on Seungwan’s face and Seungwan knows exactly what it is because she can see the same on the younger’s.

‘My n- name is Kim Yerim,’ she finally says, now sounding more determined but also in disbelief. ‘Are you my sister?’

*Title: Maysa - Pouring rain