growing up, felix had always seen black and white. he had always thought that those were the only two colors in the world. everything had always appeared that way to him. as a child, the idea of how the world worked fascinated him greatly. by the time he turned six, however, young felix found out that the world was not really what he'd always thought it was.

felix had questioned his beloved auntie as to whether or not those two colors were the only colors to have existed. his aunt had looked at him in surprised. in front of her was a pair of curious eyes, eager to uncover what was, at the time, the biggest mystery in his life.

"oh honey, there are so many more colors than just black and white. you just cannot see them yet because the time hasn't come."

her answer caused him to pout, saddened at the revelation.

"but auntie! when will i be able to see them?"

she bent down so that they were at eye level and smiled, patting his head softly,

"i can't promise when but i believe you will, felix darling. just like how your mummy met daddy, one day you will meet that someone and your world will be filled with so many colors you'll lose count."

her answer this time made felix's eyes light up. it was then that he discovered that you can only see colors when touching your soulmate.

"can you see them, auntie? the colors?" he asked excitedly.

his aunt smiled warmly at him and reach out to his hair gently. "not yet, but i believe i will."

he had heard stories; stories of how just a single touch changed a person's life forever, of how their world exploded with colors by something as simple as a small physical contact. since then, felix dreamed of his own happy ending; of meeting his dear soulmate and having various different colors filled his vision as their skin touched.

but one day, his aunt came home crying, saying she wished she was blind; and that was when felix learned that sometimes, as if the deity had made a mistake, the bond isn't always...... mutual. his aunt went away a week later. he was eight at the time. felix cried and cried for days.

-ˋˏ
   𐄙
      𐄁
      𐄙
         𐄁
           𐄙
              𐄁
                𐄙

a year into high school, he met a changbin. the latter was a transfer student from another city then. that day, after a proper introduction, changbin had approached the seat next to his in a rather reluctant manner, as if he was afraid of offending felix in some way, and asked if it was unoccupied.

felix, in return, had nodded excitedly as he took notice of how cute the other looked as he stood in front him awkwardly.

"hello! i'm felix!" he quickly held out a hand as a greeting. changbin's evident hesitance was quickly replaced by relief as he sat down, taking the other boy's hand in his and shaking it lightly.

smiling brightly, changbin exclaimed, "nice to meet you, my name is seo changbin!"

felix froze in his seat as multiple different colors suddenly filled his vision. he was thrown into a shock as everything he was seeing was no longer black and white. instead, they appeared in front of his eyes in a variety of colors that felix had never seen before. his heart raced wildly and it felt as though instead of butterflies, there was a whole zoo in his stomach.

overcome with euphoria, he turned to changbin and asked with a big smile on his face.

"do you see them as well?"

all he got was a look of confusion from the other boy.

"hmm? what are you talking about?"

felix's eyes widened in surprised as his brain struggled to take it all in. it couldn't be. fear crept in as he hesitantly let go of changbin's hand and closed his eyes.

felix could feel his heart sink as his eyes fluttered open and he was met with yet again the colors black and white.

-ˋˏ
   𐄙
      𐄁
      𐄙
         𐄁
           𐄙
              𐄁
                𐄙

despite the ache in his heart, felix quickly became good friends with changbin. they both shared mutual interests in a lot of things; anime, books, video games and such and as a result, friendship sparked. three months later, the two had declared themselves as each other's best friend.

one night, almost half a year later, felix was sure he was in love with changbin.

they had sneaked out onto changbin's rooftop then, lying next to each other on the deck tiles and gazing up at the stars in silent. felix took a deep breath of fresh air and sighed in content.

"my grandma used to tell me that after people die, they become stars."

changbin turned to look at him in what was akin to surprise. felix continued.

"several years ago my aunt found out that her soulmate didn't share the same bond as she did. she was the only one who could see colors when they touched. a week later, she passed away. i cried a lot. we were so close. when she was gone, it felt like a piece of my heart was ripped out."

changbin laced their fingers together, squeezing his hand gently in a comforting manner. "i'm so sorry."

colors bloomed before his eyes again at the simple touch. changbin's hoodie was blue today, he noticed. felix gave him a reassuring smile.

"but then one day, my grandma found me bawling my eyes out yet again hugging my aunt's favorite pillow. she calmed me down and began telling me about how people become stars after they die. she told me that we all come from exploded stars and when we die, the elements that made us up would go back to creating another star. she told me not to be sad anymore because my aunt was now up above in the sky, shining brightly and always watching over me. she told me my aunt was not going away, she was going home. and to young me, it was very comforting. since then, i cried less and less, thinking that my aunt would be very sad if she looked down from above and saw me crying."

felix took a deep breath. "however, as i grew up, i realized that maybe not all of that is true. maybe it was just a way she used to get me to stop crying."

before he had the chance to stop himself, changbin asked, "do you believe in it, still?"

felix laughed lightly. "i do. i think i will always continue to believe in it. at least no one can hurt her in the sky."

the wind blew gently as they continued to gaze upon the sky.

"i hope we will both be able to meet someone and see all the colors to have ever existed in the world." changbin said softly. felix turned to look at him, only to see the other boy already looking at him with a soft smile plastered on his face. his gaze trailed off to the other's lips and felix briefly wondered how it'd feel to taste them. however, he quickly shook off the thought.

his hand tightened around changbin's as a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

"i hope so, too."

-ˋˏ
   𐄙
      𐄁
      𐄙
         𐄁
           𐄙
              𐄁
                𐄙

two weeks later on a chilly sunday, felix was playing a video game in his room when changbin barged in without notice.

"what the heck, changbin? are you trying to give me a heart attack?" he exclaimed, startled.

his eyes scanned changbin's entire appearance. he was panting very hard and there were beads of sweat covering his forehead. felix tossed a box of tissues at his way.

"felix! i went out to the mall for some new shoes today and i- oh my god-"

felix felt uneasy.

"felix? hello? are you listening?" changbin had stopped in the middle of his sentence as he realized that felix was lost in his thought. he waved a hand in front of his best friend

felix nodded absentmindedly.

he continued, "anyway, on my way out of the store, i bumped into someone and suddenly everything became so colorful! i saw colors, felix! i saw colors! and apparently, he saw them, too, because he kinda stopped in his tracks and turned to look at me and oh my god- i think he's my soulmate, felix! i can't bel-" felix's blood ran cold.

changbin continued to ramble on but all that rang in felix's ears was "i saw colors".

to: binnie♡

sorry, i wasn't really feeling well today. but congratulations on finally meeting your soulmate:)

that night, felix punched the wall until his left knuckle was a bloody mess and cried himself to sleep.

-ˋˏ
   𐄙
      𐄁
      𐄙
         𐄁
           𐄙
              𐄁
                𐄙

a few days later, changbin appeared hand in hand with a face felix had never seen before. he later learned that the boy's name was hyunjin as they were introduced to each other by changbin that day.

hyunjin was a nice person and as much as felix wanted to hate him, he couldn't. and so, he settled on a polite smile and quietly slipped away awhile later, his heart crumbled up like a piece of paper.

how stupid of you to think that you could ever be happily in love.

-ˋˏ
   𐄙
      𐄁
      𐄙
         𐄁
           𐄙
              𐄁
                𐄙

to: binnie♡

congratulations on finally getting a boyfriend:) i never thought this day would come (haha)

to be honest, there are some things i never got to tell you because even though i really want to, it sort of hurts too much. i'm sure you've heard of unrequited bond, right? what i mean is that i have a soulmate, too. but i'm not his soulmate. sounds confusing, right? remember the story about my aunt? my case is the same as hers.

now you might be wondering who it is and i'm sorry i never got to tell you face to face about it because like i said; every time i attempt to, it hurts too much.

it's you. i never knew how to tell you this. it scares me thinking about how you'd react. the first time we met, when you first transferred here, that handshake, it sent my vision into a burst of colors. it that you didn't see the same thing i did (haha)

i'm not telling you all this to guilt-trip you or anything. we both know none of these things can be forced (haha) i just think you at least deserve know before everything is too late and you'll never get the chance to.

i love you, binnie. i really do. and even if we aren't meant to be together, i love you. i think i will always love you even after i stopped breathing (i hope that's possible haha)

thank you for being my best friend and half-soulmate (haha)

i'm happy you found someone who is destined to be with you forever. take care, okay? if he ever hurts you, i'm coming for him.

i'm going home, binnie:)

yours truly and always,
felix.

felix drew another line on his wrist. then another and another until the water around him turned dark.

-ˋˏ
   𐄙
      𐄁
      𐄙
         𐄁
           𐄙
              𐄁
                𐄙

the next day, changbin grasped felix's cold hand in his as the other boy lain down motionless my on the white hospital bed. tears continuously streamed down his cheeks as another hand traced his best friend's lips. they were pale and turning blue.

changbin wished everything wasn't too late.

-ˋˏ
   𐄙
      𐄁
      𐄙
         𐄁
           𐄙
              𐄁
                𐄙

but it was.

--

so i wrote a crappy story as a birthday present for myself lol have a nice day (also the emoji-bubbles-thingy i used in the story probably don't work on pc i'm sorry)