Ewon

Taehyung left his room early that morning. He had clothing to pack, and last-minute clean-up to take care of, and Ewon had to deal with the same. Ewon's cabin felt empty, all packed up and without Taehyung in it. The drawers were empty, the bathroom was stripped down to the provided essentials he'd been given to use by the cruise line, and the bed was too big without someone there to share it.

Ewon left his suitcase on the bed and laid beside it. It wasn't a good replacement, but it was all he had. Taehyung was off somewhere, doing whatever it was that he had set out to do, and Ewon was alone.

His thoughts had turned dangerous since Taehyung had gone. Panic had started to set in.

Taehyung, who'd been the most down-to-earth and composed during their time together, had broken down last night. He'd gushed about not wanting to lose Ewon, and Ewon had been his anchor, keeping him planted in the realm of the logical. Or at least, what Ewon thought was logical. Really, logic had flown out the window the second he'd decided to go on this cruise. What was he thinking, trying to find himself by starting something on board? It was the worst idea he'd ever had, because it turned out to be the best idea he'd ever had...but even the best idea was terrible when the circumstances and situations weren't right, and they weren't. Ewon was going to part ways from Taehyung in a few short hours, and then, he'd never see him again.

He rolled over and tried to tuck his suitcase against his chest for comfort, but it was too blocky to be a good replacement for Taehyung. Ewon squeezed his eyes shut in frustration and let out a strangled cry of anger from between his teeth. He'd known that this was going to happen, so why had he let it? He could have shut his heart down earlier. He could have told Taehyung from the start that he was only interested in a one night stand. There were so many things he could have done, but had failed to do, and it was slowly starting to drive him crazy.

Especially when he considered that he'd done all of them for something that felt a lot like love.

Ewon didn't do love. It wasn't because he didn't believe in it, but because he'd never found anyone to share it with. He'd had enough relationships with people who captured his interest, but who never really snagged his heart, to know that love wasn't something he found easily.

Yet here he was, dreading the thought of giving up Taehyung.

A few more hours. A plane ride home. After that, who knew what?

All of it felt so much more bleak now that he knew what he was leaving behind. 

Ewon sat up slowly. He looked around the cabin. Everything was put away, and the room was stripped of the personality he'd infused it in over the last few days. Soon enough, he'd leave here and never come back. He'd never see this place again.

He couldn't sit still. The longer he did, the more he thought about what he was going to leave behind. He needed to find a way to distract himself, and the best thing he could come up with on a moment's notice was to leave his room and roam the ship.

He left his belongings behind and roamed the halls, wandering aimlessly. Every now and then, he passed a few people in the halls. Some of them turned their heads to watch him pass, obviously interested, while others were already coupled off and way too into each other to notice someone passing them by. Ewon's heart sunk, and when he realized where he was, it sunk deeper. He'd randomly wandered the halls and naturally made his way to Taehyung's cabin without realizing it. The door was closed, and the tiny "do not disturb" sign was hanging from the handle.

Ewon lifted his fist. He was a second away from knocking when his gut told him not to do it. If Taehyung hadn't come back to his room, it was for a reason. Both of them were going through a hard time, and he needed to respect that Taehyung needed his space. Ewon was hurting, but after last night's conversation, he knew Taehyung was, too.

They'd made plans to meet before they disembarked and taxi to the airport together. There would be time to see each other still, and discuss what was going to happen now that life was set to return to normal. All he had to do was be patient.

But patience was hard when his heart ached like it did. Ewon dropped his hand, let his shoulders sag, and sighed.

He headed back to his room to be alone.

Taehyung met him outside his door, a backpack strapped to his back, and a wheeled suitcase sitting with its handle extended just behind him.

"Need me to hold the door?" Taehyung asked. There was a small smile on his face, but Ewon saw how strained it was. Taehyung didn't say it with words, but the look in his eyes and the sadness in his expression spoke for him - he was upset.

"No, I've got it." Ewon wheeled his suitcase out of the room and looked Taehyung over. He wondered if it would be appropriate to hold Taehyung's hand, or if that was taking it too far. It was so strange to hesitate doing something that he'd done by instinct before, but he didn't want to push Taehyung out of his comfort zone "You ready to go?" 

"No." Taehyung admitted with a strained laugh "I really don't want this to end. It was a hell of a week."

"You can say that again."

Taehyung reached out and took Ewon's hand, soothing Ewon's anxiety. They grabbed their suitcases and headed in silence to the elevator. It was strange to be so quiet - most of the time, when they were together, they talked about anything and everything...if they weren't already too busy in bed. Ewon didn't like the silence, but he didn't know what to say. He didn't want to cry. He was made of tougher stuff than that. After all, he knew that this moment was coming.

That didn't make it any less hard.

There were a few other people waiting for the elevator, standing by with their luggage. When the doors opened, Taehyung and Ewon slotted inside the space with the others. No one said anything. The ride up was spent in silence, and when the doors opened, Ewon felt worse than before. The connection he shared with Taehyung was still there. The hairs on his arms stood on end, and he still had the fluttering, tight feeling in his chest when Taehyung was nearby, but he didn't know how to act on it.

He'd been through breakups before, but they were never this hard. Ewon hadn't really had a significant relationship, but he'd liked guys before, even if they were hurtful one night stands...but he'd never liked them as much as he'd liked Taehyung. 

They followed the rest of the travelers from the elevator to the deck and the boarding ramp. It had been lowered, and although they'd waited a short while for some of the foot traffic to die down, the place was still chaotic. Ewon kept near Taehyung, and together, they found their way to shore. After a week spent on a boat, from time to time coming ashore on tiny, nearby islands, it was strange to be back on US soil where their separate journey begin and end again. Everything looked strangely sharp in ways that Ewon had never noticed before, like he'd come back to a slightly different reality than the one he'd left, and he wondered why that was.

"We're sharing a taxi, right?" Taehyung asked, he gestured at the drop-off area, where a line of taxis were waiting "You're going to the airport right away? You don't have somewhere else to wait?"

"Yeah, I'm going to the airport. We'll share a ride together, like we discussed." Ewon did his best to sound cheerful, but his attempt fell flat. Even to his own ears, he sounded crestfallen "You wanna flag someone down for us?"

"Sure thing."

They approached the drop-off point together. As they drew near, Taehyung lifted an arm over his head and flagged down the nearest taxi. The driver popped the trunk and got out to help them load their belongings, then Taehyung and Ewon climbed into the back seat and buckled in. After a week spent on a gay cruise, Ewon had to remind himself not to reach for Taehyung's hand. He had to remember that not everyone in US was supportive, and that there would be personal and social consequences for showing the world who he really was, even in a foreign country.

Taehyung's hand twitched, then moved across the seat so that it was pressed up against Ewon's. They weren't exactly holding hands, but the contact was appreciated, and Ewon started to melt for him all over again.

He knew that he shouldn't - that he should be hardening his heart for the moment when they parted ways - but he couldn't help himself. He needed Taehyung like he needed air, and cutting himself off from the source was going to kill him. He couldn't resist taking in as much of him as he could until he couldn't anymore.

The airport approached on the horizon. Ewon's heart twisted and wrung itself out like a wet kitchen rag. The sight of the air control towers almost brought him to tears, and for a staggering moment, he thought he might never be happy again.

That, of course, was a lie his heart was telling his brain to believe. Even if he never saw Taehyung again, he'd find happiness. There would be good days and bad no matter who he was with or what he did with his life...but with their separation approaching, Ewon allowed himself to indulge in sadness. He would never get better if he didn't allow himself to mourn.

The airport came closer. Soon enough, the taxi came to a stop at the drop-off point, and Ewon swiped his card through the reader to pay the toll and tip. Taehyung and Ewon got out, and the driver helped them unload their belongings. Ewon held the handle of his suitcase firmly. His palms were sweaty, and he was antsy beyond belief. As the taxi drove off, Taehyung led Ewon into the airport itself. The public side of the departures area was busy, but it was large enough that they could find a place to stand without being interrupted.

"It looks like your airline check-in is going to be down there." Taehyung said, pointing. Ewon followed where he'd indicated, seeing the signs for his airline all the way at the other end of the airport. He didn't know if they would be going through different security checkpoints or not. Once they parted ways here, it could very well be the last time he'd see Taehyung.

"I don't want to go." Ewon admitted in a small voice. It hurt him to think of taking the first few steps away from the man he'd come to adore "Can we go back on cruise? Run away together and rob banks for a living? I wouldn't even mind living under a bridge, if it meant we got to stay together."

Taehyung chuckled, but there was very little humor in his voice "I wish."

"It's just...it feels too early to say goodbye." Ewon's heart was starting to break. It fizzled and popped like wet wood tossed into a bonfire "You made this trip really special, and...thank you. I guess."

"I'll never forget you." Taehyung leaned forward and kissed Ewon on the forehead "You have my number, right? And my Facebook?"

"Yeah." 

"Then we're set, I think." Taehyung smiled. Ewon saw how hard he was trying "Have a good flight home, and text me when you arrive back at your place safe, okay?"

"As long as you do the same."

"I will."

He waited for Taehyung to follow it up with something - anything - but there was only silence. They hadn't talked about continuing their relationship, or making things official, or seeing each other again. It really was goodbye.

"I hope our paths cross again someday." Ewon said. He swallowed the lump rising in his throat "It'd be really nice to get back together sometime so we can catch up."

"I don't get much vacation time, but maybe in a few years when I've saved up, we can go on another cruise." Taehyung's smile wavered "I could only go on this one because I won it. I know it's expensive."

"Yeah." Ewon nodded "We'll...probably need a few years to save for it. Just keep me updated and we'll plan something, okay?"

"Okay."

There was nothing else to say. Ewon stepped forward, eliminating some of the space between them, and kissed Taehyung sweetly on the lips. 

"Goodbye."

Then, as his heart shattered in full, he walked away.