Taehyung

Taehyung glanced at his phone. At this point, it was more out of habit than it was out of utility. Out in the open water, there was no cell reception. There was no cellular data, either. Taehyung still hauled his phone around - he'd taken some great pictures with it, most of them with Ewon - but there was little point in it otherwise.

Little point except to let him know that he was anxious and antsy.

Taehyung turned off the screen and put the phone away. He'd been obsessively checking it, as if he expected to find a message waiting. He thought it was particularly stupid of his subconscious to keep doing it, because there was only one person he was waiting on a message from, and that person didn't even have his phone number. At least, not yet. Taehyung was going to make sure that Ewon had his number before they parted ways on the seventh day of the cruise, but until then, they were in such close proximity that it didn't matter.

At least, they had been...and then Ewon had started to act weird.

Taehyung didn't know if he'd made a misstep and scared him away, or if Ewon had just decided that he didn't like him anymore. Maybe Taehyung had said something that had offended him, or come across as too much of a horndog, and Ewon had gotten tired of him. Whatever the case, after the 

movie, things had changed between them, and Taehyung didn't know what to think. Ewon had begged off from dinner, saying that he didn't feel well, and he'd been in his room ever since. On the fourth day of the cruise, when Taehyung had come knocking at his cabin door, he'd told Taehyung that he was staying in bed that day to try to feel better. Today, on the fifth day, there still wasn't any movement...and time was starting to get tight. There was only one more full day on the water before they headed back home.

Taehyung didn't like to think about it. It made him feel sick.

The ship was in the process of docking. Soon enough, they'd disembark and explore another tiny island in...wherever the hell they were. Taehyung couldn't say he knew for certain. Somewhere around Florida, definitely, because they'd left from there. Apart from that, he had no idea. He bet that Ewon would know...but Ewon was shut in his room, and he wasn't interested in coming out.

Taehyung, crestfallen, wandered the halls of the boat, hands in his pockets, feeling glum. He figured that he should apologize, but he didn't know what he'd done wrong. There was a shop near the restaurants that sold assorted things, and he knew for a fact that there were flower arrangements there. He'd seen more than one guy bring his date flowers over dinner, or carry them through the halls on the way to someone's room. He wondered if he should get Ewon a big bouquet with a card that read 'Sorry for everything, I'm an idiot!' but thought that maybe, it was overkill. He wasn't sorry about everything, after all. They'd had plenty of good times. All he was sorry for was whatever had made Ewon go glacial toward him. 

He just wished he knew how to figure out what exactly it had been.

Taehyung turned a corner, not following any of the directional signage, and with no real destination in mind. He needed something to occupy his mind. He both wanted to head out onto the mainland once the boat docked, and didn't. Getting out would be a good distraction, and he'd get to see the sights, but he'd do so knowing that Ewon was in his room, miserable, while he went out in the sunshine, and he wasn't sure he could properly enjoy himself if he knew Ewon was suffering.

What could he say?

"Hey." someone said from not that far away. Taehyung looked over his shoulder to find a foreigner man on his way down the hall. He looked only a few years older than Taehyung, and he was in good physical shape. He was dressed like he'd just hit the gym, and had a towel slung over his shoulder "I've seen you around a few times before, but you were never on your own. I've always wanted to say hi."

"Oh, uh, hey." Taehyung offered him a thin smile "Nice to meet you. I"m Taehyung."

"Darius." the man held out his hand, and Taehyung turned so he could shake it. His skin was warm to the touch, and Taehyung figured he'd hit the nail on the head - Darius was coming back from the gym "Is this your first time on a cruise like this?" 

"Yeah." Taehyung nodded. He dropped his hand. Darius wasn't unattractive, but there wasn't anything about him that really spoke to Taehyung. Not like with Ewon. Not at all "What about you?"

"It's my second time. I first came three years ago, and I loved it so much that I figured I'd come back as soon as I could. Saved a little, skimped a little, and here I am."

"Cool. I uh, well, it's a funny story, actually. I won my spot on the cruise from a giveaway I didn't even know I entered."

"Oh." Darius grinned "Cool. Listen, you wanna head out to the island together? Thought it might be fun to spend some time together and get to know each other."

Taehyung's heart tore. The second Darius asked, he knew that he didn't want to go with him. It was the strangest feeling. It wasn't like he was dating Ewon. They'd been messing around and having fun together, but that was as far as it went, wasn't it? Taehyung's head said one thing, and his heart said another. What was right?

"That's kind of you to offer, but I think I need to take today solo. Nothing personal. Thanks for the invite."

"Yeah, no problem." Darius shrugged "If you change your mind, come find me. I'll be around. It was cool talking to you." 

"You, too." Taehyung smiled at him, then continued on his way, pace quicker than it had been before. His body wanted him to run, and his mind was struggling to rationalize the way his heart hammered and his pulse raced. What was wrong with him? It wasn't like he was committed to Ewon, even if he really enjoyed his company. They both knew that whatever connection they found on the cruise was temporary. In just two short days, their paths would diverge, and they'd be sent their separate ways. Why was he so hung up about it? He knew better.

Taehyung came to a stop a few halls over. He leaned against the wall and tried to catch his breath. It was only then that he realized that he'd been running. He didn't understand the urgency he felt, and he wasn't sure that he could ever hope to make sense of it. All he knew was that his body had told him to flee, and so he had.

What the hell was happening to him?

He caught his breath and pushed off the wall. An announcement came over the intercom "Docking is complete. Those who wish to disembark are now permitted to do so. The MS Pacifica will be setting sail at 7:00PM local time."

He could go to the island and spend a whole day in the sun, and maybe even find somewhere local to eat. He could meet new people, make new friends, and find adventure on his own...but all of it felt hollow when he knew that Ewon wouldn't be there with him. Taehyung sighed. He decided to wait fifteen minutes or so for the initial rush to die down, and after that, 

maybe he'd check out and wander off. There had to be something out there that could take his mind off what - and who - he was missing.

Slowly, he made his way to the deck, checked out with the organizer, and headed ashore. He didn't know what waited for him out there, but anything would be better than the panic and dread he was stuck in on the ship.

The little island they'd docked at was cute. Its palm trees were tall, and their fronds beautiful. Taehyung strolled along the beach on his own, admiring them. He'd tried to follow the rest of the guys from the cruise, but he hadn't blended in very well. Everyone else had made connections, and he was firmly an outsider, so he'd taken to wandering around on his own. He supposed it was better than nothing. Out here, he was alone with his thoughts, but he wasn't confined in a tiny space, knowing that just a few walls over, someone he cared for was suffering because of him. He felt like in the fresh air, sand beneath his feet, he could think a little more clearly.

And while that was the case, it didn't mean that he was coming to a solution any quicker. Taehyung felt like every option was flawed in some way, either too complex, or not sincere enough. He wished he could get through to Ewon and understand what was going on, but he also didn't want to stir up any hard feelings. Ewon was avoiding him for a reason, and he had to respect that, even if it hurt.

He came to a stop beneath one of the impressive palms and sat facing the ocean for a while. It was quiet, and he was alone. The hustle and bustle of the main strip was far behind him, and he didn't think he'd have to worry about anyone coming out this way. He closed his eyes and let himself find his balance. One failed pseudo-relationship wasn't the end of the world, even if he thought it was. He still had some time to turn his trip around and have fun. He shouldn't let one bad experience ruin his whole vacation.

But Ewon wasn't just a bad experience.

Taehyung groaned and scrubbed at his face. He hated that he couldn't make up his mind. Back home, he was confident, and charming, and he always knew what he wanted, but now? Here? With Ewon? He could barely tell what was his fault, and what wasn't, and it was eating him up inside.

The crunch of sand in the distance made it to his ears. He opened his eyes and looked toward the sound, startled that someone would be coming out this way. On the horizon, looking melancholy, he spotted Ewon.

Ewon walked slowly. He had his hands in his pockets and his head down. His general posture spoke volumes about his emotional state - he was upset. Taehyung thought it was a sign to find out why. 

He stood up, brushed the sand off his , and headed over. Ewon looked up when he approached, widened his eyes, and came to a complete stop "Taehyung."

"Hey." Taehyung said with a smile "I didn't know you'd be coming out today. Are you feeling better?"

"Not really." Ewon admitted "But it's better than being on my own. I figured that I could use some air."

"Yeah, me too."

There was silence for a moment. Taehyung felt awkward. He didn't want to push Ewon, but at the same time, if he didn't know what was wrong, he couldn't fix it "I feel like we need to talk. I know that you're not feeling great right now, but I get the feeling that you're mad at me for something, and I want to fix it...I just don't know what it is. I'm sorry for being ignorant, but could you please tell me what I did wrong? I hate feeling like I've hurt you...and I hate thinking that you're suffering because of me."

Ewon looked at his shoes. His shoulders slumped "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"And I didn't mean to hurt you, either." Taehyung assured him "Whatever I did, I'm sorry for it, but I really want to know what I did wrong so that I can never do it again. We're supposed to be having fun, but it's clear that you've been having a really hard time, and I want to make it right." 

Ewon shook his head "It's not that. It's nothing you did...not really. It's just me being stupid and stubborn, like usual."

"That's not fair to you." Taehyung said. He reached out cautiously and dropped a hand on Ewon's shoulder "Your feelings are worth a lot more than a statement like that. Can you tell me?"

"I..." Ewon sighed "I came on this cruise knowing that whatever fun I had on it was only going to be fun, nothing more...but...I feel like I'm getting too attached, and I don't want to hurt. I don't want to hurt myself, I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want to hurt us. But I've gone and done a great job of doing that, anyway, haven't I?"

Taehyung frowned "So you're trying to distance yourself from me so you won't feel hurt later?"

"That's the gist of it, yeah..." Ewon sighed again "And I know that makes me a terrible person. I get it. I should have been transparent about my feelings from the start, and told you when I started to feel this way, but I didn't. That's on me. I'm sorry that you were hurt because of what I did."

"Thanks, but...I'm just glad you said something." Taehyung smiled "It takes a lot of courage to share something so personal. Thank you. Would it be okay if I spoke my mind?"

"Well...yeah." Ewon smiled hesitantly "This involves you, too." 

"Well, here's my take on it." Taehyung paused to gather his thoughts, and he spoke as cohesively as he could "I know that our time together is limited, and we're approaching the end of day five...there's not much time left. But you know what? Even though it's going to hurt to say goodbye on day seven, I would rather have as many days of great memories with you to take home with me than dreary memories of time we spent away from each other, trying to shake each other from our minds and hearts. Maybe it'll be painful to say goodbye on day seven, but when we're looking back, I want us to remember how much fun we had, and how good this cruise was for us, because of each other. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah." Ewon lifted his chin and glanced into Taehyung's eyes "It does."

"So...can we try again?" Taehyung asked. "We still have a few more days. We can still make this work, and we can still have fun. I know it."

"I do, too." Ewon's smile grew a little more confident "I'm sorry for being a huge . Do you maybe want to do dinner or something tonight? If you want to go back on the ship, I'll even pay for your drinks to make up for it."

"Drinks?" Taehyung grinned "Fancy."

"It's no big deal." Ewon looked down again, and Taehyung's heart tightened. He slid his hand up Ewon's neck, then curled his fingers beneath his jaw and lifted his head slowly, until they looked in each other's eyes. 

"You're a big deal." Taehyung said. He didn't need to speak loudly. They stood close together "And even if you don't think so, you're a big deal to me. It's okay to feel sad. It's okay. But we still  have another few days together. Will you make them work with me? Please?"

Tears shone in Ewon's eyes "Yeah. I...I really want to make it work. I really want to try."

"Then let's have fun with the time we have left, and worry about sadness later."

Taehyung kissed him, soft and sweet, and Ewon melted against his chest and wrapped his arms around his waist. They stood in the shade of the palm trees, wrapped up in each other, for just a little while longer. Then Taehyung took Ewon by the hand and led him back toward the ship. They had some catching up to do.