Twisting and turning in his bed, sleep didn’t come easy to Jin. He sighed as he gave into the idea that he’d head to work with very little to no sleep; it was 3 am after all. Lying on his side, he took his phone and stared at the lock screen before letting another heavy breath escape him. It was a simple picture; Jin and his boyfriend Namjoon kissing his cheeks ever so sweetly. He felt his heart ache and the strings of it tug, he missed him. He never understood what went wrong or where it did go wrong. They were the cutest, both loving each other more than the universe could imagine. A love so sweet and pure, but one day his boyfriend decided to just leave him. Although Namjoon made it clear it wasn’t anything Jin did, the older couldn’t help but blame himself. Maybe if he had tried a little harder, made more effort to know about his boyfriend’s day or if he didn’t get too caught up with his work, then maybe an arm would still be wrapped around him to comfort him on these cold lonely nights.

His train of thought was cut off with the sound of a ding coming from his phone; he unlocked the phone to a notification from Instagram. He opened the app and viewed the last photo he posted. A picture of him smiling, his arms wide open. He was standing in front of a bricked wall with graffiti covering the entirety of it. It was easy to deceive people, pretend like you were happy and nothing mattered. It was really simple to just put a smile on your face when taking a picture and posting it. People never know the real emotions that lie behind that screen. People praised him all the time, “Your life is amazing”, some would tell him, “Your life is a dream come true”. Fools, he thought as he read some of the comments people left under the picture. He rolled onto his back, grasping the phone right above him. He scrolled deeper into his feed, looking at all the pictures of people being happy. He envied the people who went on vacations with their families and posted them, or had their friends around them in a photo. It was a constant reminder of something he never had, and will probably never have. As he continued to feel the misery slowly crawl onto his bed with him and take over him, he stumbled upon a picture that made his entire existence seem dark.

Namjoon was seen in the photo. His dimpled smile and his eyes looking like a crescent moon; Jin found himself smiling but what made Jin feel the ache again was the other person in the picture. It was a woman who had long beautiful hair tucked behind her ears, her chin resting on Namjoon’s shoulders as she winked and gave a small smile at the camera. Jin found himself hesitant to like the photo. An ex liking a picture of his (ex-) boyfriend moving on: He found himself chuckling at that thought. How absurd would it be? Jin’s vision got blurry as his eyes welled up with tears, the hurt of the fresh breakup coming and rushing to him deciding to hit him like a bus. All the overwhelming emotions that he tried to suppress and held in him for a couple of months came gushing out. His tears begged to be freed and who was he to not comply with their demand?

He dropped his phone to the side, sitting up to catch his breath. He felt like he was sinking in this electronic world. Maybe he didn’t want to know that Namjoon was doing much better than him. He wanted to think that Namjoon was just as miserable as he was. As sad and depressed, hurting at the thought that Jin would be alone on the bed they once both shared. But this photo contradicted all his previous thought. He didn’t want to believe Namjoon moved on so easily and quickly. He wanted to think that these were just fakeness to display to the world. The problem was that Jin knew Namjoon too well, and he knew that those eyes and that smile was a genuine one. One he hadn’t seen in the last few weeks leading to their breakup. He couldn’t find comfort in music, something that always seemed to ease the pains and hurts. Every song felt like it held fake feelings as well. He doubted the validity of everything, hoping that maybe even the feelings Namjoon displayed in his picture was fake.

He felt like he was living in another world, a world of sadness and depression. Someone forgot to invite him to this world of happiness that everyone seemed to display on their Instagram and feed in general. It felt like life was the only one hard on him. It left everyone in this world and just persistently went to attack him in his most vulnerable state. He tried to gather a little bit of sense and check the photo again, to see if there was a hint of insincerity in it. To his dismay, there was none. He threw his head back onto his pillow; clicking on the profile of the man he once called his boyfriend. He scrolled through his feed and felt his lips part to let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. He smiled sadly as he saw the picture of Namjoon with his hair shorter than it previously had been. He looked much more handsome that way. He scrolled further down the younger man’s feed to find the only picture of them that wasn’t deleted. It was a simple picture; two coffee mugs on the table and their hands holding each other under the table, adding a bit of romance to the picture. He clicked on the photo and read the caption the man he still loved wrote. A dose of coffee and your love is all I ever need. It read. Maybe, just maybe, Namjoon still had feeling for him. Deep down, he still saw hope for him and Jin. With that thought, Jin locked his phone and placed it back on his bedside table. He turned to the other direction and closed his eyes hoping maybe sleep would catch up to him before his alarm goes off.

Instagram- Dean