Misun realized that she was still clutching on to the envelope as Sehun loomed even closer and quickly placed it back on the driver’s seat. Her instinct told her to act like she knew nothing about the transfer and she decided to follow Lu Han’s advice for once. Always follow your instinct. I promise you that it will never let you down.

Here you go, Lu. I’m desperately obeying you. Just the way you wanted. Misun thought bitterly. She quickly rubbed her eyes and wiped away the tears quickly. She also cleared and felt slightly relieved that her voice was not shaking.

Sehun gently opened the door and noticed the envelope on his seat. Misun closely looked at his face to see what his reaction was, but he seemed unperturbed. Infact, he took the envelope and placed it carelessly on the dashboard and took his seat and closed the door behind him, locking them both inside. Sehun leaned tiredly on to the headrest and closed his eyes.

Misun simply looked at him. Does he already know the contents of the letter? If he did, then he is putting a good show as though he had no idea at all. But Misun knew Sehun well enough to deduce that he might have already known the transfer coming his way, because he was always well informed about anything related to the facility and the transfer would not have gone unnoticed. Doesn’t that mean he is acting now? if he had already known then why didn’t he talk to her about it? Was he lying when he said that he would try harder to win her heart? Misun’s head started throbbing dully as her thoughts started contradicting one another.

“How was your day?” Sehun asked, bringing Misun back to reality. Misun looked over and noticed that he was sitting straight and was no longer leaning on to the back of his seat.

“It went really well. Lu Han and I had a great time together.” Misun said. Her voice was oddly calm and it kinda terrified her. It was like her body knew that Sehun would be leaving soon and it was taking precautionary measures, like not breaking down and making a fool out of herself, like not making her look pathetic and desperate.

“I missed you.” Sehun mumbled and he reached across and wrapped her tiny hands in his large calloused ones. Misun noted with pain searing though her chest that they were agonizingly warm. Sehun’s tendons and veins were standing up as he rubbed her hands with his.

Misun noticed with another pang that Sehun was looking excruciatingly handsome in his V-neck knit black sweater. He had conveniently rolled the sleeves up to his elbows and his skin glowed in contrast to the dark fabric. Why does he have to look this perfect and make it extra hard for her? Was he enjoying punishing her like this? Why is he saying things that suspiciously seemed like he didn’t mean them at all.

“Where do you want to grab dinner?” He asked cheerfully. Another pain through her chest.

“I’m not hungry. I ate a full course meal this afternoon.” Misun replied robotically. “Listen, Sehun.” His name rolled out of her tongue weirdly. “I have a really bad head ache. Do you mind if I lie down in the back a bit?”

Sehun immediately felt her temperature with the back of his hand on her forehead.

“Are you okay?” He asked, worry coloring his tone.

Misun took his hand off her. “I just need a bit of sleep.” She insisted as she opened the door and got out. Sehun watched her getting into the back and took his coat which was draped around the back of his seat and draped it over Misun’s body as soon as she lied down. Another pain through her chest. She can’t take in his scent anymore knowing that her time with him is limited.

Sehun revved the car and drove off the parking lot. Misun just closed her eyes and tried hard to sleep.  May be this will all turn out to be a bad dream…..May be she will wake up tomorrow to find that they were yet to go to Seoul.

Misun wove in and out of sleep through out the journey. She was restless not to mention tired, angry and frustrated. As Sehun’s car stopped out side her house a couple of hours later, Misun saw Kris standing outside as though he had been waiting for them.

Misun quickly got out and went to Kris’s side.

“I’m tried. I’m going to sleep.” She muttered and vanished inside the building.

Sehun shrugged at Kris, who shrugged back at him, feeling just as clueless.

“Um, kris? I’m kinda hungry. I didn’t have dinner yet.” Sehun smiled sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

“I will patch something up for you. Come in.”  Kris beckoned Sehun inside.

Sehun quickly looked around for any sign of Misun , but she was not anywhere in sight.

“She looked really tired. She might already be in bed by now.” Kris said as he saw Sehun looking around anxiously. Sehun nodded but didn’t look convinced. But he forced his mind to believe what Kris said.

Sehun left after having dinner. He was also extremely tired and slept rightaway after a hurried shower.

 The breakfast next morning was a very silent affair. Kris it appeared had left early leaving behind Misun and Sehun to make breakfast themselves. Misun didn’t talk much and answered only to whatever Sehun asked, but he decided to overlook it because he thought that she might still be tired. He also didn’t find it weird when Misun told him that she didn’t want to come to the orchard with Sehun.

Misun curled up on the couch as soon as Sehun left. She felt angry and sad at the same time. How can he act like nothing had happened? He surely would have read the contents of the envelope by now, wouldn’t he? He didn’t even have enough decency to come clean and tell her this morning that he would be going away. She, Misun gave him a lot of opportunities to do so too. That’s why she remained silent during breakfast. She was desperately praying for Sehun to talk to her about his transfer. She wanted him to confide in her. She wanted them to think of a possible solution to this problem together. But, no , he thought it might not be fit for Misun to know too much didn’t he?

May be he is afraid of talking about it with her, Misun thought. That might be it. He is acting up just like the way Jongin did when he himself was packing up to leave her. Sehun might be afraid that Misun would throw a tantrum and prevent him from leaving , or worse, make him resign. Sehun loved his job and not even his first love could stand in his way of doing what he loved. What more chance did Misun have?

But do you even have a right to have a say about Sehun’s choices? A small part of her mind asked her. You kept him in the dark about your previous relationship and made him suffer didn’t you? It’s only fitting that you get a taste of what it feels like to be uninformed, to feel betrayed and to feel confused and helpless. You did that to him and now it’s your turn. Karma is a b*tch, Misun.

Misun was breaking down and she could feel it. Her chest heaved with unexplainable heaviness. It was like someone was constricting her from the inside making her eyes water, making it difficult for her to breathe. Before she knew it, she started hating herself, hated the fact that she had now wasted a lot of chances she ought to have grabbed when they presented themselves before her.

A distant memory came back to her….the day Sehun took her out for a date. She thought of how he was so close to kissing her and how close she herself was , giving into his overpowering presence and kiss him back. What did she end up doing? She held herself back, there by losing a chance to have a claim on Sehun…..a chance to have a hold on him……

She thought back to the day when Sehun indirectly confessed to her and kissed her forehead. Her instincts were screaming at her back then to stand on her tiptoes and kiss the living daylights out of Sehun that day and to confess her feelings for him. What did she do back then? She acted all confused and flustered. She threw away the second chance God had been kind enough to give her.

Then there was this day when Sehun broke in to her house to give her something that was something close to precious for him. Misun remembered how close she was to confessing her feelings to Sehun that day. She had stalled only for a second but a second was enough for fate to pull Sehun away from her. Without even realizing it, Misun had let Sehun slide away from her further and further away.

If only she had acted a bit quicker, if only she had told Sehun how crazy she was about him, he might have stayed behind, he would have even happily resigned. If only Lu Han had come a bit early, she wouldn’t have let things be this way. If only she had someone who could push her in the right direction….But you had Kris here with you, didn’t you? You were not truthful to him either. You kept from him the fact that you liked Sehun a lot. The voice said , slashing at her insides again. Kris would have understood and would have come to your aid, he required only honesty from you in return. You disappointed him and let him down too. Misun was sure that she was too late to confess and that even if she ended up confessing now, it’s not going to change the course of her and Sehun’s future.

Misun let out a shaky breath. This is pain beyond her tolerance. She can’t take this anymore. She had to end this pain. She wanted someone else to take all the blame. She wanted to feel less guilty about her actions. But Misun knew quite well that it cannot be done. It was her fault. Simple and plain, but an undeniable truth all the same.

Misun sat upright and looked around as though expecting someone to come out of the wall and help her out. She suddenly remembered a saying her mother used to tell her a lot when she was a kid. ‘Everything happens for a reason’. If that is true, then doesn’t it mean that whatever is happening now to her is for her good? Yes, Misun thought. Atleast she knew Sehun’s choice before she got in too deep with him. Atleast she doesn’t have to go through another breakup, because Sehun is leaving even before their relationship could progress. Isn’t this better than him having to leave after they started their relationship?

You are better off alone, Misun. You don’t need any