Sana can’t feel her phone vibrated on her skirt pocket when two guys and three girls grind on her while dancing. She closes her eyes and tilted her head to one side when someone smells on her neck, planting open mouth kisses, her hand on someone else’s waist. When her phone vibrated again for the second time, she doesn’t even bother to check on it let alone picking it up, all she wanted to do right now is not to mind the world other than what she was doing right now. Sana wants to not feel what she was feeling, it was unpleasant, and it make her uncomfortable.

“For ’s sake, can y’all get off of her for once in your life?”

Jihyo half yell through the loud bang of music when she pushes through the crowd of people crowding her best friend. She grabbed Sana’s hand that was laid on someone’s body and pulled her away from the middle of the party before stopping mid-way when Sana snatched her hand away, annoyed. Jihyo scoffed at her, crossing her arms on her chest.

“Don’t be such a baby.”

“Excuse me?”

Jihyo rolls her eyes, turned around and walking away from the middle of the party to find a quitter place to have a talk with the almost drunk girl. She doesn’t have to check because she knows Sana will follow her, the girl isn’t the one to let someone go after insulting her. Especially when she is drunk, which mean her stubbornness level raise to one thousand.

Once they were outside on the back yard of the house – with several people passed out on the grass and with less prying eyes – Jihyo sat herself on the fence, hand on the either side of her body, facing Sana who can’t help but to sway when standing up. Jihyo sighs and told her to sit on the ground, the girl did what she was told to do.

“Go to hell Jihyo.” Sana said almost slurring. “You and that witch Nayeon, and that annoying girl Momo. Go to hell all of you.”

“Sure, but not because you told us to.”

“Especially Nayeon, she can absolutely go and burn herself in hell.”

“Why, because she can’t love you back?”

Sana’s face scrunched, lines forming on her forehead when she tried so hard not to feel bothered by Jihyo’s word, looking away from her friend’s gaze.

“You do realize you’re not the only one has a crush on her, don’t you?”

“I’m not crushing on her.”

“I know, you really like her like that.”

“I don’t hate Momo, we’ve been friends or at least our family have, it’s just that Nayeon doesn’t have to be harsh on me.”

“You picked on her girlfriend, what do you expect?”

“Right, girlfriend.”

Sana rolled her eyes before standing up, she sways a little bit but a hand caught her from falling. She saw Jihyo still sit on the fence and doesn’t need to put extra effort for her clouded brain to go an extra mile to know who it was catching her. Nayeon looks at her dead in the eyes and Sana has to pushes her away, the brown head hold back a dangerous spat that about came out from .

“What is wrong with you, Sana?”

Sana scoffed. “Right, because now you care about my whole being.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Oh please, I know the acting club taught you things but don’t act like you’re dumb.”

Nayeon bite the inside of her cheek, hand combs her hair roughly, irritated about how Sana been acting since she dated Momo. The girl never carried a negative energy when she was with Nayeon and Jihyo until now, and it clearly got into Nayeon’s nerve, Sana is those kinds of girls who will cheer on you no matter what, and this is not the side Nayeon anticipate to happen.

“Did I step on your toe or something? Tell me what was it that I did that makes you hate me so much. I can wait ‘till you finished listing it in your damn head.”

Sana only looks at Nayeon for a long time, the older girl had this expression that tell her to go on and nothing could do any damage to her unwavering confidence. Sana hates that, she hates how intimidating Nayeon could be when she wanted to, and she hates herself because she likes that about her. She likes her and she hates that, so she looks away, hands clench into fists, manicured nails digging on her skin. Frustrated when her vision blurred and how aware she became of every inch of Nayeon even with her now clouded mind.

“What did I do, Sana?”

Nayeon’s voice softened ten times when she sees the pale on the tip of Sana’s fingers, reaches out to touches the girl’s fists, uncurling it before holds it on her own. upon seeing this, Jihyo who has been watching the whole hatred her two best friends been throwing towards each other, stands up and go inside to give them some privacy. She squeezes Nayeon’s shoulder and pats Sana’s head before the crowd inside the house swallowed her existance. Nayeon waited until Jihyo was fully inside before she looks back at Sana, now slipping her fingers in between the girl’s.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so harsh on you, these days. You just happen to know how to get into me, do you?”

Sana stays unmoving, still not looking at Nayeon.

“Can you tell me what I did wrong so then I can fix it?”

“I don’t think fix is the right word for it, unnie.”

“No? can you please look at me? I hate not seeing your face when I’m talking to you.”

Sana turns to look at her after she was sure she handled there will be to tears to fall when she did. Nayeon smiles, touching their noses together before she pulled Sana closer by putting the girl’s hands on her back. Sana is kind of hugging her now, and her clouded mind can’t stop thinking about how nice Nayeon smells tonight.

“Better,” Nayeon says, still smiling. “tell me the word I should use then?”

Instead of answering, Sana hugged her, this time with her arms circled around Nayeon’s frame securely. She buried her face in the crook of Nayeon’s neck, eyes forced close when she took a full nervous inhale. Nayeon gulped, Sana noticed but didn’t say anything, she was sure Nayeon knows what was wrong with her behavior lately especially towards the girl. Nayeon put one hand on the small of Sana’s back and the other around her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even know.” Sana says. “It wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“How long now?”

“I think I always have been? You were always there, on my first grade when you tripped a boy who made me cry, eighth grade when you carried me on your back because I twist my ankle, all the time during high school, when my family got into serious government problems, I don’t know how not to when you were always there all the time.”

Nayeon tightened her hold on Sana, feeling sorry, she kisses her hair. Sana’s heart feels heavy, she wanted to cry so she pushed Nayeon away softly.

“I hate Momo because she has what I can’t have. I had to pick on her, it made me feel better.”

“Bullying is never your thing, Sana.”

“I know.” Sana groaned. “Are you happy with her?”

The pool of brown in Sana’s eyes reflected the color of fallen leaves during autumn, Nayeon enjoys autumn as much as she enjoys Sana’s eyes when they were staring at her. Nayeon hates herself that she broke this girl heart by dating Momo, the younger version of her would never have guessed that she will be the one breaking Minatozaki Sana’s heart. Nayeon caress the younger girl’s face, before nodding, the hopeful glint on her eyes dimmed down by the second. Nayeon never feels like putting bullet through her head up until now when she could hear the girl’s heart breaking.

*

Sana has skipped days of her classes after that night. She didn’t go to any parties and decided to just ignore the vibrating notifications from her phone, she needs to clear her mind, and gives her would time to heal. She stays in on her penthouse doing exactly nothing, use no internet, no tv no nothing. The door on her balcony was wide open, letting gushes of wind came in to the stillness of the room.

She sat still on the balcony when the umpteenth notification rushes in, she looks at the device, with her eyes empty and hair messy. She took it, finally, and then decided to scroll through days-worth of notifications. Jihyo left more than one hundred text messages and gazillion amounts of miss calls, some other texted her about inviting her to parties, some other asking about class projects and some students asking her to tutor them about several subjects. Despite being a party goer – almost everyone in the university address her as the icon – Sana got a pretty high GPA she could be proud of aside from having a really good social skill.

She stops at some notifications from Nayeon, the girl left more than two-hundred-forty-eight miss calls and even more texts. Sana opened her massager and text Nayeon an I’m okay don’t worry. Her phone lit up when she thought it was Nayeon who called her she grunts but then turns out it was her father. Sana froze, her father must know about her being away from classes since he asked the dean to monitor on her attendance. Sana answers the call.

“Father?”

“The dean called, you’ve been absent for almost a week now. May I know why?” asked her father, always straight forward.

“I’m sorry, father, I was just feeling under the weather lately. I will attend classes again soon.”

“How soon is soon? Did someone bother you?”

“No no, no one is bothering me. All if fine here you don’t have to worry. I’ll go to class on Thursday, father, I have presentation to do that day and I still have to make the paper for it tomorrow.”

“Okay. Are people nice with you there?”

“Oh yes don’t worry. I have my friends with me, they always have my back.” Sana said, smile on her voice.

“Good. Take care of yourself, then. Tell me if anyone bothering you.”

Sana laugh softly. “Okay father, don’t worry too much.”

“Alright, be well, okay?”

“Okay, have some rest, father.”

She hung up after her father hummed from the other side of the line. She was about to puts her phone on an airplane mode when she saw Dahyun’s text popped up, she read the message and sighed before she put down her phone. Feeling as guilty as ever, Sana rests her head on the railing, closing her eyes as the same time combing her hair with her hand.

Kim Dahyun

07.58pm

I hope you r feeling better,

Ppl r crazy looking for u.

Get well soon J