One, two, three, four, five... for how long should I count till my last breath? When will I know if I'm going to die... now? Or tomorrow? Next week? When should I say goodbye to my loved ones?

I'm not afraid to die, death is something that a human shouldn't be afraid of. What I'm most afraid of is the process of it, on how painful it can be until I reach the serendipity; I fear on leaving people who I value a lot and I worry for them, I don't want them to be sad and the last thing I'm afraid of is being forgotten.

They say that the color of death is black, but is it really black? For me, it's white, pure and angelic. We might lose our vision and blackout, but once we got back into our consciousness I believe that we will see the heaven by that time.

" Doc! Doc! Ya, Kang Seulgi! " I can hear people panicking as my eyelids started to get heavier and heavier. My vision is getting blurry, but I can see my mother crying and pleading for me to stay strong and hold for my life— I'm tired mom... how can I continue to hold on?

" DOC! SAVE MY CHILD! DO EVERYTHING! I'LL PAY YOU, JUST PLEASE SAVE MY CHILD! " I heard my father plead. Life can't be bought... I wanted to tell my father, but my throat is drying up, my strength is slowly disappearing on my body. It feels like something's above me, I can't move, I feel burdened.

" sir we still have no donor " the doctor said as my eyes finally closed. I have already lost my consciousness, but I can still clearly hear their cries, pleas, and desperation for my life.

" please save my sister " Yeri pleaded along with my parents. It's sad that I can't watch my little sister grow into a successful and fine woman, but I'm confident that she can and she will, I don't have to worry about her for I know that she's strong, much stronger than me.

Is it already my time? Is He already picking me up? Is it really game over for me? I wanted to stay and continue to the next round, but how can I do that if it's against His will? I have no power to oppose His decision for I don't own this life, I just borrowed it from Him and maybe it's already time for me to give it back.

I am happy to be alive, to be born in a family that's full of love. I am happy to have my dad and mom as my parents, Yeri as my little sister and I'm happy to meet a lot of people who I call my friends. It's just a shame that my journey is already done and I have to leave the world much earlier than them. It's such a shame, I thought to myself.

I should be hearing the bells like in the movies when the protagonist already stepped in heaven, but why do I feel like I'm stuck in a deep and cold sea? Instead of seeing clouds and white lights, why do I see blue and wavy water? Where am I?

Am I not qualified to enter the heaven? A lot of questions are being formed in my mind, but a person who's swimming towards me caught my attention, she's looking straight into my eyes as she swims towards me.

Is she my angel? Is she going to save me? I wanted to ask her, but instead of dragging me up and getting me out of this deep and cold water she held me and locked me in her embrace. I'm breathing finely in the water earlier, but as our skin touches my eyes widened and felt the water run into my nose— I can't breathe... I'm drowning...

" save me! " I shouted. I opened my eyes and breathed heavily, I am catching my breath as if I just run a hundred times in the big oval. What's happening? Where am I?

I roam my eyes around and looked at myself— I'm wearing a hospital gown, the bed is like the hospital's, needles attached to my right hand... Am I alive?

The windblown and my attention got caught by the open window with a girl leaning on it, she's looking at the sky and the light of the moon is reflecting on her face. She's glowing... I haven't seen someone beautiful as she is— who is she?

" uhhh... excuse me " I tried hard to say that aloud, to get her attention. She looked at me and that face... I have seen that face... she's the girl who locked me in her embrace while I was in a deep and cold water.

" am I alive? " I asked her, but she just looked at me. She's like looking straight into my soul. 

If I am alive then where are my parents? Where is Yeri? And how come I am alive? I am sure that I've died that day, my body already gave up on me.

" who... who are you? " I asked her again.

" I am you " she responded.

I am standing in front of my bathroom's mirror, the scar on my chest is still visible and I don't think it will go away. I gently touched it, I merely survived the surgery that day. It's all thanks to the donor that we got. I never really thanked the family of the donor, we failed to get the information about the donor or the family of the donor.

The doctors said that any information of the donor is forbidden to say, the family wants it to be private, but the doctor said that our gratitude will surely be given to the family of the donor.

I sighed at my self and button up my shirt, I smiled in the mirror. I should be thankful for my second life and spend it the way I should because I realized something— life is so short so we should spend it the way we want.

" are you ready darling? " my mom asked me as she opened the door of my room. I looked at her and smiled— I should be complaining because she just bragged in without knocking, but I refrain myself.

" yes mom, I'll be down in a minute " I told her.

It's been almost a year since I had my transplant. My parents decided for me to take a break from the university, but they made sure that I'm not going to miss any academic tasks in school. They made me do homeschooling, it's tough, but my friends helped me. They will visit me every time they have free time and teach me things and I really thank them for it.

" jeez, why did I get morning class " Yeri complained and yawned. She's now studying at the university the same as me. I know that she wants to attend a different university, but because of me, she has to attend the same university so my parents won't be worried.

" stop staying up all night " dad said while driving. They are going to drop us off in the university before going to work, they are being overly worried about me that they decided to drop us off every morning and hired someone who can drive us home.

" Seulgi Bear! " Wendy shouted when she saw me, she's waving her hands like we're kilometers away from each other and as if we haven't seen each other for years when I just saw her last week.

" I should get going now unnie, message me when your classes are done " Yeri said and kissed me on my cheeks. I nodded at her and waved my hand as a goodbye. I feel bad for my younger sister, she's doing what an older sister should be doing.

" I didn't get to visit you last week, sorry unnie " Joy cling on my arm and Wendy as well. 

We went to our room and sat down on the seat of our choice. Everything seems new to me like it's my first time to go to a school, some faces are familiar, some are not. Everyone's happily talking to each other while I'm here sitting beside Wendy and Joy's shadow.

I have no friends aside from them, I'm too shy to reach ours to other people. Maybe this is one of the effects of being at home for almost a year and just being in my comfort zone.

Everyone sat down when the professor went in. I am familiar with him because whenever I go to the university to take some exam back when I am homeschooling he's one of the teachers who is watching me. 

Although I am homeschooling I need to go to the university once I a month? Or if there are some exams that I need to take.

" Seulgi " he's checking the attendance and as soon as I heard my name I immediately raised my hand. Everyone's eyes are on me and it makes me feel anxious, did I do something wrong?

" it's good to see you again in university, I hope you can adapt and get along with your classmates " he said and get on with the roll call.

While he's calling every name I'm looking at them so I can somehow remember their names but one person didn't get to be called. She's sitting at the back and looking out the window, is she just a sit in?

Mr. Labreso started the lecture without calling her name and she's not complaining about it— maybe she's just a sit-in.

" I'll send the assignment to your account and make sure that you'll do it before the due time because I will not accept late submission and if you still haven't accessed your account talk to Mr. Paolo at the computer laboratory " he said before leaving our room. 

Our school has a website where students have their own accounts, it's like a Facebook; in there they can send assignment and announcements so we're really obligated to check it every once in a while.

" Seulgi do you want to go to the ice cream parlor with us? " Wendy asked me. I slightly smiled at them and shook my head— I want to go but my parents already hired someone who will pick us up.

" Oh, I see. We'll wait for Yeri to pick you up here than before leaving " Joy said but once again I shook my head. I don't want to be an inconvenience for them, I had enough of being a burden to everybody.

" I can manage, I'll see you guys tomorrow " I said and smiled at them. They hesitated a bit before leaving but in the end, they left me. I messaged Yeri that my classes are over and she can come here now to pick me up.

I picked up my bag so Yeri will not have to walk here. I'm planning to get out of the room when I noticed the girl at the back earlier— she's still here? 

" uhh.. " I approached her and she just looked at me emotionless.

" are you going out? Do you want to walk with me outside? " I asked her. I think it's not good to leave her here alone and in a minute the janitors will turn the lights off and sometimes they don't check the room if there's still inside.

" I'm afraid the janitors will not notice that there's still someone here and they will turn the lights off and lock you in " I creased my forehead as I explain things because she's not responding.

" but if you do— " she suddenly smiled at me and I froze when I saw her smile... she's beautiful. 

" umm.. wait a minute, my little sister is calling me " I said and turned my back to her to answer Yeri's phone call.

" unnie I'm outside, I'm not going to go to your room " I heard her say, I told her that I'm going to be out in a minute and dropped the call but when I turn my head to look at the girl that I'm talking to earlier she's not there anymore.

" did she already left? " I asked myself and scratched my head. I shrugged at myself and rushed out because Yeri's already waiting.