It was another day to start a new day and look forward to what the outcome of your day might be. But that was not the case for a brunette girl who was staring like a dead person at the window of her condo. Being scared or anxious was merely an understatement for what she was currently feeling.

Every breath and every tick of the clock made her suffocate even more and more, like as if the oxygen around her was getting lesser and lesser that it was slowly getting hard to breath.

She was getting swallowed by her fear. Thinking over and over again that she would and will really regret the decision she was gonna do tonight. The girl heaved a sigh and looked at her phone. 10:57a.m., it says which made her close her eyes “Jung Yerin, stop being scared. You know that you had to do this one day” she says trying not to crack her voice and not shed a tear, which she failed to do. Even before she can stop herself, she found herself curled up into a ball. Her arms hugging her legs where her face was hidden—her face that was already wet and full of tears. Her loud sobs where echoing around the empty room which was once filled with happiness and love

Yes, it was once a room that was filled up with her everything. Everything that was needed for her to continue breathing and wake up from her sleep. But that was all in the past. She noticed that it was slowly becoming emptier and emptier as time goes by, Her reason to continue living was fading.

The warmth.

The hold on her hand.

The soft touches on her...

The sweet and tender voice that had always called out her name.

It was all vanishing. Everything was vanishing and began to turn cold that it made her felt like dying inside. The warmth she loved the most was slowly turning cold and turning darker and darker as if she was being pulled out of her favorite place. 

Like what she had feared even when she met her. When she met the girl of her dreams. The first thing that she had thought and asked when the younger girl started courting her was, what if her feelings suddenly fades away? What if she finds me boring and get disappointed because I wasn’t the girl she was expecting to be? What if she gets tired of me?

The brunette girl let out a bitter laughter along with a bitter smile as she remember those thoughts. “I guess I wasn’t all wrong about those things” the girl said as if she was joking and even laughed. By that, a laughter wherein people might even be called insane

And she knew that. She knew that she was going insane because of the girl who made her feel thousands of emotions. The girl whom she madly fell in love with.

Hwang Eunbi. That’s the name of the girl. The reason why she had been crying every night and made her cold and almost blind because she couldn’t even manage to see a light, big enough to light up her surroundings. All she could see was a light equivalent to a peephole. She stumbled and stumbled as she walk along her dark world but despite that, she would always stand up even if it was painful. Why? Because she thinks that maybe. Just maybe. That tiny hole will turn into a sun covering her world, making her warm once again. That the girl who had her back facing her and was slowly vanishing right in front of her would turn her back and run to her with a smile on her face. Hug and kiss her like it would be the end of the world.

She thought that maybe one day the younger girl’s cold face would lit up and return back to her past self. The girl whom Jung Yerin fell for. The one who did everything to make her happy and felt like she could lose everything but still be happy because that girl was beside her. Making sure that she would always catch the older girl if she ever gets pulled into a blackhole 

But that only lasted for two years and five months.

They’ve been already going on their fourth year—forget that. Today was already their fourth anniversary being a couple. But nothing was heard from the younger girl. No text message. No call. Not even a single presence from her

It wasn’t the first time Eunbi did this to her. She still remembers how the younger girl would treat her everyday that she was still courting her or it was their anniversary. It was already a year and a half ever since she felt the younger girl getting colder and colder around her. Her hand that was holding the brunette wasn’t as strong nor as warm anymore. She could feel Eunbi’s hand slowly losing its hold onto hers along with the warmth of her voice—everything was changing. It was breaking her into pieces.

But she loves the younger girl so much that she could bear all the pain that she was causing. She already have withstood it this long but why was she suddenly thinking of letting go? Why was she thinking of losing her greediness towards the girl?

Yerin raised her head and turned to look outside to be greeted by a dark sky and the city buildings were already lit up. And that’s when she panicked. She panicked that she might be already late with her date with the love of her life... Is it even really a date? Or does she just call it a date just to run away from the cruel reality?

She hastily grabbed her phone and saw three missedcalls and five messages sent by the younger girl. The messages were saying that Eunbi was gonna be a little late, she was on her way, she was already there, and the last two messages were saying to call give her a call or message her if Yerin had also arrived or if they’re not gonna meet for today anymore

Yerin cursed as she stood up to get dressed. She didn’t do any make-up nor dressed up to impress that someone because she knew. She knew what would happen at the end of this day and might even cause her regret making that decision.

She didn’t took too much time in fixing herself. She wore a black turtle neck for her top with a matching black jeans for the bottom and before she headed out, she grabbed her beige coat and wore it

Her heart was pounding hard as the cab comes nearer and nearer to the café she asked Eunbi to meet her. Her hands were getting cold and no matter how much she rubs them together, it wasn’t warming up as it was supposed to be. Instead it was being the other way around that she was already shivering. 

“Ma’am, we have already arrived to your destination” She heard a male voice which made her snap out of her thoughts and mutter an “oh” as she look out at the window and saw that she really had already arrived. “Thank you” was what she said as she close the door of the cab and instead of giving her natural smile, all she could do was a forced one. A weak and obvious fake smile

She turned around “This is it. No turning back now, Jung” she said as she let out a deep breath and tucked both of her freezing hands inside the pockets of her coat

The bells started ringing indicating that someone was entering the place and made the workers turn to her and greet her a “A pleasant evening, ma’am”. She nodded before turning her head left and right to find the Eunbi who was sitting on the window, playing with the spoon on her steaming coffee

And instead of her usual self who usually smiles after seeing glimpse of the younger girl, she felt like she her heart was getting stung that it made her eyes get blurry. Her heart was aching in every step she makes towards the girl who doesn’t have any idea that the person who called her and she was waiting for was already there

“Mind if I take a seat with you? A beautiful lady” Yerin even managed to joke and laugh as she take a seat. She didn’t look at the younger girl at that moment for she couldn’t bear seeing that forced smile again

She wanted to see the genuine smile of Eunbi once more. But she knew that it wouldn’t happen. Not until they cleared up things and are happy with their own lives

“You’re late” The younger girl said. Obvious that she was forcing herself to act all cute and to cover up her uninterested soul for the older girl. Which of course, Yerin didn’t miss to notice “I know. I’m sorry” she said while trying to look fine in front of Eunbi, when the truth was that she was already dying inside and wanted to break down in front of the pink haired girl

But she couldn’t and wouldn’t do it even if it costs her to feel more pain. She was afraid that once Eunbi sees her in that kind of state, she would feel guilty for hurting the older girl. By that, she would rather end their relationship than try to work it out. Because Hwang Eunbi was that kind of girl whose mind and heart wouldn’t change once they made up her feelings and had already decided on what her true feelings are

Yerin knew that. She knew Eunbi the most. And she also knew that the younger girl was only staying by her side because she doesn’t want her to cry and be the reason of Yerin’s pain. But little did she know that she was already hurting Yerin for the past year.

She might have thought that Yerin hadn’t noticed her sudden change. Her sudden change of treatment towards the brunette. She made a wrong move in keeping her real feelings and faking it in front of Yerin.

Yerin’s grades might have not been that good as hers but that doesn’t mean that the older girl would be that stupid to not see through her lies. To not see the mask she wears and tries to hide in front of her.

Silence filled the room, for none of them were trying to utter any word. It was killing Yerin but not the latter. She didn’t mind being all quiet. She’d rather keep shut than accidentally spill the words that she kept hiding towards the older girl

Yerin tapped the wooden table using both of her hands and hummed as she slowly looked around the place, avoiding to meet the gaze of the younger girl. She was thinking of a topic to talk about but the best thing she could bring up was “So, how was your day?” She wanted to slap herself for coming up with such a lame topic but even if she does that, she wouldn’t be able to turn back time and bring up another topic. A better one to be exact. And in fact, she was too occupied to think of a better one so all she could do was pray that she didn’t make the air around them colder.

She hoped that the younger girl would do what she usually does. Go with the flow as they say, to not make it more uncomfortable than it is. But she expected wrong. Eunbi was only able to say “It’s good. Nothing new to be honest” and she had this fake smile as she said it while she wrapped both of her hands around the hot mug of coffee. Both of them admit that this day was rather cold. They weren’t even sure if it was only them who were feeling this because of the awkwardness and the ice that was building up around them

Yerin knew something was off. And Eunbi definitely also felt it towards Yerin. The last time she saw the brunette act like this was when she broke Eunbi’s favorite Harry Potter figurine which Yerin had a hard time saying anything without getting noticed that something was definitely off.

The younger girl swallowed hard before opening to speak up. She knew that she would directly hit the target once she speaks “What is it you wanna say? You’ve never been this dense ever since that figurine incident” she said and even managed to let out an awkward laughter

That was when the air had really became thicker and she knew she messed up big time. With the older girl having her wide eyes for a second before thinning her lips as she hung her head low

Eunbi knew that the day she had expected to come one day was already here. Not that she was assuming, it’s just she really felt that it was happening. She knew what was her girlfriend gonna say next and she thought she was ready for it. She was ready for the bomb to drop. But now? She was certainly unsure of what she was feeling.

Guilt, perharps? For she had been deceiving the precious girl right in front her in the past year. Or was it that she was afraid? She was afraid that the girl would shut her off without any proper closure?

Sure, she was only holding on to their relationship because she doesn’t want the girl to be hurt. But that doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t want to keep in touch with her after the break up. As friends of course

Yerin on the other hand felt like she was bitten by a snake and its venom was slowly running through her veins, ready to kill her. She felt everything was slowly falling apart upon hearing Eunbi’s question. As if Eunbi read her mind. That she wanted to say something big. Something might turn out right or something that would break her. Which is most likely the latter to happen

Yerin took a deep breath and muttered something before raising her head, only to be greeted by a cold and unreadable Eunbi which sent shivers throughout her body, like she saw a ghost. For she finally have seen the younger girl remove her mask. The coldness she was trying to hide had finally appeared

Yerin doesn’t know why but no matter how hard she tries to say or mutter any word, she couldn’t say anything. As if something was stopping her, hindering her from getting her heart broken. But she knew she had to do it. To be able to either free both of them or if lucky enough, maybe even work things out. Or maybe it was just a simple misunderstanding. But seeing the younger girl’s cold and stern expression proved the last statement all wrong.

She knew this was it and the day she feared the most is finally here. She’s gonna be cold and trapped inside an unknown place once again.

All alone with no one trying to keep her warm.

She already had seen this coming. After knowing and witnessing how the cold was slowly creeping into her along with Eunbi’s back facing her. She even tried reaching out for the younger girl but even if she run, she just couldn’t manage to reach her, for she kept getting further and further as time goes by

Yerin tried her best not to cry. She even closed her eyes and swallowed as she said the words which made Eunbi shocked “If I ask you to stay. Will you stay?” Instead of hearing a response, all she heard was a sigh

She opened her eyes only to see Eunbi have that expression saying to let her go. That the pink haired girl had enough of their relationship. Her eyes were almost begging for Yerin to say those words for her to be able to soar into the vast sky

Upon seeing Eunbi’s reaction, Yerin couldn’t stop herself from tearing up in front of the girl. She knew that it’ll be over. Everything she had wished to be perfect and return to normal would all be gone after this night. Her happy ending with Eunbi would be shattered into pieces, like a glass that was broken into piece that even if you try to put it back together, it wouldn’t get fixed. Or if it did, it wouldn’t be the same but just be as fragile like a stick which can be moved by just a single blow of the wind

Yerin wiped off her tears and sniffed “Will you stay with me tonight? For the last time” she tried not to sound as if she was begging. But in fact she was desperate and was really begging to Eunbi because she wanted to hold and feel the younger girl’s warmth for the last time. She knew that once she says those words the younger girl wants to hear. Eunbi wouldn’t come back to her arms.

Yerin waited for an answer. It took minutes before Eunbi spoke “Why? You’ll just feel the pain even more” but Yerin was a stubborn girl. She shook her head and touched Eunbi’s hand which the younger immediately retracted her hand from her hold

“You should stop this Yerin. We should end this. I’m only bringing you pain and not the happiness you deserve to have” Eunbi said sternly and her eyes were sharp that if it was a knife, she could’ve already had stabbed Yerin, or even worse.

Eunbi shook her head as she stood up and left the cafe leaving the frozen Yerin sitting on her seat who was trying to process all the things that had happened.

When the bells rang, that was when she snapped out of her thoughts and ran outside. She knew which way Eunbi would go so she didn’t even think twice before running towards that direction. And she was right. She saw Eunbi walking on the empty park, gazing at the night sky with both of her hands tucked inside her pockets.

Yerin was hesitating to approach the girl. She knew that she was gonna get more hurt if she does it and insist herself towards the cold girl. But knowing how much Yerin loves the girl, she was already panting in front of Eunbi. Trying to catch her breath from all the run she did a while ago.

“What are you doing here?” Eunbi said coldly trying to intimidate Yerin, but only to be given the famous smile of the older girl. Yerin reached out her hand to one of Eunbi’s hand and locked hers but the younger girl’s hand wasn’t responding to the hold like she had used to making her feel the pain all over again

The younger girl was staring blankly at Yerin who wasn’t uttering any word. The older girl felt that Eunbi was gonna turn her back any second and she only has this option left to make her stay with her for the night. She took a deep breath and leaned towards Eunbi to lock her lips with hers but nothing seemed to be going with her plan. The girl which she thought that would respond to her kisses was staying still. And before she even knew it, she was pushed by Eunbi. Not that strong to hurt her. Only a push that would stop Yerin from kissing her

“Yerin. Please stop it. I can’t feel any spark anymore” The younger said as she reach one of her hand to caress Yerin’s cheek whose eyes were slowly becoming bloodshot but Yerin unexpectedly shoved her hands away while shaking her head

“Did you ever love me? Or was it a pure game to you” Yerin herself was shocked by the fact that she had said those type of words. Words that she never thought of telling Eunbi. She thought that what if her soon to be past would say yes? What if she really hadn’t loved me?

“I did. I think so. Yes, I did. But now it felt off loving you. You’ve only been hurting because of me. And you act like everything’s fine when you already had cracked the code hidden behind my mask.” That enough, made Yerin lose it. She completely broke down and proved that she, herself, was the only one keeping their relationship alive. And she was the only one who was trying to fix it and make it work out like used to.

Eunbi knew it, honestly. She knew the fact that Yerin already knew her true feelings. The feeling of losing the spark and flame of your relationship with the person you love, it wasn’t easy for her to believe it herself, that she was losing interest towards the older girl. She never thought that one day her love would get burnt out. Eunbi tried to keep it the flame alive but no matter what she does or what method she uses to keep it as bright as when she fell for the girl, it wasn’t working out as she wanted it.

The more she tries, the more the flame disappeared making everything cold and uninteresting. Just like her feelings for the brunette was back to zero... just like the feelings when she hadn’t yet met the girl who is now crying in front of her

She was feeling guilty for hurting Yerin. Never had she liked being the reason of Yerin’s tears, all she ever wanted was to make her happy. But she guess that no one can foresee the future, because at this very moment—for the past year and a half, she was the one bringing pain towards the brunette. The girl whom she had loved the most

And it would be a false information if you think that Eunbi herself didn’t try to also keep them alive. To keep the relationship they had, which they thought they’ll have a happy ever after. She wanted to give Yerin that kind of ending but now, it’s just too late. And maybe they’re not meant for each other as she thought that they were

“Yerin. Look at me” Eunbi said as she cup Yerin’s cheeks and wiped away the tears falling on the older girl’s cheek. She was now looking at her with a weak smile, not a forced one, but a genuine one “We may not have the happy ending that I’ve promised. But always remember this, you’re an amazing girl and I’m sure you’ll find your rightful prince charming soon enough. Just open your heart, and don’t close it just because of me. A stupid person who hurt you. There are many amazing people out there in this world, just remember to look at the right direction” Eunbi said with her soft and most genuine voice towards the older girl.

Upon hearing Eunbi’s words, Yerin immediately crashed herself towards the pink haired girl, hugging her tightly as she cry “Tell me you’ll stay. Tell me you won’t leave me” hearing these words come out from Yerin’s mouth, pleading and begging for her to stay, was too much that she could feel that something was piercing through her heart.

She thinks that she doesn’t deserve Yerin’s begging and love. The brunette deserves better who will love her and wouldn’t stop loving her even if time was passing by. Unlike her who betrayed and broke her promise to Yerin. To love and stay with her forever

“I’m sorry. I can’t” Eunbi thought that those words were the best to be said. For she needed to break away from the strangle and suffocating place she had been for the past year. And Yerin also needed to move on from her and find someone else. She pushed Yerin from her body and all Eunbi could say before leaving Yerin “Please let go of me and free yourself from being too attached to me. You deserve and know better than this, Jung Yerin”

Yerin wasn’t believing what all she had heard even when she already saw it coming. She was too in love with Eunbi that she, herself, is willing to feel the pain as long as she’s by the side of the younger girl. Before Eunbi could start walking away, Yerin held the sleeves of her jacket and begged once more. Hoping that it would change the mind of the younger girl “Please stay with me. I’m begging you” The last words were barely understandable due to her sore voice and sobs in between the words. She thought that Eunbi would hold her and stay with her once again and with that expectation, the next action of the latter shocked her.

“Please stop hurting yourself and let go of me along with your feelings and start moving on. You’ll find someone who’s better than I am” Eunbi said as she remove Yerin’s grip onto her sleeve. She looked at Yerin with empathy and concern. She only wants to see her happiness but not to the extent that she would continue wearing that mask because everybody knows that behind Yerin’s smiles was something more. Pain that is.

The back of Eunbi was slowly vanishing right in front of her along with the place getting darker and colder that made her tremble. The once scenario inside her nightmare really had become reality. All she could do was think if the other girl would keep their memories together or throw it aside. Because for Yerin, she would definitely keep it even if remembering it was painful enough.

As she entered her condo, she didn’t even bother to change clothes nor wash herself up. All she did was throw her coat to the couch, remove her shoes, and head towards to her room that was filled with many memories with the younger girl named Hwang Eunbi. Which was now a room full of darkness. A cold room.

Whenever she closes her eyes, she would see the image of Eunbi appearing right in front of her. Making her feel even worse. She left the room and sat on the couch near the window, watching the bright city lights in front of her

She curled her body into a ball and hugged her knees. She thought that maybe they shone so bright—Eunbi’s love shone so bright that it started to fade and get burned into ashes.

She wanted to remove the pain that had already built up inside of her. But for now, all she could ever do was sleep and wake up and act normal just like what she had used to do in front of the burnt out Eunbi.

Hoping that one day the pain that she was feeling would ease and that she would finally have the courage to truly let go of the younger girl. And that maybe Eunbi was right all along. They weren’t really meant for each other

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AUTHOR’S NOTE: I haven’t really written a story this long in a third person pov so have no idea how it turned out. I hope you give feedbacks to the story itself (they’re pretty much appreciated ^^) and let me know if I’m bad at this type of pov xoxo