Warnings: angst, suggestive

~~

There’s something about the way he touches you, the way  his deep voice sounds in your ear,the way he smiles after he finishes inside of you. But there’s also something about the way you only hear from him when he wants to , the way you have to watch him leave, the way he speaks about his girlfriend. 

Girlfriend

The word eats at your soul, bothers you until you’re digging your nails into his skin in a desperate attempt to mark him as yours. He hates when you do that because that means he can’t her when he gets home. It means he has to go out of the way to hide marks that shouldn’t be there in the first place, to blend hickies into his natural skin tone and hope she doesn’t notice, to hide the fact that he’s ing someone outside the sanctity of a relationship. 

But it should be you. You’ve known him longer, you had him first, you loved him before he even knew what love was. He tells you that you can’t be together because it’ll cause an uproar. You tell him that a scandal shouldn’t affect the way he feels about you. Then he tells you it wasn’t real at first but now he loves her.

Loves…Her? 

He says he loves you too, yet he doesn’t kiss you, doesn’t hold you when he’s finished wrecking your body, he doesn’t even ask you on dates. Some days you think it’s best if you let him go, block his number, and start the process of erasing him from your heart. So, you start going on blind dates, start ignoring his come over text more and more, and eventually it gets easier to completely block him from your heart.  

You meet someone named Son HyunWoo. He tells you to call him Shownu for short. He doesn’t speak much and he’s really awkward, but he makes more of an effort than Lim Changkyun ever did. At night is when things really take off though, he sleeps shirtless and his body is so well sculpted that you can’t help but run your fingers against his chest. 

“Don’t do that...” He warns, grabbing your hand. That night is the first night the two of you kiss. From there he’s over your apartment every night, holding you close to him, trying but failing to cook you breakfast, showing you how to beat his favorite games on the iPad. Dates with him are going to the gym or the dance studio and always end up with the two of you locking lips and groping each other.

 When you finally have , he’s the best you’ve ever had. He’s gentle, making sure you come first, making sure to touch and kiss every inch of your body. You wither underneath him as he bores you a new soul. You think you could see yourself falling in love with him as you dig your nails into his back, into his shoulder and kiss him so deep that he thinks you may kiss away his soul. 

Until the faithful night that Changkyun calls you, telling you that he wants to come over, that he hasn’t heard from you in a while. You lie and tell him you’ve been busy as your mouth can’t form the words: I’m seeing someone.

“I’m on my way.” He states and hangs up. You sense something is up by the way his voice waivers. He’s at your door within minutes and you silently thank god that Shownu had to cancel last minute. 

“Hi.” Your voice is soft with nervousness, not knowing how to confront him. He looks so cute that your loins respond instantly. He’s kissing you, hoisting you up against the kitchen counter. Your legs wrap around his hips before you realize that this is wrong. It doesn’t feel the same anymore, you don’t love him the same anymore. 

“I need you.” He whispers against your neck. You pull out of his grip. Yes, you love him, and you always will, but you’re no longer in love with him. This is all you’ll ever be to him, an excuse, a toy to fulfill pleasure, something that can be easily replaced. You’re his fall back, his second choice. 

But with Shownu, you’re the first person he text in the morning, the first face you see during the day, the first person to let you guide him and follow your directions.

“You need to go. We can’t do this.” You head toward the door to open it, “I’m seeing someone Changkyun. I gave you chance after chance. I waited for you for years and you used me! You knew how I felt. I have someone else now and he! He actually wants me for me!” you’re yelling is distorted by the tears that flow down your face. Tears pent up and hidden for years because you just wanted to be with him, near him, you never wanted to lose him.

“Nothing to say? Just get out.” When you turn towards the door, you can see why Changkyun is silent. Shownu is stands there, a small box in his hand along with a bouquet of flowers, “S-Shownu. I- “he steps into you apartment, eyes locked on Changkyun who’s standing there shell shocked. 

“You should go.” Shownu’s voice is stern with anger, at least you think it’s anger. You can’t tell. Changkyun storms out, intentionally bumping Shownu’s shoulder before slamming the door behind him. 

“It’s not what it looks like. I promise we didn’t do anything explicit. I tried to tell him not to come. I’m so sor− “he cuts you off by pressing his lips against yours. 

“I believe you. You don’t have to explain anything to me.” He holds you close to him and you can feel the years of hurt melting off of you, “That must have been so hard for you, You’re so brave.” The sobs the come forward rob your body as you cry. You cry for Changkyun, you cry for the fact that he used you, you cried for the fact that he took advantage of you. That he never loved you after all, and Shownu holds you through it without saying a word. 

“I love you.” You admit it to yourself first before admitting it out loud, “I love you!” This time it’s louder and Shownu laughs before stealing a kiss from you. 

“I love you too.” He brushes your hair out of your face, “I came here to ask you something. I know this is really late, but we’ve been dating for a year now…Do you want to go steady with me?” the feeling in your chest has you wanting to do backflips. You pull him down and kiss him, swollen lips, puffy eyes, messy hair and all. 

“Yes. One hundred million trillion times yes!”