Midnight, the whole quarter is asleep. The world is outside is unknown, dark, yet there's one source of light illuminating paths. Moonlight, stars.

The only audible sound is the soft ticking of the clock, tick..tock.
You had by now lost the count of the time, of the hours you've been wide awake. Though you didn't dare to look up and see.

The moonlight is bright enough to shine through your window, and color the plain walls with different shades of grey and white. The young man besides you is sound asleep. While you, you're tired, exhausted, no matter how much you want to sleep, you can't fall into slumber.

You're surrounded by a heavy silence, and no matter the company on the shared bed, you still feel slightly alone in the almost dark room. Your heart is pounding painfully in your chest. There's a constant weight pressing down on your chest. Your problems, your bothers are haunting you even at night, they keep you as far away from sleep as possible. It's slowly suffocating you.

You exhale deeply, carefully shifting in your bed, facing the man laying besides you. The white sheets cover messily his legs, leaving his bare torso exposed. His skin looking smooth as silk, taking in the white colour of the only light in the bedroom. You squint your eyes and imagine how wonderful the view would've been in a picture.

Perfection is a myth you had always thought, though the man besides you, you believed he was an exception. You had never seen such beauty, so much perfection in a human before, every time he'd smile at you, your heart would melt away, at the same time as you wonder if he's real, or if he's a dream. Byun Baekhyun.

Sometimes you can't help but wonder what he sees in you. Tonight is one of those nights. How could someone as amazing as Baekhyun have given his heart to someone who would be like a shadow next to him. Someone who doesn't shine. Someone who doesn't outstand. Just someone.

A shaky sigh leaves your lips, and you hesitantly sit up on the bed for a short pair of seconds before heading to the bathroom right across the room.

Shivers run down your spine when your well warmed feet touch the freezing pavement, cooling your whole body down.

Fingers curling around the cold metal, you twist the handle, refreshing water starts hastily rushing down the tube. Your hands reach out for it, just to splash some of it against your face. Your eyes blink repeatedly as you blindly grab the towel, rubbing it against your face.

Then you look in the mirror. And you see nothing special. The reflection of a insecure girl, with pained eyes, frowning lips, makes a lump creep in your throat. Burning hot tears are stinging behind your eyelids, and you barely keep them in. But you swallow it down, or at least try. Because if you can't be beautiful, at least you try to be strong...

The girl in front of you is just someone. She has no beauty, no perfection. You frown and examinate yourself, thoughtfully. You realise that you're not that bad. But the thought leaves you as soon as you think of it.

The heart throbs, and suddenly the reflection becomes plain again, black and white. Nothing special. No beauty.

Why couldn't you be like Baekhyun. A man like him should have a partner that makes him shine, then why are you so off? Why aren't you shining? Why is everything monochrome when you face yourself.

Why is your reflection lying to you constantly. And why do you always believe it?

When you look at yourself, you're not content with anything you see. You can't help but wonder what he sees when he looks at you. Hot tears stream down your cold cheeks, and you barely keep in a sob. There is a constant throbbing pain clenching mercilessly your heart, and you're hurt.

You hate to be like this, you want to love yourself, which you sometimes are able to do, but it doesn't last long. The negativity of your mind is always able to break through your brighter side. You hate it, it saddens Baekhyun, because he wants you to see what he sees.

But with your own eyes, how will that ever be possible? Maybe you're blinded by your self hatred, so blinded that you don't even realize that the person you see in the mirror is not ugly, there's beauty in every human, and you're no exception. But you tend to forget that a lot, hence maybe that's not even in your dictionary.

Your eyes wander through the bathroom, stopping at your open beauty case, various make up products scattered inside of it.

The fingers weakly grasp the first make up item in the way, which happens to be a rose red lipstick.

With shaky hands you open it, bring it up towards your pale, moisturised lips, and carefully sweep it across your lips. Your gaze is not focusing on where you're putting the lipstick, but for some reason you're gazing yourself in the eyes. Staring right through your own soul.

When you take a look at your painted mouth, another squeeze clenches your heart, and suddenly the make up feels just wrong. Quickly you take a make up wipe and messily rub the cosmetic away, more tears streaming down your face, tracing down your jaw, dripping to the cold ground.

The lipstick is gone from your face, and an almost odd feeling of relief washes over you. Though it's not enough to take away the pain inside of you in this moment, it's both enough to make you stop crying. Your eyes sting by the many times you've rubbed your tears away.

Your eyes are red, slightly puffy. Swallowing down the lump in your throat, you force yourself to stop sobbing and quietly head back to the bedroom. You walk on your toes, not wanting to wake up Baekhyun.

The mattress sunk down ever so slightly under your weight as you lay down, a little sniff escaping your lips as you make Baekhyun face your back, not in the mood to cuddle up.

Though not long after, you hear him move besides you, sharply your breath gets stuck in your throat, eyes squeezed shut as you wished you hadn't woken him up.

Your body freezes and soon there's a hand gently caressing your long, dark hair, exposing your shoulders.

The warmth of his fingers tracing your figure left burning spots on the skin underneath the thin night gown you were wearing, at the same time as cold shooting stars made their way down your spine.

His voice was only a delicate whisper when he called your name, making your heart jump inside of your chest. Nervous...Perhaps scared? 

You couldn't understand where these feelings were coming from. You had never had problems with telling Baekhyun about your issues, though right now... You didn't have the courage to.

Feeling slightly ashamed of your own feelings towards yourself, you knew Baekhyun wouldn't like it, you didn't want to see his face distort with disappointment and anger. It was the last thing you wanted, your partner being sad for you, because you couldn't love yourself.

"Yes?" You eventually replied just as low as him, your voice came out low, the throat stung slightly, it was dry and you recalled not drinking in a long time.

"Are you okay? You can't sleep?" He asked, genuine concern in his soft voice, which never failed to make your heart tremble. He always managed to read you like an open book, without having to look at your face. In moments like this you almost hated it. Though you would never dislike it completely, because on the other side, you didn't know how your relationship would have been now, if Baekhyun didn't understand you as well as he did.

"Yeah." You simply say, the reply is simple, though he could sense the many meanings behind it in the thick tension.

"Y/n, what's wrong?" despite his voice being slightly raspy, it still manages to sound soft and soothing, concern still lingering inside of it. A shaky breath leaves your lips and you try to swallow back down the lump in your throat.

"It's...Nothing.." You said slowly, your voice is merely a whisper, because your answer is a lie. You hate lying to Baekhyun, but you also hate seeing him worry.

Baekhyun's face distorts in a frown, he knows you're not okay, because you are avoiding his face, your back is still facing him, and you'd appreciate if it would stay this way. But that was just a mere wish to not hope on, because once he knew, he wouldn't let you go without having talked to you.

He sighs, knowing that you wouldn't tell him anything out of your own will this time. He didn't really expect you to, even if normally, the two of you would talk about the things you were pressured from, and help each other. Though Baekhyun was aware of the topics whom were harder for you to bring up. And he'd always be careful when trying to pull one of these strings.

After a little moment Baekhyun finally makes a move. Quietly he scooches closer to you, his legs make contact with yours and you shiver. One hand ghosts over your hip, slowly guiding it further down your leg, a sweet caress, encouraging you to turn around and face him. Though, his touch feels good, and you want more, you don't feel like moving right now. You decide to stay like that