OST: Need You Now by Lady Antebellum

PS: I changed Susie to Mew Nittha in this story. Since I heard Susie got a stable partner already, it didn't feel right to continue using her name. 

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Life without Bella was still worth-living. It’s still fun. It’s still important. It’s still HAPPY.

At least these were the things Pope kept on telling himself in the months after he decided to distance himself from her.

He dived headfirst to his work as if it would save him from painful daydreaming.

His drama made good ratings, thanks to his previous popular works. He accepted all the ads endorsements offers and the fanmeetings. Not because he was desperate for money. He piled a lot these recent years. He was just very afraid of free time.

He was afraid of what he would long for. Or who, to be honest.

After their heartbreaking phone call, Bella had finally stopped trying to contact him. And he tried to convince himself that it was what it should be.

He also began to ignore Instagram, not wanting to see her daily updates anymore.

With time, I would be better. I would finally accept that she’s not mine.

He was having a scene in a luxurious house that evening. He looked up and saw the round moon.

Are you looking at the moon too, Bell?

****************************************************

Bella believed that hard work would compensate everything. She was as busy and as popular as ever. She woke up very early and slept very late everyday, always with her script in hand or posing for the product she was endorsing.

Between everything else, she tried to spend more time with Weir, that constant guardian who had always been in the periphery of her vision these past few years.

She went to movies, dinner dates and parties with him. Worked out, practiced her script and cooked with him. She did everything a devoted girlfriend should.

So she couldn’t understand why everyone seemed to be asking her, “Are you alright?” quite often. Her mother. Her assistant. Her stylist. Her drama director. Her leading actor of her current drama. Even Weir.

She would always paused and frowned at them all, saying she was fine.

With that routine, months passed.

Bella found out how Pope was doing through social media.

True, their circle was basically the same. But asking her friends about him was the last thing she’d do.

He never updated his Instagram anymore, except to promote the products he endorsed or his drama.

But his fans provided her enough information.

And he looked quite alright.

He looked alright.

***************************************************

“You rarely ever smile anymore. What’s wrong, P’ Bella?”

One of a loyal fan she knew by name, someone who always followed her career steps constantly, asked her that in the middle of a meet and greet.

She was shocked.

And smiled as wide as she could at her.

Afterwards, she checked her Instagram.

The fan was right.

She hardly ever smiled in her updates anymore.

What was wrong with her?

She didn’t want to be this gloomy girl who could not appreciate her life. Because she did, she really did. She loved her life, her work, her mother, her lov—

She swallowed.

She had a date with Weir that night.

She took extra effort to look even more beautiful.

******************************************

The rumor that Pope and Mew Nittha finally began officially dating reached Bella at the same time as it reached everyone else.

She considered to text him “Congratulations”, but decided against it.

She went on with her life.

Wondering had it always been that exhausting.

She always felt very grateful whenever it’s time to sleep.

*******************************************

Pope finally admitted that Mew Nittha was in love with him, and had been for a while. He tried to make her happy. He spent more time with her, like how she had always wanted all these years. It’s not like he couldn’t see the way she glowed whenever he’s beside her.

He just wondered, how long would it take, to make him stopped feeling like he was betraying somebody.

He had never defined to Mew what they were. In his heart, he still only saw her as a good friend. A little sister.

He knew she was hoping for more, and that her hope had grown deeper as of late. There would come a time for him to go with the flow or to put a brake on it.

At the moment though, he was still trying to go with the flow.

*********************************************

Bella finally admitted to herself that she felt terrible one morning. When she woke up from a barely enough sleep and felt she was so drained she didn’t want to go through another long day of work and wished she could just lie there all day.

As always though, she pushed herself and went through everything that was planned.

Food had stopped tasting nice.

Dressing up had stopped becoming fun.

And work had changed from her passion to her obligation.

As she passed a big billboard of Pope endorsing a beauty product, she asked herself, “When was the last time I was happy?”

*******************************************

She and Weir had a night in as usual, watching a DVD of a movie they had no time to catch at the cinemas, with snacks made by Bella’s mother. It was alright, although she wasn’t really paying attention to the middle of the movie. She needed to rewatch it when she had time.

She was all smiles to Weir and nodded to all his statements.

He kissed her cheek and she walked him to his car.

What she didn’t know was Weir stopping at a quiet road nearby, shutting his eyes and taking deep breaths inside the car for a long time.

We’re going nowhere, Weir thought.

Before we crash to a dead end, I need to make U-turn.

*****************************************

On the next dinner they had, Weir took Bella to a luxurious restaurant and proposed.

There were roses and violin, champagne and a box of diamond ring.

Unlike any other future brides, Bella looked as pale as a sheet the moment she saw the ring.

And for a second, it was like she woke up from a deep sleep and saw Weir again, for the first time in a long time.

The man who loved her very much and would continue to love her all their life, if she let him.

“Can – Can I think about this first?”

An unlikely answer of a proposal from a prince charming.

But that was the thing that came up from .

She buried the ring box at the very end of her bedside drawer, then cried herself to sleep.

**********************************************

Pope heard that Bella got proposed by Weir the same time as everyone else.

Maybe being stabbed by a knife would feel like that, he thought.

He was very distracted all day, as if he was seeing everything from a blurry window.

He had promised Mew to accompany her to a friend’s birthday party. Pope knew the birthday guy as well, and though he was not someone who actually enjoyed parties, he went anyway.

Pope wasn’t really sure how they both ended up alone on a couch, in a dark nightclub, but she was suddenly kissing him.

Two choices were in front of him. He could kiss back, or pushed her away.

It’s exhausting to keep pushing her away, don’t you think? Why should you still be so high and proud, when Bella is about to marry someone else anyway?

Despite the other voice in his head, when Pope blinked, his hand was already on Mew’s shoulder.

Pushing her away.

“I’m sorry” he breathed out, before he got up and sought the exit.

***********************************************

Pope drank several gulps of beer and wished he liked it a bit more.

In the end, he only put it down on his dining table and went out to watch the moon again. It was a crescent that night.

“You’re going to be a very beautiful bride” he said to the night.

Tears, bitter and hot, began streaming down his eyes.

He allowed himself to break down.

He was alone anyway.

No harm would come, except to himself.

And he, he’s used to loneliness.

She’s always going to be the one that got away for him.

************************************************

Bella couldn’t sleep again, so she did the only thing that might heal her heart.

She opened the door to her mother’s room, and climbed the bed.

With a fright, her mother woke up, to find her daughter sobbing by her side.

“God, you’re scaring me, Child!”

But her cries became louder and Bella’s mother grew scared.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt anywhere?”

“No. But it hurts anyway” she replied, her voice thick with tears.

“What’s wrong? I’ve never seen you this sad since—“

“Father died, I know.”

Bella looked at her mother then covered her face, as if washing her face with her own tears.

She felt so tired. So tired..........

“Tell me. Tell your mother. What’s wrong? Why are you this sad?”

“Weir. He –“

“He what?”

“He asked – to marry me”

Her mother was silent for a while.

Other mothers would berate her daughter for being that silly. That she should just say yes and stop being this dramatic.

But not Bella’s mother.

She knew.

She had her suspicions.

And she’s convinced by then.

She reached for her and Bella curled onto her, hugging her tight, seeking for solace and comfort. And peace.

She hadn’t got peace in a long time.

Not since—

“You can’t make everyone happy, Child. In life, there will be times when you need to think of yourself and your own happiness”

The calm words, instead of comforting Bella, made her cried even harder, as her mother hugged her back.

**************************************************

She couldn’t bring herself to say anything, so she just put the ring box back onto Weir’s hand.

She was the one who cried, again.

It killed her to break his heart, but it killed her harder to say yes.

“I’m sorry” she gasped, hugging herself.

“I’m so sorry” she repeated, before walking away from him.

************************************************

Consumed with guilt and sadness, Bella’s body finally gave in.

With her decreasing appetite and lack of sleep, combined with her ongoing suffering inside her heart, she had a severe digestive inflammation, and needed to be hospitalized.

She was supposed to shoot a scene that afternoon, but when her name was called, she couldn’t get up from her makeup chair, no matter how hard she tried to.

When she finally could stand up, her ulcer churned so painfully, she had to kneel down to breathe.

She was brought to an ER and then to a VVIP hospital room.

After several injections, she closed her eyes, her mother’s hand gripping her tight.

***********************************************

Bella woke up to see Weir sitting on her bedside.

“You’re really good in giving people heart attacks” he scolded.

She smiled weakly and patted his hand.

“I thought you’d never speak to me again.”

“Maybe I should. But I need to see how you are first. Then I could go on being the dumped guy peacefully.”

“Don’t say that.....” she replied, tears dropping freely again, “I know I’ve hurt you so bad.......”

“No, Baby. You need to listen to me. You’ve saved me from a marriage with a wife who doesn’t really love me.”

Bella had to blink to be able to see him. Her vision became too blurry with her own tears.

“You need to admit it to yourself. A lot of people around you have seen it, but I guess you keep denying it because you believe you should be loyal to me.”

Weir wiped her tears with his thumb.

“Baby, we are what we do. Ask yourself, despite the status, despite what we label ourselves, who do you treat as a lover, and who do you treat as a brother all these years?”

She felt strangled with her own sobs by then.

“I’m flattered that you’ve tried so hard for us, Baby. For me. But we know who it’s going to be, don’t we? We’ve known it for a while now. It’s great while it lasted. You’re my most beautiful memory. However, it’s time for us to admit that we’re not meant to be, isn’t it? You need to know, that I wouldn’t want you if your heart is not completely mine. I’ll be fine, Baby. But what about you? Will you be fine?”

“I don’t know.......” she whispered. “Do I deserve to be happy after what I did to you?”

“Oh, yes. Yes, you do. Find yourself again, Baby. Find him. We know he’s the only one who can make you happy.”

With one last kiss on the cheek, they said their real goodbye.

*******************************************************

Her mother and assistant stayed with her in the hospital. However, the next time she woke up, she was alone. She was going to find her phone, and she took it gratefully when it was stretched in front of her.

In reflex, she turned to her left and Pope was sitting there.

Instantly, her tears gushed out again.

She had been crying a lot lately, she thought inwardly. Too much.

Pope’s expression, who was already really pale, contorted to obvious concern.

“Does it hurt that bad?”

When she shut her eyes for she couldn’t let out even a word to reply him, Pope hurried to get up, “I’ll call a doctor.”

She shook her head.

“But you’re hurt, Bell.”

I’m hurt because it’s been too long since I last saw you.

Bella finally accepted that, that moment when she could finally see Pope again, and she caught the hem of his shirt to prevent him from leaving.

“Do I have to be hospitalized first so you’d want to see me?”

“Don’t speak like that....” he said heavily, sitting back down on the chair beside her bed, “You know seeing you hurt is the last thing I’d want.”

“But you left me, P’ Pope.....”

Her words hurt too and he would have left if not because every cells in his body were screaming for him to stay.

“I already told you. I had to leave because it’s getting too painful, Bell.”

“........I’ll never hurt you again, P’ Pope.....”

His hand reached for hers, and it felt so right, though she was somebody else’s. It felt so comfortable, as if they were both coming home together to a place where everything was bright and nothing would ever hurt them anymore.

But Pope knew better. Reality was not like that.

“Does it matter anymore, Bell? You’re marrying him anyway.”

The air started to feel too thick for his lungs again, yet his hand still stubbornly clasped hers.

“..........I’m not marrying him.”

It took Pope a while to realize he wasn’t hallucinating.

“What did you say?”

“I said, I’m not marrying him.”

“.......I’m going to be alright, you know? You don’t have to lie right on my face like that.”

Bella stared desperately at the ceiling.

She was still feeling horrible and weak, and Pope was not helping to make the conversation flew any easier.

She was torn between hurling something at him or pinching him hard, but she got no energy to do any of it.

“Is it going well with Mew Nittha?”

“.......the shooting is going well.”

“......you know what I want to know, P’ Pope.”

“...................”

“Be kind and make it clear with me.”

“.........what are you talking about?”

Bella used all her strength to sit up, as Pope’s arms followed her, half-panicking.

“I think you’re supposed to lie down.”

“I need to talk to you properly.”

“Well, we are talking.”

Her headache was coming back but she knew that she had come full circle. Pope was there and she had no more reason to feel guilt or hating herself for wanting to be with him more than the one she’s actually in a relationship with.

Because that relationship was over.

And if it’s her turn to fight for Pope, she’s willing to do it. Like how he had fought for her all along, despite not saying it blatantly.

But she knew, they both knew, what he had wanted all along.

And it was hard, yet she had to let her heart be known to him, even if she was already too late. Even if the rumours were true and another woman had won his heart while he was trying to escape her.

She braced herself and breathed out, clearly and plainly, “P’ Pope, are you in a relationship with Mew Nittha or not?”

Pope was shocked at the question. However, he cut her misery by shaking his head.

“I’m not in a relationship with anyone.”

“Are you sure?” she pressed.

“.........of course I am.”

She finally, finally smiled at that.

Because she loved him, right? It’s always been him. It’s been him for a while. She had tried so hard to fight it, but she’s lost without him. It’s dark and confusing without him. And with him, everything was bright and clear.

It had to be him after all.

She had played in various romances, and there were lots of scenes like this. Two people in love reuniting, lots of romantic words and sweet kisses exchanged.

How did real people reunite?

How to word out your feelings, the entirety of it, and make the other person completely understand the height and breadth of it?

She didn’t say any romantic words. Her mind went blank and she couldn’t think of anything worthy enough to say.

She only brought his hand to her lips, kissed his palm and brought it to her cheek.

Several seconds passed as Pope sat motionless.

Or maybe several lifetimes.

Before he pulled her into her arms, and she curled into his embrace.

She breathed in deeply.

It was indeed like coming home.

***********************************************

When Bella’s mother peeked inside, she saw Pope feeding her daughter porridge and soup.

As far as she remembered, they were always noisy together. Bickering, joking and teasing each other.

But they were quiet that afternoon.

Nevertheless, she could feel their happiness even from afar.

Like any other wise mothers, she closed the hospital door and walked away.

With Pope there, she knew her daughter would have a speedy recovery.

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Author’s Note:

I poured all my heart into this story.

I guess it’s been awhile since I did that.

Writing has always been fun for me, like shopping for other girls.

But this piece got my heart. Probably because I’m so in love with Pope and Bella, and this is some sort of prayer for the future.

I didn’t want to create Weir as the bad guy here, and he’s definitely not.

Bella and Pope’s reconciliation scene used no words in the final confession. I guess some feelings could not be defined into words, though I hope you can understand how much love was exchanged between them.

Thank you for reading!