I AM SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG BUT I HAD TO WRITE THIS ING LONG ESSAY FOR HISTORY ABOUT THE ECONOMIC ASPECTS OF SHILLA AND I HAD MY FIRST EXAM, and I went partying and was so tired all I did was sleep.

SORRY

and thank you for the comments I LOVE YOU now an update, finally.. sorry if it's

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“What! Oh uh I didn’t mean to scream, I have to go. Talk to you later.” I wave at him and quickly take my leave. “Wait, Amanda. Wait!”  He grabs my hand to stop me from leaving. “Please.”  He asks me with pleading eyes. “Ji, please. I have to get to childcare.”  “I can come with you? I’ll give you a lift, I’ve got nothing else to do.  And then I can see Yongie again.” He starts to drag me towards the exit. “Maybe we can have dinner together. The three of us.” Right at that moment the twins pass by, giving us a slight bow because after all we are still seniors, but still I can the disgust in their eyes and apparently I am not the only one who notices.

Jiyong let’s go of my hand. “Hey, you.”  The twins turn around. “M-me.” They say in unison. “Yes. Why are you so disrespectful?” “W-we weren’t, we bowed.” “Next time don’t show me a face like that again please.” He dismisses them with a flick of his hand before he grabs mine again. “Let’s go, Yongie is waiting for us. What do you think of steak with fries?”

“No, no, no! I can’t… we can’t…. he can’t.” He looked at me confused. “I mean…” how I am going to explain to him that I am not ready yet to play house with him, or to leave my little boy alone.  “Amanda?” I stare at my feet.... I really don’t want to hurt his feelings. He grabs both my arms, and squats a little so he can look straight at my face. “I am too fast, aren’t I? I guess I have to wait to-…” “We’ll ask Yongie what he thinks of it. If he agrees I agree.”

He pulls me into a hug. “Are you sure?” I nod but on the inside I curse at myself. Damn, Damn, Damn! Why on earth did I tell him that? Yongie is defiantly going to say yes. I know he loves Jiyong because he does all the crazy and wild games I usually don’t do. I nod once again. “Let’s go, let’s go to childcare.” I sigh and sit in the passenger seat of Jiyongs white Bentley. I stare out of the window while he drives. “Go to the right, and then it’s the building on the left.”  I get out of the car and get Yongie who is already waiting for me.

“Mommy, look what I made!” Yongie comes running towards me with 2 drawings in his hands. “For you!!” He hands me one of them, “Aw, thank you.” I kneel and hug him. “And that one, what is that?” I ask him. He presses it closely against his body. “It’s a secret.” He says persistently. “Okay, let’s go Jiyong wants to ask you something.” 

I take him to the car and install him in the backseat. Through the rearview mirror I see how Jiyong looks at Yongie with affection.  Why is it so hard to let him take care of Yongie? I know I can trust him. “Hi Yongie.” Jiyong finally greets him. “What do you have there?” Jiyong turns around in his seat and now points at the drawing Yongie is holding in his hands. “For you!” Yongie sticks out the drawing so Jiyong can reach it. “Oh wow. It is a dog! It looks like Gaho.”

“Who is Gaho?” I ask. “It’s my dog.” He turns back to Yongie. “Do you want to see it?” Yongie enthusiastically nods his head. “He loves dogs.” I say.  “Ok, let’s go to my place we can go for a walk with Gaho together. Okay?” Jiyong asks “YES!” Yongie exclaims nodding his head even faster. “Ok let’s wait until Amanda… Omma is in the car and buckled up and then we’ll go.”

Ok now let’s pretend I didn’t hear him call me Omma. It’s strange, I actually dreamed of us raising Yongie together. I would be the omma, he the appa and one day Yongie would be a hyung or an oppa depending on if our second kid would be a son our a daughter. After a year I stopped dreaming, it would never happen. I convinced myself I wouldn’t need anyone. But with that one word. Omma. He broke the seal on my heart.

“Amanda, what is the matter? Get in.” I shake my head, sit down and fasten my seatbelt. Quietly I glance over at both Jiyong and Yongie; they are cheerfully singing songs.  Is he the one that loves me? If he is should I give him another change?

“Amanda, Amanda!” “Huh, huh what?!” The only thing that prevents me from jumping up is my seatbelt. “Stop dreaming, we have arrived.” The car is parked in front of a beautiful house. It is modern with a few traditional aspects such as a curved roof and the garden, besides that it was white with big windows. Jiyongs car, only thing parked in the driveway. There was also a green Kawasaki motor with a black helmet hanging from the steer.

I knew something was about to happen when suddenly Seung Hyun popped out from nowhere.  “Ji, man, did you forget about our meeting? Oh, I see you have company.” He sounds pretty amused. “Hi there Yongie, Amanda.”  “Hi Seung Hyun.” Jiyong greets him. “Yeah sorry about the meeting. I had something to take care of.” He glances at me and Yongie. “Oh and what is that?” Seung Hyun asks. “Well, I wanted to ask Amanda if it’s okay if I take care of Yongie for the next few days.” He answers. “So is it okay?” “I haven’t really asked yet.” “Then what did you do?” Seung Hyun asks with a raised eyebrow. 

“Well we picked up Yongie from childcare and I got this drawing.” He proudly shows the drawing Yongie gave him. “It’s a dog!” Seung Hyun squads down next to Yongie. “Do you like dogs? Do you want to see Charlie sometime?” “Charlie?” Yongie asks. “Yes, it’s my dog it’s a spaniel. Have you seen Gaho yet? He has so many wrinkles that he must be at least 1000 years old.” That last comment makes Yongie laugh. “But dogs don’t have wrinkles!” He exclaims.

“Gaho has.” Jiyong says as he opens the front door and an extremely cute dog comes running out. He sniffs Jiyong shoes for a minute before starting to examine us. “He still has to go for a walk; do you want to help me?” Jiyong asks Yongie. “Yes!!!”

“Amanda, can I go with just him, you can wait here.” He points to the house. “Seung Hyun can show you around.” “Yes, it’s okay. Just be careful okay.”  I squad down next to Yongie and pull up the zipper of his coat. “Be careful, and listen to Jiyong.” I peck him on the cheek and get back up.

Jiyong gets the leash and I watch them as walk away. Jiyong letting Yongie hold the line in the middle while he himself holds it at the end. When they are out of sight Seung Hyun turns to me. “Want to go inside?” I simply nod my head. I wonder what the inside of Jiyongs house looks like.

Seung Hyun goes first. We take our shoes of and place them on a shelf then we enter the living room. It’s spacious and pretty minimalistic with lots of white and black.  A huge painting of a woman fills the wall. On the other side is a LED TV and a desk with an apple notebook a tablet and music equipment. “As you see, Jiyong likes to keep the furniture to the bare minimum.” He walks to the next room, it’s the kitchen. It’s a huge shiny black kitchen that looks like it isn’t used often. “Is there something you’d like to eat or drink?” “I’m fine, I’ll wait till Jiyong and Yongie get back.” “Are you sure.” “Yep.” He still opens the fridge and gets out a bottle of water and opens it. We walk back to the hallway. “There is an extra toilet over there, stairs.” He point to them and then we go to the next floor.  All I notice are the pictures on the wall. It’s pictures of old times, pictures of new times, pictures of big bang, pictures of his solo concert, pictures of family, pictures of friends and a picture of me. I stop to look at it. It was taken at a party I was dressed in a red short dress, my hair is falling over my shoulders and I look really happy.

“You know nobody forgot about you. We all wondered why you left, where you went, why you didn’t tell us.” Seung Huns voice startles me. I turn around and face him “I’m sorry. You know why I did it.” “We, I know that now, but back then, it was difficult for all of us, especially for Jiyong.” “Why?” “He liked you.” After a moment of silence he adds. “But he wasn’t the only one.”

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