[CONTENTID1]

Since that day, the day he graduated, the day he lost his chance to meet his first love, Sehun worked hard to be a good idol and show him, because somewhere in that crowd, he is there, looking up at him. He got himself busy in his profession and didn’t give time for his personal life, but he doesn’t care anymore. He still might be friendly with his hyungs, friends and family, but they know that the cheerful trainee Sehun is no more. Because somewhere along the way, he became cold and distant, closing his heart. He did try to move on but his heart refused to let go of that blue letter boy. That’s why when Luhan came into his life; he was so cold to the later, because his heart was locked only for his first love. He refused to admit the blooming feeling for that boy because it made him feel guilty, guilty as if he was cheating on his first love, but who would have thought that the blue letter boy he was in love with all these years was all along the one beside him, in his home, as his wife. Destiny bought them together but he screwed up. Sehun shivers as he holds his palms against his lips, muffling his cries. He was..he was such a beast. He never treated Luhan properly and there that boy, still loving him all these years. But he is a jerk, he don’t deserve Luhan. His blue letter boy doesn’t deserve to be with a jerk like him. He picks up each and every letter, reading them again and again, crying his eyes out as he falls asleep on the cold floor, hugging Luhan’s last letter.

***

“Ah…ahh.”

“You’re so pretty.”

“Se..hun..it..it hurts.”

“Let me take care of you baby boy.”

“Sehun-shi…I love you.”

Sehun sits up from his sleeping position, sweat dripping down his forehead, breathing hard. That dream, those images, they look so real. He was still on the floor, holding the letter, as he closes his eyes to find an image of Luhan, lips swollen and eyes glassy, looking up at him as he whispers those last words. So it was true, they did do that, he did do that, Luhan…Luhan is really pregnant with…their baby. A fresh set of tears fall down his eyes even before he realizes it. He now remembers everything, everything that happened that night. It wasn’t just Luhan’s mistake; he was the one at blame too. But the one suffering from their mistake wasn’t him, its Luhan. God, what have he done.??

Sehun snaps out when his phone rings with a loud music, pulling him back. He picks up the call, not looking at the caller ID, only meet with his managers booming voice.

“YA, where did you go last night, you brat, I left to get you a coffee and you ran away.?? Where you right now.???”

“I..I am in my family house hyung.” Sehun’s voice was groggy, result of crying all night.

“You..what’s wrong with your voice, are you fine.??” His manager’s voice turned soft clearly worried about the maknae.

“I am fine hyung, what did you call me for.?”

“Oh, we have a flight this evening to New York for your American concert tour. So you should come back to the dorm.”

“Ok hyung, I will.” Saying that Sehun hugs up the call, but his manager hyung is still not done worrying about him.

***

By the time Sehun came back, it was late in the morning but Luhan was still fast asleep with comforters on floor in the living room. His heart clenches looking at Luhan, who was obviously having a hard time sleeping on that floor with his pregnant belly. He was the one who refused Luhan to use a bedroom, how was he so heartless.??

Sehun didn’t waste any time before picking up the sleeping boy and carrying him into his bedroom, lying him down comfortably on the fluffy bed. Sehun sat beside him, gazing at Luhan as he snuggles up with the pillows. Luhan looked drained out. He must have roamed around the city for a job with his condition. Sehun sighs as he walks into his w