I wake up feeling heavy sensation on my head. Almost felt like I’m being crushed by something. I stare at the room’s ceiling for a good ten seconds before I managed to actually sit up. “Ugh, Iseul stop drinking.” There goes my first self-reminder of the day. As I lift myself up, the blanket fell from my body and I see skin. My skin, bare skin everywhere.

Uhm, what?

Did I strip again last night when I got back to my room? I tilt my head up to check the time on the wall clock. Instead, I see a door right across me on the bed. Uhm. . . I gulp really ing hard at the realization that I just stripped down and slept on someone else’s room. Please tell me it’s not my father’s room. My quick reflex then felt the slightest movement beside me. Uh-ing-oh. Carefully, more so in a terrified way, I turn my head to my right. “NO.” I utter desperately before covering my mouth with one hand and putting the other over my head, pulling my hair quite a bit. I’m trying to check if I was dreaming.

And I wasn’t.

“AHHHHHHHH!” I screamed on top of my lungs before immediately getting off the bed and pulling the blanket with me to cover myself. My scream made the man wake up instantly and accidentally falling off the bed as if my scream made that kind of impact. He rises up while putting both hands on the bed for support. He stared at me for a couple of seconds before standing up.

He’s ing .

“YOU’RE ING , COVER IT AHHHH!” I screamed once again which made him grab a pillow real quick to cover the bottom-half of his body. “D-Do Kyungsoo. . . what the did we just do?” I ask in panic. Tears started forming in my eyes. Instead of responding, he grabbed his underwear on the floor first and put it on. He looked just as bewildered and troubled as I do.

Just then, scenes from last night flash back into my head.

“Stop following me, yah.”

“Do Kyungsoo, can’t you just forgive me?”

“Let’s not talk right now, you’re d-drunk. . .”

“And you are too, idiot.”

I cover my mouth realizing it was me who followed him all the way back to his place after we had drunk too much in the party. We weren’t drinking together after that confrontation but we both ended up in the new year’s celebration party, kept away from each other as much as possible but we both had a lot to drink. I vaguely remember following him to his house to apologize in my drunken state.

“W-what do you want me to say after I. . . I forgive you? That I love you? Yes, I do b-but. . . you don’t. It was all part of your plan to make me think that.”

“I do love you, Kyungsoo. P-please just. . . one more c-chance.”

“I’m afraid t-to give you that. . . please, just go away.”

And I left right? I swear to go I remember walking away. I look at him again, proceeding to wait for any response from him. He’s still looked too shocked right now, he looked like he was thinking too. “Wait. . .” He moaned and grabbed his head in frustration. He sat back down to the bed as if trying to figure things out. Then that response hit me with another blurred memory.

“Wait.” He called me just before I could get out of his house. I stumbled on the door frame as I try to turn around and face him again. With my tear-stained face, I look back.

Without saying any word, he approached me. I was surprised to see tears forming in his eyes as he moved to me closer and closer.

“I hope I don’t regret this later.” He mumbled and before I could ask what he meant by that, he put his hand on the small of my back and pulled me closer.

Then we kissed It was very passionate, I have never been kissed this way and I’ve only been kissed once in my life, by the same person.

I pull away first to stare at him, checking if it was really happening. It was. With hesitation, I wrap my arms around his neck and tiptoed to kiss him this time.

Eventually, the kisses and touches turned hungry.

He held my hand and pulled me to his room and by then, I knew what was about to happen.

My mouth formed an O with realization. “HUH, it was you!” I yelped while pointing at him. He stood up and put a hand up in defense. “O-okay, okay. . . relax. It might really have happened but. . .” Kyungsoo attempts to explain but he stopped talking mid-sentence as if he has ran out of words to say. “Y-yah, I might have initiated it but you didn’t stop me.” He suddenly proceeded but in a more defensive tone this time.

“Do you think I’m even blaming anyone here right now?” I ask in disbelief; tears begin rolling down my eyes. I was a . No matter how tough I seem to be, of course I still want my first night to be special. I ruined it, we both ruined it. I was defenseless last night, I couldn’t control what I was doing, let alone what he was doing.

And also. . . I love him.

Drunk or not, I’d probably give in.

But still, it wasn’t the right time at all.

He looked down and sighed. “I’m sorry, we weren’t thinking. This was an accident. This shouldn’t have happened.” He muttered and that only crushed me even more. “Oh, right. You just rejected me. You’re right. Why would you actually want to do it with me? It was just your drunken who wasn’t thinking enough to sleep with the woman who deceived everyone.” I mumbled in between sobs and chuckles, I have gone crazy laughing and crying at the same time. “Wait, I rejected you? Don’t I have the right to still be upset with you right now?” He asked in disbelief. I wipe my tears as I glare at him.

“You know what? Whatever. I can pretend this never happened, I’m good at pretending anyway, right? That’s all you could think of me now.” I start picking my clothes from the floor as I speak. After I’ve put my clothes back on, I brush my fingers through my hair to fix it a little bit. I turn around to walk away and leave his room, and probably leave this place too. I don’t care anymore. After this day, I just need to leave.

“And you’re good at walking away too.” He said making me stop.

I roll my eyes before turning around to face him again. “Wha—what do you really want me to do?! Didn’t you say we both have lost the game? Or do you just enjoy rubbing it on my face that I’m a horrible person? Because I know that already!” I grunt before finally grabbing the door to get out. But before I could even step out, I was held back by what welcomed my sight.

“Happy New ye—Year. . . Uhm. . .”

It was Do Kyungsoo’s parents and Soobin! Oh, for ’s sake. I felt Kyungsoo’s presence behind me. “Oh shoot.” I hear him grunt under his breath. I was about to get out and explain to them when Kyungsoo pulled me back in and closed the door behind me, my back meeting the cold surface of the wooden door. “They don’t know anything.” He immediately explained making me look away because our faces were dangerously close once again. “Well then I will tell them.” I respond before I attempt to get away from his arms but then he held me back. “N-no. . . Don’t.” he hushed.

I push his hand away from mine. “Why can’t I? This is my problem, not yours. You’re the victim, I’m the villain. Right?” I grunt back. He turned around and walk back to his bed to start dressing up. “I can’t afford to let them know what happened to me again, I can’t take any more pity from them.” He answered an shut me up real quick. “Especially to my mom, I can’t disappoint and hurt her like that again.” He adds before putting his pants and shirt on. He started walking towards me again and to my surprise, he grabbed my hand. He intertwined our fingers together.

What. . . is he doing?

He opened the door and we got out together, still with our hands wrapped around one another.

“H-hey, Iseul. Oh my, you’re back? And. . . y-you guys came out from his room together. And you’re also holding hands.” Mrs. Do was the first one to speak. She then looked at Soobin and signaled the young lady to go in her room. Once the teenager was gone, the parents looked at us once again. “I think we don’t need to ask what happened right?” Mr. Do chuckled before covering his mouth, he looed very amused. “Ma’am, Sir. . . I can explain.” I let go from Kyungso