The next day. . .

I woke up in a pretty gloomy state this morning, I feel like crap. I don’t know what it is, maybe the chicken? I had a couple of pieces, but I had some drinks too. Beer and chicken is the best combination ever. “Here.” My mother put a cup of lemon and honey tea in front of me on the table. We’re at the breakfast ‘kind of’ restaurant in the lodge. “Thank you, sorry for waking you up so early. I just really feel like .” I mumble before taking my first sip of the tea. “Well, this is why I told you not to drink. How are you going to join us and explore today?” She calmly lectured me. “No, I should be fine. Just need to finish this drink and then get ready. I already had a shower, so I feel a little better. Just. . . the headache.” I explain myself.

I look over the counter, they have the same cashier, but I notice some new servers, if not more. Maybe it’s because it’s the busy season for them. More tourists go here during wintertime since it’s less colder here, makes sense. They’re probably temporary employees. Seeing new faces makes me feel like it’s been so long since I’ve been here.

“Hey there, lovely ladies. Good morning!”

My mom and I turn to see Junhyung Oppa coming out of the kitchen. Ugh, just great. “Hi, how’s it going? This place is magical, thank you for welcoming us.” My mom initiated an actual conversation. “My pleasure, I’m happy to get to know my sister’s friends and new boyfriend. He’s pretty cool, you know. Pretty different from Iseul right here, hm?” He teased me while tapping me by the shoulder. “What do you mean? Are you saying I’m not cool, oppa?” I force myself to socialize as much as I could. I gave them a hearty laugh for that.

“Anyway, yah.” Junhyung Oppa leaned closer to me, even gently putting his elbow comfortably on top of my shoulder. “So, what’s happening between you and big boss now huh? Are you back to continue it?” He PROCEEDED on the teasing. My mother just have me that ‘it’s all you now, I’m not here’ kind of look. “C-continue what? There’s nothing, n-nothing even started.” I look away as I come up with my lame answer.

“Come on, are you being shy cause your mom is here?”

I roll my eyes to glare at him. “Aigoo, you’re still as grumpy as ever.” He pinched my cheek before standing up straight again, and I’m hoping that means he’s going to stop. “Alright, I’ll stop. I need to get back in the kitchen. Let us know if you’d want to order some food, okay? See you later.” Junhyung bowed to my mom and ruffled my hair before walking away. “Ugh.” I groan while fixing my still damp hair – after getting a shower, I went straight out with my mom, that’s why. “So, what’s the plan now? Are you just going to let this trip pass without doing something?” My mom then moved on to somewhat continue Junhyung’s question.

God damn it. Seriously?

“Alright, are you guys serious? You and Abeoji, do you guys still not realize what your daughter just did to another human being? Are you not even going to hate me for doing all that?” I lost it and answered back.

My mother sighed. “We clearly know what you did and we both know it was unacceptable. That’s why we want you to fix it yourself. Also, your father has told me many times how much you’ve changed ever since you came back to Seoul. Dear, you need to face it.” She responded. “I didn’t change, I just got to my senses and realized what I did was wrong, I felt guilty and so I left.” I grunted back before burying my face in between my arms down the table.

“With your heart that’s already fallen for that man, correct?” My mom adds.

I sit up straight again and looked back at her; my eyebrows curled in distress. “That was very cheesy, Eomma. Thank you but no thank you.” I muffled. She rolled her eyes at me and even she looks distressed now. “Oh my god, I know I have a lot of mistakes as a parent, but can you just stop being denial for a second? Han Iseul, listen to me.” She tapped my cheek as if trying to wake me up. “It’s not always about what you did, how bad you did, how bad you were etcetera. It’s about how you correct your mistakes and be a better person. From what your father told me, and believe me he told me everything about you, you have changed into a better person after Jeju. Might be the work, the peaceful atmosphere here. . . but it might also be this man. Right?” She asked hopefully.

“Ugh, what do you want me to do?” I groan while messing up my hair.

I seriously have no idea how to fix it, let alone deal with it. I admit I haven’t been dealing with it quite well. I thought once I left this place, I can just act like nothing ever happened just like how the old Han iseul would be able to do. But I guess. . . my mother is right.

“Iseul-ah, I believe you when you tell me that nothing real has happened between the two of you yet. . . but are you going to let it stay at that when you know that you want something to happen?” She continued because well. . . I cannot make myself talk at the moment so she’s basically carrying the whole conversation herself.

Our conversation was interrupted when Haru came to our table. “Hi sweetie, we were just hanging out.” My mother put a hand behind Haru’s waist as she stood close to her. “I heard you have a hangover. I brought some hangover pills if you haven’t taken anything yet. Here.” She gave me a small individual pill box. “Thanks, I will sure take some later.” I force a smile as I put it in my skirt pocket.

I look at the both of them. They were talking so casually but I can still feel the love between them. I want that kind of love. . . free and secure.

Why is it so hard for me to have that?