“So? How do you want to do this?”

I look into Baekhyun’s eyes for a matter of seconds before ending it to glance at the window of his room. This is my second time going into his room today, I just went for a break from work. Honestly, my brain could barely function on this matter, I don’t exactly know how to handle this. “I. . . I don’t—the only time we could actually go is midnight, but it doesn’t matter. I just want to disappear as soon as possible.” I mutter before collapsing down the couch across his bed. “Just give me a time because I need to check out, you know that.” Baekhyun informed me while looking down to his phone.

Seeing that he really has given in to my idea, it made me feel even weaker.

This is actually happening.

I’m really leaving this place.

I’ll never see Kyungsoo again.

I close my eyes and breathe in heavily before letting it all go as if it will take away all the anxiety in my head. As expected, it didn’t. Not even a single bit. I watch as Baekhyun begins to pack his clothes on the bed. “This is happening. . .” I hush to myself but I knew he would hear. He looked at me and stopped for a second before sitting on the edge of his bed. “You don’t seem so sure. Iseul, if you’re so reluctant then maybe it’s not the right choice. Don’t you think you’re being too childish to just bail on someone without saying a word?” Baekhyun, being a mature friend, suggested. I sigh and wipe the tear that escaped my eye. “Everything about me has been nothing but petty and childish since the very beginning, what’s the point of caring about that now?” I argue although deep inside, I really wanted to just say ‘ it, I’ll stay and act like nothing ever happened.’

“You know that’s not true.” Baekhyun shook his head while looking at me with concern in his eyes. “Just. . . just pack up and I’ll tell you when.” I stand up while wiping my damp cheeks. I leave the room after waving a hand towards him for a brief goodbye. “Relax, Iseul. . .” I breathe in and out as I leave the vacation house.

But to my surprise, I spot Kyungsoo waiting right outside. He was sitting on the stairs towards the entrance. His back was facing me so I had the chance to shake the sadness off my face and replace it with a fake happy smile. “Oh, hey. Working here?” I ask making him turn. I couldn’t read his expression. “Are you still not feeling well?” I walk over to him and sit right beside him. He cleared his throat and gave me a smile. “W-what are you doing in there? Aren’t you working in the camp?” He asked, his voice sounding very soft almost like he’s whispering. “Oh, I was just checking if I left my notebook in the lunch room, I was there the other day.” I make up a lie as quickly as possible.

“Oh. . . okay.” He looked away after giving me a gentle nod. He looked bothered and it’s making me worry so much. He rubbed the tip of his nose, still having the solemn smile. “Uh. . . Seul told me she saw you come into Baekhyun’s room twice today. I just. . . she must be making that up to cause a drama, right?” He chuckled before letting out a heavy sigh. He ran his fingers through his hair while still giving me that forced smile. “I-is that why you’re waiting here?” I ask. I try my best not burst out of tears seeing how concerned and scared he looks right now.

“Well. . . kind of.” He admitted while gazing at me. I try to find the right words to say but I couldn’t. “Uh—okay, I don’t want to scare you off and think, oh I’m being so nosy and stuff. Or like, think that I shouldn’t be acting like a jealous boyfriend because I haven’t made things official yet. I just. . .” He started speaking and I could slowly feel the tears forming in my eyes. He stared in space while gulping, I could see his Adam’s apple going up and down a few times, he looked anxious. “I want to make it very special for you but I haven’t found the right time. I’m sorry if I make you wonder or confused. It’s not my intention to do that. I-it’s your first time and I just want to. . . be really careful.” He begins explaining himself still with fear in his eyes.

Then, he turned to me.

“When Seul told me she saw you, of course a part of me didn’t believe it. But the other of part of me. . . got terrified. It confirmed my feelings for you even more, although I now know that Seul really was lying. It scared me. I realized. . . I really want you to be in my life, so bad. So, I think there’s really no need for special events to make it official for the both of us, right? We both know we’ve always wanted this.” He asked. I just sat there in silence, I didn’t care anymore and let the tears flow down my cheeks. I feel his warm hand cup my cheek. “Be mine.” He muttered softly, our faces slowly losing their gap between each other.

Is this real?

I feel dizzy but not in a painful way.

But at the same time, it didn’t feel all that good.

The moment I finally felt his lips capture mine, I felt warm all over my body. It felt beautiful, if it’s even possible to feel beauty. But I did. My chest is pounding and I almost feared that he could hear my heartbeat. I really do love him and I am in shock, I could feel his love through the kiss and it’s not even anything passionate or whatever. It’s a very gentle and chaste kiss. But, no, I shouldn’t be doing this, I need to stop it. As much as I wanted to do, I didn’t respond. Eventually, he felt it and pulled away. “Don’t be scared.” He whispered, his lips still a feather away from mine, I could feel his hot breath against my skin. “I. . .” I move away while shaking my head. “I c-can’t do it.” I finally admit while crying. His face sank, as I have expected.

“Oh, did I scare you? I’m sorry, I t-thought. . . I thought we wanted the same thing. I u-understand, I did it without any warning.” He leaned away as well while looking at me in concern. I shake my head and wipe my tea