“Beeep…beeep…beeep…”

The sound of the alarm pierced his brain. He stretched his arm and his hand reached for the snooze button. He knew he shouldn’t delay getting up, but the blankets were so warm and soft and his eyelids were so heavy…

“Daaaaaaaaaaaaad!”

He definitely had to get up now.

He sat on the mattress with a sigh and then walked to the kitchen.

In the small room, the smell of coffee was strong and there was a giant cup of Americano waiting for him, just like every morning. And just like every morning, he wanted to cry because his daughter was an angel sent from God to bless Earth and all of its inhabitants and he didn’t deserve her.

“Good morning, Ha-Jun”, he said and kissed her on the cheeks. The nine years old was already fully dressed and her backpack was near the door. The first time she managed to get ready all by herself, he felt bad about it: what kind of parents let his kids prepare breakfast for them? Probably some drunkard or other shady people. After that episode, he tried to wake up earlier and prepare everything for the lovely girl, but he always came back home so late at night that it was a great achievement if he managed to open his eyes before Ha-Jun.  Eventually, they settled into a routine where the girl got herself ready, made breakfast, said hello to her father and then ran to catch the school bus.

That day was not different from all the other ones, except that before leaving, Ha-Jun gave him a sticky note with just a few words written with capitals letters: SCHOOL COMMITEE 18.30 pm.

. He totally forgot about it. 

When Minseok arrived in front of his daughter classroom, the meeting was about to start and he was feeling great since it was the first time he managed to arrive on time. Actually, he wasn’t feeling that great since he didn’t have time to drink a coffee after leaving his cubicle and was terribly sweaty since he had to run to arrive more quickly, but still, it was a pleasant sensation not to be late.

Before entering the room, he observed the parents who were already inside. Where he chose to sit was crucial: he was like the new kid at school in an American teen movie.

Near the window there were the workaholics, just happy to be there as he was, but with their tablets or their phones connected to their workplace; near them there was a small group of grandparents who were attending in place of their sons and daughters (damn, how he wished his parents lived in Seoul ). Some loners were scattered around the room, but the biggest part of the space was taken by them: the perfect parents.

Through the years, Minseok had learned how to recognize and avoid them: they moved in pack, dressed only in neutral or pastel colors and only eat organic food. Their kids were geniuses who spent their free time learning German and violin and liked to eat brussels sprouts. He didn’t like brussels sprouts. And probably those children were going to become drug-addicted, once grown up.

He tried to become invisible as he walked near them to reach a desk. However, of course, he wasn’t granted the privilege of going unnoticed.

“Good evening, Mr. Kim”

The perfect parents’ boss had spotted him. Dammit. He turned trying to relax his face and not look too disgusted. “Good evening”

“Good evening” “Good evening” “Good evening” “Good evening” “Good evening” “Good evening”

As expected, the rest of the pack imitated the leader. Minseok didn’t bother to answer to those dummy women.

However, after he sat far away from them, Minseok let his eyes focus on the group of people he despised so much. He wanted to study them as if he was a discovery channel zoologist.

In the center, the leader, Mr. Lu, was talking, probably about some yoga class and other idiocies. He was the only man and the mothers who were listening to him were eating out of his hands. Actually, they were drooling. They were so thirsty that Minseok wanted to show them where the drinking fountain was.

He had to admit that Mr. Lu wasn’t ugly, but he wasn’t that handsome either. He heard some women, whispering “the hot widower” the last time he managed to attend the school committee. How disgusting.

He was still staring at the man when the subject of his attention looked up. Their eyes locked and Minseok found himself unable to look away.

Luckily, the teacher chose that moment to start her speech, freeing him from the other’s gaze.

Minseok tried to listen to the teacher, and at the beginning, he was also able to, but soon he started to feel tired and his attention slipped. Around the blackboard and behind the teacher, there were a few posters about history and geography and the young man decided to spend his time looking at how many things he remembered from his school days.

He was making a mental list of all the European capitals when the teacher said: “Mr. Kim, you seem very focused. Do you have any idea?”

In the back of his mind, the father registered that his surname had been pronounced, but he didn’t really care. He had a very popular surname and probably half of the people in that room could reply if someone called “Mr. Kim”.

The woman said again “Mr. Kim…”. This time he turned to check who was not answering.

He looked around just to meet many pairs of eyes set on him. Oh… so he was The Mr. Kim.

He unleashed his best smile, trying not to look too stupid and replied “Sorry, can you repeat, please?”

“We were wondering if you have any ideas for a stand for the school fair” She smiled.

“Ermm….” earn time and think quick Minseok, he thought “erm…. Erm…soccer? We can make them score goals in baskets and the more difficult the goal is, the bigger is the prize” he suggested with almost no conviction.

“Yes!”  Lu Han had stood up and looked excessively excited about the project “I’ll help him with it”.

“Excellent” The teacher said with a smile that let no space for ditching out. Damn it, he knew Luhan was proposing just for the sake of annoying him. He knew the other dad wanted revenge for the last flea market when Minseok bought a pack of supermarket doughnuts, which apparently are full of fats, palm oil and, demons’ souls.

The days went over quickly and Minseok almost forgot the ungrateful task he promised to accomplish. When the topic reached his mind he couldn’t help thinking of ways to avoid it without looking like a douchebag, but he noticed that his daughter was really looking forward it and he didn’t want to let her down, not this time. No, this time he was going to do his best and she was going to be so happy, forgetting all the night she fell asleep in an empty house, and all the promises he didn’t keep.

When the selected Sunday arrived, Minseok reached his daughter’s school 30 minutes before the meeting. He was so proud of himself. He was going to show Luhan who was the best parent.

In the small room where Ha-Jun spent her days, the teacher was already giving instruction to some other parents (mostly mothers from the group of perfect parents). When she noticed his presence, she smiled and said him “Mr. Lu is already in the gym looking for equipment, you can reach him”

He nodded and tried to smile

• for Lu Han then. However, it was just the beginning of the match.

The gym was empty, but some noises came from the back storage, so Minseok headed there.  Balls submerged Luhan, but as soon as he noticed he was not alone anymore, he reached the other man to greet him.

“Good morning! I was choosing the baskets, and I’ve also brought some posters, so we can make a board or something”

Minseok sighed. This was going to be a long day.

As soon as they decided which containers were the best, the real torture began. The two men had to lay on the floor with a bunch of crayons as if they were some five years old at the kindergarten, in order to create a panel nice enough to attract people.

Minseok was getting pretty upset because the other kept bumping into him and not only he didn’t like all that closeness and skinship, but he was also afraid to ruin his work.

Once the board was ready, they just have to put it on a small pedestal, put down the baskets and then wait for the kids to arrive.

Unfortunately, the young dad didn’t realize that arriving so soon meant he was going to spend more time with his enemy. And of course, while waiting for the scholars, the Chinese man wanted to start a conversation.

“So…who is going to accompany your daughter here today?”

“Her mother” Minseok’s reply was blunt and every single person in the world would have understood that he wasn’t in the mood for chit-chat. However, Lu Han didn’t give up.

“Ah, so your wife will be here today! That’s nice!” Again, the young dad didn’t want to say anything, especially nothing personal but the field was still empty, apart for a few groups of parents and teachers preparing their stands, and it would have been awkward ignoring his daily colleague.

“She’s not my wife. We are divorced and this was her weekend”

“Oh, good! I mean, it’s not good that you got a divorce, but it’s nice of her, coming here today” The man spoke again with a small smile and for the first time ever, Minseok had the impression that he was feeling uncomfortable.

“We are on good terms” he replied, shrugging.

“A friend of mine is coming with my son. You know, since my wife passed away and my parents live in China, I have to make do. I try to be as present as possible and not to make him miss her too much, but sometimes it’s hard. At least, I’m still very close to my college mates and they help me a lot” Too much personal information, too much personal information, Minseok wanted to shout at him since he was never comfortable with people opening up to him, let alone if it was Lu Han talking. He nodded with a sad expression and just said, “I’m sorry”.

The other turned to look him deep in the eyes and the Korean man caught a lot of loneliness in his glare. “I’m fine, it’s not your fault”.

The morning went by more quickly than expected; there was a good amount of kids, but not too many and Minseok had enough to do without being bored and also enough time to rest and admire the small fair. He had to admit that the headmaster and the teachers did an amazing job: the field used for sports was full of stalls and there was also a small place where to eat. He was glad he managed to make his daughter attend such a good school.

However, the afternoon was a completely different case. After lunch, a giant crowd arrived and swamped the kiosks. Soon the prizes that they had prepared ended and they had to give kids candies instead of plushes and books.  At least they were earning a lot of money to donate to the school.

Of course, as soon as so many people surrounded him, Lu Han decided he wanted to be the afternoon star and started to gather everyone’s attention. He was everywhere: helping children and cheering for them, flirting with single mothers, talking about sports with fathers. As expected, Minseok was left collecting balls that kids threw with too much force (and almost every kid threw with too much force).

His only relax moment, was when his precious Ha-Jun and his ex-wife arrived. The girl looked very excited and when she spotted her dad, she ran to him and jumped into his arms. In a second, all the livor dissolved from Minseok. One look was enough to realize how much the nine years old was proud of him: it didn’t happen every day that her dad took part in school projects. She immediately started talking about all the activities she wanted to try and turned to ask her mum to queue in her place for Minseok’s soccer stand.

The moment was idyllic, almost too idyllic. Minseok was still listening to Ha-Jun talking when Lu Han approached.

“Hello, Ha-Jun! You’ve grown up so much and so well”

Obviously, Lu Han had to intrude and try to befriend his daughter.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Lu. Is Ziyu here already?” She replied with a smile.

“No, but he should arrive soon, I think…”

“Mr. Lu, no one is checking our stand” Minseok intervened abruptly in the conversation. The other man looked slightly surprised and taken aback, but he still nodded and went back to work.

However, after a few seconds, Minseok turned and found Lu Han chatting happily with his ex-wife. She was laughing and Minseok felt anger rising inside his chest. He didn’t need to hear their words to know that they were talking about how much of a terrible father he was and how Luhan was better. He knew he wasn’t the most present parent of them all, but it wasn’t his fault and it was just rude of them to run it on his face. Well, technically he knew they were not, but it didn’t matter. He was walking towards them to interrupt their conversation with so much determination that he didn’t realize a small kid was standing on his path. The poor boy was run over and immediately started crying. Minseok started panicking and tried to apologize, but the mother of the child, took him away, glaring at Minseok very bad.

Good, he had just assaulted a six years old. The day was only getting worse and worse.

Soon, his daughter’s turn arrived and Minseok felt very proud when she scored the most difficult goal of them all. After that, the young girl run away to play with her friends; when the father had a spare minute, he could see her having fun and that sight warmed his heart as nothing else could do.

Lu Han kept entertaining the queue and every other people who were near their stall. It was so annoying that Minseok tried not to look in his direction. The Chinese man only left his task when he spotted a very tall man holding the hand of a child, which of looked incredibly like Lu Han.

Without even realizing it, Minseok stopped avoiding observing the other man and actually felt thunderstruck at what was happening a few meters away. Lu Han took his son up and kissed his cheeks happily and immediately the perfect smile, which had been plastered on his lips all day long, morphed into something much more real. Minseok had to admit that happiness looked very good on him: his whole being was glowing and his hair was shining in the sun.  It was actually very strange that his rival’s honest smile was uglier that every smile Minseok had ever seen (it was like his chin retreated, leaving a very dumb expression on his face), but at the same time, it was also so enchanting that it made everyone want to smile.

With a lot of effort, because his eyes didn’t want to leave Lu Han, the Korean father turned to observe the man who arrived with the child. He was very tall and even if his face didn’t look particularly friendly, he was so beautiful that Minseok doubted it was a problem in his relationship. Earlier, Lu Han said he was one of his friends, but Minseok wouldn’t have been surprised if they actually were something more. They made an exceptionally beautiful couple.

These thoughts were all so distracting that Minseok only came back to Earth when a kid stepped on his feet. The dad turned to scold the child and teach him to respect older people, but just in time, he saw that the scamp’s father was a lot bigger than him and didn’t look nice, so he decided to let it go: he had a daughter to rise and therefore he was not so eager to die. With a sigh, he gave the ball to the small rascal and mentally coursed because the line had become incredibly long.

When finally the field was free from screaming children and the adults who chaperoned them, the sun was already a red ball in a sky that quickly turned darker and darker. The teachers and those who helped to organize the event worked as fast as possible to clean everything and go home. By the time that Minseok and Lu Han had placed every item back in the gym, almost no sound could be heard in the school, apart from where they were.

Minseok couldn’t believe how tired he felt: it was even worse than having spent 14 hours in his office. He was opening his mouth to say his goodbyes when the other man spoke first.

“Tonight Ziyu is attending a sleepover, would you like staying out for dinner with me?” He looked a bit hesitant and Minseok took a few seconds to decide.

“Ha-Jun is still at his mother’s, so why not” He replied shrugging. He had already spent so many hours with Lu Han that a couple more couldn’t do that much of a damage. In addition, he was too tired and lazy to prepare his own dinner, even if probably the other was going to suggest a vegan restaurant or something else equally disheartening, especially after a long day spent with too many kids around.

Lu Han proposed to take a walk and eat in a near-by place he knew. Minseok accepted and took a sigh of relief when he realized they were going to have dinner in one of his favorite fast food. Not tonight quinoa, not tonight.

They sat facing each other and quietly ate, too tired and hungry to chat. Only once their bellies were full and they were waiting for desserts, Minseok started having the sensation that the silence was too heavy.

“I didn’t expect you choosing this place for dinner”

Luhan smiled kindly. “What? Did you think we were going to eat an organic soup, after looking after all those rascals all day long? Enough suffering for today”

Minseok laughed a little. The other father was different from what he thought.

They both didn’t speak for a couple of minutes and then the Chinese man added, “I’m sorry for the way I behaved with your family today. I didn’t want to intrude.”

Minseok suddenly felt bad. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way. You did nothing wrong”

“No, no”, the other insisted “I know you don’t like me and I already imposed my presence on you during the fair, but I like soccer too much, so I decided to…”

The Korean interrupted him before he could finish the sentence. “It’s not that I don’t like you as a person, but I think our ways of raising children are too different”

“You don’t like those mothers, do you? I tell you a secret, I don’t like them either.” They looked into each other’s eyes for some seconds and then started to laugh loud at the same time.

The friendly moment melted something in Minseok’s heart and he felt that something had changed in their relationship. There wasn’t any aversion left, but just a warm empty place ready to be filled with companionship.

“We should organize some play dates for our kids”, Luhan suggested.

“They are not four; we should organize some play dates for ourselves. I heard you play soccer and I think defeat would look good on you”

Lu Han touched his chest, pretending to feel hurt “Just so you know, I almost got recruited by Man U”

“Yes, sure” Minseok raised an eyebrow while sipping his drink.

Those few sentences initiated a long discussion about champions, teams, and trophies, which ended only when the restaurant was closing and the poor waiters had to ask them to leave.

When finally Minseok arrived home and managed to reach his bed, he felt the fatigue of the day washing over him. He was sleepy, but as soon as he entered into the torpor that arrives before real sleep, pictures from the day crammed into his mind. One particular image didn’t want to let him rest and that image had Lu Han’s face as subject. It was weird but Minseok felt strangely proud because previously, that night, the other father had smiled him in that special way that he knew was reserved for special people.

Despite having rejected the idea of organized play dates for his daughter and Lu Han’s son, many times Minseok felt the urge to ask Ha-Jun if she wanted to meet Ziyu to play or study. She always said yes, even if the looks in her eyes declared that she knew something weird was going on.

After their dinner together, Minseok slowly realized how nice the evening had been and that he wanted to talk more with the other man. The fact that every time they met this sensation intensified made everything better. It was as if the two of them had known each other for years and was almost unbelievable how well they understood each other. He was still aware that they couldn’t have had two more different characters, but in a strange way, they fitted so good together.

This situation took a turn for worse when the Korean man woke up in the middle of the night from a dream filled with Lu Han and a painful .

That hot and wet dream made Minseok open his eyes about his feelings. He spent hours plagued by the picture of the other’s smile and eyes and wondering about how soft his skin probably was and how nice it would have been to lay with him and wake up together the next morning. Minseok was not the kind of person who liked disorder in his life and he liked it even less if his heart was the cause of it. Somedays, he managed to gather the courage to eliminate Lu Han from his life, but soon after he realized he didn’t want to cut him out and lose what they had (whatever it was). Sometimes he wanted to scream and call his crush and tell him his feelings and spent the rest of his days with him, but he knew that those were just fantasies. Many times, he tried to see how much he could go on without seeing the other and when they finally met again, it felt like breathing after being underwater for too long.

It didn’t help that the Chinese man was a translator who worked from home and could organize his time as he pleased, and therefore he was always ready and eager to meet Minseok (it was also the secret of his apparently perfect fatherhood, and thank god, he had revealed Minseok tons of tips since they had become friends).

The first time Ha-Jun was spending the weekend with her mother, Minseok took advantage of it and came home with tons of papers and documents: he wanted to get on top of his job, so he could spend more time with her daughter during the week.

He was working on some excel sheet when the doorbell rang. Slightly annoyed because he didn’t like to be interrupted, he got up and looked through the peephole. Apparently while reaching the door, he had made some noise, since the person on the other side of the wood screamed “Hyung, I know you are there. Let me in”

With a sigh, Minseok turned the key and his friend catapulted himself into the room.

“Hyung, it has been so long since the last time we have seen each other if it wasn’t for Ha-Jun I would have thought you were dead. You never ask me to go for a drink or something”

“I didn’t think our friendship worked like that, Jongdae. You always arrive here and drag me out, that’s how it is”

“True” Jongdae replied. He had a six-pack of beer in his hands and put them on the floor, before sprawling on the sofa. Minseok scowled at him, but he still put away the documents and surrendered to a night full of alcohol (which wasn’t that bad after all).

Jongdae was a swollen river. They hadn’t actually met in quite some time and apparently, so many things had happened to the other during that period: he literally talked for two straight hours, stopping only for drinking.  After a while, in the middle of a too detailed description of his last meeting with his lover, Jongdae suddenly stopped and looked at Minseok suspiciously.

“So spit it out, what’s the problem?” Minseok didn’t want to answer.

“You had been even quieter than usual and I was describing how Baekhyun ate me out and you didn’t say anything.  So, what is distracting you? I’m sure it’s not your job and neither Ha-Jun, because she’s such perfect girl, so… relationship problems?”  The older man didn’t speak again, but Jongdae had known him for so long that the look on his face was enough to reveal him everything he needed.

“Mmmm… this is quite interesting…so is she a colleague? I would say no… A random person? Again no… A mother from your daughter’s school? Ah, there we are! You’re so nasty! I’m proud of you” Once Jongdae wanted to know something, he was like a dog with a bone: he didn’t let go no matter what. Minseok didn’t want to spill his heart out, but the beer and soju wanted, so that’s what he did.

Jongdae was almost moved to tears when Minseok confessed that he liked another man and immediately started giving him advice about everything (especially about , a topic that made Minseok felt very hot and bothered and he really hoped the other didn’t notice). His mood dropped when he realized that the young father not only wasn’t going to act it out, but he also had yet to understand how deeply involved he was. All Jongdae could do was suggesting him how to figure everything out: a kiss was everything needed.

Jongdae’s idea kept echoing in Minseok’s mind for days. He wanted to know how he felt about Lu Han, he wanted to know how Lu Han felt about him and mostly, he just wanted to kiss him so badly. It arrived at the point that he gave his boss documents with lips drawn on them. It was becoming an embarrassing situation.

It took him almost one month to find to courage to decide to meet his crush and talk to him about their relationship. He didn’t expect to hear that Lu Han reciprocated his feelings, but he needed to get rejected so he could try to forget and move on. The state of uncertainty was hurting him more than the pain of a possible rejection.

However, a small part of his heart, a very small one, still hoped to hear those words “I like you too”.

The first problem he needed to face was his daughter: they were a duo and he didn’t want to hide anything from her.

He organized a particularly nice dinner with all her favorite food and once she started eating the dessert, he spoke. He tried to explain to her what kind of sensations he was feeling and that nothing was going to change: she was still the number one in his heart. However, he also told her that he needed to tell Lu Han because it was becoming a burden too heavy on his shoulders. He had yet to finish the speech, which he had meticulously prepared that the girl interrupted him.

“Wait, so this dinner is not for telling me that you and Mr. Lu, well I guess I need to call him Lu Han from now one, anyhow, you aren’t a couple yet? I thought you wanted to tell me we are moving into their house!”

They looked into each other’s eyes and started laughing.

As Minseok continually said, Ha-Jun was the most intelligent girl on the planet and she was always a step forward to his dad.

Minseok had actually planned to organize a nice dinner or coffee date or something and to prepare a speech, so he didn’t actually know why he was running to the other side of the city during his lunch break. That day started like any other day: in a rush and with a lot of lovesickness. Maybe it was the warm spring air (what a cliché) or maybe it was that the decision had already been made by his heart or by destiny.

It was just that he felt a special energy as he went out from his office to eat: he knew it was the right moment. He exited the gray building full of offices and instead following his coworkers to the small restaurant they were heading, he walked straight to the main street, hoping to find a taxi as soon as possible. As if the whole universe was rooting for him, he almost didn’t have to raise his hand before a car stopped in front of him. The traffic was crazy and for a moment Minseok thought he was not going to arrive at Luhan’s and came back in an hour, but then he became aware that in that exact moment it didn’t really matter since he was too focused on his mission.

Once he arrived in front of the edifice he was looking for, he walked in front of the doorkeeper so quickly and with so much confidence that the man didn’t dare to stop him. Only when he set foot on Lu Han’s doormat, he paused for a few seconds, as his heart stopped. He didn’t realize he had knocked until the other man’s face appeared behind the door and then he launched himself inside. He didn’t waste time and took Lu Han’s face in his hands, kissing him a bit too impetuously. When he felt the other’s lips moving against his, he comprehended it was really happening.  Lu Han’ lips were as soft as he had pictured them in his dream and a lot more skilled. Minseok wanted to spend the rest of his day like that, with their tongue interlaced and their bodies pushed against each other. Rather, probably a day wouldn’t have been enough: he wanted to spend the rest of years with the Chinese man in his arm and their lips pressed together. If he had to be honest, there were too many teeth and too much saliva and everything was a mess, but it was still the best kiss ever because it made the fire burning in his heart getting even bigger and crackling.

However, when Lu Han stopped the kiss and took a step back, fear started creeping inside him. He didn’t want to be rejected, not after it felt so magical, kissing him. He thought he was ready for every possible scenario, but he was wrong.

Lu Han was smiling and said, “God, I wanted this for so long. Could not keep my eyes off you since the first time I saw you, almost three years ago. I guess I can stop organizing my son play dates just to see you”

“That makes two of us”

As they laughed, they came closer to lock their mouths again.

And at that moment Minseok understood that he was really in love.