Chapter 7: You, Who Were Only In My Dreams

Betaed by Fubuki, 15/08/2020

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Saturday was also one of Taeyong’s favourite days, namely it was dedicated to his favourite activity in his life: dancing with his kids.

Taeyong gave dance lessons in an orphanage, his old home, every second Saturday as a volunteer. And his kids always accompanied him. The dance lesson was a merely short two hours, but Taeyong always used the little studio of the orphanage to dance longer and have a good time with his kids after the lesson ended. It was a time that produced lots of laughter and inspiration for his new choreographies, so Taeyong always left the studio smiling, satisfied with his day.

But today he couldn’t help but be worried. It really took him some effort to focus on his lesson with the orphans and he was almost glad that time passed so quickly as he danced. It was merely 3 pm when he asked his kids to pack up their stuff.

“Already?”, Renjun asked surprised that their own private dance time had ended so quickly.

“Can’t we dance a bit longer?”, Jeno, who had nearly finished learning the choreography that they had been rehearsing since last week, asked. Even Mark who was practicing (the choreography already learned) looked reluctantly at his father.

“Today, Dad has something to do. Uncle Doyoung will pick all of you up, so play nicely with Hyuckie and Nana, okay?”, Taeyong explained as he gently took Jisung into his arms as he collected his backpack with his clothes.

Jisung pouted, dance was the only thing the kid could get interested in for a long time without getting bored even though he was too young to properly dance. But Taeyong knew by his cute movements that Jisung would be a hell of dancer, just like Jeno and Mark. Renjun’s moves were less sharp than his dongsaengs’, but Taeyong liked the soft and elegant feeling Renjun had when he danced. It reminded him of the traditional dance Winwin performed when he was alive. He also thought Chenle would end up as his brother, as Jisung’s moves already started to surpass the cute movements of Chenle.

Chenle grabbed Taeyong’s leg as he smiled: “Daddy play too?”

Taeyong smiled, “Daddy will come and play too afterwards.”, he said ruffling his hair.

“Alright, when arriving at Uncle Doyoung and Uncle Yuta’s home don’t forget to behave in the shower and change back into your clothes. Renjun, you will be responsible for them. So, everyone should listen to him, okay?”

Both Renjun and Mark looked up, confused and wanting to ask why but Taeyong quickly answered their unspoken question: “Mark, I want to take you to a place.”

Mark looked surprised at him, and Chenle quickly said: “What place? Chenle wants to go too!”

Taeyong smiled: “Really?”

Chenle nodded excitedly, missing the glint of mischief in Taeyong’s eyes.

“But Daddy will bring your Hyung to the hospital… Are you sure you want to go Chenle?”

Chenle’s bright smile faded and he quickly let go of Taeyong’s arms before he ran towards his Renjun-Hyung “Noooo! Not hospital! Hospital scaryyyyyy!”

Taeyong and Jeno laughed while Renjun rolled his eyes at his little brother. The kid didn't like anything that reminded him of the injection he had received a month ago against the flu.

“Why? Is Mark-Hyung sick?”, Renjun asked worried.

Taeyong smiled, but his eyes didn’t reflect his smile: “No, Daddy wants to bring him to visit a sick friend of mine.”

“A sick friend of daddy? Is he very sick?”, Jeno asked innocently.

Taeyong nodded. “Yeah, he is, but don’t worry he will be cured soon.”

Jeno smiled, reassured.

Renjun wanted to ask why his daddy only took Mark with him, but being more sensitive than others, he somehow felt that it would bring discomfort to his daddy. So, he didn’t ask and simply took Chenle’s backpack and his, following his brothers and daddy to leave the studio.

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“Dad… Is something wrong?”, Mark asked when he and his dad were walking into a white corridor, the hospital feeling cold and silent. It was a kind of silent that made the outside world seem loud and lively. It made people feel uncomfortable to stay long, but the worst thing was the smell. It smelled too clean.

“Wrong? No, there is nothing wrong, why do you ask love?”

Taeyong who tried to follow the plan on the paper to not get lost asked.

“Then why did you bring me alone here?”, Mark asked unsure.

Taeyong sighed inwardly, being secretly a bit scared of Mark’s reaction. He slowed down and his hand gently grabbed his son shoulder.

“Dad wants you to meet someone.”, he said looking softly into his eldest son’s eyes.

“Who?”, Mark’s curious voice was soft as always, and Taeyong wondered if he was doing the right thing. He was. He had asked himself the question the whole week and had always ended up concluding that it was a wise choice. The right choice.

“Someone you know and someone you do not know. But Mark, dad wants you to promise something.”, Taeyong gently caressed his son’s cheeks.

Mark, being the teenager that he was, was startled by the sudden display of affection and wanted to complain, but something in his dad eyes made him think he shouldn’t.

Mark waited and Taeyong continued softly: “When you enter the room, Dad wants you to listen to this person’s story. Dad wants you to know that if you do not like the story, that’s fine, we will leave immediately. But dad wants you to listen first. Promise?”

Mark found that his dad wasn’t being his usual self, he wanted to ask so many questions, but Mark’s world turned around Taeyong. If his dad had wanted to explain more, he would have explained it already. So, in the end he nodded as he trusted his dad and he didn’t ask anything.

Taeyong smiled softly as he saw love reflected in his son’s eyes and he kissed his forehead before taking his hand and leading him in front of a white door, that was strangely guarded by a bodyguard. Taeyong took out a card and showed it to the black clothed bodyguard, and to Mark’s surprise the bodyguard stiffened before bowing slightly. Mark could only read “VIP” on the name card that was hanging next to the door and he wondered what kind of VIP needed a guard in front of his door. Taeyong knocked and softly opened the door, entering with Mark.

The room was way too spacious to be a hospital room, wide window that allowed for a lot of light, room for a table with chairs on the left and even a leather couch on the right. In the middle of the room stood a large bed. The first thing Mark saw was the bed. On it laid a kid, asleep, that looked around his age or maybe older. The kid looked nothing Korean. With his appearance the kid looked like a son of a model or a famous American actor. It was a pity he was attached to two monitors, looking very pale and sick. The second thing Mark saw was his name that was written on a board, clipped to his bed: “Lucas”

To his surprise, the kid was younger than him by a year. A year and some months as if he had to believe the birthdate that was next to his name.

The third thing Mark saw was him.

There in front of him stood the person he always had wished to see every night, before he went to sleep. He had wished it so much he sometimes saw him in his dreams. He had hoped, prayed to see him but in vain as the man had never came, staying but a mere illusion, staying in the world of dream. He had always wondered if there would be a day he would come back.

And then he hadn’t wondered anymore, afraid to know the answer. There next to window stood a man that resembled Mark greatly, white skin, high cheekbones, his blond hair was dyed in silver grey and he had big doe brown eyes: his father.

Ten looked at the beautiful face of his son, that had only been able to admire through pictures until now. His son, that was the perfect reflection of his beauty and Taeyong’s. His eyes immediately became moisty as memories flashed by, of a laughing cute infant in his arms. “Mark…”, his hoarse voice called.

Mark didn’t know what and how he felt. A part of him wanted to run towards that man, hugging him, afraid he would disappear the instant he would close his eyes, like a mirage. An illusion that would but appear in his dream. Another part wanted to leave, anger and rage mixed with sadness as he remembered the man that had left him years ago after hurting his dad.

He suddenly remembered all the times he had prayed as a kid, for his father to come back. Even Jaehyun, who wasn’t even his biological father had come back to him. But this man hadn’t. And he did not want to know what it would mean.

Yet he remembered the times he would watch Jeno smiling to Jaehyun, and he would secretly wish in his heart that he could be in the embrace of this man.

Those two opposite emotions wreaked havoc in his heart, making his heart swell with emotion, suffocating him. He was lost as he did not know what to feel and his eyes started to tear up silently. He cursed himself as he didn’t want to cry. Not now, not in front of him.

Ten saw the silent tears on his precious son’s face, and his heart wrenched at the sight. He knew, he was the cause of those tears and Ten had never felt so lost and so powerless and guilty.

“Mark”, he stated again, and he made a step towards the direction of his son, but the latter took two steps back. A hurt expression flashed in Ten’s eyes, but he could only blame himself.

Both stared at each other before Taeyong slowly crouched down in front of Mark.

“Love, remember what you promised me?”, Taeyong slowly cupped Mark’s face into his hand, making his son look at him.

“If you do not like it, we will leave. But you promised to hear him out first.”, Taeyong softly pleaded and Mark was even more lost. He knew Taeyong had long forgiven his father, but he did not remember them being close. So why was he doing this? Why was he taking Ten’s side? Mark wanted to say it was not fair. He wanted to break his promise and run, far away from this man and his dad that seemed not to be on his side.

But Mark could not bear the sight of his dad pleading him to do something, his eyes full of love and desperation. He looked like he feared Mark’s refusal. So, he slowly nodded, and Taeyong gently wiped the tears off his face, mouthing a “Thank you”.

Taeyong gently guided Mark to a table near the window and he nudged his son to sit down, taking a place next to him. Ten hesitated but when Taeyong nodded towards the chair opposite of them, he took firm steps and sat down.

Silence greeted them. It was not an awkward silence. It was the calm before the storm as the air was too much filled with tension.

Mark didn’t want to look at his father, so he looked down, fidgeting with his finger.Taeyong’s eyes asked Ten to speak. Ten wanted to. But he was so scared he would mess this up, his voice paralyzed by fear. He then looked at his son, and he could not help but think: So, what if I mess up? I will never allow myself to lose him.

And with determined eyes Ten began to spoke, slowly and softly but his voice confident and serious.

“I missed you so much.”

Okay he had not wanted to begin like this, but those words had been weighting on his hearts.

Mark tensed at those words, but he refused to look as he spoke with a voice, void of kindness:

“I do not want to listen to lies.”

Mark didn’t know how he could speak, as his inside was a mess, but the words were out before he could even process them. Mark looked discreetly up, looking for that man’s reaction.

Ten’s eyes looked sad, but the flame in it, was burning brighter than ever, determined to make thing work out.

“Even though I prepared so much, repeated it a thousand times… I am still unsure how to explain things.”

Ten looked softly at his son.

“All I know is that I am grateful I can explain things… I do not know if you will understand or forgive my absence during all those years. But in the end, I all want is you to be happy. I will not give up easily but in the end all I wanted was to give you a proper explanation. To explain things clearly, so that you would have an answer to all those questions inside of you.”

Ten’s eyes started to tear up again and his voice could not help but get softer as he said,

“And above all, I wanted you to know that I missed you. And I love you. So, so, so much, Mark.”

Mark’s body started to tremble lightly as he bit his lips, trying to control the emotions that made him feel so weak. A big part of him wanted to scream, to let all those emotions out: he wanted to scream in anger, cry in sadness, he wanted to let it all out and feel nothing, just for a bit.

Taeyong, who could feel his internal turmoil, softly grabbed his shoulder with one arm, making him lean into his chest, hugging him.

“Mark, love?”, he asked hesitantly.

“I want to leave.”

Mark’s soft voice was so weak that Taeyong was barely able to hear it. But the fragility of it made Mark's internal turmoil more than obvious. Taeyong di