Arriving at the apartment after work, Wendy cradles her phone between her ear and her shoulder. She makes another call to Seulgi, miles away but still the best and only companion in the meantime.

“The kids are surprisingly much more motivated than I thought. Maybe we were just bad students then.” Wendy smiles as she recalls the day’s work. She realizes being a college instructor isn’t as terrible as she thinks.

Seulgi chuckles as she retorts.

“Is it really apt to call nineteen-year old students as kids? I’m sure most of them are taller than you.”

Wendy animatedly gasps to mock offense. Heels are everyday footwear for her and the only times she wears anything lower than 2 ½ inches is when she is barefoot at home. Although she has to admit that the added height only increases her self-esteem. It’s still not enough to appear taller than half the people she works with.

“Some of them are taller than you, too!”

Seulgi just laughs and she does too. But then Wendy sighs as she remembers someone.

“I’m sorry. I got used to telling stories about my day…”

“It’s okay. I’m your proxy girlfriend anyway.”

Wendy stays mum at that. She knows there is no easy way getting over a relationship. Especially one with whom she almost spent in isolation with.

“Sorry. Too soon?”

Wendy chuckles. Seulgi can be brutally blunt at times but what are friends for.

“It’s okay. Thanks, Seul.”

“But you know,” Seulgi starts, “you and Irene always call me to talk and rant and whatever. Don’t you think you could do that with each other? Hang out! You’re both just relying on your overseas friend, a.k.a me. You live in the same city.”

The woman already has a lot on her plate and Wendy thinks her problematic self would just be a burden to her friend.

But she did promise Irene they’d keep in touch.

“Yeah sure. Have you told her that?”

“Not yet. But I will. So you’ll stop bothering me.”

“You-!” Wendy scoffs at her friend’s teasing, never one to miss an opportunity to make fun of her friend. “Okay. I won’t call you then.”

Wendy lets out a victorious laugh. Her friend obviously didn’t expect the retaliation.

“Noooo~ Not what I meant! Call me! But call Irene, too! Okay?”
 

She nods on the phone. “Okay.”

“I’m still the best, right?”

Wendy could practically hear the lilt in Seulgi’s voice.

“Fine. You’re the best confidante ever.”

“I know right.”

When the call ends, she picks up scattered objects on the floor and shoves them on an unfortunate chair. Lying down in bed and letting her mind wander is an everyday occurrence since her move to Seoul and so her belongings are still in bags and boxes. She convinces herself to resume the task after dinner. But like what happened in the past days, she falls asleep instead, eating and unpacking long forgotten.

---

It’s 4:18 AM. The same date as the day they lost him, a high-pitched sound and a flat line scarring her for life.

She should be sleeping by now. She tosses about on the king size bed, too big for one woman, hunched in a fetal position on one side. She forces herself to sleep, because at least in her dreams, she wouldn’t hurt too much.

She does dream when she finally falls asleep. There’s smoke. Gray and blurry like a candle that’s just been blown out. It moves up and away until it’s gone. Empty like the way she feels inside.

“Mom… wake up. It’s 6:35.”

Irene hastily sits on her bed, quickly wiping her face with her fingers before smiling and thanking her son with a kiss on her forehead.

“Let’s go have breakfast?”

She presses her fingers to the bridge of her nose, putting the best smile her kids deserve. Motherhood never comes easy, especially for a mom of four, when all she wants is to give them the best, even if she’s on her own.

“Mommy!” An obviously sleepy Mina runs to her arms and climbs her lap. Irene kisses her nose and helps her sit on the chair beside her.

“Good morning mom.” Yeri kisses her cheek and Jisoo follows. They eat their breakfast together, like the past eight months since they’ve started picking up the pieces and getting back to their routine.

No one sits on the chair at the end of the table. She closes her eyes and just pretends that he’s there.

---

“Mina thinks you’re lost.” Irene says to nothing, no one, in sight. She closes her eyes and relishes in the fresh air of the memorial park. “You’re not… I hope you’re not… but maybe that’s just her own way of saying she misses you.”

She swallows and opens her eyes to look at the gray marble beside her. I miss you. It was said softly, but it doesn’t matter when her heart screamed to say it all the time.

Irene found it comforting to stay here while the kids are all in school. She feels raw, real, alive, when the wind blows at her hair and the sun blears at her skin. She would rather be here, than in the empty and lonely confines of her own home.

Her ringing phone interrupts her solitude. She has to admit it isn’t unwelcome.

“Wendy? How are you?” Irene asks as she swipes to answer the call.

“Hi Irene, I –“ Irene hears faint chuckling at the other end of the line. “I was going to ask you that.”

She just shed tears minutes ago but she now smiles despite herself. For once, there was actually someone talking to her while in this quiet place.

“I’m doing well, I guess. Thank you for asking. But I’m still adjusting… here.” Wendy’s tone changes from a cheery to a somber one. I