My Name is Jisoo

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Description

They have the same name. They go to the same college. They have the same major. They also probably like each other.

Foreword

"We like each other, but we don't express it."

 


 

My submission for Week 1 of heclehog's Open Writing Club.

Prompt: Sweetheart by Seenroot.

Pairing: Hong Jisoo from Seventeen & Kim Jisoo from Blackpink.

Genre: Romance, School Life.

Words: 1,918.

 


 

Definitely check out this project! It was just recently started, but seems like a lot of fun.

I'll be posting oneshots from time to time, most likely from pairings and groups I usually don't write.

upgrader
A random crackship inspired out of nowhere. Really excited for future prompts because I never would have written something like this otherwise!

Comments

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simperingsimpleton
#1
Chapter 1: thank you, as always. your writing is a heaven to read, akskskfljd. i'm literally left astounded with suppressed grins and giggles.
honeygalaxy
#2
Chapter 1: this is so cute im in love )))))):
BP_Chichoo
#3
Chapter 1: Awww.. Super duper cute!!!
kpopluver3
#4
omg this was just too cute>///<
HufflepuffBaby #5
Chapter 1: This was really cute and enjoyable to read <3
Hope you'll write more about them
mikimika101
#6
Chapter 1: I really liked your concept [They have the same name, go to the same college, and probably like each other]. I also liked your story. It was very cute. Your sentences flow very nicely with each other and it was very direct. It has a lot of potential to be an even better story if you include a few extra things...

Of the bat, when I read I was confused as to who was who. I'm not really into Seventeen or Blackpink, so even if I know the group, I don't know the people. I think you were banking on everyone knowing who they are, but I didn't, so I was lost. There were no character descriptions to introduce me to the characters. All I know is the boy and girl are called Jisoo... Do they have the same last name too? Are they friends? Who is Joshua and Jennie? Why is Jennie given the last name Kim, while both Jisoos are not?

Also if you could give more details on what the characters look like and more details on where they are or what they are doing would be great. I have lots of questions like: What do they look like? How old are they? Where are they? Why and when was the classroom awkward? Where did all the people come from? You write a lot of excellent details on the characters' actions, so I think if you could extend those to other descriptions that would be even better. I think maybe its because you didn't include details on their college life and how having the same name impacted them the concept/synopsis didn't match with the story that I just read.

My last issue was on who was speaking. There were a lot of characters speaking, but very little insight as to who was speaking. If there was a scene in your story with more than two people in the conversation it would be a nightmare to read. There were very little "he/she said or Joshua said." It was very hard to read and understand who was speaking.

Overall, I loved your story a lot, but I thought the writing style you were writing in was more suitable for scriptwriting than creative writing. In scriptwriting you don't need to write a lot of details because we can see it visually on the screen. We can see who is speaking and the settings that the characters are in. In creative writing we need to be given details on what we are supposed to see/imagine, so that we can make the visuals in our head. If the audience is not given any details on what we are supposed to visualize we are taken out of the story and thrown into confusion.

Thank you. I look forward to reading your next story.
Yoshinon #7
I like the simplicity of this story. It was a light, enjoyable read. Good job!
WinterCeeli
#8
Chapter 1: I really liked how you started this, I could picture almost everything..
Good job ^^
Mewlrose #9
Chapter 1: This is such a cute story, short and sweet. Really like the romance between the two Jisoo's and it was nice to see Jisoo's feelings towards Joshua develop. Jennie was a really fun character as well. Overall, it was really cute and fun to read, and I can't believe that lady screaming interrupted "the moment".
heclgehog
#10
Chapter 1: This was so cute and fluffy the entire way through omg. The overall atmosphere was light and sweet so this was really fuzzy and nice to fly through. As others said, more physical description would have been nice. You did well conveying their feelings, but having a clearer image of their expressions and maybe even including things like if they have a height difference, Jisoo looking up at him. Or other ways of showing the characters more and unique things about them that way the story can go from an adorable little drabble into something more substantial. Nonetheless I enjoyed it~