are you sure you know where you want to go?

follow way, my butterfly.
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Butterfly by K.Will

“You’re leaving?”

She flinches at the demanding tone of his voice, fingers freezing where they hover over the doorknob. The light which cascades through the open window in a single moonlit beam, shadowing the room in an azure glow, makes her feel as if she’s been trapped in an interrogation room. It isolates her, forcing her into an unwanted spotlight, like she’s a criminal being caught in the act.

And it’s almost like she is one. Or at least that’s how he feels, perhaps.

Kwon Jiyong. Her friend of two years. Her confidant. Her dearest companion. Her family.

And the very person she is in the middle of abandoning.

No, not abandoning. That’s too strong of a word. She isn’t leaving him, not in the way he probably thinks she is – forever, without contact, without a true reason – but she might as well be.

Jiyong has always been a boy driven by his emotions. His parents left him here at the orphanage when he was not a day older than eleven, and he had let the anger and resentment that came along with their desertion consume him entirely. He was difficult to approach. Difficult to tame. He was loud and violent and always sought to destroy himself in ways that oftentimes made her want to scold him like the mother he now lacked. And perhaps it was that stubborn, caring nature of hers that made her take it upon herself to befriend him all those summers ago.

She comes to sit beside him, peering at his hunched form through the corners of her curious eyes. “My name is Sandara,” she introduces casually, “and from now on, we’re going to be friends.”

As for her, she has been a member of Yang Orphanage since she was thirteen. After her father had fallen into debt, he had done everything in his power to reclaim the modest fortune he once held – most of his attempts (and ultimate failures) being held solely at her expense. The endless traveling. The shows. The pictures. The countless men and their roaming hands. Her own blood had contorted her into a mere commodity. Just an object he could exploit and damage for any sort of monetary gain.

She was taken from him by social services within a few years.

And it’s a childhood she wants nothing more than to forget.

But such a childhood has presented her with an understanding of Jiyong’s pain that no one in the orphanage seems to genuinely comprehend. Most of the other children’s parents are dead, while the rest of them have parents who’d given them up to the orphanage long before they can remember. Of course, this is not to say their sorrow is mundane compared to hers and Jiyong’s. But it is certainly different from being cast aside. From being discarded.

And that shared difference is what eventually made Jiyong open up to her.

“I’m just like you, Jiyong-ah,” she says in a gentle voice, fingers cautiously reaching out to him, “so if I can still smile, you can too.”

So of course she couldn’t simply tell her little Jiyong that she was planning to leave the orphanage – to leave him. It would break him. Hurt him in ways not even her kind smiles and warm hugs could ever hope to mend. And while she tried to be quiet, to keep her footsteps light and her breathing shallow, Jiyong had still awoken to the faint sounds of her final departure.

He stands on the other side of the living room now, his small hands fists at his sides. Only thirteen years old and yet he still manages to make her swallow heavily under the sheer anger which reverbates off of him. Pure fire burns in the depths of his hollow brown eyes, and she almost feels inclined to stay in the orphanage until she is officially of age – just so that fury would dissipate from his gaze and revert back to the innocent happiness she helped bloom there over the past two years.

Right. Almost.

“I have to go,” she tells him quietly, blinking back the tears she forces herself to keep at bay. He can’t see her cry – not now. He can’t know that she could possibly regret her decision to leave, can't know of her growing hesitance. He is smart for his age, much too smart, and he’d know exactly what words to say in order to get her to put her duffel bag down and remain at his side until she (legally) no longer could. And she can’t do that. She won’t. No matter how much he wants or begs her to, she absolutely cannot push her dreams aside and continue playing big sister to the fuming boy standing before her.

It isn’t as if she doesn’t like being with him – no, it is anything but that. She loves Jiyong, truly she does.

But she loves her passion for singing more.

Yes, she wants to become a singer. A star. A celebrity who has all the power and money and love and excitement that anyone can ask for. This orphanage has nothing to offer her. In the middle of nowhere, filled to the brim with hopeless children who struggle to make it through each day, Yang Orphanage is not where she wants her life to begin nor end. She wants to make a name for herself and achieve every dream she has ever had.

And staying here, even with the company of Jiyong, is not enough. It will never be enough.

Clenching her eyes shut, she gives Jiyong one last mournful look. He has obviously just rolled out of bed, most likely startled awake by the sound of her treading hastily throughout their shared bedroom. His hair is askew, pajamas wrinkled and messy, and never has Kwon Jiyong looked more like the small child he is than at that very moment.

She swallows back the apologies and excuses she feels she needs to say.

No regrets, she hisses at herself. You’re doing the right thing. You have to go.

“No you don’t,” Jiyong growls, and her eyes widen as he takes a step forward. She takes one step of your own – backwards, closer to the very door that stands in the way of her escape from the hellhole she has called home for far too long.

Jiyong is shaking, cherub cheeks going red with rage, and god how she wants to embrace him. To encompass him in her arms and tell him that everything will be okay, just like she always does.

Just like she can’t do now.

“I’ll write to you every day,” she swears, and her fingers twitch back into motion. They grab the doorknob tightly, her knuckles turning white at the force of her hold, and Jiyong looks ready to pounce.

“You can’t leave me here, noona,” he barks, and she grimaces at the way his voice cracks around the endearing title. She pulls the door open, feeling the nighttime breeze drift in and caress her face. Whispers of promises of grand success and the brightest future lull her to step further into the midnight air.

Jiyong’s voice rings out to her from the living room, so small and afraid as she wills herself to finally turn away from him.

“Please...don’t leave me.”

She closes the door behind her with a gentle click, missing the betrayed look that strikes Jiyong’s face.

(Their first goodbye ends with heartbreak).

“You’re singing?”

Sandara stands nervously in front of the seated individuals before her, fingers wringing through the hem of her tee-shirt. It’s an old and wrinkled thing, something that she had packed carelessly in her rush to leave her old home. Now, she almost hates herself for not choosing her clothes more wisely. Not that she had much fancy, neat clothes to begin with. But even a dress would have been better than the oversized band shirt and frayed denim shorts she currently wears.

Clearing , Sandara offers the judges a few feet away from her a weak smile. They don’t return it, simply staring at her as if she’s nothing more than a burden they’ve been forced to humor for boredom’s sake. Her heart thumps wildly in her chest, the blank eyes of three of the most well-known entertainment magnates the country has to offer stripping her of all the confidence she’d managed to build in front of her motel mirror a few hours prior.

Kwon Boa. Jung Jihoon. And Kang Sunghoon. A trio of past stars – now the leading figures of Taiji Entertainment – who reign supreme as some of the richest individuals in South Korea, their fame and fortune being the inspiration of many who longed to stand on stage just as they had over five years ago.

Of course they would be the three to judge Sandara on her first audition. It can't be a normal employee who would relay their judgement to the higher-ups, no. It has to be the higher-ups themselves.

Gulping, Sandara forces herself to keep her breathing steady and calm. She can do this. She can do this. She didn’t spend those hours practicing to her reflection whenever her foster siblings weren’t around, belting notes and struggling to perfect her technique, for nothing. She won't let everything she’s done up until now go to waste, no matter who sits in the judge’s seat.

Coming to Seoul was an expensive and dangerous journey. It had taken her days and all of her saved allowances to finally reach the bustling city of dreams, and even more to finally land an official audition within one of the most famous entertainment companies of all time.

Taiji Entertainment is a formidable place, standing at a frightening seven stories tall, and home to more than one hundred celebrities known country-wide (some even worldwide, much to Sandara’s surprise). She has read countless stories about this place in local newspapers and magazines alike, her older foster siblings oftentimes gushing about the idols manufactured within these towering walls.

Such thoughts do nothing to quell her nervousness, and Sandara has to remind herself to stay focused as her stomach knots and her hands presperate around the microphone in her hands. She is not unused to the idea of being in the limelight. Her father had gotten her “gigs” at quite a few recognized modelling agencies back at their temporar

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Fr0zenMus1c #1
Chapter 5: Good God. Seo-sajangnim is a scary MF. I wonder why Hiro is so adamant to deny that they're friends. Is he also a sick MF?

Chaerin here is so cold. I wonder if she and Sandara will ever get close.
Fr0zenMus1c #2
Chapter 3: Gosh! This fic is exciting. Will Chaelin and Minzy make an appearance?
Fr0zenMus1c #3
The recent Jaedara IG interactions made me interested to read this fic. I’m crossing my fingers that this is close to the idol world as we (fans) know it. I’m super excited ^_^
censorsx
#4
Chapter 1: Hiro??? Lol no thankssss yuck ??? he needs to be gone really quickly just as he came into the picture. This story is so well written though like wowwwwwww I’m invested in it now :)
haruhi19 #5
Always a trash for jiyong so i hope he wouldnt be the typical jerk here. Waiting!
sanjae24
#6
Waiting authornim..