Na Bi

It was a seemingly perfect day. Well, for me at least. It was perfect. It was a cloudy and chilly day. There weren’t a lot of people outside and I had the café all to myself. What more can I ask for? No noisy people around, there weren’t annoying youngsters being loud and obnoxious about taking photos for their instagram accounts. (Which I don’t really understand to be honest.) I sat at my usual spot and marveled at how nothing has changed in the café. It looked exactly the same in the pictures from years ago. 

As I was talking out my book, My friend texted me.

Diva-nim: I’ll be a little late

Of course, when are you ever on time? Hahaha. It’s fine. take your time.

Diva-nim: Hey! Looking as good as me isn’t as easy as it seems.

 Just try to arrive within the day, please?

Diva-nim: kkkk. See you

Take care!

Diva-nim: Ok. Try not to lose your while waiting for me.

Hey! I hate you.

Diva-nim: YOU LOVE ME. kkkk.

Of course. With Oh Sehun, You had to be willing to wait for at least an hour for him. He never fails to be late at any meeting which normally would irk me if it were any person but it was Sehun.  So it’s okay. It’s kind of like a given.

To be honest, I don’t know why or how we became friends. Close friends at that. Sure, we’ve known each other since we were practically in our mother’s bellies (both our fathers went to med school together and decided to start a cosmetics hospital). So by default, we became each other’s first and closest friend. Despite basically growing up with each other, we grew up into two totally different people.  He’s sociable while I don’t like people in general. He’s fashionable while I am not. He’s quite sassy and will come at whoever does him wrong while I try to avoid conflict as much as I can. He’s adventurous while I like to stay in my own little world. But despite all thet, our friendship oddly works.

“ Here’s your chamomile and lemon tea, Nabiyaaaa. It’s nice to see you again ” Minseok, the weirdly young looking, Cat eyed and low key flirtatious barista and owner of the café, said as he placed the steaming hot tea on the table, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“ Oh, Thank you, Minseok Oppa. You spoil me too much. I could’ve gotten my drink myself. “

“ Anything for my favorite, Customer. When did you get back?” He said

“ A few days ago. Still quite jet lagged.” I replied

“ We have great chamomile and lavender infused tea here, I’ll pack some for you. It can help you relax and sleep in no time.”

“ Oh, no. You don’t have to do that. Minseok, Oppa. I can manage.”

“ Come on, it’s my homecoming gift. I’ll be hurt if you don’t accept.” He said while pretending to pout his lips

“ Thank you, Minseok Oppa.”

“ Welcome back home! Waiting for Sehunie? ” He asked

“ Yeah. When am I not waiting for him? ”

He chuckled at my remark and shook his head.

 “ That kid hasn’t changed at all has he? Well, enjoy your tea. I’ll be at the counter if you need me.”

“ Alright. Thank you, Oppa!”  

 “ Be careful it’s quite hot. You might hurt yourself.” He winked as he turned around and headed towards the counter.

If it were another person, I would’ve cringed and rolled my eyes at any grease ball who would try to flirt with me. Heck, I might be having a panic attack right now. But with Xiumin oppa, it’s something that comes natural and not anyway cringe worthy that’s why I’m fine with it. Plus, Sehun warned me about him when we were reviewing my past photos and memories.

I chuckled (a teeny tiny bit uncomfortably) as he walked away and decided to listen to some music of my own music and started reading my book. Today, I was reading about a novel by Kevin Kwan. It was about the crazy and ostentatious lives of the very rich in Asia. I normally wouldn’t gravitate towards a novel like this but Oh Sehun, being the persuasive talker that he is, convinced me to check out the whole trilogy and lo and behold, I was hooked. It’s like reading a well written tabloid article!

After some time, someone came in and sat at the table in front of mine and was facing me. I hated it because it made me feel uncomfortable when someone sat in front of me. I didn’t like looking at people’s faces. But when I saw what he was wearing, I felt relieved because he was wearing an all-black outfit and was wearing a cap that covered half of his face. I couldn’t see most of his face. All I could see were his full lips that were shaped like a heart. It looked quite familiar, to be honest. But I don’t trust my memory especially with people’s faces. So I just shrugged it off and went back to reading.

 An hour passed and still no Oh Sehun in sight. I looked up and noticed that the guy in front of me staring in my general direction. Which I shrugged off to calm myself down but when he realized he had been caught, instead of avoiding my gaze, he held it and then smiled ( It was a smile that was filled with familiarity). I looked behind me to check if anyone was behind me but we were the only customers in the café. He was definitely smiling at me. That made me panic. All sorts of questions started came to mind. Do I know this guy? I don't remember memorizing a heart shaped lipped person. Is he a stranger? Oh go what if he wasn't a common friend sehun and I shared that why he wasn't in our photos.  Oh my god. Oh my god. What should I do!? Oh my god. My heart started pounding like there it was going to jump out of my chest. My lungs refused to expand every time I inhaled. It was starting to be difficult for me to breathe. The whole café was turning into a Van Gogh painting. I grabbed my phone and started dialing for Sehun.

“ I’m right  around the corner. Why are you so im—“ Sehun breezily answered

“ I. Need. You. ” I said as I desperately tried to make my speech comprehensible

“ What’s wrong? I’m almost—“ I dropped my phone and couldn’t hear anything more as I saw the guy stand up and make his way towards me. The ringing in my ears made it impossible to hear anything else.

“ staaaah ” I said in between inhales as I desperately straightened my hand in front of me as a pathetic attempt of keeping him at arm’s length.

“ It’s fine. I’m not here to hurt you.” The man with the heart shaped lips said as he carefully approached me.

“ staaah theyyyyy” was all I could say as I tried with everything in me to steady the whole world.

“ I’m so sorry, Nabi-ya. I’m—“ He said in a really apologetic voice. He was cut off by a tall figure, who  dragged him to the other side of the café.

I felt relieved as soon as there was a comfortable distance between us. I closed my eyes in an attempt to steady everything and calm myself down but my breathing still hasn’t normalized.

“ Here. Breathe into this ” said a familiar voice

I flinched when I felt someone place a hand on my upper back. Still hyper vigilant of my surrounding.

“ It’s fine, Nabiya. It’s minseok oppa. Miseok oppa. Focus on my eyes. It’s me. It’s me.” He said reassuringly when he realized that I was still panicking.

I looked up and I saw a familiar pair of cat shaped eyes paired with a familiar voice. Yeap. It was minseok oppa.

“ Thaaaa kyu.” I said as I grabbed the paper bag he was holding out to me.

“ Calm down. Focus on your breathing. “ He said as he sat beside me

“ Seh huuuun? ” I asked him in between irregular breathes

“ He’s already here. He’s just talking to kyu—to that guy.”

I nodded as I breathed into the paper bag. Relief started to wash over me when I found out that Sehun was already here.

“ That’s it. Good. Focus on your breathing Nabi.” Minseok oppa kept chanting as he was patting my upper back, Practically breathing at the same pace as me.

“ Wait. You know? “ I asked minseok oppa as I realized that he told me to focus on his eyes – his identifier.

“ Not everything. Sehun just gave me a heads up just before you came in today. He told me you might not remember me well. and that if anything happened, I should tell you to focus on my eyes.” He explained

“ Oh.. “ I said as I looked up

Sehun was arguing with the guy with the heart shaped lips. It looked like they knew each other well. I took a good look at the guy’s face. He had his cap off. He had big round eyes and full eyebrows. He had really short hair – It was less than an inch long which made the top of his head look round. He looked quite frustrated as he ran his hands through his hair.

“ Poor bastard.. “ Minseok said absent mindedly as he looked at their direction

“ Huh? “ I asked

“ Nothing. How are you feeling? “ He asked

“ Yes, much better. Thank you. “ I said quietly

" Wait here a sec. I'll go get your teas." He said as he quickly went to the counter

My breathing finally went back to normal and I was finally able to steady the world. I was looking for my phone when Sehun was finally beside.

“ How are you feeling, Noona? “ He said as he picked my phone off the ground

“ Noona? You feel that sorry for me? “ He never calls me noona. Unless, he’s feeling guilty or sorry about something.

“ Alright? “ He asked ignoring my remark

“ Yeah much better. Let’s leave. “

“ Okay. “ he said as he gathered my things for me and haphazardly threw my phone and book into my bag.

Minseok Oppa approached us with a paper bag in his hand and handed the paper bag to Sehun.

“ It’s my welcome home gift to Nabi.” He told sehun who looked at him with a puzzled look

“ Thank you, Oppa. You really didn’t have to.” I said

“ Yeah. Maybe if you paid more attention to the people coming in and out, it would’ve been better.” Sehun said to minseok sharply

“ Listen. I didn’t think he’d actually come here. Last time I heard he was shooting movies left and right. Barely had enough time to actually live. Let alone come all the way here. “ Minseok oppa said defensively

 “ Hey, Sehun. Be nice. He had no control over this. It’s fine minseok, Oppa. I’m sorry for causing trouble.”

“ No, I’m sorry.” Minseok oppas said apologetically

“ Whatever. Let’s go. “ Sehun said dismissively as he steadied me as I stood up.

I smiled apologetically to Minseok oppa as we left the café.

We remained silent as we walked towards Sehun’s car. His grip on my shoulder was tight. It would’ve been uncomfortable but with his arm around me and his hands on my shoulder, I felt safe. I felt steady. But more importantly, I felt so sorry for Sehun. He was technically younger than me ( 3 months). But I depended too much on him. Especially after the accident. After my whole world was turned upside down. After my loved ones ripped away from my memories.

I have prosopagnosia. I can’t see people’s faces. Well, technically I see them but I can’t associate the faces with memories or names. My doctors call it associative prosopagnosia. I have my memories intact but I can’t find the faces to match so memories with.

1 year after the accident, I have managed to connect majority of my memories with family and close friends  by giving each of them an identifier and piecing together each memory with the help of photographs and videos.

But it's not the same. Each memory feels empty. each memory made me feel lonelier than ever.