Chapter 1: This is actually really sweet, if you like, slow down the style of your intense writing, like excluding to much use of caps lock and bold + italics it would look better, just use normal heading more because bold and caps makes it look to intense to be real and readers would imagine the fight that way and it's unreal and LOUD. overall it's good, you can work a little bit more on your vocab in your dialogues, but it's good, and the angsty are very believable. Keep it up, after all good writers aren't made overnight.