NOVEMBER 2014

This is a really busy month for all med students since it is our midterms exams this week and even I myself am not excused. I had to balance my academics at the same time my internship in the hospital, but don't get me wrong, I am not complaining even a bit.

My internship is never stressful, if anything else, it is my stress reliever. Chaeyoung makes my days a lot more fun with her tricks and comments, I feel like the brain-wrecking medical terms that I have to memorize are nothing but mere ABC's.

"So, her parents aren't going to be here tonight?" Jeongyeon asked me.

I simply nodded my head and hum "Yeah, so I'm going to stay the night." I told her while we're on our way to Chaeyoung's room. But before we could enter, she first gave me a playful look.

"Don't do naughty things. Keep in mind, she's sick." then smirks at me.

What the hell?

"Wh-what are you talking about? You're talking nonsense." I quickly avert my eyes. Damnit. Why am I getting all flushed because of this? I mean, I'm not a . Nor am I a wimp.

She laughed quite loud before adding, "Stop blushing. You're being obvious. It seems that our Chaengiee captured the doctor-to-be's heart, huh?"

My eyes grew bigger than ever.

If someone has captured a heart here, IT'S ME!

ME!

Can you hear me?

Okay, Jeongyeon may not know this but, hey, months ago Chaeyoung confessed to me.

She did!

She likes me!

She does!

But---- no one knows. Except me. And her, of course.

After that night, she went back to being the old Chaeyoung that I know. She's back to her old tricks like drawing on my coats (which I got used to), watching dramas on TV, playing games with me and some other things.

She never, even once, talked about that confession once again. I tried mentioning about it, but she's quick to avoiding the topic. Since then, I stopped trying to dig further into that matter since I know that there's no use to doing so.

Ugh, it's really difficult to be confessed by someone as stubborn as her.

Tss.

"What are you doing?" I lift my gaze the moment I heard her voice.

"Oh, I'm just studying for our midterms. Why? Do you need anything?" I get up from my seat to check if she needs anything. She then shook her head, while waving both of her hands.

"No no no no! I-- I don't need anything. Just... go back to studying." she told me which I obediently followed since I really need to review for my exams.

I went back to my previous comfortable place on the couch and start scanning through my notes. I was little by little squeezing every information I leaned in my head when suddenly I felt someone sitting on the couch beside me.

"Hey, what do you need?" I once again inquire. This girl's making me worry.

She suddenly leans closer to m--- my book. She is so close to me now that her knees are touching mine, her head almost touching my chin, her arm in contact with mine. And . I'm frozen in my place; my whole body seems to forget how to move. Well, aside from my heart which has never been so active.

"Wh--what d-d--do you... need?" I stutter completely since, , she's too close.

She then raises her head without any warning which caused me to lean back automatically and move a little.

"Nothing. I just want to know what you're studying. And by the looks of it, with these pictures and words on your book, this seems really hard to understand." She explained while glacing on my notes.

"It.. is. But I have to study. Tomorrow's an important day so I can't mess up." I told her.

She nods her head slowly then adds, "Go on. Keep on studying. I'll help you."

I raised my brows at her offer "How will you do that?"

She then rolled her eyes and says, in a matter of fact tone, "I'll read this and ask you some questions. I'm going to test you... And---"

I furrowed my eyebrows as I watch her take something under her bed. "These!" she lifts up all the snacks she's been hiding her bed.

I lowered my head but then wasn't able to refrain myself from bursting out. I laugh my heart out to the point where tears came out of my eyes. "You're so funny!" I exclaimed as I wipe away my tears.

She squinted her eyes at me and pouted, "What's funny? These are delicious."

"Yeah, yeah. Come on. Sit here." I say as I tap the space beside me.

And that's how our night... nights went by.

She was a great help for the last week, she indeed has helped me review for my exams; I can say her way of testing me and her snacks are effective enough to keep my brain working---

Okay, I admit it, her presence kept my heart busy the whole time.

Happy?

Anyway, since I know how to return back my gratitude, I decided to buy her flowers, drawing materials, the newest album of WINNER and IU and a box of gummy bears.

I hope these are enough. I hope these can make her happy.

Before heading to her room, I decided to grab my breakfast at the hospital’s canteen first. Bacon sandwich can really ease my stress coupled with a hot brewed coffee, ugh, this might just be the perfect combination to start my day.

I was so into devouring my food when someone placed his/her tray on my table--- oh, it’s actually Yoo Jung.

“Good morning, Jungkook-ah.” She greets me while wearing a smile on her face.

I return back the smile and greeted her, “Good morning, It’s rare to see you here.” She’s actually assigned to the cosmetics building which is across this one, so it really is a surprise that she’s here.

“Oh, I was just curious as to how things have been going on here so I decided to check it out. I---” she trails then adds, “actually asked Mingyu about your schedule here. Just saying, you might be wondering why am I here this early.”

I almost choke on my food when I heard what she said. She’s really the blunt and straightforward type, isn’t she?

I just awkwardly chuckled and nodded my head at her, not really knowing how to respond to that.

To my surprise she just laughed a little “When will my advances be ever effective on you? I wonder.” She said as she stares at me while resting her chin on her hands.

Right after we finished eating, I politely asked to take my leave but then she asks me to walk with her until the connecting bridge of our buildings. Since it’s on the same direction as mine, I didn’t really have any reason to refuse.

We were walking to the hallway of the hospital when she suddenly clung onto my arms. “Hopefully after this internship I would be able to snatch your attention away. I’ll prepare for that.” She boldly declared while grinning so widely at me. She even continues with… “I like you a lot. I hope even only that has reached to you.”

. What am I supposed to do with situations like this? Damnit.

And to make things worse, she was there. Standing still, eyes widening with each second that passed by and gripping tight on Jeongyeon’s arm.

!

I quickly pull my arm away from Yoo Jung and walk slowly towards their direction. But before I can even come near, the two were gone in just a blink of an eye.

What the . Why do I feel so nervous as if I was caught cheating or something like that?

Ugh. This is making me crazy.

I gathered all my strength and well, my gifts, for her before going to her room.

Is she mad? Will she once again give me the cold shoulder? Oh, please no. We’re good!

I knock twice at her door and as I let myself in, I was welcomed by her beautiful smile, did she just complete my day?

that. I’m going crazy.

“Good morning.” I greet both Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon.

“Good morning, Jungkook.” Jeongyeon responds. I though her greeting ended there but then she continued, “So, your girl is a med student just like you huh?”” while giving me that teasing smirk.

I gulped and by instinct turn my head to Chaeyoung who has her eyes glued on the TV.

“She’s – she’s not my--”

“Oh come on!” Chaeyoung interrupts. “She’s pretty. I don’t think there’s any reason to hide her from the world. Like, duh, she’s not just pretty but also smart, imagine a med student. That’s a perfect match”

Wha—t?

“She seems to like you a lot, based from what I heard from Mingyu and well, from what we saw.” Jeongyeon said while fixing Chaeyoung medicines on the side table.

Okay, this is too much misunderstanding.

“I think it’s a misunderst--” but before I could even finish my sentence, Jeonyeon has asked her permission to leave first when she was called out by another nurse from outside.

And that’s when it became more awkward than it already is.

I then realized that I was still holding my gifts for her. So, I stretched my arms out as I give them to her.

She gave me a confused stare before speaking “And what are those for?”

I scratch the back of my neck as I lower my head “Well, just thank you gifts for helping me study last week. You were a great help to be honest.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that, but anyway, thank you for these.” She calmly says as she offered me a sweet smile.

OKAY. There is definitely something wrong in here. She’s being too nice. And it’s not her.

“Hmm, we’re not together.” I announced out of the blue. I don’t know. I just thought I needed to clear it for her.

I noticed her flinched a little before going back to her composure and answering, “Why not? It’ll be a loss when you let her slip.” She states with what I think is a bitter smile plastered on her face.

“I just don’t see her that way.” I seriously tell her.

She just simply nodded her head. “Jungkook-ah, if you’re thinking about my feelings, don’t worry about it. It’s just a small crush that I have for you. You can always date whoever you want, I’m not going to die because of that—“ she laughs a little then continues “so don’t feel guilty about your personal life.” She then exhaled sharply “As a matter of fact, I don’t think I have anymore feelings for you now. So, feel free.”

I was stunned for a moment unable to think of the best answer to her long speech.

And in the end I just nodded my head and hummed as a response.

Just feel free, Jungkook.

It has been three days since that talk that we had. And eversince then, I never had the courage to speak to her the same way I usually do.

Maybe because of the disappointment I feel about her words, which I don’t really know why I’m feeling. Or because I have been keeping a secret from her.

A secret which we all agreed to keep from her until everything’s all right.

By we, I mean, Jeongyeon, Seulgi, Mingyu, Dr. Lee and I. We just don’t want her to worry and get sick. No way we would allow that.

But today, it’s becoming harder to hide it from, especially now that she insists on going to So-won’s room.

“Come on. I’m bored. Three days are long enough. Why is So-won even allowed to go on a vacation that long?” she questions as her brows meet in the middle due to pure confusion.

“Well, she was allowed. We can’t contradict Dr. Lee’s decisions.” Jeongyeon blatantly lied to her face.

Chaeyoung just rolled her eyes admitting that it’s a defeat for her now. So, she let the argument go and decided to continue watching the series she’s been into these days.

Now, it’s the cue for the pang of guilt in my chest to travel all over my body.

I feel bad about hiding the truth to her, the truth tha