He sighs, lying on his back on top of his mattress. It’s the seventh night in a row that he’s been lying like this, gaze staring blankly at the ceiling above. It’s the seventh night in a row since he forced himself to admit the feelings that he had kept contained within his heart for so long.

It’s never that easy to admit that you’re in love, especially for him. Contrary to the image that he constantly displayed, he honestly wasn’t a man of many words, and he never expressed his feelings directly.

Even if his instincts tell him it’s better to get it over and done with, he bites his tongue and stays far away. He’s the type to listen to his brain rather than his heart; his brain has been telling him that this could completely ruin the relationship between them and end up completely shattering the dynamics of the team - and as the leader of Super Junior, he was not going to let something like that happen.

By ‘him’, he was referring to his complete opposite - his only same-aged friend in the group, the self-proclaimed star of the universe, Kim Heechul.

He didn’t quite know how it happened either. They were the complete opposite of one another; Heechul would voice out his concerns and annoyances in a heartbeat, while he would keep it to himself and attempt to present it in a calmer tone.

If he just had to be the unlucky one to fall for someone in his own group, the last person he would’ve expected would be Heechul.

Some way or another, though, fate seemed to enjoy taunting him. Perhaps Cupid’s arrow had gotten lost in the wind and landed on Heechul instead. He can’t seem to think of a possible reason for his feelings.

It just happens sometimes, he supposes.

When they said that you can’t help who you fall in love with, he never thought that the statement would ring so true.

People also always said things about love not being as pretty as you imagined it to be.

He always knew that love wasn’t like the fairytales. He knew that love came with pain and hurt and sorrow. He knew that whatever love he would experience in the future wouldn’t be all nice and smooth.

But he never expected it to be anything like this.

He decides to stick with the safe plan of ignoring Heechul, in fear of him accidentally blurting out words that he isn’t meant to say to him.

Maybe he’s being a coward.

But how exactly are you supposed to have the courage to do this when he’s part of the group that you consider family?

“Jungsoo-yah,” his name is the first thing uttered from Heechul’s mouth in form of a half-awake morning greeting. Heechul is sitting at the kitchen table, his eyelids heavy from sleeplessness; he had schedules till early in the morning, and he assumes that he’s only gotten an hour or so of sleep at best.

“Good morning,” he forces out, willing himself to keep his tone as neutral as possible. Thankfully, before Heechul can say anything else, Ryeowook walks into the room with a cup of coffee for Heechul, temporarily distracting the 83-liner.

He accepts the coffee gratefully, swallowing a plentiful gulp at once. Shaking his head, he makes eye contact again as the effects of the strong morning coffee begin to take place.

He can feel the back of his throat drying up a little as Heechul’s gaze finds his. “Any schedules today?” he queries.

“Not much, just a meeting with the management…”

As he coerces a gentle smile onto his facial features, he can feel Heechul’s curious gaze burning into his back. But he doesn’t look back.

He’s been ignoring Heechul for a record time now. He’s gone to his meeting and come back, and after a bit Heechul had returned from his filmings and recordings too. Both of them would often sit in a comfortable silence, but that was when they had nothing of significance to say to one another and instead chose to enjoy one another’s company while doing their own things; but now, there’s a clear air of tension and awkwardness between them as he walks into the living room of the dorm.

An awkwardness that he’s unconsciously created by avoiding Heechul, he fears.

He assumes he hasn’t been as discreet about it as he had hoped.

Majority of the members from the eleventh floor have come up to the twelfth floor to spend time together and enjoy Ryeowook’s and Sungmin’s cooking; as Heechul strides into the living, he can feel his spine stiffening against his own will, and he can also see - out of the corner of his eye - Eunhyuk glancing towards him a little quizzically.

Clearly, he hasn’t been all as inconspicuous as he thought if literally everyone noticed.

“Yah, Jungsoo.”

He can’t help but flinch as he hears Heechul’s rough, exasperated voice cut through the air. “What’s been going on with you?” his fellow 83-liner presses, his eyes piercing.

“Nothing. I’m just tired, that’s all,” he attempts to slip out of the situation, but he already knows that Heechul will have none of it. Avoiding eye contact with the irritated male, he catches Kyuhyun’s raised eyebrow and lets out a silent sigh of defeat.

Even the maknae can see right through him.

“Don’t give me your bull, Jungsoo!” Heechul’s voice raises and he winces. The other members carefully scoot away from the raging hyung, fearing that the dorm may be bordering on the brink of catastrophe and destruction.

At this rate, it may very well be.

“Not now, Heechul,” he responds at last, trying his best to keep his voice steady, trying his best not to look away from Heechul’s burning gaze.

“Then when?” Each of Heechul’s words are glazed over with frost, every syllable hitting hard and true. “If I let this continue on, are you going to ignore me forever?” His voice hardens, and some members discreetly escape the living room. “I’m not blind, I’m not deaf, I’m not an idiot, Jungsoo. I can see that you’re trying hard to avoid eye contact with me, I can hear the tightness in your voice, I can tell that you’re very clearly trying not to speak to me.”

“It’s not like that-”

“Can you just speak what’s on your mind for once?” Heechul asks in exasperation.

He isn’t sure what causes the fury sparking within his own soul; perhaps it’s the implication that he should be more like Heechul - it only served to highlight just how opposite they were, how his style of speaking and handling himself was nothing like the explosive diva’s.

He can feel himself standing, meeting Heechul’s gaze with a surprising intensity. He can see Donghae turning away and Eunhyuk paling a little.

“Can’t you talk about it with me privately later?” he snaps, his voice rough with frustration. “Can’t you act more like an adult and deal with it later rather than popping up right now?”

“Act more like an adult my ,” Heechul snorts derisively. “As if always being scared to speak your mind is very adult-like. You’re the coward here, Jungsoo.”

“You don’t have the right to say that to me!”

Super Junior’s leader finally snaps. He raises his voice in a yell, and one of the members lets out a small exclamation of surprise and fear, but Heechul remains unwavering.

“Then what do you want me to say?” He replies coldly. “Do you want me to not bother? Shall it end like this? Shall I let you keep ignoring me forever?”

He swallows. Just until my feelings for you fade, he wants to whisper, but he can’t, not now.

He can’t bring himself to say anything.

The silence drags on, the steady ticking of the clock beginning to thrum and reverberate in his whirling mind harder than a storm on metal panes.

“Fine.”

Heechul is the one to break the silence.

“If you want it to end it, then fine.”

He leaves.

The room is silent, and then Kyuhyun speaks up.

He’s less than impressed. “You know, if you’re that in love with Heechul hyung, you should just tell him.”

Firstly, the fact that the maknae is telling this to him makes it more embarrassing.

Secondly, how did he even -

The leader learned not to question Cho Kyuhyun’s methods of knowing literally everything a long time back.

“I can’t,” he says simply.

“You should…” Sungmin murmurs. “You know, before you allow this fight to get between you two forever.”

How can I ever bring myself to say it? He wonders.

Wondering won’t get him anywhere, though.

He still wonders anyway.

Wondering about the possibilities. There’s always the slight possibility that his feelings may be reciprocated; there’s also the large possibility that it would only create a larger, more awkward rift between them.

“Don’t end it like this,” Ryeowook states out of the blue, and he jerks a little at the maknae’s words.

If you want to end it, then fine.

I don’t want to end it.

Leeteuk finds himself outside Heechul’s room door at two in the morning. The other members are all asleep, but he knows that Heechul isn’t.

Okay, maybe Kyuhyun too, considering that he’s constantly up at three playing Starcraft.

“H - Heechul-ah.” He tries to keep his voice steady as he knocks against the door softly.

There’s a pause, and Leeteuk has the feeling that Heechul is right on the other side of the door.

“Heechul-” He wills his voice stronger. It works, but barely. “I know you're there.”

There's a soft click as the door swings open. His breath hitches - unintentionally - as he comes face to face with Heechul’s tired gaze. “What do you want now?” It's one of the first time he's heard Heechul like this - quiet, enervated.

Wanting to avoid speaking with him.

It's hard for him to let go of all his pride, but the silence that spreads too long makes him remember how desperately he doesn't want Heechul’s and his relationship to be strained anymore. “I’m sorry,” he blurts. “I - I screwed up.”

Heechul arches an eyebrow. “No .”

There's a collective hesitation between them before Leeteuk awkwardly gestures to the door and Heechul reluctantly lets him in. The room is dark, only illuminated by the soft yellowish hue of the night lamp.

“So why exactly were you being an ?” Heechul asks, rather bluntly.

Leeteuk winces.

“You always keep things to yourself, this is the result of it,” Heechul sighs in exasperation. “What is it? Did you accidentally reveal something you shouldn't have on a broadcast? Accidentally offended the CEO? Had a fight with a friend? Heard something bad about me and now you hate me? Want to confess your undying love for me? Spit it out, Jungsoo, I want to sleep.”

Leeteuk freezes for a moment.

Wait, what?

“If you're wondering how I know about the last point,” Heechul continues, “You’ve never been good at hiding things, and I’ve always been good at reading you.”

For a moment, for what seemed like infinity to him, Leeteuk seemed to forget how to breathe.

“You could have just said it sooner, you idiot,” Heechul mutters.

“You're not…” Leeteuk hesitates. “You don't sound angry or disgusted?”

Heechul stares blankly at him, and his sigh this time is full of vexation. “You’re really bad at getting the hint, huh… Why do you think I’ve never gotten a girlfriend since three years ago?”

“Because you haven't found anyone interesting enough?” Leeteuk offers.

“Damn it, no!” Heechul half-yelled, pressing his fingers to his forehead in exasperation. “It's because I already discovered someone a lot more interesting than any girl out there.”

Leeteuk stares.

“Are you an idiot, leadernim? Heechul hyung is literally laying his love out for you and you still don't get the point,” Kyuhyun yawns as he strides into Heechul’s room.

“You…” He can't prevent his eyes from widening in surprise as he fixes his gaze on Heechul.

Heechul hyung is literally laying his love out for you-

Hold on.

“Ya, maknae!” Leeteuk screeches. “What are you doing here? Go back to the eleventh floor! How did you get in anyway, and have you been eavesdropping on our conversation?”

Sometimes, Kyuhyun honestly wonders how this guy became their leader. “Even if I didn't bother eavesdropping,” he oh-so-kindly explains, “It’s been obvious from the start, you were the only one blind to it. Secondly, I think you really are blind because I’ve been here since after dinner, Ryeowook and Donghae argued again and Donghae went down to stay with Hyukjae so I took over his room for the night…”

“Get out, maknae,” Heechul grumbles. “Go back to Starcraft or whatever.”

“Hey, you should be thanking me for speeding up the process,” Kyuhyun calls over his shoulder as he exits the room and disappears back into Donghae’s.

Leeteuk shakes his head in mild disbelief over what just happened. “Well, um… is it… whatever Kyuhyun said…”

A tiny laugh escapes Heechul’s lips. “It's true, you idiot.”

He honestly doesn't remember the last time he experienced this kind of joy, this feeling of affection awakening within the depths of his anxious heart. “Then, the words that I weren't able to say-”

“Are you going to tell me that you love me? Don't worry, I love me too,” Heechul croons, cutting Leeteuk off. “Don't continue with all that cheesy crap, I’m not some fawning girl.” He leans against his pillow on the bed, his gaze softening a little. “Honestly, I’m surprised that both of us felt this undeniable pull towards one another despite our opposing personalities. But that's what makes relationships beautiful, I guess.”

“You're the cheesy one here, ahjussi!”

“Park Jungsoo, don't call me ahjussi when you're older than me!”

“Only by nine days!”

“It's still older!”

Their gentle laughter rings across the dimly-lit room harmoniously, and as their lips brush one another's for the first time after a long time of waiting, they swear they can hear Kyuhyun’s smug laughter from somewhere off in the distance.

“We’ll get back at that maknae some day,” Leeteuk mumbles as they part.

“Now, now, if our clever little maknae hadn't intruded, we wouldn't be doing this, would we?” Heechul retorts in amusement, but their chatter and friendly bickering fade away into the silence of the night as the two of them let their years of affection and longing be known through the soft touches of their lips against one another’s.