Do you know how much pain that I am enduring right now, because of the past that keeps on haunting me?

I do not even know how long I have been staring into spaces, as I feel my head is getting empty, my feelings are numb, and I do not even care whether I am breathing or not. However, if someone ever asks me whether I am having a good day today, I will immediately tell them that I am fine because I never want to worry anyone. I hate the feeling of being such a burden to others.

And I also hate that, you are the only one that can make me let go of everything, like no one ever does.

I gulp down the last sip of my whiskey, as I look over to the mostly empty street, with fallen leaves getting swayed by the wind. 

This kind of love, will it last forever?

.

You are walking aimlessly while trying to find me. Glancing at every corner of the street, your confused face shows that you have no idea where to go anymore. Then, your face is getting lighten up by your phone screen, and without even a minute passed, my own phone is already ringing beside me. But I just let it be, as I order another glass of whiskey without moving my eyes away from you. 

Your soft wavy hair that makes the night breeze would not hesitate to find the chance to touch it. Dark brown eyes that always have the power to make me want to look deeper into them. Those fingertips that would often rest under your chin whenever you are anxious about something, which is what you are doing right now.

I want you to come to me, I want you to find me like what you usually do. I want you to be here with me.

Which is why, I wait. Resting my head against my arm, I see you giving up on trying to reach me, so you start to search for me through the glasses of the window, trying to peek inside. That is definitely not an easy task to do, because obviously, it is really dark here. But I can see you perfectly. You are out there, being washed up by the moonlight.  

I smile when I see your cute frowning face, trying hard to look through the darkness. Should I just give in and let you know that I am here? That I am inside this pitch-black space that is stopping me to see the light?

Clenching my jaw all of a sudden as my smile immediately fades away as fast as I let it showed, I cannot look away from your smile that forms your eyes into a crescent moon shape. How you laugh so easily, with him.

But when you're with me, all I can see is the concern in your eyes. The look of pity, which I abhor to see.

Is he the cure for you? Healing you with his sweet gestures, from this monster who can only remind you of bitter memories that you're trying to forget.

===

"Still can't find him?" I suddenly come up to her from behind, which makes her jump as she punches me on my arm.

"You scared me!" I laugh as I point at her silly face. "You look even funnier when you're getting startled."

"Yah! Wonu-ah! Stop teasing me!" The sweet sound of her giggles is the only thing that I can hear right now, as I take the time to appreciate the beauty in front of me. Only to feel my heart breaking a second later when her eyes lit up as she swiftly answers her phone, completely forgetting that I am still standing next to her. 

"Where are you?"

"Ok, stay there, I'll come to you, alright? Don't go anywhere, just-" 

Her voice is fading away as she walks further and further away from me.

Is this love not enough for you, or am I just not the right one for you?

. 

She is stepping inside, in a whole other world from mine. She lets the pit of darkness lure her in, embracing her, and making her feel complete. She does not want to choose the easy way, she always wants the most complicated one. 

Do you ever have any feeling that nothing will come to you because, in the end, it's not yours, to begin with?

Sighing out loud, I lean my body over the cold hard wall, staring into nothing. As if the night sky is trying to greet me, the first drop of rain lands on top of my lips, with a couple more brushing past my arms. 

I smile, recalling the day when I see her smile for the first time. Her genuine smile, that she lets it show, in between the raindrops.

"Why do you care about him so much, huh?"

I finally cannot hold it anymore as I ask her the question that has been bothering me all this time.

She only looks at me for a few seconds before letting her eyes be immersed by the raindrops again. "Ask yourself then, why don't you care about him?"

"Why would I care? There's no reason for me to care." Sulking like a little kid, I stare at her for a while, only to suddenly pull her with me, letting both of us to dance under the rain.

I smile when I hear her laughing happily while letting her face being wash over the rain. "I want to hear you laugh more often."

"Huh?" She looks at me, pretending to not hearing what I have just said.

"I said, I don't want you to suffer anymore."

She shakes her head at me while twirling her body around, enjoying how the rain makes her feel free and peaceful.   

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