“Sometimes people have to bend to another's will just to survive, just to barely get by."

— Kim Jongdae 

I could feel his stare as I shot bullets into the clean cut page of my textbook. Words, words, words, so many words that said so many things and I only had so much time to take them in and yet, here he is staring at me as if I can manage to decipher that too. 

Baekhyun was bothered about something, that much was for sure. And the more I read about homicide and the right ways to dig the truth out of someone guilty, the more I thought that he had committed such an act. Maybe it was the twist in his eyebrows as he chewed on his bottom lip with so much intensity I thought it may come off, or maybe it was simply that I was thinking about killing him if he kept staring at me like that and keeping me from focusing. 

He finally cleared his throat and I almost cried in relief that we might get whatever is about to happen over quick. But then several moments of intense, antagonizing silence ensued. 

“Jieun I—” He started. 

“Baek spit it out—” I also started. 

“Oh.” We both stopped short and he went back to looking troubled. 

“For ’s sake, what is it?” I started again. 

“I need advice.” He also started again. 

Silence. I took in a calming breath, one that was so strong it practically closed my nostrils. “Go on,” I managed to say sweetly, taking a hefty sip of my coffee. The front door of the cafe rang as someone came in, and everytime it did, Baekhyun would look over his shoulder as if that person was about to Kung Fu him through the wall and stick his face under the milk steamer. “Baekhyun focus.” I had to say to get him to stop looking. 

He gulped, messing with the face of his Rolex as his eyes finally came to meet mine. “I need your advice on something important.” 

“Yeah, you said that.” 

“Right,” he huffed, his shoulders finally deflating and his back leaning into the chair like he was relaxing for the first time in a very long time. It made me wonder what could be going so wrong for him to be so stressed, and so paranoid, a small voice added. “So let's say there was something you valued more than anything else, you’ve worked hours and hours, your whole life,” he decided, his voice somewhat resolute. “You can’t imagine your life not being dedicated to this thing, but it’s not fully up to you. There’s someone you’ve been trying to impress and get to notice you so you can finally get what you’ve been working towards and you can finally—” 

“Yeah, yeah, I get it okay, move on.” 

“Right,” he said again. “So this life you’ve set up for yourself, you find out that the someone you’ve been direly putting all this effort into is gonna’ take it all away.” He stopped, as if he needed me to get the gravity of this situation, his hand dragging across and off the edge of the table like it was disposing his life right there. “Would you do something to make sure this doesn’t happen, even if it was never a part of your original plan?” 

“Of course.” That was easy. 

“Even if you might eventually regret it?” 

“Of course.” I repeat. “Your life, your destiny, is in your hands and no one can help you other than you.” I simply said, it’s what I would tell myself. “I mean why would you let all of your effort go to waste if you knew you could prevent all the downfalls? I’d do anything to make sure my future is how I want it to be. Plus, regret is stupid.” 

“You’d do anything?” 

“Yeah, file complaints against this person. Talk to their management. Work harder so I don’t have to rely on them. Whatever I had to do.” 

“File complaints…” The words slowly settled on him, a small chuckle coming from his mouth that didn’t make much sense to me. 

“What?” I asked. “They work most of the time and regardless, your complaint goes on record.” 

“Right, right.” He simultaneously agreed and dismissed. The bell on the door rang again, he looked again. 

“Are you having troubles in the business? A competitor about to buy out a shareholder or somethin’?” I slowly closed my textbook, taking another sip of coffee. Baekhyun hadn’t touched his and there were circles tracing the bottom side of his eyes. I could hear his stomach growling too, but he didn’t seem to notice. It made me suddenly think about how he moved out of his father’s house years ago, and probably has no one taking care of him now. 

“You could say that,” he said in half effort, returning to look at me. 

“Okay, fine, are you going to at least tell me why you keep glancin’ out the window then?” And acting unstable as hell? I thought, though all I said was, “Or are you going to keep acting all coy with me?” 

He looked caught in the act, his pupils blowing and his tongue coming out to trace the upper side of his lips. I pushed my cake towards him, telling him to eat which he begrudgingly did. On his second, drawn out bite, he set the fork down, saying: “My bodyguard is waiting outside, I told him not to come inside unless something happened.” 

Okay, now I’m suspicious. I strained to see over Baekhyun, “you have a bodyguard?” There were too many people outside to be sure, but one was standing idle a few feet away from the door. He was tall and somewhat broad, looking menacing though I only could see his back— must be the bodyguard. 

“You don’t have a bodyguard?” He sputtered out like it was uncommon for everyone not to have them, though I guess being famous would justify a second presence. 

“Not when I go on a date to the cafe.” I muttered, still looking at the man. “Why would something happen?” 

“What?” 

“You said something might happen so he would come inside then.” My eyes drew back to Baekhyun once he took another few quick bites, finishing the cake with an air that I interpreted as trying to please. He looked like he wished he had said nothing at all, and at the same time, much more. 

“I meant like paparazzi or something…” He trailed off, sounding even unconvincing to himself. 

“Paparazzi haven't come on our past four dates.” 

“Six dates,” he corrected, making me quietly scoff. “A month since we started dating. If you call this dating…” He trailed off again. 

“I didn’t know we were counting, and what do you mean? This is a date.” I felt mildly offended, and thrown off. Since when was he unsatisfied, especially if it had been six dates. Is that not enough of my time? 

“These dates are just you and I getting together and you studying and me working.” He said plainly, though he looked to be gaining back some of his normal composure, distracted by something completely different. “A date should be us talking—

“We’re talking now.” I interjected. 

He continued as if I hadn’t spoken, grabbing my hand that I let him begrudgingly hold. “Talking about our dreams and desires, our future together. Making memories in places only we know.” He leaned in, his hand tightening, “kissing and doing other things.” 

I gulped, my nose scrunching as he backed up. “We’re too busy for that. Plus, paparazzi,” I added in a last ditch effort to derail the subject. He looked annoyed under the surface. 

“We should go public then. And the time thing, I have an easy solution for that.” 

“Huh?” Was all I could say. He sure maneuvered the conversation. 

“Let’s go public. Let’s tell everyone and I’ll have my company draft a statement.” 

“What?” I didn’t understand why he was being so sudden. “We agreed not to say anything until it was serious.” 

“Then let’s be serious Jieun. Let’s do something that’ll give us plenty of time.” 

I felt that I could only laugh, a small chuckle es