To whomever it may concern,

  Saturday 18th December 2016       

I never knew much about his home life, or him in general, however the bond we had was one of the greatest I have ever experienced and it ended in what I can only describe as the worst way possible. Maybe if we met under better circumstances, in a better place or a different lifetime things may have worked out differently, but we didn't. It didn't and it never will work out differently. Because life doesn't change when things get hard, it's up to you but now I'm starting to crumble and I've given up on fighting change.
But this isn't about me, this is about Sang so here we go.

He was an open book in the sense that whatever you asked he had a planned out set of answers that eventually withdrew the attention away from himself and onto whomever was asking. It was like a superpower the way he hid himself from the world, keeping everything under lock and key only revealing a seemingly rehearsed answer with little to no detail. In other ways he lived the life of a villain, distant and misunderstood with a seemingly unchangeable mindset, alone in the sense that he could never accept himself or his past and therefore could never accept the kindness others seemed to show. Or maybe it was because he knew that he couldn't say what the other person wanted to hear, either way he was a living contradiction. My living beautiful tragedy. In some ways he reminded me of the moon, reflecting others light during the day since his own didn't exist, hiding to make sure there was no one left to leave him.

But hey? What do I know he still refuses to talk to me again.

The day we became aquinanted with each other was on the first day of university in home room, where we shared nothing more than names and a smile. I remember his smile being like nothing I had ever seen before. It hung onto his face, stretching further than I had thought was possible, making his eyes crinkle at the sides yet never truly reaching inside. Too big to be honest and too empty to be believe, if you were looking that was the one flaw in his so well thought out facade. He had given up on the idea of people seeing past him or maybe he knew no one cared when they did notice, that I'm not sure about.

After that short acknowledgment we travelled different paths where I was only able to catch the back of his head in history class or catch his face draining of color after he looked at his phone in the canteen. That's a lie, I used to see him walking down the front steps of the school, bag slung over one shoulder, both hands raised and waving to who I've always assumed to be his friends, his masked smile once again clenching his face. I was always dragged away by my older brother before I got a chance to see where he was going, or who his friend actually was.

I want to go with him. 

This never ending routine lasted to the point where I'd feel better claiming that I couldn't pinpoint his name to his face or had forgotten he was even there. 
I stood and watched him eat an egg everyday at 9:01 on the dot before falling asleep tweety three minutes later for three years unable to build the courage to talk face to face.

At least until Friday 18th December 2015 in our last year of university. It's the day my life began. Not the clumsy cycle of school, work and sleep but it was the day it began to mean something more than a mere pupil doomed for terrible wage. It was the day that showed me my end.

I had stayed later than usual following the extended study session my father had forced me into not caring that the snow had blocked my usual route back, leaving me more or less stranded with no phone. Love you dad.

It was only when I walked down what seemed like the hundredth unfamiliar street that I began to hear the oddly familiar sound of laughter from the nearing corner, and with ever growing curiosity taking over my rational thinking I attempted to follow the quite hypnotising sound. So of course it was only after I hand once again taken far too many left turns to be in a recognisable estate that I noticed a small, distant figure stumbling towards the edge of the tallest bridge in town, it was only then that I heard the increasing sobs escaping through the erupting laughter, it was only then that I noticed him.

A lot of people claim that time stops when you are closing the distance between yourself and death, however witnessing the events unfolding time seemed to quicken uncontrollably until I was tripping over my two left feet with tear-filled eyes towards the love of my life standing on some rusting rails of a 300ft bridge. A lot of people seem to claim a lot things that aren't anywhere near the truth .

I neared him until I was a close enough to a meter away, my heart sang out in joy and my mouth had fallen open in an attempt to call his name of the still standing boy, it wasn't until I was a meter away that I reached out my right arm in hopes of tugging the familiar boys' arm and holding him until time did in fact stop, I was only a meter away when I started to believe that time did stop when death was but a second away. It was only when I had closed the distance between myself and the barrier that I had a name on the tip of my tongue and my mouth open to scream it out in thankfulness. It was only when I was less than a second away from grabbing his arm that air was all I could find. It was only when the sound of a splash echoed through my mind that I screamed out his name with tear stained cheeks and a hand to my throat. It was only then that time stopped, when there was no time left. It was then when I realized the truth.

You are always too late Jian.                      

"Hi! I'm Sang and I hope we can be great friends through out our high school life.” a petite fluffy boy chirped whilst holding out his hand for me to take, “I'm-” I paused, taking a deep breathe in trying to keep a calm look, “You are really going to pretend that we haven't met before? After all this time, are you really going to make me do this? Force myself to discard memories I've treasured for years and replace them with lies, replace you with nothing?” The statement came out in something like an inaudible whisper that caused me to think he hadn't understood my look of disappointment. However he let his mask crack for only a few never ending seconds in which his mind seemed to shut down, his eyes became dull and his smile turned into a painful bitten frown in which he seemed to be holding back tears only for a simple yet heartbreaking statement to fall from his chapped lips,   "Hi! I'm Sang and I really do hope we can be forget.”                               

We first met in college. We first met in college. We first met in college. We first met in college. We first met in college. We first met in college. We first met in college. We first met in college. We first met in college. We first met in college. We first met in h-

-Leech Boy, please don't miss me. oiil,,,,,,,