Mom wasn’t thrilled to see me go home that morning. Of course, she must have been already briefed of what happened the night before and how I ran away. Not to mention that I spent the night outside our house. And the worst part was my mother knew I had nowhere to go, that she had bombarded me with questions I didn’t want to answer.

“Where have you been all night, Yoon? We were all worried for you but we don’t really have a way to reach you. Your phone was out and you don’t have friends we can call. Your father was so out of it he wasn’t able to sleep because of you,” she scolded as she tailed me from behind.

I ignored her, feeling my head still pounding.

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” I told her honestly, silently begging for her to leave me alone.

She was right with my phone being off—but she didn’t really have to know I deliberately did it, or not having any friends I could run to, and me causing so much worry for one night, but they were things I couldn’t undo. I didn’t have an excuse either unlike before. But did I deserve the scolding?

I had enough for one day.

I was about to go up to my room when my mother spoke again. “Jaehyun told me what happened. Semi crossed the line and she was really sorry. You shouldn’t hold it against her for too long. You know how this will affect your brother’s relationship with her if you don’t accept her apology.”

I clenched my fists on my sides, trying to hold myself back from saying the words I’d been meaning to say. “I’m tired,” I said instead.

Semi was a decent woman, but she also spoke her mind without thinking of someone’s feelings most of the time. I was sure she was sorry, but how could she undo how crappy I was feeling? I didn’t know what to say to my mother, honestly. It was hard to think of Semi when I had my own complicated soul mate to think about.

I told myself I would not get swayed by him again, but did it mean I couldn’t think of him anymore? Should I not? Thinking about it was hard. Because everything and anything around me reminded me of him.

“You know that they are just trying to cheer you up, right?” mom called from behind.

I slowly looked back at her, my lips pressed to a thin line. How could she call that cheering up? Semi was practically asking me to try and date someone I didn’t know—who wasn’t my soul mate—as if it was the best solution to cure my broken heart. Guaranteed she didn’t know I finally found him and that he broke me before there was really something going on between us, but couldn’t she do it properly without feeling pity for me?

Because that was what I didn’t want people to only feel towards me. Pity. It made me feel pathetic, but that was better than being pitied all the time. Of people constantly tip-toeing around me and looking at me as if I was fragile just because they knew me too well or maybe didn’t know me that much.

And without me knowing, for the very first time after such a long time, I became truthful to my mother. The arguments that had ceased to come out of my mouth poured like flood.

“If she truly cared about me, if any of you even did, why do you all look at me with pity in your eyes? Don’t you think it makes me even sadder to know the people I love are looking at me that way? Much more you or dad. For four years at that.” I breathed out, wiping tears that had fallen on my cheeks. “I’ve been miserable up until now, because I couldn’t be honest with myself. If I did, you guys will start looking at me with those eyes full with pity. And I hate that part. I hate being pitied on. I don’t like it!”

Have you ever thought why I always smiled or told you those lies? Do you think being constantly around me, watching over me, ready to catch me if I stumbled on my feet were just okay to me?

I was vulnerable and weak in your eyes, all those years. I thought you gave me strength for thinking that way, for looking at me that way—with cautious eyes, but I thought wrong. It only made me have an excuse to play the part and start lying on your face.

I thought that it was the best thing to do, for me not to bring you more hurt and worry by learning how to lie. And I started to believe those lies and blur the lines between the truth and it.

But then I was slapped with the truth last night.

Why was it so bad? It hurt like a to hear it coming from Semi, but Semi allowed me to see the truth. I should probably even thank her for opening my eyes, but I didn’t think I could forgive her yet. She wasn’t different to any of them, after all

They all changed the way how they looked at me after the very first time I didn’t get to meet him, my soul mate. My love and downfall.

I looked at myself in the mirror in the bathroom that day, a dry laugh coming off my lips when I noticed my appearance.

My hair was everywhere, makeup totally ruined—my eyeliner did me a favour of making me look like a panda, lipstick out of place at the sides of my mouth as if I made out with someone, my nose red and runny from crying, my cheeks a shade of flush red. I thought I stunk too after not taking a bath for a day.

And then what he said to me last night randomly passed through my mind.

“Don’t mind them. You look fine.”

He was messing with my mind again.

Now, I wasn’t too sure whether he was just blind not to realize I looked like crap last night or he knew it but felt like lying to me because he pitied me. I didn’t like it to be the latter, but wasn’t it the most logical thing to think of after everything that transpired between us less than twenty-four hours ago?

I slumped on the floor of the bathroom, leaning against the cold tiles while crying in my hands. I felt so pathetic for even believing him. He must have loved it he got to play me not just for a moment. I’d probably carry it until I die.

He was constantly making me feel things I didn’t want to feel.

And it .

The next day I went to work skipping breakfast. I was pretty sure I didn’t have the guts to face mom after just exploding at her the day before. No. I didn’t have the right to be around her after being disrespectful. I regretted it, but I did not regret being honest to her.

This worry caused me to always sigh—at the bus ride, in the office, even at Café Ale. Chanyeol was his usual perky and friendly self when I entered. I didn’t know why he was being too familiar with me as if it was the most natural thing, but I didn’t complain. At least he didn’t look at me with pity in his eyes.

“The usual? My treat,” he smirked at me as he was about to swipe his card on the slot on the monitor he was using to list my orders.

I shook my head, telling him. “Five Americanos, two café lattes and one hot macchiato.” He scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion, looking at me as if I’d grown two heads. I sighed, rolling my eyes at him. I wasn’t usually that cranky but I didn’t get much of my sleep again and I felt crappy too, so I had an excuse for myself. “I wasn’t going to overdose on caffeine, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Oh,” he said in realization. Gosh. He was so easy to figure out.

“I was asked an errand to get coffee for my team,” I explained.

He nodded understandably, smiling. “Well then I’ll get you your order ready with extra bagels on the side. My treat!” The guy just couldn’t give up with the generosity.

“That’s really unnecessary though,” I told him, giving him our company’s credit card that my immediate boss handed to me. At least, that jerk didn’t really leech off me this time for free coffee. He used to, so it came as a surprise when he gave me the company card, but honestly I wouldn’t ask why the sudden change. I didn’t want to anger the boss if he was in a good mood. That wouldn’t sure end well.

Park Chanyeol took the card, swiping it quickly on the terminal and giving it back to me with a huge grin on his face. He was coming off too friendly for my liking even if it was just the second time meeting him. “I want to make sure I can help you, my friend, in impressing that awful boss of yours. Anything to get him off your back.”

He winked at me before shouting orders to his subordinates.

“The bagels still on me,” he insisted, grinning at me when he turned back to face me.

My jaw dropped. I wasn’t sure how to react to what Chanyeol said. He didn’t know anything about me, but he sometimes spoke as if he did. Was it just still part of my imagination this time? I didn’t get it. There was no logical explanation as to how Chanyeol would know something; not with my work life or anything like that.

After all, he was just the manager of Café Ale, right?

I came back to the office full-handed. Chanyeol insisted to carry them for me until I reached my destination, but I told him that he couldn’t. I would love the extra hand, but I didn’t think we were close to that point. We couldn’t be in that stage where we helped each other out already. It was impossible and utterly uncomfortable for me.

Then again a lot of things made me uncomfortable.

“Coffee’s here,” I announced, catching my team’s attention when I placed down on an empty table the coffee I bought.

They started getting out of their chairs, picking up one cup each and thanking me. It was weird to see them smile at me for doing such a simple errand and telling I did a good job, but it made something blossom in my chest. What was it? I couldn’t explain the overwhelming feeling that made butterflies