I had this nagging thought as I situated myself at the back of the room, removing myself from view, not really wanting to listen to the on-going speech of my immediate boss who was proud to actually have been told to host the little welcome party for our new CEO.

Who was Park Chanyeol?

“Thank you for attending today’s gathering as we welcome to our company our new CEO…” My boss was all smiles and that seemed to bother me, but I couldn’t get my thoughts straight that I hardly reacted at his perkiness. It was strange, but at least he wasn’t scowling.

Park Chanyeol looked really nice and friendly, but I didn’t have any clue how he knew I was going to have a new boss in my company. Did he also work here? No way. He was already a manager at Café Ale. Or maybe did he have some kind of Intel and was stalking me? But that was hardly possible. I wasn’t a very important personality. Or did I happen to mishear him? Right. That was the most logical thing to say.

My mind must have been only playing games with me.

“Please welcome, Kim Jongin! Our new CEO!”

I broke out of my own thoughts when loud rounds of applause cut through the silence. I wasn’t really paying attention that I had to blink twice and squint above shoulders of taller people in front of me so that I could take a good look at the unfamiliar male walking towards the middle of the stage.

Jiwon, who was next to me, squealed and slapped my arm excitedly at the sight of a superior looking male—our new CEO who was surprisingly young. “Oh my gosh. Why does the CEO have to be so handsome?!” I was pretty sure her soul mate wouldn’t like it if he knew Jiwon was fangirling over our new CEO.

“It’s so nice to finally be here and get acquainted with my new family,” his voice was surprisingly deep, his demeanour changing from being carefree to serious as his eyes swept through the room left and right until it settled at something.

Something he might have been looking for. I wasn’t too sure. All I got was tension slowly seeping through my body as his gaze continued to rest at the general direction of where I stood. I knew that he wasn’t really looking at me but I had this impulse to hide myself deeper in the crowd. So, I ducked a bit, making myself smaller in the crowd. That way I wouldn’t be paranoid and I wouldn’t think he was looking my way.

“I know you didn’t expect the sudden change in ownership of the company, but I shall thank the new President for that. He’s not here but he got me a really cool job.” Everyone erupted in murmurs and laughter.

“You might see me at the hallways from time to time. Not just in my office I’ll be using in the eighth floor. So I do hope you don’t treat me like a stranger if we pass by each other. Same goes for the president. He’s not here but he promised to schedule a separate visit. I hope that you will treat him with utter kindness as well.” Murmurs continued.

I took a tiny peek at what was already going on, tipping my toes to get a better view, but what I found made me gasp and scrunch my eyebrows, heart pounding loudly against my ribcage. Kim Jongin was still looking at my direction, his lips spreading to a smirk.

He raised the mic to his mouth, but his eyes remained glued to me or so I thought. I didn’t really want to keep on assuming so I kept a straight face, just watching. “I hope you’ll take care of me and that we’ll get to know each other better in a more personal level,” he declared, bowing curtly.

I gaped, not sure how to react. Now I didn’t know whether he was even talking to the crowd or he was hinting at something else. It was really weird, but I didn’t want to think too ahead of myself and declare that he was pertaining to me or that he was looking at me. That was just plain crazy.

I reminded myself how not so important I was to bring myself back down to earth.

“He’s just so-so handsome, Yoon!” Jiwon continued to gush out as we were on our way to lunch at the cafeteria. Today, she decided to walk with me there, but I wasn’t sure why. I didn’t mind though. It was odd, but not uncomfortable even if I was used to do everything alone. “I think I will faint if I get so close to him.” I nodded, not really wanting to argue.

Kim Jongin was indeed handsome. He was tall, with sharp features, a tuff of brown hair that put a softer edge to his appearance that had a tendency to border looking rich snobbish. Plus, he was so young and was already a CEO. Wouldn’t that mean he was a very capable man with a stable job and a good background? Who wouldn’t want a man like that?

Well, there was me who would dumbly argue I didn’t like him.

He was attractive but I couldn’t feel the attraction. More like, I was crept out by him.

“If he’s that handsome, just imagine how the new owner is! Probably he was sculpted like a Greek god.” I snorted, disbelieving what nonsense I was hearing from Jiwon. She was adorable but I realized she could sometimes be annoying when she was being a girl.

“What happened to what you said before?” I snorted, teasing her. “What did you say yesterday? Ah. I remember!” I exclaimed, trying to refresh her memory. “Maybe he’s a grumpy old man that put a gun to the President’s head, threatening to kill him.”

“Ya!” She scolded, pouting at me. “People’s opinion change, you know!”

I nodded, shaking my head. “I know.” But didn’t really let the subject go as I added. “Just don’t be too fickle minded about the President when you find out that he’s really a grumpy old man. Maybe he can still look like a Greek god if you put your heart to it.”

She groaned. “I didn’t think you’re going to be this smart .”

I laughed softly, totally amused. “I am just as surprised.”

It was true, though. I had not spoken my mind for a long time, after all. Those arguments won’t come out of my mouth and I had gotten used to it. I’d accepted criticism and got past it with this ability. To neglect. To not stand up for myself. To accept even if it wasn’t right. I had bottled it all up inside me and it had felt so stuffy.

But now that I thought about it, even if it felt still so empty in my chest, I didn’t feel the stuffiness anymore the way it was. Why was that? I didn’t understand myself or my emotions right now. How it could be something before and not the next moment. Humans were so complicated that even I hardly knew myself.

The day felt so long once again. It hadn’t changed at all even if I had hoped that something would if I interacted with one person other than my family. Jiwon was someone I could consider a friend, but I didn’t think she was the cure to the emptiness I was feeling. Maybe she was one of those temporary cures that went away after. But I wasn’t that sure. I was still trying to figure her out. If I must trust her or not.

But she seemed trustworthy to me than not, though.

How could I judge a person’s character and tell what was true about them after just one day? It was impossible. I had a feeling but just like what she said before, people’s opinions could change. One thing won’t define them as a whole.

I said that, but I sent away someone very special to me, because he kissed someone else and didn’t wait for me. But I didn’t even hear him out or his excuses. Would I have listened if I wasn’t so hurt? But I was hurt and I couldn’t just let it go. It was hard not to. He had betrayed me. He didn’t want me.

Would my opinion of him change if I gave him a second chance?

I sighed, looking up at the dark sky hopelessly. There were no stars tonight. Somewhere high up, though, they must be shining so brightly that I’d squeeze my eyes shut.

I was willing to get to know a person that I was slowly starting to consider a friend. But why couldn’t I do the same for someone I knew was going to be so important to me?

No. Someone who was already important to me.

The street sirens resounded, disturbing my very messed up thoughts. I looked through the road, seeing different vehicles pass by in a blur or colors. The crowd around me waited impatiently along with me for the traffic light to turn red, signifying our turn to cross the road. I was not feeling really up for anything that I noticed even the smallest of things and became much sensitive about them.

I truly didn’t want to care, but every single detail around me made me want to think. What if that couple next to me were to be me and my soul mate? We could have gone to simple dates, hold hands, kiss and hug. What if he was born normal like I was? A commoner. Then things could have been probably easier, right? What if we found each other as soon as we turned eighteen? Then we could have been married by now and I wouldn’t have to stay in the same house as my parents. Then I would be married off first before my younger brother, Jaejin, too. And everything would be in perfect order.

Things could have gone that way.

But here I was. Among the sea of people in the street, yet still felt more alone than I was yesterday. My eyes conjuring illusions of my soul mate standing at the street across, waiting for me with a smile. I’d sometimes forget they were only visions and I would smile, but just as passing vehicles would erase him in thin air, I’d feel worse for hoping.

That one day he’d be there across the street waiting for me to get home. To him.

It was all but a dream. My wishful thinking.

People rushed just as the traffic light turned red. I let their shoulders hit mine, once or twice throwing me off balance, but I endured, standing still, waiting for my turn to cross the street alone.

When it was my turn, I often turn off my focus and just mindlessly crossed the street, hoping that this was all a dream. Sometimes I’d be close to being hit by a car, but I’d take my time. I didn’t mind dying at this rate. Might as well end the misery, right? Yet, this time, though everything seemed like a blur, I found myself being caught by someone’s arms when I stumbled off balance for the third time.

He was very angry at me, shouting curses. “Are you crazy?! Do you want to die that badly?! Then don’t do it here! You should do it in a less crowded place where no one will easi