"Seulgi,we need to talk."

It's that one line that made Seulgi's heart skip a beat. She knows something is up with the way Joohyun fidgets repeatedly under the table and the way she avoids eye contact ever since they've gotten inside the cafe.

Just 20 minutes ago,Seulgi was all jumpy and excited like a kid when Joohyun called her to go out with her. It's nothing new when they go out on dates but Seulgi likes it better when Joohyun initiates the date.

Joohyun has always been a good girlfriend to Seulgi. No, Seulgi would like to describe her girlfriend "perfect" . That would explain why Seulgi fell head over heels for her.

But it's always been just the two of  them to witness their happiness when they're together, when they hold hands, or when they lock their lips against each other and even beyond just kissing. Seulgi doesn't mind letting the whole world know that she owns Joohyun and Joohyun owns her. It is Joohyun who wants something going on between them a secret. Of course Seulgi knew why.

Joohyun's parents are homophobic and they want to control Joohyun to be the pure and pefect heteroual daughter but somehow they failed. Well maybe a little bit as Seulgi would want to believe. Joohyun has told Seulgi a thousand times that she is the only girl she will ever love.

Seulgi thought it was funny when Joohyun spoke in a manner which showed how naive she can be sometimes.

"Are you saying that you're only gay for me?"  Seulgi snorted throwing her head back as to make fun of the older girl but she stopped when Joohyun responded.

"Yes.Is something wrong with that?" Seulgi pulled her head back to look at her girlfriend's expression. So serious yet so innocent.

Maybe not so innocent when Seulgi would find Joohyun's hands under her shirt or tapping her at night and her tongue between her thighs.

Seulgi stopped laughing just so she could smile dearly at Joohyun before she cupped her face.

"No. Not at all .I'm glad Hyun-ah. Glad that you only love me."

But for now, Seulgi feels like all of it was lie when reality slapped her back to seeing Joohyun shake her legs this time under the table.

"Joohyun?"

Seulgi leans closer to Joohyun and gently rubbed the older girl's hands that gripped one another.

Seulgi can see how she struggles to voice out what she wants to tell her but somehow, Seulgi likes it that way. Not the way Joohyun is struggling.Seulgi doesn't want to hear words she's expecting to hear.

But she hates seeing Joohyun like this. So she tries to calm her with the way she locks her hands onto Joohyun's.

"It's okay."

It was never okay. But Seulgi would like to pretend so. Seulgi would want her girlfriend to believe so.

Joohyun's lips are finally parting to tell Seulgi what she's been wanting to tell her. The real reason why she wanted to go out with her.

Seulgi can see that and she couldn't do anything but to anticipate the hurtful words that will soon come out of Joohyun's lips.

"Seulgi let's... Let's break up. No...I'm breaking up with you." 

Seulgi is taken aback. Her grip around Joohyun's hands loosened and she could only pull herself back away from the table.

"What?" 

And so Seulgi asks just in case she heard that wrong. Maybe her ears are playing with her. Maybe she's dreaming. So she pinched herself under the table. Hard. It's painful that she started bleeding. Her heart is too because goddamn ,she's not dreaming. All of this are real and it pains her so much.

Joohyun loudly sighs before she looked at her straight in the eyes with an emotion she can't quiet comprehend.

"Oh Seulgi. Please don't make me repeat myself."

Seulgi drops her head. Mentally curses herself for falling in love with Joohyun. Mentally curses herself for asking her out. Mentally curses Joohyun for saying yes and then breaking up with her after 3 years going four. Seulgi mentally curses Joohyun for being so damn perfect yet the root of her pain.

Seulgi silently chuckles. The truth really does hurt like a .

There is a growing tension between the silence that no one dares to break. Seulgi mirrors Joohyun's fidgeting and she bit her lip in attempting to speak and break the tension.

Joohyun can feel Seulgi's eyes on her and she tries to look at her. She can't. Not when she can feel how hurt her girlfriend - ex girlfriend is.

"Is it something I did? What did I do wrong Hyun-ah?" 

In her most gentle tone, Seulgi tries to persuade Joohyun to give her a reason. She knows who it is but she would rather  hear it coming from her. She's still not sure that she's just the reason why. It might be her too. It might be herself.

Joohyun's still not responding and Seulgi's patience is slowly wearing thin. But she waits. She's willing to wait for Joohyun. She loves her that much despite the current pain she's bringing her.

Seulgi smiles at Joohyun who wouldn't look at her to make the situation better. She can feel Joohyun hesitating to look her way. She finds that cute despite the terrible tragedy that's about to happen.

"It's okay Hyun-ah. Tell me when you feel like it. I can wait." 

With that, she expects Joohyun to walk out .But no. She's still there, right in front of her, tolerating the taste of coffee on her tongue and the smell of coffee filling the place.

Ironically, Seulgi met Joohyun in a coffee shop. Joohyun hates coffee but she loves books and the cafe happened to have a library and Seulgi knows Joohyun would tolerate the things she hate for the things she love.

Is that the reason why she's tolerating coffee right now? Maybe Joohyun still loves her? Seulgi doesn't want to think that way though. It'll only hurt more. But maybe, just maybe. Maybe Joohyun still loves her even just a little bit.

Joohyun has always been thankful to Seulgi for being the first person she can show the side she's never shown anyone. It took her two years to realize she loves Seulgi.Two years to realize Seulgi is the only person she needed.

It also took Seulgi two years to gather up all her courage to ask Joohyun out and tell her what she really feels.

Joohyun thought Seulgi is the only one. The only girl. Seulgi was innocent and she-Joohyun, was naive but they've gained experience from each other.

They've done things they knew were wrong but felt right. Things they shouldn't have done but what could they do? They were just one of those hormonal teenagers who were way too curious to let things pass by so they would do it. Joohyun wanted to experiment and Seulgi was a fool who would do anything for her.

Joohyun really thought Seulgi was the only girl who could make her feel that way. But she was wrong.So damn wrong.

"S-Seung.....Seung."

Joohyun mentally curses herself for stuttering and not being able to look at Seulgi whose smile slowly fades.

"Seungwan?" 

Seulgi helped Joohyun finish her reason. She didn't mean to look mad and dead inside but she didn't expect it would hurt this much. She didn't know hearing Seungwan as the reason of their break up escaping Joohyun's lips would hurt like .

She knew that. She should've been less hurt. She should've been prepared but no. It hurts like and she wanted to clutch her chest at the moment and disappear but she doesn't want to seem weak.

"So you're gay afterall."

She tried to make it sound like a joke to lessen the tension but it sounded bitter to Joohyun and Joohyun couldn't help but slightly wince at the reaction her ex girlfriend is giving her.

Joohyun didn't say a thing. She was afraid she's ruin the situation more. She's already ed up and she didn't want to add to that. Seulgi didn't mean to blurt out things she could've let Joohyun tell her without sounding so bitter. But Seulgi is not the one to be blamed. Or neither Joohyun.

"Why?" 

Seulgi tries to calm herself down a little bit, her knuckles turning white as she gripped the edge of her seat.

"I don't know Seul.I just- I like-"

Seulgi cuts her off by fake chuckling as Seulgi pulls her head up then combs her hair back with her fingers, half smiling at the older girl.

"No. Not that Hyun-ah. I don't want to hear that."

Seulgi once again tries to calm herself down, letting go of her grip and pinching har arm under the table just so Joohyun won't see how she's struggling to get her emotions together. Herself together. Because sooner or later, she's going to break down.

Seulgi wants to make herself clear but as she tries to tell Joohyun what she meant,the memories of Joohyun and Seungwan's conversation three nights ago flashes back and it keeps playing inside her head. And she can't say it because just before she parts her lips to form the words, her lips began to tremble and her grip on her seat became tighter and her hands starts to hurt again.

It doesn't help when she tried to bite her lips in hope to stop it from shaking because she can already taste the warm metallic taste touching her tongue and that's when she realized. She's mad and she wants to scream at Joohyun because of how much she's making her suffer like this. But Seulgi's not one to make a scene and she doesn't want to scare the older girl. She's only gonna make it worse for them.

Seulgi shuts her eyes hoping to block away the noises from that night.Noises and lies coming out of Joohyun's lips too painful for her to handle. Even when she doesn't want to remember the memories, they would just play again and again inside her head.

"I'm jealous.I hope someone would take care of me the way your girlfriend takes care of  you."

"G-girlfriend?"

"Seulgi.Your girlfriend?Oh....did I make the wrong assumption?Are you guys not together?"

"No way.Seulgi's just my....my bestfriend.And b-besides,I-i'm not really into girls."

Seulgi understand Joohyun lying like that. Joohyun wanted their relationship a secret and she's fine with it like that. Hell she doesn't mind keeping Joohyun to herself knowing that she gets to sleep next to her everynight.

It wouldn't have hurt if only Seulgi wasn't aware at how Joohyun looks at Seungwan. How Joohyun would steal glances at Seungwan's way when she's with her like having her-Seulgi, next to her is not enough. Seulgi could see the way Joohyun looks at Seungwan and it's not the same as the way she