he's got so much love for her

but he doesn't know what to do

sitting in the car

waiting outside of school

.

Kyungsoo can feel his heart racing in his chest as he stares at the large school from the passenger seat of his cousin's car. He's gripping onto his bag that sits limp in his lap, the contents inside long forgotten about. His bottom lip is caught in between his teeth as he nervously bites down, his eyebrows furrowed as he lets his mind get swept away with wild scenarios that would more than likely never come true.

"Kyungsoo," a hand waving in front of his line of vision pulls him out of his trance, "you're going to be late for your first class." Kyungsoo juts his bottom lip out in a slight pout as he glances over at the light blonde haired man. 

"I still can't believe you dyed your hair blonde, Minseok." He states flatly as he unbuckles his seatbelt, though his eyes end up going back to the direction of the school. 

"I think it looks pretty good." His cousin, Minseok defends. "Chanyeol liked it too." 

"Yeah, well, Chanyeol likes anything and everything you do." It was true; his boyfriend of two years seemed to love every single thing his cousin did. It was endearing and made his own heart swell when he saw the two act disgustingly cute; though he would never admit to it.

"Fair point." He hums and unlocks the car door. "You nervous?" Kyungsoo can feel his stomach knot with nerves and oh how he wished that Minseok would have just not mentioned anything at all. 

"Why would I be?" He plays cool and adjusts the thick rimmed glasses that slid down the bridge of his nose, though even a fool could see through his demeanor. He was a nervous wreck.

"You have everything you need?" Minseok gestures lamely to the book bag in his lap. He can't help but swallow a lump in his throat when looking down at his bag. It was Valentine's Day; correction, it was the day before Valentine's Day. It was the Friday before and Kyungsoo had an entire plan for how the day would go, or at least how he wanted the day to go. High school was way beyond the point of handing out cards to your classmates along with candies, yet Kyungsoo still found himself with a small box of candy hearts in his bag with a card to accompany it. It was meant for one classmate of his in particular, and he remembered overhearing how much he liked candy hearts; so naturally Kyungsoo thought today would be the perfect day to give it to him. He wasn't nervous about the candy, after all it was just a food which hardly meant anything in the long run. It was the card however, that made him the current nervous wreck that he was.

The card had a hand written confession inside, one that let out his secret feelings for the other that reached all the way back to kindergarten. For as long as Kyungsoo can remember, he's always been in love with his classmate, Kim Jongdae. Every time he was around the other he found his hands trembling, breaking out into a nervous sweat, and forgetting all the words he's learned in his life. Yes, he's known Jongdae for practically his entire life, though he's hardly uttered a word to the boy. Jongdae was the class clown who was adored by many of their classmates and teachers, and Kyungsoo was the quiet boy who always found himself sitting towards the back of the room. It was the cliche yet perfect high school love story, at least that's what Minseok and Chanyeol always told him. 

Ever since he can remember, Jongdae has been the student in class that would stop at nothing to make his peers laugh. Some might find it annoying, but Kyungsoo always found it endearing. From lame jokes and puns to making obnoxious faces and noises when the class got too quiet, Kyungsoo found himself falling more and more for his classmate with each passing year. It also didn't help that the two were complete opposites and call him a fool, but Kyungsoo heavily believed in the saying that opposites attract. He wasn't sure if he could handle dating someone as quiet and introverted as himself. They might never leave the house if that were the case. 

"Look Soo," Minseok ruffles his hair in an affectionate manner, "the worst thing that can happen is that Jongdae rejects you." Was that supposed to make him feel better? His cousin was always at giving advice; it's why he preferred Chanyeol's thoughts on these kind of matters. He liked how Minseok left out that the entire school could also laugh at him for even confessing to someone as special as Jongdae, but that's probably a good thing. He also left out how Jongdae could laugh in his face for confessing.

"I think it's time I go." He nervously squeaks out. Without another word Kyungsoo's pushing the car door open and hopping out, scurrying towards the large building as he grips onto his book bag.

.

he's in for heartbreak if it's all been blind faith

from my point of view

.

Kyungsoo pushes the heavy metal doors of the building open, his eyes nervously scanning the halls for a certain someone. He can see his peers running around the halls, some with flowers and some with stuffed animals; small and big. He wondered what it was like to receive such things at school. He swallows a lump in his throat, though relief washes over him when he spots his two only friends in the hall: Kim Jongin and Kim Junmyeon. They were the only two souls (besides Minseok and Chanyeol) who knew about his undying love, as coined by Jongin, for Jongdae. Kim Junmyeon was actually friends with Jongdae, hell he was friends with everyone at the school. Being the student body president often does that for people. Jongin shared only two classes with Jongdae, but they were on friendly terms and held trivial conversations, more than what Kyungsoo could say for himself. 

Junmyeon and Jongin smile widely when seeing their shorter friend in the hall, the two of them flocking over to his side almost immediately. Kyungsoo can't help but feel his heart drop when seeing Jongin with a teddy bear and Junmyeon with a bouquet of flowers. He wasn't sure how he managed to pull in two friends who were fairly popular around the school grounds, but then he did figure that every group of friends was supposed to have the one awkward and ugly friend. That didn't make it sting any less though. 

"You look like you're about to vomit." Jongin's voice drags Kyungsoo out of his internal pity party that he was currently hosting. "I'm assuming that means you're actually going through with your plan, right?" He looks and even sounds impressed, but that does little to ease his own nerves. Kyungsoo couldn't blame Jongin for being surprised though; he was infamous for backing out of things he deemed "scary" last minute. Most of those things involving Jongdae in some shape and form, and this was definitely something that he would deem as scary.

"I have the candy and card in my bag." He mumbles, shifting anxiously in his spot. "I just," he has to steady his already shaky voice before continuing, "have to find a good time to give it to him. Should I just leave it in his locker? Or should I just approach him and hand it to him?" He blurts the questions out suddenly, his mind unable to calm down.

"You need to breathe, Kyungsoo. Jongdae's such a nice guy. Even if things don't happen to go the way you want, he won't laugh at you or anything." Junmyeon's reassuring the nervous wreck in front of him. He's only nodding along to his words as he looks two seconds from running out of the school. Junmyeon was right and Kyungsoo knew that, but that didn't stop his mind from taunting him with cruel outcomes. One of the many reasons that Kyungsoo loved Jongdae was because of how nice he is. As long as he can remember, he's never seen the other bully another student. In fact, Kyungsoo has seen Jongdae defend students being bullied over several different occasions. He's even defended Kyungsoo twice.

It makes sense; Junmyeon would never befriend someone who was rude.

"I've never done this before." He whimpers and hugs his bag to his chest. "I've never even had a full conversation with him. What if he thinks I'm a weirdo? Or some creepy stalker? I only followed him home that one time-"

"Okay, I thought we agreed to forget you ever did that." Jongin interrupts with a raised eyebrow. "You should probably also leave that out of your confession." Kyungsoo can feel his face burning up and he only whimpers more. He had a bad habit of speaking without thinking when he was nervous. Those thoughts were completely unfiltered and usually inappropriate. It was something he was working on. 

"It's not even...it's not even like I'm asking him to be my boyfriend or anything." He rambles as he tries to control his breathing. "There's no pressure on him. I'm just simply stating that I like him. Just a little." He's fairly certain that his eyes were bugging out of his head.

"You can't approach him looking like this." Junmyeon laughs. "You need to breathe; for real." He rests his hands on Kyungsoo's shoulders, giving them a comforting squeeze. "This is not the end of the world. You will live to see another day if things don't go to plan-"

"Though I think you should give your candies and card to Jongdae in person. Because it's something so personal, I think it's better that he hears it from you himself." Jongin offers him a soft smile. "And I also think you should give it to him towards the end of the day. That way if things go wrong you won't be stuck with him the rest of the day." Nice. That wouldn't help him get through the rest of the year, let alone the rest of his high school career. He still had another two years before graduation. 

The bell rings, signaling that class will be starting in the next few minutes. The three friends bid their farewells before heading to their respective classes. Kyungsoo's heart weighing heavy in his chest as he makes his way to his first period. He has Jongdae in all of his classes.

.

baby, he's got to be crazy

living like he's john wayne

always facing the world and chasing the girl

baby, he's got to be crazy

.

Math used to be Kyungsoo's favorite subject. That is until letters were added to equations and word problems became a little more complex; then he started to hate math. Somehow Jongdae made math a little more bearable. His seat is located two seats behind Jongdae's, so he gets the pleasure of zoning out and staring at the back of his head as much as he likes. He'd prefer staring at the front of his head, but that would be more obvious and he would certainly catch Kyungsoo staring. Beggars can't be choosers and Kyungsoo's more than happy with his seat. 

He flinches slightly when feeling something bounce off the rim of his glasses. He sighs quietly when seeing the small wadded up paper now lying on the ground next to his feet. He looks towards the direction of not-so-quiet snickering only to be met with the gaze of two people. Byun Baekhyun and Oh Sehun. They were somehow Jongdae's two closest friends and never failed to torture Kyungsoo over the fact that he liked their best friend. He wasn't sure how they even found out; maybe something to do with his constant staring in first period. He guesses his plan was a little more than obvious for Baekhyun and Sehun to be harassing him today. Perhaps they knew he was up to something simply because it was the day before Valentine's Day, or maybe they could read him like a book.

He wasn't sure if he'd necessarily classify Baekhyun and Sehun as bullies. They never shoved him into lockers and they've certainly never hurt him in any physical means. They also never really called him any names other than the occasional "nerd" and "loser", but he also heard them refer to each other in the same light. They were a confusing pair and he never knew what to expect from them. The most they did was for his crush on Jongdae and that was about it. In the grand scheme of things they were pretty harmless, but he was always on edge over the fact that they'd somehow spill his feelings to Jongdae before Kyungsoo had the chance to himself. He wasn't sure if they already did, and if they had then Jongdae was pretty good at acting like nothing ever happened.

"Kim Jongdae." The voice is harsh and strict, and is no doubt coming from their teacher, Mr. Zhang. "If I have to tell you one more time to stop joking around with your friends, we're going to have an issue." He says with narrowed eyes. Out of all the teachers, Mr. Zhang was Kyungsoo's favorite. Mostly because students wouldn't pick on him when Mr. Zhang was around. He was a no nonsense kind of guy but was an absolute sweetheart when on his good side. Kyungsoo seemed to always be on his good side, which might be why he's his favorite. On the other hand, Mr. Zhang seemed to be Jongdae's least favorite teacher. As stated earlier, Jongdae was known for being a class clown. The words class clown and Mr. Zhang should never be in the same sentence together. 

Despite his cold demeanor and intimidating behavior, Mr. Zhang was fairly popular among the students. Especially the female students. Compared to his male counterparts, Mr. Zhang was always dressed to the nines. Nice button up shirts with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, black or tan dress pants, nice shoes, and a Rolex watch was always sported on his left wrist. Kyungsoo's never seen Mr. Zhang come to class looking anything less, let alone ever spotting a hair out of place. The man was a shining example of how a man should dress. If Kyungsoo wasn't so strict with how students and teachers should behave around each other, he'd probably have a massive crush on him as well. 

Baekhyun's giggling under his breath while Sehun attempts to keep a straight face. It seemed to be their favorite thing to see Jongdae and Mr. Zhang work each other up. "I just don't see how any of this will be useful for us outside of school." Jongdae huffs as he leans back in his chair. "Can't we just watch a movie instead? It would be less work for you, more fun for us. Everyone wins." The students around him are giggling, though Mr. Zhang looks less than amused. "This assignment is too difficult."

"Mr. Kim," Jongdae knows he's on thin water when Mr. Zhang doesn't use his first name, "based off your grades I think you've had enough fun for one quarter. If I have to ask you one more time to be quiet and do your work- you know, the worksheet in front of you? -then you will find yourself sitting in the office." A few of the girls giggle from Mr. Zhang's angry attitude before the man sighs quietly. "Look, is everyone really having that hard of a time on this worksheet?" He asks, a hand running through his hair. Wow, even when he was stressed the man still looked like a model. Kyungsoo briefly shakes his head before nodding to his question. "Alright, then I'll allow you to work in pairs-" He's cut off from the class erupting into cheers. His eyes are narrowed once again and Kyungsoo wonders how he's made it this far as a high school teacher if he can barely tolerate teenagers. "Not so fast." He claps his hands together loudly, regaining the attention of the students. "I choose the groups. Some of you," he looks directly at Jongdae, Baekhyun, and Sehun, "do not get anything done together." And just as before, the class is collectively groaning. 

Groups? He was going to group them? Kyungsoo prays to every star in the sky that he's not put with Baekhyun or Sehun. He didn't even care about being grouped with Jongdae; as long as he wasn't with Baekhyun or Sehun he'd be content with his partner. Kyungsoo puts so much effort into praying that he isn't stuck with Baekhyun or Sehun that he actually misses Mr. Zhang announcing who he's with. A soft but awkward tap to his arm is enough to startle him out of his thoughts, and when realizing who his partner is is enough to nearly startle him out of his seat. The shock must be evident on his face as he can hear Baekhyun and Sehun laughing from the other side of the room. 

"Hi, Kyungsoo." Jongdae says after a few seconds of the pair just awkwardly staring at each other. "I'm your partner today." He says and takes the empty seat next to him. Kyungsoo's frozen in his spot, his cheeks burning as he tries to figure out what he should say. He wasn't expecting Mr. Zhang to pair the two up. Yes, Kyungsoo may or may not have rambled to him once about his small crush on Jongdae, but he never expected him to pair them together! His cheeks only burn more when he sees Mr. Zhang flash him a knowing smile when they make eye contact. He definitely grouped them on purpose. 

"Please tell me you understand this." Jongdae whines when flipping through the small work packet. Kyungsoo chews the inside of his cheek nervously and quickly shakes his head. Why couldn't he talk? Was it that hard to answer him? Actually, yes. "Well, I tried." Jongdae snorts and flips the packet closed. "I hate this class. I don't understand any of it." He huffs quietly and leans forward on his desk. "And it looks like you don't either."

Kyungsoo's growing flustered under Jongdae's intense stare and he wishes he could bury himself in a hole. "So, Kyungsoo." Jongdae has one of the most beautiful smiles on his lips that he's ever seen, and he's not even showing his teeth. "We've known each other for quite some time; kindergarten, right?" He actually knows him? And remembers him from kindergarten? Kyungsoo can't help the shy smile that forms on his lips and nods his head. 

"Since kindergarten, yes." He's having a hard time keeping eye contact with Jongdae and instead finds himself aimlessly glancing around the room. 

"But I feel like we don't really know each other; which is odd since I've technically known you longer than Baekhyun and Sehun." He feels his heart burst in his chest from his words. Did he really just admit that he's known him longer than his two closest friends? "So, tell me about yourself." His chin is resting on the back of his hands as he stares at Kyungsoo, giving him his full attention. Was this actually happening? What was he even supposed to say? He's boring, stays inside, doesn't go to parties, barely even texts his two only friends back, has crippling anxiety...he was really a bundle of sunshine.

"Like what?" Is all the timid Kyungsoo can squeak back.

"What do you do in your free time? What shows do you like, your favorite color, do you have any pets? How's your cousin?" Jongdae's playfully wiggling his eyebrows and Kyungsoo nearly punches himself for giggling out loud. Why did Jongdae have to be so cute? And how was he able to speak so easily with others? Kyungsoo always struggled with starting conversations; he honestly considered it a talent when people could strike up conversations effortlessly.

"U-Um, well," he's puffing his cheeks out nervously, "I like to sketch in my free time, but I'm not very good at it!" He quickly explains when seeing the shock on his face. "I'm not good, really. Um, I like crime shows, my favorite color is tied between lilac and baby blue, I have a cat, and Minseok is doing fine. He just celebrated his two year anniversary with Chanyeol a few days ago." He's never said so many things to Jongdae before and he felt as if he might faint. 

"I'm happy for Minseok. He was so quiet before he met Chanyeol. He really helped him break out of his shell." Jongdae hums. Minseok and Chanyeol were only two years older than Kyungsoo and Jongdae, having graduated the year they started high school. Chanyeol was and still is a close friend of Jongdae, which Kyungsoo has definitely used to his advantage a number of times. "Chanyeol still randomly texts me about Minseok sometimes. They're so cute that it's gross."

"You think you have it bad? Try being related to one of them." Kyungsoo huffs. "They're always so disgustingly cute in front of me. If you felt single before, you'll really feel single after witnessing them." He laughs quietly. 

"I always third wheeled with them whenever they hung out with me. I can only imagine how you feel." Jongdae has a wide smile on his face and Kyungsoo feels his heart turning into actual putty. "Seriously though, you're an artist? I never pegged you as one; I always thought you'd be the type who'd write stories." Kyungsoo only lets out a nervous laugh.

"I'm not good with writing stories. I can barely speak a coherent sentence myself. Drawing's a lot easier, though I still have a long way to go."

"Can I see?" Jongdae blurts out without much thought. His face turns a light shade of red, as if he didn't mean to ask that. Kyungsoo's just as red if not more though he smiles shyly and leans over to his bag. After a few seconds of rummaging around for his sketchbook, he carefully pulls it out to avoid accidentally knocking out his candies and card. It would be embarrassing if he exposed himself this early in the game. He slides the small black book towards Jongdae. "It's mostly unfinished work. Things I just start when I'm bored. A lot of sketches of my friends." He snorts quietly, anxiously rubbing his arm.

Jongdae's flipping through the book, a small smile on his lips as he glances up at Kyungsoo every few seconds. "You're really good, Kyungsoo. I can't even draw a stick figure!" Kyungsoo laughs quietly at this, his heart pounding as he watches Jongdae's gaze linger longer and longer with each page he lands on. "Man, I should get you to draw a picture of me!" He means it as a joke (at least he thinks, anyway) but that doesn't stop Kyungsoo's eyes doubling in size. How could he be so dense? 

"Uh, uh- I need that back." Kyungsoo says with a tone that he hopes won't be too obvious. How could he forget that on the last page of his sketchbook that he drew a sketch of Jongdae? He could kiss any chance of confessing to him goodbye if Jongdae stumbled upon that. 

"What? Why?" He asks with a raised eyebrow. 

"J-Just because." He shoots back. Jongdae however, being playful in nature leans back in his seat with the now closed sketchbook. "You have some naughty sketches in here, Do Kyungsoo?" 

"What? Don't say such things so loud- no, of course not!" He shrieks when Jongdae keeps that mischievous smirk on his lips. 

"You clearly have something in here that you don't want me to see. That can only lead me to believe that you have some not safe for school pictures in here." He sways the book around in his hands for a moment before a huge smile takes over his lips, the skin around his eyes crinkling as he laughs loudly. "I'm only messing with you, Kyungsoo." He laughs while handing the sketchbook back to Kyungsoo. "I respect your privacy. Don't worry. Besides, you wouldn't be the first teenage boy to look up or draw such things, right?" He playfully winks at the flustered and stuttering boy before the bell rings, signaling that the first class of the day was now over. 

Kyungsoo's expecting Jongdae to already be gone by the time he's finished putting his things into his bag, but to his surprise he sees Jongdae lingering by his desk. Kyungsoo just glances up at him with his large and questioning eyes. Jongdae has an unreadable expression on his face as he sways in his spot slightly before he hears Baekhyun and Sehun calling for him. "Ah, well, I'll see you next period then, right?" He offers lamely before hurrying over to his two friends and walking out of the classroom. 

Kyungsoo can only sit there in stunned silence while Mr. Zhang whistles an unknown tune while cleaning off the white board.

.

he's got so much in his heart

but he doesn't know what to do

all he wants is her

lying inside his room

.

Kyungsoo places his tray of food onto the surface of the cafeteria table before taking a seat in front of Junmyeon and Jongin. The two are currently holding a deep conversation, of what Kyungsoo isn't certain. It's not until that he glances around the room that he makes eye contact with Jongdae who's sitting at a table with Baekhyun, Sehun, and a few others that he didn't recognize. Jongdae flashes him a bright smile and Kyungsoo can't help but to look away with bright red cheeks. "I showed Jongdae my sketchbook today." It was a quiet whisper, something he said in hopes of it falling onto deaf ears. It didn't though, as Kyungsoo's luck would have it. 

Junmyeon and Jongin are staring at Kyungsoo with wide eyes, their mouths slightly open. "You actually talked to him?" Jongin asks with a raised