Breaking

Upon seeing the news on my phone, I immediately dial Jiyong. He picks it up within threes seconds and I immediately blabber. “Th-the news- you and I- the gelato place,” I frantically try to say something coherently, but somehow my brain fails to form any proper sentences in my native language. 

“I got it cover, don’t worry, Riri,” Jiyong calmly says, his voice tinted with anger and I feel bad that I asked him to keep this relationships secret.

“I am sorry,” I find myself saying and I bite my lip out of the nerves, a habit that stays with me regardless how many times I try to get rid of it.

“It is all right. I got this under control. Check the news again if you wish,” Jiyong recommends, his tone still somehow distant and cold. 

I pull the phone away, put him on the speakers, and I google ‘Kwon Jiyong’ and indeed, the article with our picture is no longer there. My eyebrows rise, reflecting my utter shock. 

“How did you do that?” I curiously ask, wondering what he has done to have any traces gone in such a short of period of time. 

“The perks of having money and experience with nosy media can do wonders,” Jiyong simply states and it all clicks in. 

At first I completely comprehend how such a renowned public figures like him surely have reporters nastily stalk him like starving vultures. It all makes sense because his an idol of many people and surely many would love to know what he does on a daily basis. 

However, my train of thoughts as always derails in the wrong direction. What does he mean by ‘experience’? I start to wonder how many times did he use this power to cover his past lovers? Did he have many lovers? Of course he had, I just have to recall his godly face and the humongous fanbase he has. So I alter my question to how many people were there before me? 

“Seungri?” Jiyong’s voice pulls me back from my deep pondering to reality.

“Yeah?” I ask a bit too hastily and face palm internally. 

“Don’t stress over this. I will make sure that I keep you out of the public’s eye,” Jiyong promises and I chomp on my lip again. 

“Thank you,” I decide to say.

“Let’s keep a low profile for now and such situation will not happen again. I will bring my bodyguards with me next time. Sorry for this carelessness,” Jiyong apologizes. 

“No, I should be apologizing, not you. It is me who is selfish here,” I think, but reply otherwise. “It’s okay, I get it. I will go on and study now. See you later!”

“Bye,” Jiyong replies and I can hear a bit of uncertainty in his voice. 

I curse loudly the moment the call ends. I want to punch myself for being so egocentric and forcing Jiyong to go to such lengths just to keep my stupid wish true. I begin to reason how much do I value my privacy? Is it worth to have Jiyong constantly looking back to make sure that nobody knows about my relationship with him? What is this relationship in the first place? Are we official boyfriends or are we still in the innocent ‘going out’ process? What if he is just checking me out and does not care about me as much as I do? What if this affection is just one sided? What if-

Too many questions cloud my mind and I grab a glass, quickly pouring a lot of water into it. The moment the glass is filled to its brims, I gulp down the whole content within a blink of an eye. I pant as my body demands air after a long session of drinking and I close my eyes. 

“Get your together, Seungri,” I say to myself and splash some cold water on my face. 

I decide that I want to keep things in the shadows at least until the end of this month when I am done with my finals, which are just slightly over three weeks away. Three weeks. That should be doable. I need to be independent and carve my own pathway. I cannot rely on Jiyong to get me to a university, because that would not be fair towards both him and me. 

After all, if we were to break up whatever we have, I would end up alone, sadly vulnerable to the whole world’s cruelty. I would be left by myself just like I was before I met him. Even though I do not wish this to happen, I am aware of the people out there whom Jiyong could easily get to replace me. After all, I was not perfect like him and I am sure that it is not hard to find a better boyfriend material than me. Hence, I conclude that I will do my best to enjoy it as much as I can while it lasts. 

By the end of that day, there is just one inquiry that keeps on popping up: