Is it Impossible?

Rewrite the Stars

You know I want you

It's not a secret I try to hide

I know you want me

So don't keep saying our hands are tied

You claim it's not in the cards

But fate is pulling you miles away

And out of reach from me

But you're here in my heart

So who can stop me if I decide

That you're my destiny?

 

Nayeon thought the world was against her. She didn’t understand how relationships could be this hard, yet here she was- trying to convince the girl of her dreams to take the chance and stay with her. She thought that they had something, a really strong something. Mina didn’t agree with her though. Well she did at first, but now the girl was having her doubts. Nayeon felt that there was too much push and pull with the younger.

 

Mina was only seconds away from walking away from her, from them. Nayeon was never good with her words, but she was desperate at this point.

 

“Mina please just talk to me about this. Why are you willing to just leave so easily? I thought-” I thought you loved me.

 

Mina turned slowly as she spoke, eyes everywhere except for Nayeon. “We can’t keep doing this. We can’t be together. It’s out of our hands at this point.” They both knew those were lame excuses.

 

“That’s bull and you know it! Please just tell me what’s really going on.” Tears were pooling in Nayeon’s eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment. She was angry, not at Mina but at their situation. They both knew that being idols wasn’t easy, that they had a certain public image to uphold. They hadn’t meant to fall in love, it just happened. So they made it work for the most part, having small dates in the dorm and locked practice rooms, going out under the pretense of being friends. But it got to the both of them. Nayeon thought they were strong enough to brave against the world together, but Mina crumbled faster than she could put her back together.

 

“What’s really going on? What’s really going on is that this can’t keep happening. It’s unfair to the other girls and to the fans.” Mina was reserved, arms crossed shifting from foot to foot. She hadn’t made eye contact this whole time.

 

Nayeon scoffed, tears finally falling at the girls excuses. “That’s it?”

 

Mina finally raised her head, arms opening in defiance. “What do you want then, Nayeon?”

 

She reached her breaking point, exploding on the younger girl. “I want you, Mina!” She crossed to where the girl stood, gently grasping a hold of her face, bringing their foreheads together. “I just want you,” she softly whispered.

 

Mina broke at that, sobbing and leaning into the older girl’s embrace. Her hands came up to grasp at Nayeon’s wrists, thumbs lightly caressing there. She started to pull away, shaking her head as if to get some sense back, before grasping Nayeon’s collar and slamming their lips together in a bruising kiss. Nayeon didn’t even have time to respond before Mina pulled away in a choked sob, shaking. She caught the girl as her legs gave out, holding onto each other as their emotions overwhelmed them.

 

Nayeon pulled herself together quicker, telling Mina to just listen to her. “I don’t care what anyone says about us. The rest of the girls already know and in case you forgot, they have been nothing but supportive and helpful when we needed. Whatever comes our way I know that we can handle it, together. So please don’t give on me yet, on us? Because no matter what happens if I have to end up choosing between my career and you, it will always be you.”

 

Mina sniffled and looked at Nayeon. More tears bloomed in her eyes and Nayeon just tucked her head back into her chest and let her cry. They would get through this somehow.

 

What if we rewrite the stars?

Say you were made to be mine

Nothing could keep us apart

You'd be the one I was meant to find

It's up to you

And it's up to me

No one can say what we get to be

So why don't we rewrite the stars?

Maybe the world could be ours

Tonight

 

Things were still rocky between the two of them. They were still together, but Mina still seemed apprehensive about their relationship. Nayeon gave her space and time to deal with her emotions, being there when she needed. They got into another bad fight a little while after their last one, this time in the practice room. Mina had been thinking about how same- couples were still illegal in South Korea, making her wonder why they were even trying in the first place.

 

Nayeon made her sit down and listen to her, crouching in front of her with her hands on either side of her legs.“I don’t give a what the law says. I love you and that’s all that matters to me.” Mina gave a watery smile at the girl’s confession, but didn’t life her head from where it had been since Nayeon sat her down. Nayeon didn’t know what else to say to make the girl feel better. “Screw it. If it bothers you that much, then I’m going to write a new law that makes same- marriage legal.”

 

Mina chuckled, still not lifting her head, “How are you going to make a law? Last time I checked you weren’t a government official.” She placed one hand beside her leg, her pinky finger grazing Nayeon’s index finger. Nayeon intertwined them a beat later.

 

“It’s one of my many secrets. I’m secretly the president.” Mina looked up at the that, locking eyes with Nayeon and seeing the stupid grin on her face.

 

“Maybe slow down a bit and work on just legalizing same- relationships. Then we’ll work on marriage.” She used her free hand to move some hair out of the older girl’s eyes.

 

“Whatever you want. But please understand that the only people who have any say in our relationship is you and me, ok? No one else matters. Just us.” Mina nodded after a bit, processing what she was just told.

 

“Ok. It’s up to you and me. No one else.” Nayeon smiled and stood, helping Mina up and walking out, heading back home together.

 

You think it's easy

You think I don't want to run to you

But there are mountains

And there are doors that we can't walk through

I know you're wondering why

Because we're able to be

Just you and me

Within these walls

But when we go outside

You're gonna wake up and see that it was hopeless after all

 

The beginning of their relationship wasn’t easy either. They had their struggles and they still deal with them daily. Nayeon was scared her friends would find her disgusting because she was gay. She had sobbed as Jihyo and Jeongyeon held her when she first told them, overcome with emotions as they told her they would always love her for who she is.

 

Mina had similar struggles, admitting during one of their 10-minute talks that she felt attracted to boys and girls. She hadn’t meant to let it slip, panicking as soon as she said it and breaking down. They all wrapped her up in a hug, saying they were proud of her and that there wasn’t anything wrong with her. Nayeon didn’t reveal her secret, letting this be Mina’s night and letting her have her moment of bravery.

 

Instead Nayeon had let it slip in the group chat, that she was “too gay for this ” and sending it without realizing. Sana had burst into the room at that, screaming at the top of her lungs that she was glad she wasn’t the only one in the group.

 

Now they both knew each other’s ualities, but not if they were attracted to each other. To the others it was painfully obvious but Jihyo kept them all in line, telling them not to interfere.

 

Neither girl confessed to the other. Their relationship sort of shifted one day and happened when they weren’t looking. Mina struggled at first, wanting nothing more than to just dive right in with Nayeon, but she knew it wouldn’t be that easy. The older girl was always there to reassure her that they weren’t doing anything wrong, they loved each other. But society and pressure got to Mina, making her doubt her choices. “I’m tired of only being able to be with you in private. Really the only safe place for us to be us is in the dorm or a locked room somewhere.”

 

Nayeon had to admit that she was tired of it too, but she was willing to put up with it because they were together. “Mina I get it but it’s all we can do for now. I’m sorry but don’t you think there’s some positive to this?” Mina didn’t answer her, looking down at the floor as if she could find one there. Nayeon continued, growing bashful at the end of her statement. “What if we didn’t stay hidden then? We could tell people, tell the company. Or like, our families if you wanted to start small.”

 

Mina exploded on her. “God, Nayeon, wake up!” She slammed her hands into the older girl’s chest, shoving her back a few steps. “Tell the company? And what risk our careers? Risk the other girl’s careers for our selfish purposes?” She stepped back, pacing a bit before continuing. “You and I can be with each other in private, because no one knows. No one important enough knows. But when we go outside, on the streets, and people find out, the backlash is going to be awful. People won’t accept us because it’s wrong, to them.”

 

Nayeon grabbed onto her arms, pleading with her. “Then we’ll keep it quiet still, like we’ve been doing. I know you’re tired of being cooped up, but I am too. But we get to be together if that’s what we do, and that makes it worth it.”

 

Mina backed away, shaking her head. “It’s hopeless, Nayeon,” she paused, giving the older time to predict the inevitable, “So why even bother with it.” She turned and headed for the door.

 

Nayeon’s ears were ringing from the girl’s words, panicking thinking she might be losing her. “Mina please, just think about this. Please don’t leave me.” Her voice broke on the last syllable, tears streaming down her face.

 

Mina’s hand stalled on the handle, not turning around to face the other girl. “I’m sorry but I can’t to this anymore. It hurts too much.” She closed the door behind her, both so she couldn’t hear Nayeon cry, and so Nayeon couldn’t hear her.

 

No one can rewrite the stars

How can you say you'll be mine

Everything keeps us apart

And I'm not the one you were meant to find

It's not up to you

It's not up to me

When everyone tells us what we can be

How can we rewrite the stars?

Say that the world can be ours

Tonight

 

The other girls noticed something was off right away. They avoided every move the other made- leaving distance between them when they stood next to each other, rolling their eyes at what the other said, going off to mess around with other members so as to not be right by each other. Jihyo confronted them both separately, holding them close as they both broke down, lamenting over their broken hearts.

 

Even the fans started to notice something was wrong when they just stopped acting close. Fansigns were tense between the two of them and fans joked, saying things like “they obviously hate each other lol.” They’re halfway right, Mina thought bitterly.

 

Mina knew this was all on her. She had broken them beyond repair because she was too scared to take the chance with Nayeon. Her biggest fear was the company finding out and forcing one of them to leave, at best, or breaking up the group altogether, at worst. She wished she could get the older girl to see her point of view, but that was now impossible seeing as how Nayeon wouldn’t even look at her.

 

As much as she wished it were true, being together wasn’t up to them. More people would be against them than agree with them. There were too many factors at play and it overwhelmed her. Sometimes Mina felt like Nayeon lived in a fairy tail, believing the world was perfect just because she thought so. But it never worked like that.

 

They had people who told them how to do things and when to do them. When to sing. When to dance. When to smile. When to sleep. When to say some things, and to never say other things. Nayeon wanted to go against all of this, for her. She wasn’t worth ruining anyone’s career over. She was never worth having Nayeon in the first place.

 

All I want is to fly with you

All I want is to fall with you

So just give me all of you

It feels impossible

It's not impossible

Is it impossible?

Say that it's possible

 

Mina managed to catch Nayeon alone for the first time in months. She caught her in their bedroom, sitting on her bed. Nayeon looked up at the sound of the door closing and locking, face blank as she stared at the younger girl. She looked back down at her phone, seeming to ignore the other girl and the events that just occured. Mina sat down on her own bed, opposite the other girl.

 

Her voice was shaky as she tried to address her. “Please just let me explain a couple of things. You can go back to hating me when I’m done, but I need to talk to you.”

 

Nayeon didn’t miss a beat. “You did all of that already. There’s nothing left to say really.” Her eyes never moved from her screen.

 

“Please just listen. That’s all you have to do.” Mina was begging the older to give her a chance.

 

Nayeon didn’t put her phone down, but her eyes shifted somewhere just to the side of it, contemplating her answer. She sighed and a ran a hand through her hair. “Fine.” She looked back at her phone, not giving Mina the satisfaction of her full attention.

 

Mina wasn’t going to waste time, taking what she got. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”

 

“I do have that effect on people.” Nayeon still stared at her phone, but Mina noticed she stopped scrolling. She stopped doing anything, only using it a small shield against her emotions. They still knew each other like the back of their hands.

 

Mina took her little quip as a good sign, that Nayeon wasn’t completely against her. “You’re always on my mind and it drives me insane. I know I don’t have that right anymore because all of this is my fault, but I messed up big time.” She swallowed, trying to collect herself. Nayeon still sat, phone in hand, eyes a thousand miles away. “I was scared because at that point my career, our career, mattered more to me than we did. The company has a lot riding on us to succeed, and if we didn’t because one of us slipped up, I would never have been able to forgive myself. We aren’t allowed to be selfish in this industry and that’s exactly what we were being.”

 

“So you decided it would be best, to break me into a million pieces? Because being an idol meant more to you than our relationship?” Mina almost wished Nayeon hadn’t decided to look up at her, finally. The look in her eyes was one of pure disdain, disbelief at what she had been hearing.

 

“You once told me that if you had to choose between your career and me, that you’d always pick me. I was never worth it, worth you, so we can just forget about all of this. We can go back to avoiding each other now if you want. I don’t even deserve to be asking you this. I walked out on us twice, and here I am crawling back again. Lord knows how much you must hate me.” She stood up to leave the room, only to be pulled back by a hand on her wrist.

 

Nayeon held tight, pulling the other girl into her body and wrapping her up. She ran her finger through her hair, something she wished she could have done for the past few months. “I don’t hate you. I tried, I really did, but I can’t do it. And don’t you ever say that you are not worth me having because you are the best decision that I have ever made.” Mina broke at her words, grasping onto the older girl and crying. They held each other for a long while, relishing in the touch that they both missed to much. Nayeon pulled away after a while, keeping one arm around Mina’s waist and fixing her hair with her free hand. “We still have a lot to talk about, but I don’t want to know what it’s like to not have you ever again.”

 

Mina let a small grin cross her face, eager to start over with Nayeon. It seem impossible, but they would make it through this together.

 

How do we rewrite the stars?

Say you were made to be mine?

Nothing can keep us apart

Cause you are the one I was meant to find

It's up to you

And it's up to me

No one can say what we get to be

Why don't we rewrite the stars?

Changing the world to be ours

 

Their relationship didn’t start over immediately. They talked about it. And then they talked some more, and then they talked some more. But they were talking and the other girls couldn’t be happier. There was no more tension between the two of them, no more awkward poses or blatant ignoring of the other.

 

They compromised on it- they wouldn’t scream their relationship to the world, but they wouldn’t only keep it within the group. They started slow, telling their closest friends and their family. Their parents were a bit cautious at first, wondering how this would affect their group, but they convinced them that they were being cautious, only letting those that trusted 100% know. Their parents came around to support the girls, proud that their daughters had found someone to love. They told some of their best friends, or more like Nayeon’s best friends because Mina hadn’t quite made close friends like the other girls had. Yeri threatened to fight Mina for taking her Nayeon unnie away, while Jennie and Jisoo just screamed over the phone how happy they were for them.

 

Some of their labelmates had found out too, pulling them aside in hallways to assure them that they weren’t going to tell anyone. Nayeon snapped on Taecyeon, backing him up against the wall and jamming her finger in her chest, demanding to tell her how he found out. He wasn’t intimidated at all, smiling fondly at the two girls and telling them he just figured it out. He peeked in the door during one of Twice’s dance practices and he just realized they were together from the way they acted. He hugged them both, promising not to tell a soul about them to anyone.

 

They decided to move forward from there, content with the way things were. They didn’t tell anymore people, just letting others find out on their own. They weren’t extremely outright with their relationship, though. They acted the same way as they had before, keeping things in the dorm and locked practice rooms. When on the street, they would hold hands and hug because they were friends and that wasn’t odd behavior.

 

They felt safe with each other, safe from the public eye’s judgement and scrutiny. The girls teased them for being a gross couple, but were the first ones to reassure them when they started to question themselves.

 

Nayeon made sure Mina was always comfortable with their relationship. Mina promised to never doubt the older girl again, or to doubt what their relationship meant.

 


 

Nayeon had an individual schedule the night before, getting home late and thankfully being able to sleep in on a rare day off. The curtains were still drawn, leaving the room dark. Her phone blinded her but she managed to make out enough of the time to know that the rest of the girls had to be awake by now. She stumbled out of bed, tripping on a dozen things on the way to the door. All she wanted was her girlfriend to give her morning snuggles. And coffee. She needed a lot of coffee.

 

A normal morning in the dorm meant chaos, even on their days off. Everyone rushed around to get ready for a schedule on time, or the kitchen was a mess when someone tried to cook for all of them. It was loud and messy and anything different meant something was wrong, and something was definitely wrong.

 

Nayeon didn’t hear anything upon walking out of the room. The hallway was uncluttered, no people to run into or squeeze around. She peeked into the other two bedrooms, coming up empty. She could see the bathroom door was open, unoccupied as well. Her ears didn’t pick up on any noises, no small chatter or laughter signaling life anywhere in the dorm. They better not have gone out somewhere without me. She stomped down the hallway, stopping short seeing the girls all gathered in the living room, dead silent. She counted heads and recounted when she thought she missed one. She scanned the room, listing off who was there.

 

“Where’s Mina? Did she go the store or something? Why’d you let her go alone?” Her voice startled them, cutting through the somber quiet. She studied them all, their expressions and body language. Sana and Momo were huddled together, tear tracks on their faces and puffy eyes told her something was very wrong. Her original inquiry brought everything back to the surface for them, tears fell as they tried to mask their sobs. Dahyun was trying to be strong for Chaeyoung, holding her hand and keeping her tears at bay while the younger cried silently next to her. Nayeon knew she was going to break soon, only so much the young girl could do for others. Jihyo was the only one composed, hand patting Tzuyu’s knee as the youngest just stared into space, keeping everything in for a violent outburst that would come later.

 

Jeongyeon stood up next to Nayeon, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Come sit down.”

 

Nayeon backed away, racking her brain for what could possibly be happening. “What happened? Where is she?”

 

Jihyo spoke this time, not moving from her spot. “Unnie please sit down.”

 

“I don’t want to ing sit down! Someone tell me what’s going on!” She couldn’t take it anymore. “Should we wait for Mina to get back? She should know about this to.” Sana couldn’t keep her sobs in anymore, violently releasing them.

 

Jihyo handed Jeongyeon a piece of paper, then returned to her position, wrapping an arm around Tzuyu this time. Jeongyeon held the paper for a minute, hesitant to hand it over. She gently passed it to Nayeon who took it while staring at Jeongyeon for an answer. Part of her wanted to read it, but another part wanted to tear it up and not even bother. Her hands shook as she unfolded it. She recognized Mina’s writing immediately, blood running cold at the first sentence.

 

            The company found out. There was no other choice. They said that only one of us got to stay or the whole group would be disbanded. I said that if I had to choose between my career and you, it would be you. So I chose for the both of us. You get to stay and keep living your dream. Just go ahead and forget about me. I caused you too much pain already and I’m not worth fighting for. You’re going to be asked a lot of questions, just to ensure that you never tell anyone about us. I didn’t mean to just leave like this, but they didn’t give me much time and I wasn’t allowed to say goodbye.

 

            I’m so sorry.

 

Nayeon was numb by the time she finished reading, unable to cry or feel anything. The paper slipped out of her hands, drifting away without a care. She was starting to have trouble breathing, her vision going blurry and her ears ringing. She tried to speak, to ask Why didn’t you stop her? Where is she? How did they find out? All that came out was a choked sob. Her legs gave out and she crashed to the floor, an anguished wail escaping her lips as she cried into the floor.

 

Nothing remained other than a shell of a foolish girl, naive enough to think that she could rewrite the stars.

 

You know I want you

It's not a secret I try to hide

But I can't have you

We're bound to break and

My hands are tied

 

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_francesleina #1
Chapter 1: ouch
taeyeonaniya
#2
Chapter 1: Coming back to hurt myself :))
Jenolen
#3
Chapter 1: Can you make a happier version of this? Like 'rewrite the star' , or just a sequel because this is so beautifully tragic
xetricmari9 #4
Chapter 1: you didn't have to hurt me like this author-nim ㅠㅠ
taeyeonaniya
#5
Chapter 1: TT
Ochorago
#6
Chapter 1: This is so painfully sad. Whyyyy?
cindy821011 #7
Chapter 1: I'm not crying TT
this work is beautiful although it's so tragic
I love your writing
maybe next work could be a fluffy one?:))
hiseutori
#8
Chapter 1: this is so beautifully written, I'm sobbing
randomizepersonality #9
Chapter 1: literally the only thing going in my mind throughout this whole thing was just "rewrite the stars doesn't end happily, rewrite the stars doesn't end happily-" to keep myself sane in the midst of the tragic-ness that is minayeon. thANKS FOR MAKING ME CRY