Concept: ANGST & FLUFF

My name is A Ra. And I’m currently 20 this year. I have been attending P university for almost a year now. Well, I’m kind of a shy girl. I don’t like new places and environment. I tend to get nervous around people. And I appreciate people who could hold and start a conversation with me. And if I’m really comfortable with you. All my bad traits will show. Bad at least to me. Such as, for the start, you could say I’m not the feminine type of girl. Even thought, I look like I am from my looks. But, I’m really not. I hate losing and love sports, especially swimming. And because of that, I have a broad shoulder and I’m tan. Too broad and tan for a girl in my perspective. And I get a lot of ‘If you’re fairer, you’ll look more pretty’ comments. And my sitting position, is definitely not in any aspect near a girl should sit. I’m blunt and I don’t cry. At least not infront of people. I dress too boyish for a girl. Lastly, I don’t take very good care of myself. Explains all the scars on my leg because I tend to be very clumsy.

Even with all my bad traits, I manage to make a close friend, Dong Ho. We’re in the same university and not to say same class as well. We met 2 years ago in high school. We’re in the same class back then as well, he was such a sunshine. Too bright. And too be honest, I have a crush on him. More like I’m in love with him. Those killer eyes, smile and body. Do I need to say anymore? Well, that’s not what I really like about him. Even though, he looks fierce and cold. Under all of that, he is actually a softy. Also, a sunshine, especially when he laughs. And I swear, I’m more of a man than him. Well, most of the time. He is actually a really sweet guy, most of the time and when he wants to. Well, at least to other girls.

Well, here’s the problem. He doesn’t see me as a girl. More like a big problem. So, to you girls out there who is stuck in the friend zone, high five. And to be honest, I’m not exactly his type of girl that he would go for. More like the total opposite. He like cute, kind and gentle girl who is a little y. To summarise, he like cute feminine girls who is a little y. Nothing that I have. You though being stuck in the friend zone is bad. Well, it was bad enough, until he got a girlfriend, it became worst. He is only dating her for 3 months. But can you imagine such a manly guy, calling you in the middle of the night telling you all about his cute little girlfriend? And he goes on and on about how cute she is and how perfect she is, to someone like you. Someone who gives no sh** about. As if calming yourself and telling yourself that your broken heart will heal in no time is a difficult task. He has to come here rubbing salt and cutting new wound in your heart, by telling you that you should act more like his girlfriend. I swear I was so close to killing him and burying him 6 feet under. But I didn’t.

I even tried to be more feminine I swear, just for him. I tried to be cute and even show him. But his reaction every single time was either ‘Don’t do that, it doesn’t suit you’, ‘Get away from me you creep’ or ‘Eww, that’s gross. Don’t ever do that ever again’. Because of that, I gave up.

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A Ra’s Pov

Mum: A RA!!!

A Ra: Ya?

Mum: Could you go to the market to get me some eggs. We need it for dinner.

A Ra: Okay.

//I throw on a jacket because it was quite chilly outside. The nearest market was 5 minutes’ walk away. I brace the cold air, and started walking to the market. As I reached the market, I was getting a snack for myself as well. As I was standing at the snacks aisle thinking what I should get. The girl beside me was getting some chocolate, until some fell on to the ground. My immediate reaction was to reach for the chocolate on the floor to pick it up, helping her. As I took the chocolate from the ground helping her, our face met. It was then I realised, it was her. The girl who stole Dong Ho’s heart. All I could think was ‘WOW’, yes, I’ve seen her in pictures before thanks to Dong Ho constantly putting it in my face in class every time. From the picture she already looks pretty, but in real life she looks stunning. It was then I know why Dong Ho was captivated by her. I got back to reality when she said, ‘Thank You’ to me, which I replied a ‘No problem’ back.

It was then I hear a ‘Baby!’ thinking Dong Ho might be here to. But that voice doesn’t sound like him. Just then an unknown guy came running to her, calling her ‘baby’. I was confused, like why did he just called her ‘baby’. But I push it off as, it might be her brother or cousin. The guy came up to her, hugging her. They look so happy, and it was then I was stun. He kissed her on her lips telling her how beautiful and how much he loves her. Wait, I know what you’re thinking. But no, I was not stalking them. They were just there, beside me, out in the open displaying their love. How can I ignore it? Okay back to the main point. I was thinking, if something did happen between Dong Ho and her. Because what I am seeing now is that, she is with another guy kissing and hugging. Like, they can’t be related anymore or even like best friend. They walked out of the store after paying, and saying ‘let’s go to the nearby café to get some drinks.’, leaving me thinking so much.

My head hurts after thinking so much for a while. And I snap back to reality, getting snacks that I want. While I was getting the snacks, someone hit me on the head. I turned around, wanting to kill whoever that did that. And guess who I saw. KANG DONG HO. Did he really have to do that, well, I have no idea.

A Ra: Do you have to!!!

Dong Ho: What?

A Ra: Arghhhh! Forget it! What are you doing here?

Dong Ho: Just getting some snacks, I’m planning a surprise picnic for my girlfriend tomorrow.

//It was then, I remember the whole ‘baby’ thing that was bothering me just 5 minutes ago. I was really contemplating if I should really tell him what I saw. Because I’m really scared that he would not believe me. And the face he was making, while picking the snacks just breaks me. He looks so happy.//

A Ra: Ehmmm… Dong Ho

Dong Ho: Ya?

A Ra: I don’t know if I should tell you this…

Dong Ho: What? Just tell me. You know I hate it when you leave me hanging.

A Ra: Well, just 5mintues ago, I saw your girlfriend here.

Dong Ho: Really?! Omg I should call her! Maybe she is still somewhere near. //Taking out his cell phone but was stopped by me.//

A Ra: Actually, I know where she is. I’ll bring you to her.

//We paid for our things. And we walked to the nearest café, because I heard them say they were there. We were close to the café, close enough to see the whole view of the café and everyone in it. And we could clearly see his girlfriend in there with another guy. Hugging and kissing again like I have seen just back in the market.//

Dong Ho: It can’t be. You’re joking right. What is this. You think this is funny?

A Ra: What are you talking about?

Dong Ho: That is not her!

A Ra: Dong Ho! That is clearly her.

Dong Ho: No that is not her. You didn’t even see her in real life before, you don’t know how she looks like.

A Ra: YA! KANG DONG HO! STOP BEING IN DENIAL!

Dong Ho: NO! YOU STOP IT! IT CAN’T BE HER! IT IS NOT HER! YOU’RE JUST MAKING THINGS UP! YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO RUIN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER! BECAUSE YOU NEVER LIKED HER EVER SINCE I START DATING HER!

A Ra: KANG DONG HO! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPLY! YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE THAT, THAT IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND OVER THERE. AND SHE IS CHEATING ON YOU. BUT YOU’RE BLAMING ME FOR IT? JUST BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE HER, DOESN’T MEAN I WOULD GO TO THE EXTEND TO FAKE THIS SCENE TO HURT YOU. TO RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. AND YES! I HAVE TO ADMIT I WANTED TO RUIN YOUR REALTIONSHIP WITH HER AT SOME POINT BUT DIDN’T. EVEN THOUGH I FREAKING LIKE YOU FOR SO LONG. AND YOU CLEARLY DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE AND APPRCIATE ALL THE EFFORT I MADE AND CHANGE FOR YOU. BUT HERE YOU ARE BLAMING ME FOR WHAT YOU SEE. I THOUGHT WE WERE AT LEAST FRIENDS, AND YOU KNOW ME WELL. BUT, HERE YOU ARE THINKING I AM CAPABLE OF DOING THIS? THIS JUST SHOW HOW YOU ACTUALLY THINK OF ME. THANKS MAN. I FINALLY GOT TO KNOW WHAT YOU TRULY THINK. I’M SORRY I’M SUCH A BAD PERSON/FRIEND IN YOUR EYES. I GUESS WE HAVE NO POINT IN BEING FRIENDS ANYMORE, SINCE YOU THOUGHT THAT WAY OF ME.

Dong Ho: I didn’t mean it that way…

A Ra: Save it. I don’t want to hear anymore.

//I walked away with so much emotion. Anger, sadness, hurt, embarrassed. All these feelings I had was breaking me down. Sobbing like a crazy person while shouting ‘Stupid KANG DONG HO, I HATE YOU’, while I slowly made my way home. Which I locked myself in my room, and start a second round of water works. I skip school for the whole week, locking myself in my room. But was forced to go to school finally because of my mum. What was worst is that Dong Ho didn’t even call or text me for that whole week. Ever since that accident.

I forced myself to walk in the class with trembling heart. Scared to see him. As I entered, he was there. Sitting just there, we were staring at each other for about a good second until he looked away with no emotion at all. I walked in and sat as far away as I could from him. Thinking (JERK! HE DOESN’T EVEN FEEL SORRY TO ME. I BET HE FELT THAT I WAS THE ONE WHO RUIN HIS PERFECT LITTLE REALTIONSHIP HE HAD. WHATEVER I DON’T NEED HIM ANYWAY. WHY DID I EVEN LIKE HIM? I SWEAR I WOULD FORGET HIM SOON.) I was snap out of my thoughts when a guy sat beside me. He looked at me and smiled.

Min Hyun: Hi, my name is Min Hyun. Nice to meet you.

A Ra: Ahhh…. I’m A Ra.

Min Hyun: That’s a cute name. Oh, I haven’t seen you in a week. And why ain’t you sitting with your friend?

A Ra: Friend?

Min Hyun: That scary guy over there.

A Ra: Ahhh. We’re not friends anymore.

Min Hyun: Ahhh.. fight? I get it. It’s okay. I’ll be your friend!

A Ra: Really? Why would you?

Min Hyun: You’re cute!

A Ra: Huh? Well, I’m anything but cute you know. I’m not really a girl but I am. And nobody sees me as a girl here you know. Not to say about cute.

Min Hyun: Well, I do see you as a girl. How are you not? And you’re really cute. You kind of remind me of my younger sister.

A Ra: Me? I don’t think so. Looking at you, your sister should be very pretty and attractive. I am nowhere near that.

Min Hyun: You’re pretty! Really! I always wanted to be your friend, but you’re always with that scary guy over there. You really remind me a lot of my sister and I guess I just want to protect you like I do for my sister. I know it sound weird, but I have no bad intention. I just want to be your friend, you seem nice and interesting as well.

A Ra: Well, I’m honoured? I just we could be friend. No harm in making a new friend. 

//So, in the end, this was how I made a new friend finally after a year of being in this university. And to say, Min Hyun was so different form Dong Ho. He is gentle and caring, like an older brother. I really felt like I could rely and depend on him. He knew what happen to me and Dong Ho. And he was so sweet and defended me, and telling me I was not the one who was wrong. If only I liked him. But we are just friends and I couldn’t get over Dong Ho. He knew. Even though he is such a jerk. He didn’t even contact, talk or even look at me after that day. And knowing me, I don’t like losing and giving in to anyone. So, I ignore him and his presence completely. As if I never know him.

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*2 months later*

Mum: A Ra, me and your dad is going out for our friend’s wedding dinner. We won’t be coming home today. Remember to lock all the door when you sleep alright?

A Ra: Okay. I will. Take care and have fun.

//After they are gone, I lay on my bed not wanting to move. Because it’s raining, and my bed feel so comfortable right now. I went on twitter and post a tweet. ‘I have the whole house to myself in this weather. How I wish I have a hot cup of coco now. Then it would be perfect.’ Which I instantly got a reply ‘optimushwang: Do you want me to deliver it to your house?’. I was so happy to see the reply by none other than Min Hyun. Being such a caring friend he was, no doubt he would offer to buy it for me. I replied to him ‘Yes please!’. Which in return I got a ‘optimushwang: Give me 15 minutes, I’ll be there with your drink princess.’ In the back of my mind I was thinking (I’m so glad I have this friend. Dong Ho would never do this for me, at least me.)

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*15 mintues later*

*Ding dong

//I reluctantly get out of bed. I had to, because I know it’s Min Hyun with my hot coco. I opened the door, getting greet by Min Hyun presence. He was holding and umbrella with my drink in his hand in this weather. Yet, he was still smiling at me. I walked to him hugging him.

A Ra: Thank You! You’re the best!

Min Hyun: Anything for my princess. Here’s your drink. Faster get in, I don’t want you to catch a cold in this weather.

A Ra: Aww, you’re so sweet. If only you’re my boyfriend. I would love you to bits.

Min Hyun: Well, I know you don’t really wish that. You’re just saying it. But you could still love me to bits as a friend you know.

A Ra: I love you!!!! Thank you for your drink. Get home safe alright. Don’t catch a cold.

Min Hyun: I will, get inside now. I’ll go off. //Breaking off the hug. Pushing me in my house. Waving to me while I closed the door.//

//I decided to take my blanket and pillows to the couch, as I played a movie to watch while drinking my hot coco. As I was buried in the blankets and pillow on the couch for about a good half an hour. I was getting hungry and was craving soup in this weather. As I was getting up to cook something to eat, my door bell rang.//

A Ra: (What who could it be at this time? Min hyun?) //As I opened the door, I thought there could only be one possibility, Min Hyun. So I opened the door, expecting it was him again.// Min……….. Dong….. Ho?

Dong Ho: Disappointed?

A Ra: What are you doing here?

Dong Ho: Just thought you might want some hot soup in this weather.

A Ra: ………

Dong Ho: Ahhh, it’s cold. Won’t you invite me in? I got food for you!

A Ra: //I opened the door wider for him to get in my house. Closing it after that.//

Dong Ho: I see you’re camping out on your couch. //Walking to the couch, sitting down.//

A Ra: //Walking to the couch as well, sitting down.// What do you want?

Dong Ho: Is that how you talk to someone who brought food over for you in this cold weather. I bet you didn’t use that tone on Min Hyun.

A Ra: What are you doing here? //There was a spilt silence before I heard a reply from him.//

Dong Ho: //Barely even saying out these words, he mumble it out.// I miss you……..

A Ra: What? //Even thought I catch those words, I thought I heard it wrong.//

Dong Ho: Nothing. So, are you and Min Hyun a thing?

A Ra: Why do I need to tell you these?

Dong Ho: I’m sorry….. I thought you would…..

A Ra: No, we’re not a thing. But seriously, what are you doing here? You come here unannounced, showing up with food. This is so not you, you never did that before even when we were friends. So, why now?

Dong Ho: Well, I saw your tweet with Min Hyun’s reply. I just thought that, when I was your friend I never really did this for you. I never really treated you properly as a girl. So, I did this. I bet you’re happy with your new friend.

A Ra: You’re doing this out of guilt ain’t you. I don’t need your pity. And yes, I’m very happy with my new friend now.

Dong Ho: Actually, it’s not out of guilt. I just wanted to have an excuse to come here and see you. And I need to confirm some things.

A Ra: Why would you want to do that? And what do you need to confirm?

Dong Ho: I’m sorry.

//As he said those words, he looked in to my eyes while pulling me on my hand closer to him. I fell in to his embrace and was trapped in it by both of his arms around my waist hugging it tightly. And without warning, he captured my lips to his. Kissing it gently. To it, I was left stun, frozen. I thought I had already long forgotten about him, but I was wrong. As he kissed me more and more. The urged to feel his warm like this forever was coming back to me. All the feelings, I had for him came rushing back. I close my eyes, replying back to his kiss. While tears were running down my face. Because of all the emotion I had hold in for so long. I have no idea where this was going, but I didn’t want it to stop. I was a little disappointed when he broke the kiss. Thinking if this was the end of us. There was a silence again, a very awkward one.//

Dong Ho: I…… I don’t know why I did that…. I’m sorry…. I didn’t mean  to…..

A Ra: //Feeling hurt and played.// Kang Dong Ho! You can’t just barge in to someone home and kiss her whenever you want! Get out! //Puling him out of the couch, pushing him out of the door.//

Dong Ho: Wait! //Turning around facing me grabbing both of my hands stopping both of us in the middle of the living room.// Do you still like me?

A Ra: Are you even hearing yourself! Why would I still like you after everything you’ve done. GET THE HELL OUT NOW!

Dong Ho: //Pulling me in his embrace again. With one hand on my waist and another on my face wiping my tears.// Then why are you crying.

A Ra: IT HAD NOTH……..

Dong Ho: //He didn’t even let me complete my sentence, before he dive in to another kiss. Capturing his lips to mine again. Breaking it even sooner then the one before. Resting his forehead to mine after that. With one of his hand still on my waist and another still on my face caressing my cheeks.// I missed you…

A Ra: What are you trying to do…….. //I whispered to him, because his face is still so close to mine. And I’m not used to being so close to him. My heart was actually beating very quickly.//

Dong Ho: Telling you how much I missed you? //Whispering back to me, while he chuckled softly after he said that. Staying at the position the whole time, whispering to each other.//

A Ra: You can’t just go around kissing other girls just because you miss them. Your girlfriend would be jealous.

Dong Ho: We broke up, the next day after I saw her at the café with you. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know how to react to that scene that day. And I was stupid, I didn’t have the courage to apologize to you.

A Ra: That doesn’t mean you could go around kissing girls.

Dong Ho: A Ra….. I missed you. I really do. These 2 months was hell for me. I didn’t have my best friend with me to comfort me. It feels so weird without you with me. Seeing you made a new friend. I was happy for you but sad at the same time. Because you don’t need me anymore. I didn’t know why it affected me so much. Until just now. I found out that I actually fell for you.

A Ra: Don’t say things you don’t mean…….

Dong Ho: I’m serious A Ra…… I love you… I don’t know when I started feeling this way, but I did. Do you still…… like me?

A Ra: I’m not telling you……

Dong Ho: //Pouting// But I just confessed my feelings for you... Why don’t you want to reply to it? Why don’t you want to give me a chance?

A Ra: I’ll think about it. //Pulling back, breaking the hug. Walking away, but was pulled back in to his embrace again. Getting trap in it.// Let go!!!

Dong Ho: I’m not letting go until you give me a chance. And until you say that you like me back.

A Ra: That’s cheating. You can’t just force it one someone like this.

Dong Ho: I don’t care. I always get what I want, and you’re no exception. I don’t care, how I get it, but I’ll get it.

A Ra: I give up… //Sighing, leaning my head on his shoulder. Because I know how stubborn he can be sometimes.//

Dong Ho://Cuckled// I love you //Leaning his head on mine.//

A Ra: I love you too….

Dong Ho: //Placing a kiss on the top of my head// I’m sorry, but thank you. I missed you a lot.

A Ra: Me too…