There is a man I love, but he is out of my reach. A Korean man who speaks a language I do not, a Korean idol who lives a life I do not. I am in love with Gong Ji-Chul, a.k.a. Gong Yoo.

It all started when I saw my mother watching Train to Busan on her iPad; it was the scene where Gong Yoo picks his daughter up in the movie and runs from the zombies. It took my breath away. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the screen and asked my mother who he was. She called him Gong Yoo, and said: "I don't understand why they picked such an ugly man to play the main character." My jaw fell and she looked at me in surprise.

"Don't tell me you think he's cute." She says and I was like, erm, yeah? He's gorgeous.

Then Goblin (otherwise known as Guardian: The Lonely and Great God) came around and I was addicted. It was a strange yet beautiful drama. I fell in love with it easily, alongside Gong Yoo who played the role of the Goblin. My mother couldn't comprehend why I liked it so much, considering I've never been one for Korean dramas. She thought it complicated, I thought it mesmerising. It reminded me of one of my favourite CLAMP mangas titled "xxxHolic" which I held great regards for. I've tried watching many Korean dramas recommended by my mother and sister, only to abandon most of them. Apart from Goblin, the only other Kdramas I finished were Descendants of the Sun and City Hunter. I also almost finished Secret Garden but ended up skipping some parts.

But none appealed to me as much as Goblin where the storyline captured me like a butterfly to a spider's web and the cast who truly made the fantasy drama come alive. I admit that I first started watching the series for Gong Yoo - I wanted to see what he was like as another character and soon enough, I found myself loving the entire crew and couldn't get enough of the specials where they showed behind the scene footages.

I've lost count of how many times I'd watched the drama now, and how many times I've watched the scenes I love most. And even so, I'd still turn red and shy every time Gong Yoo appears - I can't help myself. My body reacts on its own and I just can't look at him for the first few minutes every time he's on.

My sister says I combust every time I see his face and I can't exactly deny it. Just looking at him makes my heart go crazy and my cheeks hot. I'd go red all the way up to my ears. It was torturous to some extent, and it was difficult at the same time.

I love him so much that I think just by seeing him once in real life will be all that I ever ask for in this lifetime. I will be content.

But as life would have it, I'm just a normal girl leading your average life. And I don't even speak Korean (though I'm beginning to learn the basics now). He feels so far away and he is very far away. And let's not forget he's 18 years older than me. I'm not sure society will be very happy about that.

But what if I said that I don't care about what others think of it, say of it? That I would endure all hardships for him because I am willing to do so to stay by his side and support him no matter what. I want to be his oasis of peace and happiness where we will laugh and cry together; we will split the burden between two.

My heart broke at the news of him after the filming of Goblin had been concluded.

I want to tell him that it's okay to be whoever he chooses to be, and that no matter what he's like, there will always be people out there who support him and cheer him on. He may feel alone even amongst all the people who love and admire him - everyone has thoughts like those from time to time. But he doesn't have to force himself to be someone he doesn't want to be or is not. He's already working so hard on set and behind the scenes as Gong Yoo, he doesn't need to put up a front with me as Gong Ji-Chul.

I want to be the one to give him the comfort zone in which he can be true to himself when he's by my side and away from the public eye because I like him most when he's happy and smiling. That, against all odds, I will accept him for everything he is because he's such a beautiful man who loves his family and friends, and appreciates all of his fans. That is the Gong Ji-Chul I've fallen in love with.

I want to give all of my love to him when he's stressed, in self-doubt or is unsure of what to do. I'll be the one to grant him his happiness as he looks out for the happiness of others. I won't ask for much in return, just his happiness is more than enough.

Don't get me wrong. I didn't fall in love with the characters he played, but the man behind them all. I fell in love with a man who I know only wants the happiness of others while finding his own. A man whom I believe is just looking for some peace and quiet in his life amidst the crazy entertainment world of Korea. A man I want to be beside all his life and grow old together.

This is the nature of my love I wish to give.

I admire the actor Gong Yoo, but I love the man Gong Ji-Chul who cried as he apologized to his mother at the awards show.

I want to tell him everything here plus more, and be the one to give him the happiness he is looking for. But even if I'm not to be, I just want him to be happy with the person he chooses to love and I pray from the bottom of my heart they will be happy together forever.

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Dear Gong Ji-Chul,

I wish you forever happiness. In good times, in bad times, and in times where nothing makes any sense.