teenage is the ultimate time for a human being to lose himself. it is defined as ending to the last truly enjoyable chapter of life which is childhood, and it is also the opening chapter to a nightmare that is sugar coated as "the rest of life". when you are a child, it's ok to have the most unrealistic dream, but once you grow up to be a teenager, you will realize that all your dreams are a cloud of hot air, that reaching those dreams is harder than finding out why you live, and that a perfect world is far beyond your reach. hearing just one word is enough to trigger millions of questions that are going to jump up and down inside your mind asking for an answer. teenage is also the age of realizing the truth about others, are they really worth it? you have to decide. what are you going to do about this hell? are you going to give up? or you are brave enough to walk till you reach the last stop. this story is about a teenager who is trying to either get or get over her first love. Leilani tries to understand some questions that are hard to grasp even as an adult."what is the meaning of life? who is there to hold my hand and give me a 10-second-long hug to ensure me that everything will be fine? who will wait for me when i finish this rough journey? is everything really worth it? will ever get over him? will i be able to get him for myself alone? is it because i'm me? who is going to wake me up when life becomes the nightmare i've always feared?" these questions are the ones Leilani tries to undrstand, no, actually Leilani is too stubborn to just leave them unanswered that's why she is still living, all because of thm. this story is based on a real-life experience of a girl from 2008 to present day. the answers are still not there, but maybe by the end of the story, Leilani will understand everything and decides her final fate.