"Irene! Are you done!?" My husband called me in the middle of my preparation. After 2 years of dating and 5 years of marriage, he still don't have a single idea how women prepare themselves for parties. I am in my room, retouching my makeup. I'm not really a fan of putting a lot of makeup on my face but today is different. Today is my husband's congratulatory party for directing the top-grossing movie in the States and I need to look good for him. I don't want to bring him down just because of how I present myself in front of the crowd. 

I open the door and immediately saw him sitting in our couch in the living room. "You need to minimize your voice, Kyungsoo. Yeri is sleeping." I said. 

"I'm sorry," he said while offering a hand for me while I'm walking down in the stairs. "I didn't mean to shout. I realized it after." He smiled at me guiltily. 

I get his hand and squeeze it. "I know you are excited but we willl have another problem if Yeri wakes up." I said when I finally reach the last step. "Car is ready?"

"Yeah," he answered. He open the door for me and I get inside the car. I close the door but he knock on the window. I open it and ask, "What?" 

"You look beautiful." 

I arrange my gown inside the car and look at him. "What did you say?" 

"You look beautiful tonight."

I froze on my seat but come back to earth after a few seconds. "Thank you." I said quietly. 

He got inside the car and started the engine. Kyungsoo suddenly laugh inside the car. "You're cute, Irene." 

"You're at it again, Kyungsoo. You knew I'm not good in responding to compliments." I said. 

He laugh again. "That's why I'm making fun of you because you always look cute whenever you're surprised." I punched his shoulder that made him said, "That's a hard one, honey." 

I froze almost immediately after he said that. It's been a while when he called me 'honey.' It's not that he gave me butterflies in my stomach whenever he calls me 'honey' but he always makes me feel guilty and he don't have an idea what he's giving me. Our parents arranged our marriage. I declined it at first because I'm in love with someone else but Kyungsoo made everything that he can when I came to the point that I don't have a choice but to accept our parent's proposal. He knew I loved someone else. He knew I will never love him the way I love her. And he knew, the moment I will meet her again, I will break down and will need his saving.

"Sorry," he said to break the silence. 

It brought me back to life and I look to the road from the window. "It's okay and thank you by the way." I said. 

"I just want to make you happy tonight, Irene. You look nervous."

"Am not." Yes, I am but I can't say that obviously. I wanted to look strong that I already moved on from the past. I wanted to look like I love my job, my family and my life right now. I wanted to look like I didn't regret my decision before.

"We're here." Kyungsoo said. We both unbuckle our seatbelts and ready to get off the car when Kyungsoo suddenly speak. "Irene?" 

I look at him. "Yeah?"

"I'm always here, okay?" He said. The way he smiled at me tells me that he got my back tonight. "Just squeeze my hand," he put his right in front of him. "So, I would know." 

I just smile. That's all I can do for now. I don't know what this night brings but the chances to meet her again tonight is big. Krystal is the main lead of the movie Kyungsoo made. Krystal is one of my close friends in college and she is close to her. She once lived in Krystal's place when she has no place to live. The three of us were classmates before in homeroom and that's when I met her and started to fall in love with her clumsiness. I am sure Krystal invited her tonight because they're close.

I don't know what to say or do if I will really meet her tonight. 

"Let's go." Kyungsoo offered his hand and I hold it immediately. Cameras automatically shot on us when we both walked on the red carpet to the venue. I just smile and smile and sometimes wave my hands in front of the cameras. This is the life I expected after marrying a famous director in the country. 

I greeted the cast when we reach the main place. They also greeted me and Kyungsoo when we got there. The theme was black and white and the venue looks fantastic. The black velvet curtains suited the white colored wall. 

"You look beautiful tonight, Mrs. Do." Sehun said while offering his hand in front of me. Sehun is one of the main cast in the movie. 

"I don't really believe Kyungsoo when he told me that you're handsome but I think I will change my mind tonight." I said jokingly. The thing that I learn after marrying him is to socialize as much as possible. I was so bad at it the first 3 months when Kyungsoo started to bring me to parties like this. But later I learn the do's and dont's in socializing people. 

"Oh, don't say that in front of his face," Kyungsoo joined our conversation. "He will keep repeating what you said in a week." 

"Your wife just stated the fact, Mr. Do." Sehun said. A waiter pass our direction and Sehun smoothly grab a glass of wine from the tray. "For you, Mrs. Do. For telling I'm handsome." He said with a grin on his face. 

"Thank you." I mouthed to Sehun when Kyungsoo slowly grab me to another group of friends. This time, with cameramen and lightning directors. Kyungsoo introduced me to them. 

"You are very lucky with Irene, Kyungsoo." One lightning director suddenly said in the middle of their conversation. "You've got the most beautiful girl in the country. She's also rich with many talents. If I were you, I will date her everyday." 

I was left speechless. The words just came out all of a sudden without informing me. I looked at Kyungsoo who's drinking his glass of wine right now. I'm pretty sure he was surprised too. When I noticed he attempted to talk, I cut it immediately. "If he's lucky for having me, I am blessed for marrying a man like him." I said. That's when all of his friends said, "Woaaaah~" in unison. 

"You are truly lucky then, Kyungsoo." A familiar voice suddenly pops up. We both look from it's direction and the elegant Krystal walks in. 

"Krystal!" Kyungsoo and I said at the same time. 

"I didn't have any idea how much you love each other that even greeting me should be at the same time." Krystal said. We just smiled at Krystal's statement. 

"Congratulations, Director!" Krystal suddenly shout then hugged Kyungsoo tightly. "We became number one because of your hardworks and for understanding us." 

I forgot when was the last time I saw Krystal before she became an actress. She was like a child when we always eat in a cafeteria, when we always called and texted each other like crazy girlfriends, and now she became a beautiful young lady. I remember the time where she dress cutely in a white dress and introduced me to her friend. The 'no one friend' that became something. That something that became my special someone for 5 years. 

"It's been a while, Irene. How are you?" Krystal's voice brought me back to earth.

I just looked at her for a few seconds when Kyungsoo suddenly whispered to me, "She was asking you how are you?" 

"Oh," I smiled at Krystal guiltily. "I'm fine." 

"You are still slow, Irene." Krystal laughed. She callously get my hand from Kyungsoo's grip. "Let me borrow your wife for a while, Kyungsoo. It's been ages since the last time I saw her. She didn't attend to all of my invitations before." She started pulling me away from where Kyungsoo is standing without my husband's permission.

"It's okay," I mouthed him and he nodded. He go back to his director friends. Now, I'm left with my old friend who's still grabbing me to the I-don't-have-an-idea-where-are-we-going place. 

"Why telling him it's okay?" Krystal suddenly asked. 

"What do you mean?" I said. 

"You didn't left his side since you came here." She said. I raised my eyebrow for inquiry. "I mean, if you really want to enjoy the party, at least have some alone time, right? You never left his side. I wanna know why?" Krystal use that tone again, the tone that tells me she needed an answer. She always use this when we were in college. 

"Uhmm.. because--- he don't--" I was stuttering when Krystal cut me off. 

"Here," She offered me a piece of watermelon. I was confused why she suddenly offer me the fruit. "Don't put any meaning to it, Irene. I wanna gave it to you to help you calm." She said with a smile. I grab it and started biting the fruit while looking at the crowd. We are now standing at the food counter. 

"You're scared?" she asked. 

"From what?" I said.

"From meeting her again." 

I was left frozen. It feels like my body suddenly stiffen from Krystal's information. I shoke my head to set the things in my head aside. "Nope, I am no---"

"Actually, she's here." Krystal cut me off again. "She already saw you the moment you enter the building." she said. I turned to Krystal. Her statements gave a huge effect to my body, especially to my stomach. "I can feel you're afraid in meeting her again, Irene. Remember, I'm holding your hand all this time. I didn't mention her name but I know you already knew who I am talking about. You know what's funny?" She asked. 

"No," was all I said.

"She still gives you the same effect like the first time you met her." She said quietly. I take my hand off her and face the floor. "She doesn't want you to know this but I wanted to tell you either. She's a famous artist now, Irene. She's not a douchébag anymore like what your father told her." 

"She wasn't a crap to me in the first place." I said honestly. "She was a treasure for me, Krys."

"Remember the day you broke up with her? She came to my place." She said. I nodded. How would I forget the day I hurt her so much? "She was drunk. She keep asking me if she's not really worthy for having you just because she's a broken artist who is not rich, don't have a car to let you hop in, don't have a house for you to live in. She was totally broken that night." 

I didn't notice that they were already tears in my eyes that keep on falling. I imagined how broke she must be that night. If she just knew how much I wanted to hold on and how much I wanted to decline my parent's proposal for her. I always care for her and will always be. Even now that I'm married, I can't stop thinking about her. Every single day, I keep asking myself if she's okay. If she already eat her meal or if she skipped it. If she's thinking about me the way I think about her. If she still loves me even I rejected her. If she decided to moved on. For me, there was never a day I didn't love her. 

I will never forget the day when Krystal invited me to have a lunch with her. Honestly, I was already at the cafe's door when I suddenly saw her at the counter. She still looks amazing. She's blooming and I thought about how beautiful she was that day. She's carrying her painting instruments and had some paints around her shoulder. I thought she got the job she's been dreaming of and that makes me proud. Then, something hit on my mind that noon. She's happy and well now. She must be contented of what she already have and I will be a monster if I suddenly came into her story and probably hurt her again. I don't want to do that. I don't want to ruined her life again now that she's at her best.

"I think I need to go, Krystal." I brushed off my tears using the back of my hands. I left Krystal and started walking towards the exit when I accidentally bumped onto someone. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I said immediately and brush off the remaining tears in my eyes before hastily getting the stranger's things on the floor. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to---" I almost choked when I raised my head and saw who was in front of me. 

"It's okay. I understa---" automatically stop talking when she met my eyes. "Joohyun," was all she said after a while. We were looking at each other's eyes in a few seconds before she finally separated her gaze and hurriedly get her things on the floor. She stood up and brushed off some dust in her suit. "Are you alright?" She asked and brushed some dirt on my gown too. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you." She smiled at me and it gave me chills down to my spine. She wore a blue velvet suit and it really fits on her. She always love the vintage fashion and that help her to look beautiful. Even today.

"I'm okay," I said. "And it's okay. Don't worry, I'm fine." 

"I know this is sudden but did you see Krystal?" She asked. I studied her facial expression but it only told me one thing that will probably hurt my heart, she already moved on. 

"She's at the food counter." I answered. 

"Hmm, I see." She nodded.

I smile and look back at her. "It's nice to meet you again, Seulgi." I waved and started to walk away from her. I didn't know if she nodded and just let me walk off but I think that's probably her reply. Hearing her name already gave me chills down to my spine and now seeing her again? I think I will break down and cry after a few minutes. I regretted my decision to leave her before and have a happy life like now. I broke her. I broke her heart into pieces. I don't have the very right to enter into her life again. I should avoid her as early as possible. I think we need to leave the country so I will be a hundred percent sure that she will never meet me again. 

"Joohyun."

That very moment when our eyes met, I thought my soul left my body. I lost control. 

"Joohyun?"

I felt my hands were shaking the moment I saw her smile at me. I immediately decided to leave the place before something will happen.

"Joohyun!" 

A loud voice brought me to life. Someone suddenly grab my shoulder and turned me. "Are you really alright, Joohyun?" She's holding my shoulders right now. I just looked at her eyes and I think I'm already lost. "Hey," 

"Yeah, I'm alright." I said silently. I just realized that we are in the middle of the street. Luckily, it's midnight. So, there's no vehicles rooming around. "Why did you follow me?" I was shocked too when I asked the question. 

"You left your bag. It fall when we bumped earlier." She said. Dumb me, thinking about she still probably love me that's why she followed me. Probably, I look like an idiot to her now. How come I walked in the middle of the street? She might laugh at me if she will know that I can't stop thinking about her when she already moved on. I lost because I still love her. "But Joohyun," Her tone suddenly change and that made me look at her almost immediately. "You look exhausted. Are you really alright?" She sounded serious. 

"I am. I just needed some fresh air." I said. I avoided her gaze. I don't want her to look at me and pity me. I deserved all of these. I started to walk away from her but she followed me. We walked together with comfortable silence. 

"I remember you hate crowded places." She said minimally. "By any chance, do you want to grab some coffee? My treat." 

Honestly, I don't know how to answer her question. My mind told me to go home and leave her but my heart desired to stay and make some time for her. It's been a long time since I saw her and I wanted to make the best out of it. "You will probably laugh at me if I'll tell you I'm divided right now." I said. I stop thinking anymore. I just said what I wanted to say. 

"Why would I laugh at you?" 

I froze in my position. "You don't have any idea, don't you?" I said while looking at her. She turned around and look at me straight to the eye.

She smile. "I do." She said queitly. Only the ghost-sound of the street surrounded us. There were no one but us. She remained compose while my knees wanted to break down. She look at me like everything is alright. Does she really have an idea that I wanted to run to her and tell her everything? That I wanted to scream to my defeat? That I wanted to go crazy because I still love her but I can't have her? But seeing her being compose made me compose anyway. "Coffee?" She asked again but this time, she offered a hand in front of me. I reach out for it. How can I resist her beautiful hands when it was once the hands that hold me whenever I'm nervous? It was also the hands that hold mine whenever she's congratulating me in every achievements I get despite whether it's simple or fancy. Her warm hand comforted me until we reach the place. 

She ordered for both of us. "Do you still remember it?" I asked. 

"Remember what? Your favorite coffee flavor?" She raised her eyebrow for confirmation. I nodded with a smile on my face. In this very moment, I admitted to myself that I am really an idiot for smiling. She laughs, "Why would I forget about the coffee flavor of the person used to be my special someone?" 

I left unspoken. Her words attacked me directed to my heart. How dare she said that in front of a weak person? Does she really have an idea what effect it would give to me? 

"Seulgi," was all I could say.

"Sorry." she said. 

"Seulgi," 

"Joohyun," she said with the same tone as mine.

After that, no one dared to speak again. We are measuring each other's patience and pride. No one dared to separated from the stare though it became dangerous to me every after a second. There is something in her eyes like it wanted to transport informations but I cannot read it. 

"Your order is here!" Waitress called.

Seulgi was the first one who broke the gaze again. "Thank you." She said to the waitress. She grabbed my coffee from the side of table and put it in front of me. 

"Thanks for the coffee." I said and took a sip from it. I looked at the road to avoid her eyes. A part of me regretted why I came here with her. I don't know how to compose a conversation. 

"How are you, Joohyun?" She broke the silence. She put her cup on the table. She put her hands on the top of her crossed legs. 

"I'm fine, actually." I said. "How about you? I heard from Krystal that you're a famous artist now." I purposely threw the question to her. I don't want to be on the hot seat and I also wanted to know about her life these past years. 

"She said that?" She laughed. "I'm not famous, honestly. She said that to make fun of me." 

"I'm happy you became what you wanted to be." I said quietly. 

"I'm happy for you too. You became what you wanted to be." 

"Don't be. I didn't became the person I wanted to be." 

"What do you mean?" she asked. 

"I didn't became the person I wanted to be. I became the person my parents wanted me to be." I said. "I promised a person before to become the person I wanted to be and I think I failed her." 

"But I think she's still happy for you now." She said.

"She is. She's not going to punish me anyway."

"I guess, she's truly a good pers---"

"Seulgi," I decided to cut her off. "Let's stop this childish thing we're doing right now. Just tell me what you wanted to tell me." I said. There. I said it. "I know you're still mad at me because of that night. I know that you wanted to slap me in the face for leaving you."

"Why would I, Joohyun?" 

"You're at it again, Seulgi." I said angrily. "You always throw my questions back at me."

"Yeah, I know. But why would I slap you in the face Joohyun when you were once and always be the girl I love the most?" She said. "Why would I laugh at you when you never laugh at me when I was on my worst state? Why would I be mad at you when you only think about what's the best for both of us that night? I'll admit, I hated you that night but do you have any idea how it made me realized how such a loser I am? How it helped me think that your heaven and I'm earth and whatever reckless things I do, I will never reach you? That whatever I will do, your father will never recognize me because first, we are both girls and she wanted you to marry a man, and second, I am not a child of some rich company owners?"

"Seulgi,"

"Now, tell me Joohyun. Tell me what is love?" 

I am completely speechless right now. Did I just hear that I were once and always be the girl she love the most? Did she just said that she's a loser? 

I reach for her hand and squeeze it. "Seulgi, listen." She didn't answer. She's facing the floor right now. I immediately notice the tears falling from her eyes. "Seulgi, look at me." But she didn't face me. Instead, she shot her eyes tightly and gently shake her head. I cupped her face using my hands and force to raise her head and face it to me. "Hey. Seulgi, listen. Look at me, Seulgi." I brush off the tears from her eyes with my fingers. "Seulgi, look at me." 

Finally, she looked at me but she looked defeated and I hate seeing her like that. I didn't notice that I'm also crying right now. "You will never be a loser to me, Seulgi. I don't know if it matters but I wanted you to know that I never think about you as a loser." I said despite the sobbing I made. "You are also the girl I love the most. No. You are always be the person I love the most." I am having a hard time right now because of how heavy my chest felt. "I didn't break up with you that night because I wanted what's the best for both of us. I did it because my parents threatened me that they will kill you if I will not follow their request and I'm sorry. I am deeply sorry for breaking you that night." 

I don't care how I look right now. If my makeup is smudged because of my tears. All I wanted to do is to say the things I wanted to tell her since the day we separated our lives. 

"If you hated me that night, I disgusted myself that night for choosing the choice that will never be the best for both of us." I traveled my gaze to her beautiful face. "You are such a fool Seulgi for thinking I am heaven. I'm human, idiot." I whispered jokingly. She laughed silently. But the tears from her eyes didn't stop from falling. "I love you, Seulgi. My father's recognition is nothing. I don't care if we are both girls. So what?" Gladly, her tears now did stop from dropping. "Does it make a person small if she or he is not rich? You are everything I need, Seulgi. You're rich in emotion and that's the only thing what my heart wants. You are my love, Seulgi. I told you that before and I'm telling you that right now."

She hold my hands tightly that are now placed above her neck. 

"But unfortunately... I was too late to realized all of that. I guess, I will always be the slow Joohyun you and Krystal knew." I said. 

She gently nodded with a smirk on her face. "You do." 

We both laughed and we both brush the tears off from our faces. "I had a hard time surviving after you left me." Seulgi said quietly after a few minutes. I let her talk. She's looking at the road like she's thinking about her old days right now. "But Krystal helped me out. 1 year after, I learn to stand again on my own. Another year after, I learn to walk with my own feet. I was so happy to see myself survived from the painful heartbreak I've had. But then, I heard you're going to marry a famous director. And that, broke me again. So, I started to research about your fiancé. Krystal just entered the drama school that time. I asked for her help again and told her to join an audition that your husband-to-be is holding. Luckily, she was casted. She help me monitoring you. If she got a chance to see you, see will tell me right away about your situation." She took a sip from her coffee and played with it after. "Do you know what really made me small and made me stop chasing you?" She said while she looked me in the eye. "It's when I heard from Krystal that you married a man with a humble heart. So, I decided to met him one day. I made everything to make him angry but I don't any idea that time that I'm dealing a man with patience." 

She looked at me with sincerity in her eyes. "Then, I saw a cute kid running towards him. He kisses her cheeks until she said stop. He laughed because of how annoyed her daughter look. That very moment, I saw your face on her. She reminded me of you, Joohyun." She sip again from her coffee. "And that hits me. I imagined how happy you must be with them. You're blessed to have a perfect family, Joohyun. I'll be selfish to break a happy family like that. And that's when I stop chasing you. That's when I finally decided to moved on." She brush off the tear that fell from her right eye. 

She smile at me guiltily then silence welcome us again. 

"Seulgi," I said to break the silence but Seulgi cut me off again.

"It's been tough for me, Joohyun." she whispered.

"It's been tough for me too." I said.

"Did you ever think how tough it must be for your husband?"

I almost choked up when she asked me the question. 

"How tough it must be for Yeri if you don't fully offer your love to her daddy?" 

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. Seulgi has a point but does it really matter right now that I met her again? Does it?

"Do you know what is true love, Joohyun?" She lean closer to me. "Sometimes, true love is to let go. I loved you and will always love you. I never regretted that I met you. If you're going to ask me if I wanted you to do the same thing and break me again if you have the chance to replay everything, I will say yes. If you are still with me, you will never had the chance to meet Kyungsoo. You will never had the chance to make me stand on my own. And most especially, you will have had the chance to meet your daughter Yeri. True love does not really necessary mean to end up with the person you love, Joohyun." 

I don't know how to process everything. I felt the world stop rotating. I think I stop breathing and living for a while. Seulgi's words hit me especially the latter. 

"I never wanted to meet you tonight to take you away from them. I wanted to meet you to say the things I wanted to say now that I have the chance. I wanted to make things right. I wanted you to know that I will let you go now despite if whether you already forgotten me or still love me. And if what you said earlier is true, that you still love me, then I also wanted you to let me go. Let's end this peacefully now or never." 

I looked at Seulgi with teary eyes. A part of me wanted to runaway with her and never come back. A part of me also wanted to stay because of my family, my very own family. Seulgi has a point and I will be very selfish if I keep the best of both worlds. So, I should decide tonight. If I will choose to runaway with her of to stay with Kyungsoo and Yeri. 

"Joohyun," she said silently. 

I just stare at my coffee. I still can't decide. 

Seulgi suddenly stood up from her seat and stand next to me. She hold both my hands tightly and she's suddenly on her knees now. "Joohyun, if you can't decide just tell me. I will decide for us if you let me." She whispered. 

I squeezed her hands and she smile at me as her response. She looked at me, sincerely waiting for my answer. "I choose to stay." I suddenly whispered to her. Those were the four difficult words to say tonight. My heart suddenly stop beating but I immediately brought to life when Seulgi gently hug me. I dived my face to her chest. She hug me like she will going to die tomorrow, like she will going to another country and it will take 50 years for us to see each other again. She hug me like a lover who is proud of her lover. I love Seulgi everytime she hugs me. I always love her warmth. It relaxes my reflexes. It comforts me. 

"I'm really happy for your decision, Joohyun." She said near my ear. I felt her breathing on my neck. "I have to go now." She said. 

"Immediately?" I was shocked from what she said. She separated herself from me and get her black leather sling bag from her seat. 

"I need to." She put her sling bag on her shoulder. "I don't want to change my mind before it's too late." She said then she immediately walk away from me. All I see right now is her back walking to the exit door. Then, I saw her opened the door and totally get herself outside and left me. 

My feet suddenly move to chase her. I run as fast as I can, thinking about to see her one last time. I looked around me to see where she was when I got off from the coffee shop. I saw her walking silently not far away from my direction. I wanted to shout to make her stop but it was too late because my feet move on its own again and chase her. I grab her shoulder and turned her to me when I know I could reach here. I decided to stop caring about what or who is around me when I pulled her lips to mine. I kissed her which she returned after a few seconds. The sensation that Seulgi giving me right now made me realized how much I missed her. 

We separated from the kiss at the same time to gain some air. My hands on her face and her hands on my waist. We were like time for a few seconds before she spoke. 

"Joohyun," she said but I cut her off. 

"I know what you are thinking, Seulgi." I said. "I badly wanted to kiss you one last time before I let you go." 

She nodded. "Me too but I can't."

I embraced her tightly as much as I can which she did the same. I put my head above her shoulder. "I wanna say I love you one last time too." I said. "I don't wanna think this is really the last time for us. I wanted to meet you in the future." 

"You will always be in heart heart, Joohyun." She said. "You will always be with me. We will meet, I can feel that. But I hope we both moved on when the time comes. I wanna see your daughter when you turn into a young lady." She gently massage my back.

"Can we do this for a minute?" 

She nodded from my request. She hugged me tightly and her warmth send chills to my spine. 

After the promised minute, it was probably more than a minute, she spoke, "I have to go now, Joohyun."

I nodded. I separated myself from the hug. 

"Joohyun, I have a favor to ask you." She said.

"What is it?" 

"Promise me to give your husband the benefit of the doubt. I know he loves you dearly. It's the best for your family, Joohyun." 

"I promised." was all I said. 

She took a step back to see my face properly. "I have to go now." 

I nodded but I don't want to look at her eyes. 

"I have to go but I want to see you smile before I leave." She said and I did what she requested. "I wanted you to always wear that smile, Joohyun." She gave me a quick hug again then separated herself from me after. "Bye,"

"Bye," was all I said while waving back at her with the smile she asked me to always wear. Her presence keep zooming out from my direction until she's totally gone.

She was right. True love does not really necessary mean to end up with the person you love. I love her so I have to let her go. Someone that is so dear to me got away. She decided to walk away.

The only difference of letting her go before from letting her go now is that I'm happy. We both grew up and we already know it's the best for us.